Random Thoughts

Wow, I'm really starting to slack anymore. Since I have last posted:

- I did end up having to attend the deposition. It was a huge waste of my time, although at least I was still paid. Judging by the questions I was asked, if this is what is being taught in law school, good God. The best part was when her attorney asked me what day of the week did the accident happen and I said a Friday. Kind of threw all of the attorneys in a tizzy. Apparently the accident report had the day before. I'm unsure of a lot of things but I'm 99.99% sure that ice storm happened on a Friday, even came home that day and pulled up weather archives, which said freezing rain happened on Friday January 10th. Now the date could have been an honest mistake on her part. But someone else wasn't doing their research and fact checking. I even went back to previous posts on here and sure enough, it definitely sounded like it happened on a Friday.

- The tooth behind my root canaled one was starting to really give me trouble a few weeks again. I ended up having to have another root canal. Yay me. I had it done at another office this time. Apparently my dental office doesn't refer to the other place anymore. Not sure why, but I'd certainly like to know. The dentist at first seemed hesitant on doing it because I suck so much at describing my symptoms but once he went in the tooth, he said oh I definitely would have needed it at some point. Pretty sure I heard him say I had irreversible pulpitis. And he confirmed the crack in my tooth. I was pretty annoyed though when he looked at my x-rays and said one of my canals in my first root canaled tooth wasn't fully filled and he wants to keep an eye on it. Why was it not done properly in the first place? It wasn't like some general dentist did it, an endodontist did it. It should have been done properly! And if there was an issue, then I should have been told about it, although for all I know, I very well could have been, but since I could barely understand a word she said, who knows?

And that's really been it. Not much has changed. A month later, I'm still feeling blue from the holidays, I still wish I'd get hit by a tractor trailer on the way to work. There are just no words to describe how much my coworkers get under my skin. And this manager needs a reality check. I don't how the fuck she's ever had managerial positions before, because she's a piss poor excuse for one. I can understand having good relations with your employees, but she is way too fucking chummy with people. Especially my FWA. Again- I really and truly don't understand how anyone tolerates my FWA. Even just sitting there doing nothing I want to punch her in the face.

It's weird- I feel so goddamn stupid all of the time and my job makes me feel really inadequate and yet I feel like I deserve better. I basically feel like I'm lowering myself and settling working in this office. There's no kind of incentive in that office. No promotions, no ladder, nothing. And despite how stupid I feel, I feel like I can, and should, make something much better of myself.

I've been following the Weather Channel off and on today, because even though it doesn't affect my area, I'm interested in following the severe weather coverage. All the years I've been reading the Storm Prediction Center, I think only two or three (give or take, I can't remember) times I've seen a high risk day. Especially in the winter months. And I know the last time I was on there, all three of the tornado watches that were in affect were PDS. Scary, scary shit.

And one more thing- after this weekend, I'm so proud of my gender, despite the fact that it's 2017 and we should not have to be marching demanding equality and rights. I also love how on Facebook every single time I see someone criticizing the women's marches, it's always a man. 

Random Thoughts

Five days later....still reeling from the election.

I cannot believe this man is going to be our president. And even more I cannot believe the amount of idiots I know who voted for him. And so many are men with daughters. How would they feel if someone talked about their daughters the way Trump talked about women in that video? Oh I bet that would be a a whole other story. I'm so glad they can look past his blatant disrespect for women, minorities, religions, etc in general. Then again, with the amount of hatred I see being spewed on Facebook since the election, it really should not surprise me.

You never really know people until you friend them on Facebook.

Was I particularly happy that Clinton was our candidate? Not necessarily. I voted for the Bernster in the primaries. And I understand that a lot of his supporters were pissed about the whole DNC thing, because it was bull. But I would be damned if I voted for Trump.

Red president, red House, red Senate....I don't want to be a woman right now.

I'm not looking forward to this week in work, thanks to my manager allowing my FWA to have off the entire week. When I left work in Thursday, the workload wasn't looking so good. There was still quite a bit that needed to be done. I had off Friday, so I don't know how much work got done. I dread what I'm going into tomorrow. I swear, if I have to do any overtime this week, while my wallet will appreciate it with the holidays right around the corner, I will be beyond pissed off.

If I could ever have off and go back to work feeling relaxed, it would be a fucking miracle. 

Random Thoughts

I should just stay off Facebook today. Today is the 2nd of 3 weddings for my bitchy cousins (for some reason, all 3 of them had to get engaged around the same time). And of course Hermine decided not to pack a punch and it's a beautiful day out. Of course.

This particular cousin I never really had a problem with until one time we were at a family function and she was going around giving everyone at our table a hug and kiss and just as she was coming up to me, someone came up to her and she walked away with them. I can't even describe how I felt after that. And she really hit my shit list when I contacted her through FB messaging about whether she was coming to my sister's baby shower or not and she blatantly ignored me. And I know she read the message, too. People seem to forget that FB messaging marks when you read messages. Never called, didn't show up, nothing. Didn't respond or show up to my nephew's first birthday either. Bitch, my family has bent over ass backwards multiple times for all of your stupid affairs! You couldn't even once return the favor?!

I often complain about my coworkers and how they bitch and moan about how much they hate it there and I always says that the only reason they're all still there is because they know at any other place they wouldn't get away with the shit they get away with there. And then I thought one day, where the fuck am I any better? I've admitted many times before that the only reasons I stay there are because of the pay and because no one condemns my slow ass and my extreme phone phobia is catered to (although to be fair, no one really deals with phones there anymore). Plus it's close to home. Still, though, where am I any better? I'm really not.

Boy, I woke up in rare form today.

Random Thoughts

So luckily no tornadoes came during that last tornado watch, although we did get some rather nasty storms. This weather is nuts. Yesterday I cleaned about an inch or more of snow off of my car and drove to work in snow and this upcoming week it's going to be in the 70's. What the hell?

And these crazy warm ups that keep popping up are making me very nervous of what kind of weather spring is going to bring. Namely, what kind of severe weather.

Boy, Facebook really knows how to bring out the hateful side of people, doesn't it? My God, some of the things people on my newsfeed post, I'm like whoa, seriously?! And while I know some stupid ass delusional people, I can't believe I actually know anyone stupid and delusional enough to want to vote for Donald Trump. Really- he's trolling us all with his shit, right?

I was exercising earlier and "A Good Sadness" came on and I thought hey, Oracular Spectacular came out in 2007, Congratulations came out in 2010, and MGMT came out in 2013. A new album seems to come out every 3 years. It's time, boys! Time for some new music!

This past week, I reluctantly added another day of taking Prozac, upping my dosage to 6 days a week of 20 mg from 5 days a week of 20 mg. I hope it helps some and doesn't make me gain weight. I also hope it doesn't make me even more apathetic than it's already made me.

Another thing I have noticed since starting the medication is I have gotten even worse with discussing things on my mind. I was kind of bad with discussing problems before, but now I really tend to take everything and just shove it deep down inside of me instead of getting it off my chest.

Or maybe it's because all of a sudden I've become everyone's dumping ground for their problems. I constantly have to hear about what is ailing my mother or how horrible my sister's pregnancy is going or how bad my nephew is being. And the terrible thing is how much I feel like screaming I DON'T CARE to it all. And I feel HORRIBLE feeling that way towards my family, although to be fair it's not just isolated to them. Anytime anyone talks to me in work, or anywhere really for that matter, 90% of the time I feel like screaming I DON'T CARE.

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So now we're back to normal chilly weather (it's in the 40's right now) and come my birthday it's going to be in the 60's and about 70 on Christmas Eve. What is this weather? Kind of makes me nervous for when spring comes. I hope it doesn't mean an increase in severe weather.

My FWA is whining on Facebook because her brat is sick. Again. I swear, every person I know who has breastfed, their kids are constantly sick. What happened to "breast is best"? My nephew wasn't breastfed and I don't even recall ever seeing him really sick, if at all. I wasn't breastfed and I'm rarely, if ever, sick (not counting in the head). Minus the bout with the flu last year, but that was for the first time in a really, REALLY long time. And I got over it pretty damn quickly.

I thought maybe once Thanksgiving was over, our workload would die down some. But it hasn't. We have been so damn busy. I just did about 6 hours of overtime this past week and thanks to having off Monday, it's going to be all straight pay. Which sucks, but money is money I guess. It's just crazy, though. The doctors are working a lot, we're short-staffed (especially because this year it seems like everyone waited to use their PTO),  the medical records are huge, clients are sending in records like a day before the appointments because they no longer get penalized for it, etc.

I never understand that last one. Once upon a time, if clients sent records in so many days before an appointment, the records were automatically turned into an addendum report. Which was an extra charge. And the PTB stopped that. Which makes no sense, because that's extra money they could be making. And last I checked, isn't corporate all about the benjamins?

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I'm reading The Woman Who Stole My Life by Marian Keyes and I'm really trudging through it. Thanks to my chronic medical book obsession and brief inexplicable fascination with Guillain-Barre syndrome a few years ago, I knew right off the bat that that was what the main character was going to be diagnosed with. And I figured, what the heck it will probably be interesting. But it's not. I'm getting kind of bored with it, actually.

Since yesterday, my Facebook newsfeed has been flooded with posts of people bitching about the hens on the View making snide comments about nurses. Actually it's not so much nurses I am friends with making the posts, but rather they being tagged in posts by others. And it's starting to get on my last nerve. There's people actually calling for a ban on it. Calm the fuck down, people. It's the View. If your wittle ego is going to get bruised by something they said, then you have bigger problems then you realize, because 99.9% of what comes out of their mouths is pure stupidity. It is not the first asinine thing they said and it certainly won't be the last.

I am not looking forward to work the next couple of days. Out of nowhere, the work has gotten kind of backed up. We have a few charts that need to be done for next week, preferably a few days before the appointment, and they're all a hefty size. And I am starting to feel anxious because I still suck and take forever to do anything because I still have such a damn hard time concentrating and I'm starting to get panicky that someone is going to pick up on it and fire me. I started to feel so overwhelmed on my way home that I wanted to drive my car into a tree.

I indirectly confronted my FWA the other day about that comment that she supposedly said about me last October (don't ask; it was just hanging in my mind that day). She swears up and down that she didn't say it. I don't doubt that the MA who told me she said it could have lied, but I also don't believe a lot of what my FWA says. I don't trust my FWA as far as I could throw her, but I trust this particular MA even less. I don't even know who to trust anymore.

Random Thoughts

Boy, I love going on to my Facebook newsfeed and being bombarded with people's shared picture posts. I don't care if you love your parents. I don't care if you love your child. I don't care if you want to punch stupid people in the face. I don't care if you think this nation needs to return to one nation under God. JFC I JUST DON'T CARE. No one cares!

Yesterday must have been queen bee Monica's brat's birthday party. And naturally a lot of the girls from work were invited, including my FWA and her friend. It's almost cute how much they kiss Monica's ass and she did nothing but bad-mouth them all of the time (and probably still does).

Actually no, it's just pathetic.

I watched FYI last night when I was getting ready for bed (Food Factory was on) and when I put my TV on this morning, it was still tuned to FYI and I think that show Arranged was on. I've never watched, but I've seen enough commercials for it to know that I want to kick that Christian guy repeatedly in the nads with a pair of steel-toed boots (hopefully until he can no longer reproduce). One of the arranged people, a blonde chick, seemed to be having problems with her future mother-in-law. And as soon as the MIL opened her mouth, I could see why. Apparently this woman feels men and women aren't equal and she doesn't feel that a woman should ever be president and a woman should not a do a man's job and women should cook and clean and men should fix and build things. You know what? If you feel women are that inferior to men, then take your old outdated ass to a Middle Eastern country where they feel the same way about women, you stupid cow.

And speaking of ass backwards thinking, I'm glad the Superior Court ruled in favor of gay marriage on Friday. Seethe, homophobes, SEETHE.

And screw you, Bristol Palin, for raking in hundreds of thousands of dollars preaching abstinence to people and not partaking in it yourself. You're a slap in the face to people who truly do practice abstinence, whether intentionally or unintentionally. FUCK YOU. And fuck Candie's.

Man, I hate Sundays with a passion. Especially when you have to celebrate Father's Day a week later and your daddy dearest is being his typical daddy dearest self. 

Random Thoughts

There is a trending story on my Facebook page about a dentist being charged with the death of a patient who was having 20 teeth pulled. Twenty teeth? What the hell does someone do in their life to have to have that many teeth pulled at one time? Even if you can't afford to go the dentist, toothpaste and toothbrushes don't cost that much damn money!

Speaking of Facebook, earlier one of my cousin's wives posted something about today being her daughter's first cheerleading competition (followed by "been waiting for this since they said "it's a girl!""- I can't tell you how hard I side-eyed that). Why are there so many girls in cheerleading anymore? And if it's not cheerleading, it's dance. And not cute dancing, like ballet. Dancing where they have more make-up on than a clown and dance like little fucking pole dancers. Does no one enroll their kids in music or art or ballet or anything traditional anymore?

I rolled out of bed earlier this morning to go and get my blood work done, so that is out of the way. Now I just have to await the results of my numerous tests (LH, FSH, prolactin, metabolic, CBC, ANA, erythrocyte sedimentation rate, and a urinalysis. And yes, despite my best efforts, I managed to piss all over my hand doing the last one. As usual.). I am also still waiting on the results of my biopsy. Not sure why I am so anxious to see my results for any of these test- we all know everything will probably come back normal anyway.

I finally got a free weekend after 2 busy weekends and it's frigging snowing again. I thought maybe we were lucking out this winter, but apparently that is not the case. And my sister is still at work for another half hour. I am a nervous wreck about her driving home. 

Ooo! I just realized it is Food Factory marathon time! Woooooooo!

Random Thoughts

There are plenty of things that annoy me about Facebook, but one of the biggest annoyances is when people post about winning things, like you have to post a picture of a car or something and state what color you want along with the picture and you'll be entered for a chance to win a car or whatever is in the picture. It astonishes me how many people fall for this shit.

Finally I got to have my appointment today. Waiting to be seen was not a picnic. For one, the waiting room was completely packed and the only seat that was open was in a corner between some pregnant chick and some old dude. The old dude smelled of cigarettes and kept coughing and the pregnant chick was restless and clearly uncomfortable and I would have actually felt somewhat sorry for her had she not kept leaning over on me and popping her gum. I started getting light-headed and dizzy at one point because I was coming very close to having a panic attack from being so jam-packed in. Then at some point, some lady comes in with her 3 kids and 2 of the kids kept pushing each other off of chairs and onto the floor and Mommy just kept playing on her phone. I was texting my sister and complaining about it and she made some comment that not everyone has the support of family to baby-sit. I texted her back and said that doesn't mean she can't control her kids. She barely even talked to them! It's sad when parents can't even interact with their kids because they're too busy with their eyes glued to their smart phones.

I feel like I got a little somewhere with this doctor. He did order more blood work and my FSH and LH levels are going to be tested again. Something to do with the ratio being off. He says he is not worried about menopause with me, so I take it I am not going through it, I guess. I also had the joy of having a uterine biopsy. Not a pleasant experience by any means. It felt like extremely bad menstrual cramps. And to make matters worse, my period came yesterday so I already had menstrual cramps. And there is the whole having to be examined vaginally while you're bleeding vaginally part. Being examined on a normal basis without my period is embarrassing enough. And apparently my uterus has a slight tilt to it. And I was officially diagnosed with PMDD.

I was also prescribed Prozac and birth control. I really don't want to go pick these up.

Random Thoughts

Man, it is BRUTAL outside. It's about 14 degrees Fahrenheit with a real feel of about -1. YUCK. And it's supposed to be pretty brutal this whole week. HOW EXCITING.

And to make the week more exciting, the catty one who used to work at my place is coming in tomorrow for lunch. And everyone will fawn all over like she is some fucking princess. It just astonishes me. And for some reason unknown to me, the one who plays on her phone all the time is going to be in the office all week instead of on the road. How exciting. A whole week of watching her play on her phone and when she isn't doing that, she'll either be talking or spending all of her time on the Facebook page of some place called Enchanted Farms. Or something other than work. This past Friday I watched her spend most of the day on Excel working on her household budget. A couple Fridays ago, her shift was over at 12:30. She stayed until 2. And what did she do that whole time? Spent her time on this Enchanted Farms page. The whole hour and a half. A whole hour and a half of OVERTIME and she didn't even fucking work.

I don't want to lose my job right now, but I would love to see us get shut down just so I can see how everyone else would survive having to work somewhere else. Especially this bitch and my FWA. But then again, lousy workers are always rewarded so they'd probably do just fine. My FWA would create some woe is me sob story (and now she has a baby to use to her advantage!) and everyone will feel sorry for her and cater to her just like the morons at this place do.

And speaking of her, she was a half hour late to work on Friday. Because she got into a fight with her boyfriend's mother. And just as I expected, I had to hear the WHOLE goddamn story later. I can't even begin to describe how badly I wanted to scream I DON'T CARE, OH MY FUCKING GOD I DON'T CARE. Especially because I was already annoyed that a conversation about having bad PMS and being unable to tolerate birth control and having bad cramps every month turned into having to hear about her fucking labor and water breaking again (I guess the fact that I said my cramps primarily affect my back reminded her that she had back labor so she figured it was her chance to turn the whole conversation back to herself). Again- don't care.

And I swear, if I go into work tomorrow and have to hear one person say they went to see 50 Shades of Shit and then rave about it, I am going to go fucking ballistic. I read a rundown on ONTD one day of some of the things Christian Gray (Gray, Grey, don't give enough fucks to google it) does to her in the books and I am beyond appalled that so many women like these books. If you honestly want a man like Christian Gray you need to check your fucking life big time.

God I wish my damn period would come already. I am tired of feeling so damn crabby. I am now getting to the point that I am starting to fret that it's going to come later than last month or not at all. I am so tired of this every month. I felt a little better after my blood work came back normal, but now I am starting to get anxious all over again that I am going through perimenopause. Especially when once again your period is coming later than it has been for years and you're waking up warm during the night or drinking coffee and feeling warm.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for a Food Factory marathon. 

Random Thoughts

A story just popped up on my Facebook newsfeed of how a girl's Ugg boots saved her foot from amputation after she was ran over by a car. I guess that will be more incentive for people to continue wearing those stupid ass boots.

It's amazing- you never know how hateful people are until they have a Facebook account.

When I went to bed last night, my temperature was at 97.9. It was the same when I woke up this morning, although my mom said I still felt warm. It pretty much stayed around that temperature all day and I haven't felt achy or anything all day, just have a nagging cough and congestion. Before I got in the shower earlier, it was 97.2 and then a little while later it was up to 98.0. And my mother just said I felt a little warmer than I did earlier. This is frustrating not knowing how accurate my thermometer is and whether I am actually running a fever or not.

And having anxiety and getting sick, especially when you're someone who very rarely gets sick, is not a good combination by any means. I am starting to feel anxious over how long it's going to take for this to go away and I am going to feel very anxious about exerting myself or being around people for fear that I am going to end up sick again or catch something else. I also made the mistake earlier of reading an article on Yahoo earlier called "Got The Flu? Here's When To Head To The ER" that talked about developing sepsis with the flu. Not a good idea by any means, because now I have myself all stressed out that I am going to get sepsis.

I said something to the nurse yesterday that my boss was sick and I think I might have gotten it from her and she said that while it was possible, I also could have picked it up from anywhere and hearing that was enough to rattle me. Now I have never found my OCD problems to revolve around germs, but this is enough to start me down that path. If I could pick something like this up that easily just being out in public, what the hell other illnesses could I pick up?  

Random Thoughts

I was on that one Tartlr page last week and someone had asked the girl to post pictures of Andrew and his ex and a minor storm brewed between the girl, who loves Andrews's ex so much it's creepy, and some anonymous person who apparently dislikes her. It was embarrassing. These people who are obsessed with them are creepy, whether they dislike her or love her.

After I ate lunch earlier, I got back on the computer and my local news had posted a story that a white John Doe was found in the Schuylkill River and as soon as I saw it, I thought I bet it is Shane Montgomery. Not even 5 minutes later, another story popped up that it was him. I very rarely cry at news stories, but I did when I seen that. How sad. Obviously at this point the chances of finding him alive were super slim, but still. His poor parents. And like my sister asked, it is worse that they found him after the holidays or would it have been worse before?

And those poor people on the Air Asia flight. And their poor families. And even worse for the families of the Malaysian Flight 370, because they have still yet to find that.

And going to annoying people, my FWA posted of Facebook earlier that her brat has a cold and Mommy isn't happy! Get used to it, honey- kids are germ magnets and catch shit all of the time! And she really better get used to it if her brat is anything like her and "catches" everything, although I fully doubt she ever catches anything. But we all know she'll use her daughter being sick as an excuse to get out of work as much as possible. Her time off accrual was up one day- she went into the new year at almost -37 hours of paid time off and almost -220 hours of unpaid time off. Two hundred and twenty hours of unpaid time off! She's has to be making well over $14 an hour at this point, so if you figure she makes about $14.50, do some math, and that's over $3,100 a year before taxes that she is not getting paid. And then she has the balls to stand there and whine about never having money? Try working more, you stupid cow! Although I wouldn't put it past her to keep her pay at a certain amount so she can continue getting WIC.

She just posted this on Facebook about 10 minutes ago:

Oh, grow the fuck up.

Random Thoughts

Well, that was a quick 3.5 day weekend. Friday ended up not being too bad of a day. It just ended up being super cold and one of the main reasons I wanted to go to Peddler's was to see it lit up at night and we didn't even get to do that. Oh, and then there was the whole my brother-in-law could barely stay awake driving and was also tailgating people big time. At one point, we were doing over 80 mph and I don't think he was even 2 car lengths behind the car in front of us. And instead of just going around them, he rides their ass until they get over into the other lane. I swear, I have never met someone so fucking stubborn and arrogant in my life as my BIL.

And then when we went to dinner, at one point I seen him stare at my parents with that look on his face and I felt like throwing something at him. It's pretty funny that my sister can't stand how her mother-in-law stares at people and doesn't realize that her own husband does it as well. Then again, there are a lot of things her in-laws do that she doesn't seem to realize her husband does as well. Like how he acts like an impatient arrogant asshole like his father or how he acts like a know-it-all like his mother. It's amazing how oblivious she is to shit sometimes.

I hate those Big Lots holiday commercials so much. I also hate those Wayfair commercials. That song is so unbelievably annoying. And what in the hell kind of crack is Kmart's marketing team smoking? I just saw that commercial with the pregnant women stripper dancing the other night and almost puked my face off. And the one with the men using their beer bellies as drums.....ew. Do people really find this shit funny? Why are so many commercials so annoying nowadays?

Speaking of funny, I don't know why I never checked it out before, but not too long ago I decided to start reading the comments on Cracked.com's Facebook page. I can't decide whether the Facebook comments or the actual Cracked page's comments are funnier. Or on par. There was a photoplasty contest that popped up on my newsfeed back in October and one of the pictures was of Dr. House as an android looking thing and it was something about artificial intelligence coming to medicine and I knew before I even opened the comments that there was going to be multiple House jokes and at least one reference to lupus. I was not disappointed. When I came across the comment that said "error: lupus not found", I guffawed for about 10 minutes. 

And speaking of laughing hard, on Friday I was over on the Berry and there was a section of pictures called Doing Things Differently Photos and a little ways down, there was a picture of a wheelchair parked in a handicapped parking spot and I cackled for about 5 minutes, followed by a feeling of immense discomfort and then immense depression. I was thinking one day how I have said before that I need to just start accepting I am always going to be an outcast and then I thought about how much of one I would become if I ever told anyone about That Thing. 

I didn't end up having any bouts of hot sweatiness during lunch, but then again, my soup wasn't super hot. I did feel a little bit warm the whole time I was eating lunch, but I think a lot of that had to do with my being anxious that I was going to end up super hot and sweaty. It also appears that It has decided to grace me with its presence again. I still don't know why it does that. All I know is I am beyond sick and tired of being worried I am going through perimenopause.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

My cousin, the one who bitches and whines on Facebook constantly about her brat and needing time to herself yet just shit out another kid, posted a picture of her 2 year-old son in the tub with his naked tuchus showing. Well, apparently someone must have reported the picture (no, it wasn't me) because now she is bitching and whining on Facebook about someone reporting it. Really? She honestly thought in this day in age she could get away with posting a picture like that? And who wants to see that anyway? AND WHO CARES?

I am laughing so hard right now I can't even breathe.

Everybody Chill!

I am sure that I was not the only one this weekend whose Facebook news feed was flooded with videos of people being dumped over the head with ice. I like the idea of raising awareness for ALS, because it's one of the scariest diseases, but it's starting to get a little obnoxious, mostly because I would like to know how many people who are doing it are actually donating money as well.

Also, as morbid as it sounds, I am just waiting for the first report of some poor soul with an undiagnosed heart condition dropping dead from participating in the challenge.

Picture Of The Day

This was posted on the Berry's FB page yesterday:

Truth. So much truth. I so badly wanted to "like" the picture when it was posted, but then I probably would have felt the wrath of all of my FB friend mombies because oh noes I don't want to be a mom* and do the hardest and most rewarding job in the world (RMFE)!

*to a human, that is

My FWA posted some puke-worthy post one day that oh it's 5AM and she is beyond tired and [baby's name] is wide awake but the smiles she is getting from her makes it all worth while. Ugh. It made me want to puke my face off! I asked my mom later that night if she ever felt that way. She said nope she just wanted us to go back to sleep. I also have to laugh when my FWA posts all of those stupid "share this if blah blah blah" pictures. First off, if you are over 15 years old and still posting those, you need to check your life. But sometimes she posts ones about how smart her daughter is. She's two fucking months old! Then again, this is the same person who posted on Facebook about the kisses she was getting from her daughter....two days after delivery.

A couple weekends ago, I was talking with my mom about the whole not having kids and while I think a small part of her is still holding out hope for me, I was surprised when she told me she thinks I seem pretty serious about not having kids. And I am pretty serious about it.

Ugh 2

Damn, I am still feeling kind of nauseous. And my taste is off. I really hope I feel better tomorrow. I do not want to have to lose another day of work.

The other day I checked out the page of this girl I mentioned before, the one who calls herself an Italian princess still. Good god she is even bigger than she was before. And that just makes me want to cackle. And now she is some right wing nutcase that likes to bitch about welfare baby mommas (wouldn't be surprised if she was once one). Also, she still likes to brag about what a badass she is. You're thirty years old and a mom now! Grow the hell up already!

And she shares a page with her husband. That makes me so fucking stabby. It seems so damn possessive. Facebook is free, for Cripe's sake. Get your own damn page!

Commercial count - 7. Seen it once last night and tonight. I was surprised to see it tonight during Food Factory. And speaking of commercials, I like those Little Caesars commercials.

JFC People

The first time I "liked" Breyer's on Facebook, I noticed a good majority of their comments were people complaining about certain products being "frozen dairy dessert" instead of ice cream. And to this day, people are STILL bitching and bitching and bitching about it. Here's an idea, folks- it's quite simple, I promise- DON'T BUY THE FREAKING PRODUCTS. No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to buy them.

And on Friday, my FWA's friend was complaining about how she has been written up so many times for being late and was finally warned that the next time could be her last. And then she actually was bitching about it and acting all poor woe is me the big bad corporation is being mean. I wanted so badly to turn to her and say "JFC, what is wrong with you? Where on earth have you worked before that you honestly do not see anything wrong with constant tardiness? Because honey, you do realize if you worked somewhere else, your ass would have been fired a long time ago?". I just can't understand the things my coworkers complain about it.

And then one day the prior week, we found out we were not being paid for the snow day and she and my FWA start bitching about how they live paycheck to paycheck. I won't even get into my FWA and her living paycheck to paycheck but is having a baby, because I just can't, but the other one is bitching about being a single mother and living paycheck to paycheck....yet she can order out lunch every day. Ones that are at a very minimum $10 a day. So at least $50 a week.

Random Thoughts

I don't post often on Facebook, but when I do, I may post something wishing a happy whatever holiday, asking for help in making a decision, or suggestions to do something. And often, I don't receive many, if any, responses and/or likes. But then I see people post stupid shit like "just made myself a [insert type] sandwich" or some shitty vague-booking post (looking at you, FWA) and it will get like 15 likes and about 7 responses. What the hell?

Speaking of my FWA and Facebook, earlier she posted lyrics and when I googled them, it was another Katy Perry song. SO DEEP. Also, I got the mail on Christmas Eve and there was my invitation to her baby shower. I emitted a groan not unlike Homer Simpson. I want to scream. I so do not want to go, but I just know I will feel guilty if I don't.

I had to be blessed with the guilt gene, didn't I?

I'm getting a knot in my stomach about New Year's Eve coming up, because I know when the ball drops at midnight, it's going to be like every other year- with the exception of 2010 when I was apparently going through some kind of hypomanic phase- where I get incredibly depressed and think about how much I wish I had the guts to kill myself. I am not looking forward to it.

I am not looking forward to the holidays ending. I know I am a miserable shit the whole holiday season, but I do genuinely like Christmas time. I love the decorations and the lights and everything. And once every thing disappears, then it's just several months of cold dreariness. And then spring appears, as does severe weather. We lucked out this past spring and summer. It almost makes me afraid what this upcoming spring and summer will be like.

Whatever. Here is a gif and here is another gif of Will. Damn him with that new hair style. You know, this absolutely pains me to say, but I am honestly starting to wish my celebrity crush on Andrew would come to an end already. Like I still think he the most gorgeous man in existence right now and talented as hell and I'd still let him do all kinds of things to me, but it's been over two and a half years. I'm bored! And the funny thing is, a year ago, he came very close to losing reign. I mean, he still would have been there, just not top spot. But then something happened that prevented that from happening.

If it happens, though, all I ask is that my love for MGMT increases.

Random Thoughts

I mentioned a few posts ago that it was the 5th birthday of this "blog", and almost 2 years since I was initially laid off from my job. It was also recently the anniversary of one of the worst hypochondriac fears I have ever encountered. It was October 3.  No fear ever shook me like Addison's disease. And I am ashamed to admit it, but the thing that probably shook me up the most was the fact that if I had it, I would have to go on steroids and I would probably get fat. I think I can finally say I do not have it, but I do still have moments. For instance, on Thursday night, I started feeling really off balance and shaky, and right away I was in taking my blood pressure. It was 103/61. Still not considered low, but it was getting there, especially on the bottom. And I felt the same way Friday, and I had two episodes of feeling light-headed when I stood up. I am still not feeling too hot. I have so much pressure in my ears. In fact, I feel similar to how I did before I lost my job. It wouldn't surprise me. I do believe there is probably mold and shit in that place. I think I won't be as bad as I was with believing I have it, but I don't think I will ever completely stop. I think there will still be moments where I get scared I have it. Not to mention I feel if I let go of the fear completely, I will jinx myself. It's a really fucked up mentality.

I think the reason I am feeling so lousy is a combination of allergies and I just got my period. I think that is why I felt so lousy the past couple days. I hate how I feel before it comes. I am so exhausted I can't even stand it. And nauseous as anything. I feel like throwing up. And once again, another week has gone by and I am still 124 pounds on the scale. I would say well, maybe I did just gain weight, but with as bloated as I am, I really think it has something to do with that. And my whole lower left side is hard and slightly more bloated than the right. What on earth is going on in there? And I still keep putting off having this ultrasound done. I could just wait until I get medical in December, but I am tired of putting it off. If they find a cyst or something, though, the temptation to be a smartass and post it to Facebook is going to be too great.

In work, when we are allowed to listen to the radio, we listen to B101. That station is just the worst. And I think they must have a Katy Perry quota to meet every day. I heard five songs by her before noon. Five! It was torturous. They might play a good song here and there, but the majority of the songs are just awful. And Friday was the first time I actually heard that "Blurred Lines" in full. Of course a song like that would be incredibly popular. Horrible. Just horrible.

Most radio stations are awful, but when I do listen to the radio I generally stick with 98.1 (the not so oldies station) or Radio104.5. They play their fair share of shit ("Freshmen" by the Verve, Third Eye Blind and the rest of the frat boy bands, Panic At the Disco, all Fall Out Boy songs except "My Songs"), but they are the only station who plays MGMT. And sure, it's only "Kids" and "Time To Pretend", and for a while there, they played "YLIAL" on the new music show, but I like those songs, so I will always gleefully listen to them when they come on.

You know, somehow I manage to keep forgetting I am going to see them in December. I am slightly dreading it, to be honest. I am extremely stoked about seeing them, but I am really worried about the whole crowd situation. I hope it ends up being good, though. I really wish they would start playing a little more off of the new album. I love "YLIAL", but I am already getting a little tired of it being the one song they always perform. Come on. Play some "A Good Sadness" and "An Orphan of Fortune". And retire some of their old repertoire already (but do not, and I repeat DO NOT, ever retire "Siberian Breaks", "I Found A Whistle", and "Of Moon, Birds, and Monsters". Especially "I Found A Whistle". That song is so fucking flawless live, I can't stand it.). And bring back some of the old songs. I want to hear "Future Reflections" live, dammit!

I am on this and over reading a post on a certain gossip site about Rashida Jones supposedly "slut shaming". Ugh I won't even get into it again about that term, but damn, I have never seen a group of people get so up in arms about shit as the members over on that site. It's fucking ridiculous. And for some reason, it just reminded me of one time on a really old MGMT post someone called Andrew's ex a "Swedish whore". I am sure they were joking, but....okay. For a site that gets itself so up in arms at the slightest sign of "slut shaming", I am surprised no one dragged the shit out of the member. And uh, again, she isn't even Swedish. Still not quite sure why a whole bunch of people who call themselves big fans wouldn't know that she is Irish.

I also just thought about that Electronic Beats article where Andrew mentioned breaking up with his girlfriend right before a show back in 2010, and I imagine it was her. I don't know, something about that story doesn't sit right with me, especially the whole it was awful and dramatic part. Oh, and the whole take your girlfriend to a foreign country, go to dinner with her the night before, then break up with her the next day part. And right before he was about to go on stage and perform? Really, Andrew? Did your girl become obsolete and you needed to upgrade to a newer model? I hope he had a good fucking excuse to break up with someone like that, because if not, then that is just cruel. Or did he do something bad? I always hear about musicians being cheaters, and unfortunately, no matter how much I think the sun shines out of DAT FOOOOINE BONY ASS, he still is a young white American male with fame and money, so I probably shouldn't be too surprised. But I would hope it's not true. Or that he did something just as bad as cheating. If I ever find out he is an ass to his women, I will be really disappointed, because he seems like he was raised with a good head on his shoulders and to be respectful.

I think it's kind of a pathetic way for someone my age to think, especially about people I never met, but I do genuinely like this group and care about them. They seem like smart, likable, nice boys, albeit a bit awkward, which, if you ask me, makes them all the more endearing. And talented as hell. Even if you don't like their music, you cannot tell me they are not talented.

I finally got Popeye's tonight. And wouldn't you know my taste buds are off due to the monthly bitch? I also finally got a pumpkin pie Blizzard. Huzzah!*

*and I wonder why my digestive system is so bad. JFC.