Truthfully, I have wondered that everyday for the past god knows how many years, but lately, the number of times a day I have been thinking said thought has greatly increased.
Yesterday, I went to Wal-Fart and I had to pee like there was no tomorrow so I go to the bathroom and when I walk in, there is this ghetto looking tween thing in there, posing and holding her phone up to the mirror. She was taking a picture of herself in the mirror. WTF is the point of that?
I also recently discovered STFU, Parents and I just don't get the minds of parents today. They are all so fucking weird! Pregnancy has turned into a complete and utter state of weirdness. Now I know I am weird, but I don't get these women who are proud of their pregnant bellies. Making casts or taking naked photos and such. It's gross! If I ever decided to get pregnant, I think I would vomit every time I had to look at my ever expanding gut. Pregnant guts make me want to vomit. I can't stand how in movies and stuff if the character is pregnant, she always has to touch it or rub it or something. It's so annoying. Yes, we see you are fucking pregnant and I fail to see how rubbing it is somehow "bonding". Don't even get me started on when I actually see it in person. And if someone says "pregnant tummy" or "baby bump", I get downright borderline homicidal.
I don't care if some "miracle of God" is in there, it is not cute or sexy or whatever people want to call it nowadays. And they take like 8 million pictures of themselves pregnant. I am lucky if I can find 6 pictures of my mother pregnant with me. There are a few at her baby shower, but I can barely tell she is even pregnant. There's the infamous Thanksgiving one, where she is freaking
huge, which is bizarre because my mom only gained 15 pounds and 7 pounds 8 oz of that was me. According to my mom, she was never real big and then about a month before I was due, she got huge.
And everytime I see these new pregnant women parking or parents with small children parking, I could scream. Pregnancy is not a handicap! No wonder pregnant women are so fucking fat nowadays. They not only assume that it is okay for them to eat 75,000 calories a day (and then whine when they develop gestational diabetes and are fat as hell after giving birth), but now they apparently can't walk either. Give me a break. Pregnant women have been getting by without these ridiculous parking spots for years. A little exercise will not kill you! Unless your doctor tells you not to. In that case, stay the hell home! For pete's sake, there are countries where women give birth in the middle of fucking rice paddies and go right back to work!
And don't even get me started on the new age of people who think simply that by becoming a parent, no rule or law applies to them. I already touched on it briefly and the thought of it just makes my blood boil. I went to the pet store in the Moorestown Mall before Christmas and....well, before I start the story, that place pisses me the hell off. Every single time I go in there, there is a young girl that works there and
every single time I see her, she is either texting on her cellphone or talking on her cellphone. Wow, way to be a good employee, bitch. And yet
I cannot get hired anywhere? I don't even text! Or talk on my phone that often. Anyway, there is a big sign that says
no one under 18 is allowed to handle the dogs and I am looking in the bin at some puppies and this little kid- maybe 5 at the most- comes over and starts whining to his dad about something and the dad reaches in and pulls a puppy out and he starts to lower it and I figure he is going to let the kid pet it.
No. He hands the puppy to the kid. And then to piss me off even more, the sister- who is even younger than the boy- comes over and
she has a puppy in her arms! I stormed out of the store because I wanted to go absolute apeshit on the guy.
I have heard of women in the past who have severe problems menstrually (is that even a word? it is now) are told to become pregnant and it will ease up the problems down the line. I have a lot of trouble every month and would give my left foot to have a hysterectomy, but if a doctor ever told me that I needed to get pregnant to ease the problems, I would tell the doctor to go to hell. As much as I hate my period, at least I know that will end
sometime down the line, even though that is about another 24 freaking years, depending on how things go (my luck I will have mine until I am about 75). A child, no. That is forever.
Speaking of kids, I have also come to realize, after exposure to many other women's reaction, that I must have lost my "OMG ITS A BABY!!!!" gene. Roughly 99.9% of the women I am acquainted with go
absolutely ballistic over the sight of babies. Not me. Once upon a time, I did. But now I feel nothing. Every once in a while I come across a baby that I might fuss over or I might freak out over baby clothes, but its very rare. I am even well aware of them screaming and crying is due to them not knowing any better, but it still annoys me. If I am in a store and a baby starts wailing its head off, I want to scream. I can't stand it. I would make the absolute worst mother. If my baby started to scream and cry, I would probably just hand it to the father and tell him to deal with it. I'd make a bad wife as well. Oh you're sick? Tough shit. You had surgery? Cry me a river.
God, I am a horrible person.
In all honesty....I don't even think I like most babies, let along kids. I know plenty of women who see pregnant women and talk about how they can't wait for that to be them. Not me. I see pregnant women and after my first thought (which is generally along the lines of oh great another moron breeding), I am ecstatic it is not me. So, no. My hatred towards pregnant women is not one of jealousy or any of that bullcrap spewed when one states they hate pregnant women. I am not aware of any fertility problems, since I have never had sex. I would not be upset if I did have fertility problems. Imagine how that statement would go over people having fertility problems but actually want children. Probably as well as me telling someone who has what I want that I want what they have. WAH! Priceless. I can tell you right now that pregnancy scares me more than an STD.
Traditional STDs, I mean. I view pregnancy as an STD, but I am referring to the ones we learn about in sex ed (provided you had it), i.e., syphillis, gonorrhea, etc.
Puppies, though, are a whole other story. I get all teary eyed when I see puppies and forget even showing me a picture of newborn ones
all cuddled up together with their brothers and sisters.
It is Day 5 of my father no longer working and yes, my mother and I are already about to lose our minds. My father has become an absolute lazy slob. He does nothing. After dinner, my mother and I always get stuck cleaning up. While he sits his fat ass and watches TV. Right before he went to bed, I heard him washing dishes and thought, thank God I don't have to wash any of the dishes in the sink, since I get stuck cleaning all of the dishes every night before I go to bed. I go out to get a soda and much to my surprise, find my mom's and my 2 bowls in the sink and all of his dishes washed and in the drain. I lost count of how many curse words came out of my mouth. After dinner tonight, my mother ran next door to a neighbors and I went to do my own thing after washing several dishes from dinner. Hey, he never does anything so I figured let him clean up the damn rest of the dishes. I come out a few hours later and find 4 pieces of silverware and a cup in the drain and all of the oven pans still out and nothing put back on the stove.
We went to dinner on New Years Day and my father was telling my sister's boyfriend about the things he came home with after leaving and then he made some comment about the company owing him. Owe him
what exactly? The fat bastard has had 30 years of free health benefits- which he will continue to get for the rest of his life, a pension, and various other benefits and
they owe
him? Nope. Sorry, Dad. They don't owe you fucking shit.
Better yet, go tell the customers of the company who are going to have to pay an extra $170 a year in rates so your fat ass can sit home and get benefits while retired that the company owes you. See how well that goes over.
My father is someone who thinks that just because he can that he should. He thinks because he can retire that he should retire. But honestly, with the mess he got himself into, he has no business retiring. He should be out working and paying off his fucking bills. He needs to lie in the fucking bed he made.
And one more thought before bed. I read an article on the oh so scandelous catsuit J.Lo wore on New Years Eve (she didn't look horrible, but that outfit did absolutely nothing for her except bring her such massive amounts of criticism), but this part got to me:
"Everyone is trying to outdo each other now. These stars realize they can't be naked so they resort to this, even though body suits are not flattering and are not cool," said celebrity stylist Mary Alice Stephenson. "Cher is really the only one who could get away with it."
Cher is the only one who get away with it?
Ugh, I am starting to feel like Peter Griffin and his Mark Harmon picture every time I have to do this, but....there
is someone else in the world who could get away with catsuits, bitch!
Is it wrong to say that I would die to see a picture of her dressed like Catwoman? And I don't mean the trashy looking Catwoman Halle Berry played.
And speaking of one being the only one to get away with something, I heard a commercial for
American Idol the other day and there was some cover version of "Time Of Our Lives" by Paul van Dyk playing in the background and....no. Absolutely not. The
only person who can perform that song is Paul and whoever the lead singer of Vega4 is.
And one more note- I am reading
True Lies Of A Drama Queen and aside from the fact that Elle Medina is one of the most annoying characters I have ever been acquainted with in a chick lit book....I just want
one person, that is all I ask, to explain to me what is so
bloody fascinating about Vera Wang wedding dresses. Every single freaking chick lit book I read, every chick flick I see, there is always
at least a few mentions of the infamous Vera Wang wedding dresses. Do they give you nice hair and clear skin on your wedding day? Do they automatically take off the amount of pounds you want to lose?
What? What is it? What is just OMGZ so freaking awesome about these dresses that a less expensive dress can't fullfill?
Also, while you are at it, explain to me the fascination with Tiffany's as well. I looked through their catalog before and I still failed to see what is so fascinating about this place as well.
