Random Thoughts

Man, I don't know what the hell crawled up my ass and died this week, but I have been one miserable cow. Every single day I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was cranky as hell. Well, I have a smidgen of an idea of what is making me cranky, but as of right now it is just heresay, but if it is true, I am going to scream. I can't freaking go through this again. I doubt it is PMS, although you never know, since it likes to come whenever it pleases.

My- shocker- stomach isn't helping much. My regimen right now is acidophilus (2 billion CFUs), sawdust- er, Konsyl, and 3 Colace pills a day. And I am still not having any luck. What in the hell is going on in there? I really do not get it. It is like my digestive system does not even function. The only thing I really have any type of success with is Miralax and I am hesitant on starting that as a long term regimen. My next resort is maybe trying a chiropractor.

I just finished watching Jay Leno and the Sitch was on and....seriously, he needs to just not talk. And the whole time he was sitting, he sat with his legs spread wide open. Yes, dirty thoughts were flying through my head, but you do not sit on national television like that. I felt like busting out my megaphone* and climbing in my TV and hollering at him to speak properly and to close his legs. I want to both fuck his brains out and pop a cap in his ass. God, he is so freaking annoying!

*I do not actually own one, but I always dream of owning one. There is something about yelling into a megaphone that excites the hell out of me. In fact, I always want to join a rowing team just so I can sit in the front and scream at everyone to ROW! ROW! ROW!

And doesn't he wook just woh so aworable all dressed up in a suit and tie?! I just wanna pinch his cheeks and bring him home to Mommy! *giving side eye to the screen* But what is up with the pose? He is poised all perfect and gentleman like (lol- he's got girl hands). And we all know he is the furthest thing from a gentleman there is. *narrows eyes* WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?!

We received the new issue of Men's Fitness in work last Friday and naturally I was excited and when I showed it to one of my co-workers, she says "aw, you too?! He even corrupts the good girls!". I really have no explanation for why I find him hot. I blame it on being sexually frustrated. I brutally vilified him until I became sexually frustrated. One hundred percent of the time I saw him in a magazine, I made a face until one day I happened to see a picture of him and all I could think was good god, I'd hit it. And really, he has a decent body, but his abs are not that great. They're just....weird looking. I mean, I see pictures where he looks like a normally ripped guy and then I see others (more often than not) where I am like, what the fuck is he doing when he is training? I saw one picture one time where he was lifting his shirt up and he was kinda standing on an angle and the first thing I thought was, holy jesus, his stomach looks like mine when I am having intestinal issues! His lower abdomen was kinda sticking out all funny.

I see better abs on the beach.

I went on the Body Building forum one day to find what any body builders might have to say about his physique. There were only about a gazillion pages and since even my life is not that ridiculously pathetic to sit and go through all of them, I ended up only finding one actual post on him. And out of all of the postings in regards to the original posting (complete with picture), the one that interested me the most was "Is he wearing makeup?". So I went back up to the original posting with the picture and you know what? I seriously think he is. Add in the giant studs in each ear and....oy vey. He looks a like a drag queen before the full ensemble is put together.

Jesus Christmas. Could you imagine? He already has the chick pants wearing thing down.... actually, you know what? I would be very interested in seeing that. It would probably be one of those things that would be so fucking hideous, it would be tear inducingly beautiful.

Ugh, every single time I think of him in those pants, I lol, then cringe.

It is freaking ridiculous how much I want and need to get laid right now. I really believe I would be less high strung if someone would just fuck me! I did my usual thing the other day to have an orgasm and every time I would come close, I'd pull back to keep building the tension and man, once it hit....OH MY YES! And then something unusual happened afterwards that has never happened before....I cried! Because I realized how much I wanted to share that excitement with someone else.

Man, I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week already. You wouldn't know it, though, with the overload of Christmas already. Ah. Christmas. The time when all of us heathen Godless baby-killing homo-loving libruls* join together to take down Christmas by saying happy holidays.

*anyone who does not want to have a three way with Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sarah

I lol'd at this picture and then I realized that the printer is the same exact ones we have in work. And ours are constantly breaking down. This one made me laugh as well. I can't believe how many comments busted on it. I think it is hilarious. I like the strategically placed hammer.

Speaking of funny shit, what in the hell ever happened to Tony Sinclair? The guy with the huge gap in his teeth in the Tanqueray gin commercials? He was hilarious!