Picture Of The Day

Take a BERRY Break (40 photos) » berry-break-17

Damn, an awful lot of people must dream about me then. And if you wake up in the middle of the night, is it because someone started dreaming of you?

Random Thoughts

Well, I woke up in the mood from hell today. I was up at 5:30AM and my mind grabbed a hold of a thought and wouldn't let go for anything and I got very agitated. Eventually at some point I finally fell back asleep. And when I woke up for good, holy shit. Right away I was focused on my head and neck pain. And because my mind can't accept that it could just be a simple neck strain/sprain, I spent a good portion of the day researching brain tumors. It's a wonder I have not managed to actually make myself physically ill from worrying so much about being physically ill. I wouldn't be surprised if I had a brain tumor from all of the worrying and repressing I do (cue brain tumor singing "I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor").

And being so anxious, I have been cranky and snippy as hell. I snapped quite a few times at people and now the guilt is about to suffocate me.

I also had bladder pressure when I woke up at 5:30, relieved it, and not even 5 minutes later, I had to go again. And my bladder felt very irritable after that. That didn't help. Then when I woke up for good, I had that vague burning pain in my lower left side and across my back. And have had it all day. I know I keep saying it and not doing it, but I am guessing I should probably just get that pelvic ultrasound done already. Which reminds me, I called another imaging place and I tell the girl on the phone that I have no insurance and she says "you have no insurance at all?". Wut? No, I am lying. I generally enjoy paying for expensive medical procedures out of pocket.

I am guessing places don't like to give out prices for fear of losing business. Well, that is not my problem. In the end, it is me who has to pay that expensive bill, not them, so hell yeah I am going to shop around. You'd have to be pretty fucking stupid not to do so.

Earlier, my former boss called and wants to me to call her on Tuesday. I wonder what that is about. Maybe a job call-back? Wouldn't that be something? Hell, I don't even care if it's part-time. Not that I want to work with those people again, but being unemployed blows.

And do you know what else blows? When icons just vanish into thin air from the Windows taskbar. I just noticed the Realtek Audio Manager icon was missing. So I ended the explorer.exe process. And then it occurred to me that uh, duh, I have to restart the process myself (I am used to the only time it closing is when it crashes, in which it automatically restarts itself). So opened up RUN, typed in explorer.exe, explorer.exe restarted and huzzah! The Realtek icon was back!

Random Thoughts

On Monday, I thought my neck pain was finally starting to go away. Not the case. It was back later on Tuesday. I want to scream. What in the hell did I do to myself that day? Is it just a simple strain or sprain? I don't know. I just know that it's making me miserable as hell, not so much the pain, but because I have no idea what is wrong. And for someone like me, that is a bad thing. A very bad thing. Because I can't just be like a normal person and think oh I wonder what it could be and then brush it off. No. Instead, I will spend too much time on Google trying to get an answer, I will read what it could possibly be, and then I will start worrying that it could be this or that until my anxiety levels reach nuclear levels. And then the compulsions will start.

Honestly, I guess it's a good thing I don't have medical right now.

And since this all started, I have really been wanting to do something I haven't done in a while- cut. But do you know why I haven't done it (and also why I stopped doing it in the first place, besides the threat of being hospitalized again)? Because I am so terrified of the cuts getting infected and winding up with sepsis or flesh eating disease or something similar.

I have been so damn depressed and I don't even know why. It's been an insufferable toxic environment in my head the past I don't even know how many days. You know that episode of Spongebob when Spongebob is pretending to be stupid for Patrick's parents and at one point he runs headfirst into the side of his house? Yeah. That is pretty much what I feel like doing. Man, that is a great episode. I love when Patrick's parents realize they don't have a son.

I can't believe Labor Day weekend is already this weekend. I think this is one of the first years I have ever said I don't want summer to end. Why, I don't know. It's not like I do anything spectacular, except go down the shore every so often. I always love fall, but I am just not excited about it this year. I'll take the cooler weather, that is about it.

Video/Quote Of The Day

From "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back":

Farnsworth: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. 
Leela: Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before.

Farnsworth: Oh, I've been there. Lots of times!

[He laughs maniacally.]

And I have to post the video as well; the Professor's laugh is too great to miss :

Video Of The Day

Not quite sure why I didn't make this VotD sooner, but.....here is MGMT's Letterman performance, with Andrew looking like Grandma Yetta:



I read this article on their performance yesterday and....wow, there are a lot of grumpasaurus rexes. I mean, of course I am going to think it was flawless regardless, so my opinion is pretty much invalid, but I wouldn't go as far as to say the performance was terrible. My only complaint was I had a hard time hearing the singing. And yeah maybe they weren't very enthusiastic, although I would hardly say Will wasn't enthusiastic. He certainly looked excited to be there. Some tweets didn't even make sense, like the one about them not playing the other two minutes of the song. It's a short song, only 2:06 minutes long, so....

There is a comment I want to go nitpick at. Hell, it's such an extremely small minute detail and I should just let it slide, but if you are going to call out someone else for not having their facts straight, at least get your own damn facts straight before you go off.

And Kristopher, you lay one finger on that flawless face....

I have saw pictures on Facebook of the set list for the latest two performances and....."Kids" has been on there. Man, the true "fans" must be losing their fucking minds. If they are going to start performing it again, then they really, REALLY need to perform in my area. I have also noticed that in the pictures from the past two performances, Andrew is wearing the same pair of pants. Now I will wear a pair of pants 2 to 3 times in a row. But I am also obsessive about being clean and if any of the rumors of Andrew having bad hygiene are true, then that is nasty. And is that black netted thing he is wearing at FYF a girl's shirt? Because it looks like a girl's shirt. And now really looking closely, is he wearing the same white shirt both days? JFC, Andrew! Again, I may wear a shirt 2 or 3 times before I toss it in the hamper, but, again I am obsessive about being clean. Also, I am not performing on a hot stage in the heat for several hours.

Also, all of this year, they have posted pictures from almost all of their performances. It really grinds my gears that they never posted any from Musikfest.

ETA 9/1: Christ, the video has already been removed? Geeze, Youtube!

Video Of The Day

LOL I love this commercial:

Random Thoughts

This neck pain needs to go away. Now I don't know whether it is a sprain or a strain, but I was reading about neck sprains and it was not very encouraging. Most symptoms will decrease in 4-6 weeks? Are you kidding me? It hasn't even been a week and I am already annoyed. I don't think I can take another 3 to 5 weeks of this pain. I like how some of the symptoms listed are irritability, fatigue, difficulty sleeping and difficulty concentrating. I have been extremely irritable, yes, between having my period and this pain. Also due to being exhausted from not sleeping due to not being able to sleep properly. No matter how I lay, it irritates my neck even more.

I don't know why, but every time I manage to injure something, I get incredibly irritable and sullen. It's like my body being injured somehow personally offends me or something.

I still cannot figure out how I could have possibly strained/sprained my neck from having a panic attack. But it had to be from that, because not long after it happened, I started having pain. And I don't want to do anything wrong with getting this to heal and mess up my neck. I already screwed up by not icing it in the beginning. Wish I would have spent a little more time Googling neck sprain or strain instead of meningitis and West Nile virus. Cripes, if someone needed solid evidence that I could very well be a hypochondriac, I would print out my entire Google search history.

I was reading an article on Cracked earlier about horrible people and one of the listed was perfectly able bodied people parking in handicapped spots. And while I certainly agree it isn't right, especially when some of the sights I see parking in them, the argument is a little tiresome. Clearly people are still going to be assholes and do it. And if anything is offensive when it comes to handicapped parking, it's when I see a car parked crookedly and on the lines where a wheelchair lift or ramp can come out. THAT is offensive. How is someone in a wheelchair supposed to get out if a car is parked in the lines? And most of the time it is done by some enormous boat driven by some fossil that probably has no business on the road in the first place.

And speaking of taking up closer parking spots, I won't even get started on those stupid "mother with small children" spots. Give me a fucking break.

I thought about watching them, but I decided against watching the MTV Music Awards this year. No MGMT, no Of Monsters and Men, no fucks given. I was far more interested in watching the Futurama marathon and listening to the New Music Show, which featured "Your Life is a Lie" again. I did receive a text message at one point from my sister, who was watching it, telling me to put it on and see Miley Cyrus. I just can't even muster enough energy to rip into that mess. Plus, if I spend time talking about it, then I am giving her exactly what she wants- attention. All I can say is that girl is repulsive on so many levels. She has a wicked case of the try hards. It actually personally offends me that she is more popular than my favorite bands.

My sister and brother-in-law were stanning for Bruno Mars earlier. Ugh, I do not get the big deal with him. I think he is talented, but his music.....you can have it. I was forced to listen to the CD one day when I was in the car with them and I wanted to jump out so bad. His music always reminds me of doo-wop, which I grew up listening to and actually still liked....until a few years ago. Now every time I listen to it, I want to stab my eardrums. So maybe once upon a time I would have liked his music. Well, there was that one I did like a couple years ago, "The Other Side".

It's weird how music taste can change. Like I used to love listening to Billy Joel, but now his music seriously annoys me.

The weather has been really nice the past couple days and now it's going to get warm again. And there is talk of possible severe weather on Tuesday and/or Wednesday. Yay. Can we please be done with the severe weather? I know last year we had two instances in September of moderate risk severe weather days. Also, I think that one tornado warning last year was in September as well. It would be nice if either of those didn't happen again. However, now it's time to worry about hurricanes, tropical storms, frankenstorms, etc. Damn, it's a shame no one decided to officially call Sandy Frankenstorm Sandy instead of Superstorm Sandy.

Goddammit, I dread going to sleep tonight.

Quote Of The Day

From "Luck Of The Fryish", when Fry's mother gives birth to him: 

[The doctor lifts up a baby and it cries.]

Doctor: It's a boy. And look at that red hair!

Mr. Fry: You sayin' my son's a commie?

Commentator: [on radio] And Grote leans into the pitch. It hits him! The Mets win!

[Mrs. Fry cheers.]

Mrs. Fry: This is the happiest day of my life!

[The doctor puts the baby on her lap.]

Doctor: Here's your baby, ma'am

Mrs. Fry: Yeah, OK, thanks.

I love her lack of enthusiasm at having just giving birth. And speaking of Fry and his mother, that one new episode "Game Of Tones", I enjoyed. I actually cried at the end.

Video Of The Day

I like this song.....but it reminds me of the "Macarena":

Random Thoughts

I am starting to really feel shitty after that fight the other day. I don't feel bad about anything I said; I just feel bad about fighting in general. The worst thing I said was I told my mother she sucks to talk to. She told me she doesn't want to tell me what I am. That has been bothering me. What DOES she think I am? And the fact that she came at me not once, not twice, but three or more times.....that really upset me. My trust in people, including family, is extremely thin right now. This just put a giant crack in it. It is going to eat at me for a long time.

After crying enough tears to fill a small swimming pool before going to bed on Tuesday night, I woke up on Wednesday, hopped on my bike, and put Pitbulls and Parolees on (yeah, for reality, it's actually a really good show) and right when I put it on, they were putting this beautiful white pit down because she was so riddled with cancer. I didn't think it was possible for me to cry anymore, but oh did I. I had so many tears pouring down my face, it was ridiculous.

And my neck is still bothering me. Assuming it is from when I had a panic attack, I don't know the hell I did, but I really strained something. All I know is I was physically shaking and crying really bad during and after the fight, I went into my bedroom, sat down on my head and just really let loose in crying. And then I started to hyperventilate and I was rocking back and forth and trying to get myself under control. Don't know what I did during that time to strain something. It seems to ease up once I take Advil and put some heat on it. But then I go to bed and wake up with increased pain all over again. The pain is more intense when I try to move my head to the left. My anxiety levels have been sky high the past 2 days with thoughts of what else it could be causing the neck pain. And add that into feeling really lousy from fighting and I am just a wreck. 

After the fight, I went to the store with my sister and I was able to return the probiotics without a problem. I am so disappointed; I really wanted them to work. Now it's back to the old reliables.

So I checked on this MGMT status that some kid had posted a sarcastic comment on and everyone was losing their fucking minds over it. If it wasn't obvious that the kid was being sarcastic, then damn, folks. And the kid even admitted he was sarcastic and people were still losing their minds over it. Clearly, when you are a true MGMT fan, you are also illiterate. And I have been waiting for it and finally that dumbass I talked about before left a comment (by the way, his last name is Weber). I swear, if that kid makes one more "you are to mainstream" (sic) comment, I am going to hunt him down and put my foot up his ass. That boy needs to take a seat forever.

I like when I go on their Twitter page and whenever they post something, someone, usually a tween girl, will just post "I LOVE YOU". Yeah, you're following them, I would hope you do. Ugh. And then the ones whose user names end with one of their last names is just creepy.  Have I ever combined my name with Andrew's last name? Of course I have. I couldn't call myself a proper stan without doing so. But it was just for the fun of it. I said it in my head. I would never write it down or say it out loud or anything. And it actually has a pretty nice ring to it, if I do say so myself.

Their performance on Letterman was good, although I think Andrew could have sang a little louder. I thought his glasses were pretty funny. I wonder if he still isn't allowed to play the guitar yet or what. I read an article yesterday reviewing the new album and damn, Andrew looks good in the picture. But I am not sure why people are saying he hasn't aged. He certainly has. I am not saying he looks like an old man or anything, but he definitely does not have as much as the baby face he used to have. No way. You can't look at this picture from back in the day and tell me with a straight face that he still has the same exact face and hasn't aged at all. But whatever, I'd hit it no matter what. Even if one day he woke up and decided man, I have decided I want to become a women, I'd still hit it. Man, I can't wait until that album comes out. Also, whatever happened to them announcing new US tour dates? I thought they were supposed to do that last month. And why do I have the feeling I am never going to get to see them live again?

Video Of The Day

From "Halloween On Spooner Street":

Quote Of The Day

From "Neutopia", after everyone's genders are reversed:

Hattie: Now I got a what-ya-call-it instead of a kajigger, you stupid what-ya-call-it! 

I love Hattie and her nonsensical words for things.

FML Part 6

I got into a pretty heated argument with my mother earlier. Once again over how I am sick and tired of her comparing my problems to hers. She claims she does not. She's a fucking liar. And three or four times she came after me and I grabbed her arms and held her back. I probably could have easily have knocked my mother out and while it was extremely tempting, of course I did not.

Many times when I get pissed off, the amount of anger that runs through me terrifies the hell out of me. Sometimes I want to laugh thinking how people assume I am this timid little chicken and how much I would surprise them if they pissed me off enough, even though it is not funny at all. I would never go after someone unprovoked, but if someone were to try to harm me or something, I am a little afraid of what kind of damage I could do.

I feel like my mother stopped short of telling me she despises me. My sister says she doesn't, and that she worries about me all of the time, but you wouldn't know it after the argument. After we stopped screaming at each other, I ended up having a panic attack and I think I seriously strained something in my neck. It hurts really bad. Of course, now I am worried it had nothing to do with that and that it is actually meningitis. Although honestly, right now, I would welcome meningitis to kill me. I would like nothing more than to go to bed and not wake up ever again.

My FWA was whining on Facebook that why is it called morning sickness when you have it all day wah wah wah. As if she never needed enough excuses to leave work early before; now she'll probably use her pregnancy as an excuse to leave early constantly. Listening to women who choose to get pregnant whine about their symptoms is like someone drinking a bottle of vodka and then whining because they are drunk. Or someone eating every single item at a six course meal and then whining because they are full. And then everyone started in with the comments about this old wives tale and that old wives tale and oh she'll make such a great mother and other vomit-inducing drivel. She still doesn't even have a properly functioning car! The thing breaks down half of the time she drives! Priorities! She doesn't have em! JFC, my period needs to come. ASAP.

8:20PM: Neck still hurts, I'm nauseous. My brain is taking advantage of that, and add in the multiple mosquito bites I received the other day....now I am worried I have West Nile fever. The meningitis fear is still lurking as well. I've been analyzing every spot on my body for petechiae or purpura. I've been constantly taking my temperature (no fever). Something needs to be done about this. I need to get that advance directive completed before I completely lose my mind. And I think I have reached the point that I do not need a clinician to tell me I have hypochondriasis.

Good god. I wish I had some vodka.

9:01PM: Finally resorted to taking a single Tylenol PM to maybe knock me out for a little bit, or at least calm me down.

10:15PM: Pill has done NOTHING. I feel like scratching my skin off.

Quote Of The Day

From one of Adult Swim's commercial thingies, apparently some computer was created in Scotland that produces sexist jokes or something:

I like my men like I like my acorns.....buried

I laughed way too hard at that. It's not the first time nor will it be the last time I laughed at something inappropriate. One time I read this story in the NY Daily News about this blind guy who had his tandem bike stolen and there was a part where it said the police told him "the truth is you will never see this bike again". I guffawed. And then I felt really bad.

Random Thoughts

After my 11:30 snack, my back turned red and itchy. I wonder if I am allergic to something, which is making me really anxious and now I feel itchy from head to toe.

And speaking of itching, I went outside earlier because I was going nuts being in the house and within a few minutes, I was bitten about 5 times. So I [angrily] went back inside. And while I was in the bathroom, I happened to look at the back of my right calf and there was a HUGE bite right at the top of  the Achilles tendon area. It had to be at least 2 inches wide and 1.5 inches in height. It was disgusting. I wanted to throw up when I saw it.

And speaking of gross things, I had a big blister on the top of my foot the other day. And even though I know it's a really bad thing to do, I couldn't resist- I pressed on it. Son of a bitch squirted water everywhere. Then the skin came off. I have been keeping it clean with alcohol (holy mother of God does that hurt to pour on! But it's the only thing I trust) and Neosporin, but I am really anxious that it will get infected. And earlier it was hurting and I said something and my mother says "don't start". My family will never get OCD, hypochondriosis, whichever it is.

I did find out that I can return those probiotics, even though they are opened. I really hope they are what is causing this bloating and that it will go away when I go off of them. I haven't felt this fat and miserable since I was on birth control. And I am wondering if by chance, they have something to do with the itching. Sure, allergic reactions can spring up overnight, but it's weird that this started after the pills. Note to future self- the next time you consider changing probiotics, do not. Just stick with the Spring Valley acidophilus.

The weather has been great the past week. And now it's going to get hot again. I think it will only last a few days, but I want this nice weather to stick around. Forever.

I was reading about different hurricanes last night and one article said that Hurricane Sandy was the second costliest hurricane in US history. And it made me wonder- she did so much damage and this was without the tornadoes hurricanes and tropical storms can spawn. I think I remember reading that if it was not for the cold weather and low/limited instability, the tornado threat would have been huge. How much more damage would Sandy have done if she had spawned tornadoes? Would we have surpassed Katrina in damage costs? I hate to think about it.

I am dreading one night that the news will report a hurricane hitting us. All that damage last year. I was just down Seaside this past weekend and so much of it is back. The whole boardwalk is pretty much back, minus piers, some of the bathrooms, and the ski lift. And still nothing on whether the Beach Bar is going to be rebuilt. I hope it is; I liked that place. The food was good. The Beachcomber has good food, but I liked the food at the Beach Bar better. Saturday we ate somewhere else and the food.....meh. Probably won't eat there again.

I wasn't particularly happy about going down. It was a nice day, but I kind of had my fill of shore food and cheese in general for a little bit. Not to mention on our way down, my father starts to make a left hand turn while a car is coming, my mom yells at him, and he says "I have the right away!". Uh, no you do not. My mom kept yelling at him and finally he admits that he was wrong. And then still can't accept he was completely at fault and says "oh well the other cars were slowing down!". That's not the point, old man! My father is turning into a goddamn road hazard.

Okay. I have been to Wildhood and Seaside three times each. Now maybe I can finally get to Ocean City, goddamn it! I want Manco and Manco pizza! Plus, I always get Dairy Queen when I am there. I can get DQ at Wildhood as well, but I am a huge fan of Hassles Ice Cream Parlor and I'd rather have that. Not that I can't get DQ at the mall, but I try to avoid that mall as much as possible.

And last but not least, my boys are going to be on Letterman this week! Thursday, I think. Yay!

The Awesome Of The Day

My local alt rock radio station is going to play new MGMT on their new music show! Finally! Something other than "Kids" and "Time To Pretend"! I'm so excited I could pee!

10:30PM: WTF? Are they going to play it at 10:57PM or something? Then again.....why not save the best for last?

10:39PM: *shaking and crying* FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I want to go watch the video. I like the part with the singing skeletons. And the creepy guy in the Hawaiian shirt eating a banana. And the poster with puppy Ben and Andrew (LOL- nice name and contact number there, boys). And the old creepy guy in the pink dress. And the singing dolphin. And the fetus that reminds me of Look Who's Talking. And when Andrew has the blue shirt on with white polka dots and flowers. Damn, he looks good in that part. I like his hair pretty much any way (except the times it was really short and DEM CURLS were practically nonexistent), but it's perfect there. Dammit, I just love the whole bizarre ass video.

Quote Of The Day

From "Francine's Flashback":

Roger: Woah! Somebody had a big piece of grouchy pie this morning!

Yeah. Me. I had an entire fricking pie! Also, this quote:

Hayley: Dad, I've never seen this side of you. It's so sweet! 
Stan: Yeah, well if you tell anyone I'll kill you. (both laugh) I'm serious, I will kill you. I will reach into your chest, pull out your beating heart and eat it. EVERY LAST BIT! Well, sweet dreams, angel.

The Awesome Of The Day

LESS THAN A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I just discovered I can embed tweets!!

One month until our album come out! "MGMT" Sept. 17th, pre-order today! http://t.co/1m3ZzjfIx5
— MGMTMGMT (@whoisMGMT) August 17, 2013

*comes. But nevermind that.

And no, I have not pre-ordered the album. Honey, please. I don't want a damn digital copy of it. I will be at a store on September 17th purchasing a hard copy of it. That is, if any stores in my area decide to sell it. Hell, if it were up to me, I would buy a tent and camp outside the store selling it the cheapest several days in advance, like those assholes do on Black Friday.

And no matter how much I love them, of course I am going to purchase the album at the cheapest price possible. What do I look like? I am made of money?

Article Of The Day

hey girl

I need something like this. Except I need one that swaps shitty pictures with random pictures of Andrew. OH GOD YES. I would never see the light of day again. Or I would....eventually. With one arm greatly increased in muscle, like Quagmire when he first discovers internet porn.

A word of warning- if you are a prude, do not Google image "quagmire and internet porn". I shouldn't have expected any less, but good lord, my virgin eyes!

Speaking of which, I really want to know how tall Andrew is. Why, I do not know. Sometimes I need to just know minute things about people. And sometimes information just comes along, like when Andrew lost his virginity. Of course I wondered about it, but I didn't need to particularly know it. But anyway, I have heard he is like 5'10. But I saw a picture of him at some music thing and he is standing in front of John Mayer and John Mayer looks like Godzilla compared to him. Mayer is supposedly 6'3. And Andrew even looks shorter than John Legend, who is supposedly 5'9. I have a hard time believing he could be 5'10, with as short as he looks compared to the two Johns. He looks so teeny! And I can't give a guess how tall he looked at Musikfest, since I was about 43 miles away from the stage. Okay, I wasn't that far, but if it's not front row seats, it's not close enough. Guess I won't know how tall he is unless I meet him!

Song Of The Day

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot:

The WTF Of The Day

The Little Monsters Are Sucking Craigslist Peen To Meet Their Mother Monster

Damn, I really need to step up my fangirl game.

Random Thoughts

So it's been over a week and I guess it's safe to say I did not have diverticulitis. I am still bloated as anything, though. Like birth control bloating, if not worse. I feel so fat and miserable, I want to tear my hair out. I look like I am fucking pregnant! And I think I may be able to get a refund for the pills, so I have to decide whether to return them. I probably should, since I feel so miserable.

And speaking of disease fears, it seems like the Addison's fear has been in dormancy for quite some time. Will it ever go away? Unlikely. That fear tore such a deep hole in my soul that I don't think anything, even a perfect ACTH stimulation test, will ever make it go away.

I just got back from Wildhood a few days ago. It was a nice couple days, for the most part. Minus the ignorant ass people. Look, I know Wildhood is not exactly the epitome of classy shore resorts, but I have never been around so many rude people down there in all of the years I have been going. I was appalled. And they were either ghetto ass people or foreigners.

One night I was coming down the steps at the motel and there were two guys sitting at the bottom and when I walked by, I heard one of them say "oh this is a good spot to sit". Now I don't definitely know if he was making a reference to enjoying my rear-end or what, but the kid was like 15. I wanted to turn and say to him, honey, please; I know I supposedly look young for my age, but I am going to be 30 years old in a couple months, so dream on.

And speaking of big rear-ends, I felt like such a cow at the pool. Even though 95% of the people there were significantly bigger than me. I am normal body weight; why do I still have to feel fat? There was even a Tan Mom doppelganger there. Bleached hair, extreme faux tan, saggy body and big belly, and wearing a teeny string bikini. She was nasty. I don't know how her daughter walked with her. I told my mother if she looked like that, I would pretend not to know her.  

My brother-in-law and my father came down one of those days and as usual, the former was a pain in the ass. Not friendly, trying to control everything, talking to my sister like she is stupid. Hell, even my sister was pissed with him. She told me she wishes he didn't even bother coming down. At some point, he made a snide comment to me and I told my sister about it later. She was not happy. I totally would have loved to have told her the millions of other snide comments he has made.

And the boy has absolutely no patience with my nephew. It's ridiculous. It's pretty bad that I, the person who loathes children, have more patience with the baby than his own father. Clearly he is one of those idiots who doesn't realize how much raising a child involves. Why are so many people clueless to this? You are taking care and raising a whole other human being. A human who has no idea what to do for themselves for a while. What do people expect?

And one night when we were all in bed, my sister was playing on her phone and makes some comment that oh I am going to love this news and hands me her phone. My FWA's boyfriend, who graduated with my sister, posted on Facebook that he is going to be a father. My FWA is pregnant. The idea of that dumb white trash bitch being a mother is terrifying. Plus, for someone who has claimed to have miscarriages in the past, she is an awful big rush to announce it.

Oh well. Guess her boyfriend will definitely stick around now. *eye roll*

I have been debating whether to send her a congratulations or not. She couldn't have the decency to congratulate me on becoming an aunt or to at least tell me to tell my sister congratulations when I told her that my sister was pregnant after I posted something about her baby shower and she replied with "your sister is pregnant?". This was more than two months after I announced it on Facebook. She tells me she loves looking at the pictures I post, but does she "like" any? Does she comment on any? No. Sure, doing neither of the two doesn't mean anything, but frankly, I think 98% of the shit that comes out of her mouth is lies. I've caught her in quite a few before. I really don't want to wish her a congratulations. But then if I run into her (I ran into her in June) or God forbid, I get invited to her baby shower at work, if one is thrown, it would be awkward.

Ugh. That baby shower. I swear, I never thought I could hate extended family anymore than I already did. Then my sister's baby shower happened. Damn assholes. Also, I was thinking earlier how idiot mombies can't grasp the idea of someone not wanting to be a mother. Well, everytime someone tells me they want a baby, I want to ask them why. I'll pass, thank you.

And now I can't stop laughing thinking of all of the times she thought girls were after her boyfriend. He's like 300 plus pounds! Hardly anyone is going to be knocking down the door to get him! And if it ever crossed her mind that I would go after him, I would slap her across the face and then I would laugh until I choked to death. And then I would beg Satan or God (wherever I end up) to send me back to earth so I can laugh until I choke to death again.

Ugh

Lisa Robin Kelly Has Died

Aw, I loved her on That 70's Show. Her character was one of the best parts of the show. The faces and snide comments she made were priceless. And then to die while in the midst of getting clean is just ridiculously horrible. These deaths the past 2 days are depressing. I loathe any of the Bachelor or Bachelorette shows, but the suspected suicide of that former Bachelor contestant made me sad.

On another note, I wish someone on ONTD would stop saying that Pretty Little Liars needs more Shay (Mitchell, aka Emily). Every fucking post. Dear God no! If she learns to act, then I will say maybe. Otherwise, hell no. I was so annoyed with her the last episode I watched. In addition to her terrible acting, her girlfriend, Paige, throws her this nice surprise party and Emily breaks up with her there. Now maybe Paige is part of A, I don't know. But Lindsey Shaw will always be Moze to me. Man, I miss that ridiculous show. I also have to say, I was extremely disappointed that Jenna didn't die. I thought for sure that bitch was a goner, but no such luck. Shana needs to GTFO also.

The WTF Of The Day

The 23 Worst Possible Ideas for Adult Films

Well, at least I managed to learn how to visibly read some Braille. Cool, I guess?

The WTF Of The Day

Tastykake | Other

So they did stop making the angel food cakes. Boo. I am full of sads now.

Frequency of Storms in Atlantic to Surge

Oh.

And really, Accuweather? "If we can get at least 2 more storms by the end of August that will put us on track to a very active season"? Are you WISHING for more storms??

Quote Of The Day

From "Insane in the Mainframe":

Leela: You did it, Fry.
Bender: Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race.
Fry: [mechanical voice] It was nothing. I-- [He sees his bleeding arm and screams. His wipes some onto his finger and looks at it.] [normal] Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a, a--
Zoidberg: A squid?
Fry: A human! Oh, my God! I'm a human!
Zoidberg: Also good.

JFC Enough With This

I have often wondered if in addition to having OCD, if I am also a hypochondriac. I am no professional, of course, but I would say I probably am. The only thing I know for sure is I loathe whatever I have that makes me fearful of my health, more than any other mental disorder.

I started those new probiotics last Friday and up until Wednesday, I had not noticed any difference. Wednesday it seemed like maybe they were finally started to show their effects. And then later on, I had went to Cracker Barrel for dinner. And something did not agree with me. And after that, my stomach started to feel really lousy and bloated. It's very rare for me to feel worse after my digestive system decides to finally work. If anything, I always feel fabulous.

When I woke up early on Thursday morning, my stomach still wasn't feel too hot. And I was feeling crampy. And all Thursday I felt crampy, nauseous, and bloated. And every so often my lower left side would hurt, like something was pulling. Well, now I have my nerves in an uproar that I have diverticulitis. I have never even been diagnosed with diverticulosis, but 1) I have never been properly tested for anything, so that does not rule anything out and 2) duh, we're talking about me here. There is no such thing as reasoning when it comes to this shit.

And once the idea of possibly having an ailment gets through, not long after a whole flood of anxieties will follow suit. I am not only worried that I have diverticulitis, but also that it will get bad enough to get infected, perforate the intestinal wall, and lead to a systemic infection and.....well, I am sure you can guess where I am going with this.

Fuck.

And if it's not diverticulitis, I am sure my mind could pull a host of other things. Endometriosis of the bowels, for one. Endometriosis is scary enough when you read about it. All of the different areas it can spread to. When it infiltrates your bowels, holy shit, then it gets really terrifying. And then when you read that it can actually fuse organs together

And when I want to try to attempt to think positively, then it could just be normal IBS symptoms and/or a reaction to the new probiotics. I didn't have much of a reaction to the last ones I had taken, the 20 billion ones. But as high as the CFU count was, they only had 2 strains of bacteria in them, one of which my body was already somewhat used to. These new ones may not be as strong, but they have a lot more strains of bacteria, several of which I have never taken, or were taken a long time ago when I first started taking probiotics and used Accuflora. If it's only my digestive system adjusting to the probiotics, then I can ride it out with no problem. If I made it through the first Herx reaction, I can do it again. Unfortunately, I will have to wait and see.

Random Thoughts

I was going through my daily gossip site pages earlier and I came across an article about John Stamos taking a young woman to Disneyland. The girl had contracted meningococcemia and lost all of her limbs. I haven't gotten anxious over meningococcemia in a while, but reading about it has reeled it back into my life. I get so fearful that one day I am going to contract something like that, lose consciousness, and someone is going to go against my wishes of not amputating anything. An advance directive may ease some of the anxiety, but I still wouldn't feel completely at ease. I have made it clear to my family that if something like that happened to me to NOT, under absolutely any circumstances, allow any amputations. Whether they would actually follow through on my wishes, I don't know. And I don't like that uncertainty.

And speaking of uncertainty, I am annoyed with how lousy I have been feeling. And this fear coming back into the picture is not helping matters. I wake up every day feeling exhausted and like I am hungover. And I have been sleeping okay. It's just been taking me forever to fall asleep because my head just runs and runs and runs. And I have been having some weird dreams. Can't remember most of them, but I do remember having a dream one night I was hospitalized with Amanda Bynes. Whatever that was about. The stranger part is, it's not the first time I have dreamt of being hospitalized in a psych hospital with a celebrity, either.

And during the day, I just feel lousy overall. My head feels strange and I get random pains in different spots throughout the day. The pressure in my ears constantly fluctuates (especially in the left). I keep feeling like someone is blowing in my left ear. Every time I cry, I get so stuffed up I can't breathe. I imagines it has to do with my allergies/sinuses. But nothing in my area is high.

I just read some article over on ONTD about some ugly ass old bitch who says any woman who is happy to not have children is a liar. O rly? You know what? I am getting REALLY tired of these miserable ass bitches- probably mostly all women who hated that they took on the role of motherhood- saying that child-free people are selfish, miserable, etc. I just do not understand why it is such a big fucking deal to choose to not have kids.

JFC, if it's that big of a deal for someone to shit out a kid, then fine, I'll do it. And since I'd make a lousy mother, and assuming I do not have endometriosis, I am probably fertile as a cockroach. So not only will I reproduce, I won't stop at one. I will pop out a whole bunch. And I will go on welfare. But who gives a shit? I fulfilled my biological duty, right????

Ew, I just saw a picture of two cockroaches doing the nasty. And I am trying not to laugh.

Video Of The Day

Yes, American Dad introduced me to this song; man, that is a great episode:



I wonder why this video is so short. The version I have on iTunes is over 8 minutes long and I swear, it feels like time flies when I listen to it. I start it and before I know it, it's already over.

Song Of The Day

I have no idea why I love this song so much; all I know is I loved it even more when I heard it on Futurama:

The Awesome/Video Of The Day

*sniffs* I can't believe it's been one year already since I saw them live! And today is a frigging gorgeous day! Sunny, kind of on the chilly side. Like a perfect fall day. Oh, sure, Peter Frampton gets a nice night! He has only been performing for over 150 years! ARGH!!*

*for the record, I have nothing against Peter Frampton

And now......

See more on Know Your Meme

ETA 5:03PM: Showed it to Mom. Her response- "they're weird". She thinks that is weird? I guess I'll have to show her the video for "Flash Delirium" one day.

Song Of The Day

"And we are far from home, but we're so happy".....yeah:

The [Awesome] Tweet Of The Day

Twitter / whoisMGMT: GLOBAL WARNING THREAT LEVEL ...

And I don't know who performed at Musikfest tonight, but tonight was everything I wanted the weather to be like for my trip to Musikfest, so whoever you are, you suck!

What Is The Big Idea????

The 40 Most Anticipated Albums For The Rest of 2013

No MGMT? IMMENSE FAIL

Also, I thought they were supposed to announce US tour dates for November and December last month. LIARS. And screw you, One Republic, for having a beautiful night!

Random Thoughts

Wow, I don't know what is going on with me this week, but I feel like shit. I pretty much assumed it was just due to the change in weather, since it's been somewhat cooler. My throat feels sore, I'm achy (my shoulder joints have especially been sore), I can't concentrate. I go to bed exhausted yet I am still having trouble falling asleep. And despite having been sleeping pretty well otherwise, I wake up and I feel so exhausted. And when I finally get out of bed and go into the bathroom, I look like shit. My eyelids have been so swollen. And I have felt so damn depressed, which I am not sure if I just feel depressed in general, depressed due to feeling so shitty, or a mixture of both.

I started a new batch of probiotics tonight. They are 5 billion CFUs and contain about 8 different strains. I would like for them to work better than my usual pills, but I'm not getting my hopes up. It would be nice, especially since I woke up extremely bloated. Dammit, if there is one vegetable I love more than anything in the world, it is corn. I love corn, especially corn on the cob. And it has to be one of the worst bloaters. Most people I know bitch that corn makes them go to the bathroom. Not me. It does the exact opposite. Then again, there aren't many things that don't constipate me.

I couldn't sleep the other night and I ended up watching the last 10 minutes of some documentary on opiate addicts. And it was showing all of these babies in the NICU who had been exposed to opiates in the womb and were all addicted to the shit. One poor baby had to have drops of morphine in his bottle to help with the withdrawal symptoms. And the doctors and nurses were talking about how it would be awhile before any effects of the drugs would be apparent. And to tell you the truth, the morphine bottle baby already didn't look right. It made me so mad. And yet child-free people are selfish for not wanting to have children? What, it's okay because at least these people are fulfilling their biological duty? Fuck that. It's selfish, pure and simple. My decision isn't going to ruin anyone's life. That is what I am trying to prevent from happening. Shit, any potential offspring sitting in my ovaries should be thanking their lucky stars I am not turning them into human beings. JFC, that is a horrifying thought.

And finally, since it was the first night, my requisite Musikfest comment- why does Carly Rae Jepsen deserve such a nice night?! Ugh!

OMG

If you ever wonder why no matter how much I complain about it, I still return to ONTD, here is a perfect example; I'm laughing so hard at the comments, I am crying:

Oh No They Didn't! - Katy Perry farts in front of Robert Pattinson therefore she's 'not dating him'

Quote Of The Day

From "The Sting":

Leela: Are you saying I'm going crazy?
Farnsworth: No, no! No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.