Random Thoughts

Boy, this was a crazy week for weather. We had that tornado watch on Monday. And then Thursday was expected to be bad as well. I am so relieved it turned out to be a whole lot of nothing in my area. Sure, that storm in the morning was scary, but other than that, the day was pretty quiet. We had a small storm during the evening, and then that was the end. Down in the Delmarva area and further south had it a lot worse. I was so scared all Wednesday, especially with the SPC declaring it a high risk day and issuing several PDS watches. I thought for sure the next day would also be a high risk day and we would have been in that zone.

With all of this damn bloating still continuing, my mother has been pushing me all week to call and make an appointment for an ultrasound. I would like to have it done just to see what is going on up in there, but I want to cry at the thought of a transvaginal ultrasound. And at what it will probably cost me. I may call the radiology company I used to work for, because I just remembered that when I worked there, they had a policy that if someone agreed to pay upfront for their procedure, they would take 20% off. I don't know if they still do that, but it doesn't hurt to find out.

I dread finding out how much it will cost. I just paid off my huge bill for my new airbag. I kept hoping maybe the charge would magically disappear into the Twilight zone or something, but no such luck. Plus, I need new tires and I think my tooth might start bothering me again. My hand and wrist were also hurting again today. I mean, what else would like to go wrong? I'll have the test done and they'll find something that requires surgery? Or fucking cancer? Yeah. I could see that happening. I just read an article not too long ago about a 30 year-old young lady who is dying of ovarian cancer, so while probably rare, it's not out of the question.

Ugh, another one of my cousins (same family as the Disney obsessed) has been posting tons of pictures of her daughter from her dance recital. Her "beautiful daughter"! Why are some women so fucking blinded by motherhood? I laugh at people who just think they have the best and most beautiful kids in the world, because most of the time the kid is a hideous little monster. My cousin is unbelievably annoying. Always "motherhood is the best thing in world!!!!!!" and how much her daughter has changed her life and all this vomit worthy bullshit. She's also one of those annoying people who constantly uses hash tags on Facebook. And yes, I know they are using them now, but this was long before. It also doesn't make it any less annoying.

And honestly, I think the thing that annoys me the most is the girl makes mistakes constantly and always comes out smelling like roses. She insisted on getting married before her brother (everything ALWAYS had to be done before her brother!). The wedding fell through. She almost immediately meets another guy, can't stand the idea of her brother having a kid before her, gets knocked up, the guy runs off on her immediately after knocking her up. And everything is just perfect and swell when she has the kid. Then she meets another guy and he just falls in love with her and her daughter, and now they live this perfect life in a McMansion.

And yeah, maybe I do sound envious (minus the kid part). It would just be nice if for once one of the stupid ass mistakes I make in life would actually end up benefiting me.

Earlier my sister was whining on Facebook about how people cut her off when she is pushing the baby stroller and is she invisible or something. And everyone was agreeing with her and was all "oh once you have a stroller you become invisible". Um, newsflash- people do that regardless of whether you have a kid or not. Get the hell over yourselves. People cut me off and run into me all of the goddamn time. I had some fat cow almost run into me at the mall earlier. She was coming out of FYE and wasn't paying attention and almost knocked me over. I swear, if my sister turns into one of those people who expects to be treated special because she popped out a kid, I am going to smack her. I need to remind her that I am a fan of STFU, Parents and will not think twice of submitting her statuses, sister or not. I'm still sore with her over this:

I didn't need to know that. I already knew what my nephew did at the restaurant. And yes, I did actually have a very nice day. Aside from some annoying impatient people.

I am not looking forward to celebrating Father's Day tomorrow. It's going to be so annoying. I am really starting to loathe family get-togethers. Especially since my sister got married.

And speaking of biased opinions on beauty, check out the latest picture Andrew posted on their Twitter page. I almost didn't recognize him (I thought it was a girl at first!), but dear God, that boy is so fucking beautiful. I want to cry looking at him. But why is he covering half of his face in this picture and the other one? It's illegal for someone that beautiful to cover his face! Well, not really, but it should be. Unless he has a big herpes breakout or something. *shudders* But let's hope that is not the case. And in the latter, is that this squee little guy? Holy crap, he got big! And that is funny his name is Baggy. The people I used to babysit for had a black cat with yellow eyes named Baggy, too. I loved that cat! And he loved me. Every time I was over, he would come up to me on the couch, meow, put his paws on my stomach, then would plop down on my lap and start purring. And then would fall asleep. You know, if I ever get the [extremely unlikely] chance to meet Andrew, I hope he is every bit as sweet as I imagine him to be.

Random Thoughts

Well....I have not done one of these in a while.

I am so sick and tired of hearing about that Vanessa Hudgens bitch and her naked pictures being leaked. I cannot believe the FBI is involved in it. Don't they have more important things to take care of instead of some stupid little Disney twat who continues to take naked photos of herself that always somehow mysteriously get leaked and always coincidentally before a new movie of hers comes out? Right. Here is an idea- stop taking naked photos of yourself, you stupid cunt.

I don't understand how one cannot have anything to talk about, yet have so much to talk about. I think my whole problem is I am terrible at formulating my thoughts. I could probably write a book of Biblical proportions if I was just able to properly formulate my thoughts.

I can't concentrate. I swear I have ADD or something. It's ridiculous. I am so bored and every time I try to do something, I lose interest. I have a list the length of my hand of movies I want to watch, but every single time I put a movie on, I usually make it to about 10 minutes and I am already restless and itching to do something else. I try to read and get to a couple pages and have to find something else to do. I really have no idea how I get work done at my job. People talk to me and I end up zoning out because I lose my concentration and then I try to reel myself back in to the conversation and by then I miss the important stuff and so I have no idea what they are even rambling about and I end up even more confused and agitated.

I went to dinner with my sister last weekend and I don't remember what we had been talking about, but she happened to mention that my aunt feels like I don't want them around. So, in the grand tradition of things, I flipped out. Not on a massive scale of course, since I was in a restaurant. And then after we left the restaurant, somehow the conversation ended up back on me and I tried over and over to explain to her how I feel from day to day and I just could not.

In a general day, I am anxious from the time I wake up until I go to bed. I worry about everything. I worry about getting into a car accident, I worry about others getting into a car accident, I worry about the house burning down, I worry something will happen to a loved one, I worry I will make a mistake in work that will get me fired- you name it, I probably worry over it. This is all day long. And you know how a vending machine, when you purchase something, as soon as the first object drops, one slides right into its place? That is exactly how the worry part of my brain functions. As soon as one worry drops, another is right there to slide into its place.

And the biggest problem....well, I have no idea how else to explain how I feel other than I feel empty. I feel like there is this giant hole in me that will never be satisfied. I AM never satisfied. No matter what I do in life, nothing ever pleases me. I can't stand it. I have something, but want something else, and then as soon as I get that something else, I want the original back. This is basically every aspect of my life. Example- I hate being single. I despise it. And yet I guarantee if I was to get a significant other, I would immediately start wishing I was single again. I can be in the house going nuts with boredom so I will go out to smash the boredom, but I will still be miserable. There is just no satisfaction.

And I never, ever feel secure. I am always in such a constant state of panic whenever I have a job that I could lose it. And honestly, I could have a ton of money and still not feel secure. I'd be constantly worrying about losing it all no matter how responsible I am with it. That is why it annoys me when people say others get jealous of people with money or such and such celebrity is the one laughing all the way to the bank. You don't think someone can lose money even if they are responsible? It's called life, people. Accidents and sue happy people and diseases and lawyers and evil insurance companies exist. I mean, I know I have a pretty much unhealthy level of insecurity and anxiety of bad things happening to me, and I know everyone in the world likes to live in their happy little bubbles of it can never happen to them, but IT CAN.

I feel like a miserable loser because I have not finished college yet and you know what? If I finished college, I would just find something else in life to be miserable about.

I feel like everyone looks at me like I am a loser and I feel like everyone is constantly comparing me to my sister. She did everything right in life. She finished college, she is engaged to be married, and I am sure eventually she will have kids. I don't care about the last two so much, but I feel like everyone just looks at me like, why is she not doing life smartly like her sister?

I just want to be something. No, not famous or anything like that. I want for someone to appreciate what I do for them. I just want to matter. I have said it before and I am going to say it again- I want someone outside of my family to make me feel worthy of staying on this earth. I want someone to give me reason to not consider running my car off of the road into a tree at a high rate of speed. I want someone to give me reason to stop thinking every single fucking day of my life that I wish it had been me instead of my friend. I want to be able to trust someone, to not have to worry that I may say something that will drive them away. I want to feel like a normal human being and have normal relationships and know how to behave and interact normally around people. I would just like, for once in my goddamn life, to fall for someone and have them fall for me as well. And I'd like for that person to be a decent person, not the typical asshole that I always tend to fall for. If I sit down and think about every single guy I have ever crushed on, almost all of them are assholes. And it makes me sad to realize that I think so lowly of myself that I only deserve scum.

I was driving to work one morning and "Suspicion" by Terry Stafford came up on my iPod and since I have not listened to it in a while, I left it on. And as I was listening to it, I realized that the song describes almost exactly how I would be in a relationship.

Aside from the constant anxiety and emptiness, I just feel....lost.

Moronic Quote Of The Day

A comment by Peg, on the article The Most Kid-Exploiting Moments in TV:

Bruce, You'd do well to keep you STUPID LIBERAL Fox Network BASHING to yourself! A&E and BRAVO cater more to the likes of trash like Octo-breeder. Frankly, your entire report REEKS! Why not apply to the NY Times, I hear they're looking for your kind of reporting and people with live brain cells can more easily avoid reading your garbage.

Ah, Peg, you're such a typical hyperpolitico. Admit it. Someone will be talking about puppies and I am sure you will manage to find something in the conversation to bitch about the socialist American hating liberals, right? Maybe I am missing it, but I have read the article twice and have yet to find any reference to Fox Noise. I am going to take another gander here and guess you are probably also an anti-abortionist? Hate the moronic Octocunt, but probably would have jumped down her throat if she aborted them, right? Encourage people to keep their babies no matter the situation, but then jump down their throats when they have them? Oh, but that's right. Once it's born, it's now a human and deserves squat. Fetuses are supposed to have more rights than women.

As with all bad things, there will usually be something good, as is this comment left in regards to the same article:

It has always amazed me that Disney can ignore talented kids that can sing and perform in favor of blatant lip-syncing, script reading, brats, who are later sold to the public as talented singers and performers. Without auto tuners and copy cat song writers most of these child "stars" would be struggling to read and hard pressed to hold down a job at McDonalds.

Lyrics Of The Day

Once upon a time, long before Disney was raped by Michael Eisner, they actually made good movies. With that said...."Pink Elephants on Parade" from Dumbo:

Look out! Look out!
Pink elephants on parade
Here they come!
Hippety hoppety
They're here and there
Pink elephants ev'rywhere

Look out! Look out!
They're walking around the bed
On their head
Clippety cloppety
Arrayed in braid
Pink elephants on parade

What'll I do? What'll I do?
What an unusual view!

I could stand the sight of worms
And look at microscopic germs
But technicolor pachyderms
Is really much for me

I am not the type to faint
When things are odd
Or things are quaint
But seeing things you know that ain't
Can certainly give you an awful fright!
What a sight!

Chase 'em away!
Chase 'em away!
I'm afraid need your aid
Pink elephants on parade!
Pink elephants!
Pink elephants!

Which reminds me. I was going through some old archives and I came across the January 30th, 2009 posting and in it I stated that if the Deee-Lite video disappears, I will scream. Since said video was yanked by WMG....*screams* (think Fry finding out who is grandfather is)

Quote Of The Day

From the last good Disney movie, Lilo & Stitch:

Pleakley: Oh great! He's loose!
Jumba: His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities, where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe.

So That Is Why They Make Good Villains....

Catholic Abbot Says Disney Indoctrinates Kids

Disney is evil. Not exploiting spirituality; rather, it's just greedy and promotes an undeniable amount of mediocrity. It exploits and lies to its clients as well. Telling them they are talented. Ha! What a fucking joke. Disney needs to go back to making cartoons and enough with the High School Musical and Hannah Montana shit. I don't care if it's "what works" or that times have to change; this is not what Disney was started with. Walt Disney must be rolling his grave.

And obviously, I am not defending the Catholic church either. If it were left up to me, I'd destroy them both. It just will be extremely difficult to decide which one I'd like to bring down first.