Random Thoughts

Happy [belated] Easter!

I have been a bit busy for the past few days. Haven't felt much like coming on and I also had a two day babysitting shinding. Fairly simple, although I was told the kid was pretty self-sufficient and I figured, great, I can read my books and keep an eye on him. Pretty easy. Unfortunately, he demanded I do stuff with him. Really, though I didn't mind because I am cool with playing with Legos and video games and all that. Kid told me I need to join a soccer league after playing some game he created called goalie with him.

I have mentioned before that there are many times I react inappropriately to things or find things that aren't really that funny. Whether that is all part of being human or just due to my sick mind, well that I can't answer. I saw Sunshine Cleaning on Thursday with my sister and at the part with the kid's birthday, when the waiters come out singing, the first thing that came into my mind was, what is the sound of one hand clapping? and I started to laugh (not loud, of course; I behave in the movie theaters) and then it turned into one of those laughs where tears are pouring down my face and I can't breathe and I had to put my head in between my legs just to keep quiet. I don't know why I found it so funny. I think it was lack of sleep. I tried to think of things that wouldn't make me laugh, but instead I thought of the part in Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the movie) when she tells the one-armed vampire to clap. That didn't help. At all. Just made me laugh harder.

I had a nice Easter. Was up at the ass crack of dawn (for me, that is; was jolted awake after having yet another tornado nightmare....more on that later), was going to go for a long walk but ended up riding my stationary bike instead for an hour, then went down Wildhood for the day. Got the Sam's pizza I have been craving since last fall. Walked around, though not much was open. Went to dinner on the way home and then came back and hung out.

Now about tornados....since I have been little, one of my greatest fears in life are tornados. Any time spring starts to roll around, I get that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that tornado watches and warnings are in the near future. Whenever we actually get one, I get sick to my stomach and terrified out of my mind. A couple weekends ago, one hit not far from me in Pennsylvania and the houses that were destroyed in it were very similar to the house I live in. It was not even that powerful of a tornado, probably an F0 or the low end of an F1, and it just picked the houses up off the ground and tossed them. Since seeing that, I have been really anxious over it. Even writing this right now, I can feel my stomach going into knots at the thought of it.

In new news, I am going to complain about the thing that usually makes me complain- weight. It really is frustrating. Why can't someone create something that tells you how many calories you burn a day? Oh sure you can find tons of calculators on the internet, but I have to wonder how reliable they are. Entering in my info, how can one say that my basal metabolic rate is roughly the same as another 25 years old 5'3 female that weighs 155 pounds? There is the varying degrees of calorie intake. There is the matter of determining what exactly is my activity level. Here are some of the levels of calorie intake I get:

Daily Plate- 1391 (if I am considered lightly active)
Free Diet Blog- 1649
Prevention- 1690 to maintain
Spark People- 1200 to 1550
Calorie Count- 1200 to 1250
Mayo Clinic- 2000 to maintain
WebMD- 1200 to 1438
Hpathy- 1301 to 1551
Diet Blog- 1237 to 1443
My Fitness Pal- 1220 to 1270 (this is in net calories)

I have also gotten advice to take in 10 times your goal weight. Which would put me roughly into the right range- 1200 to 1250. There are so many conflicting articles on the internet I want to scream. If I were to eat a 1250 calorie diet, do I simply do that along with exercising? Or say I burn off 200 calories; do I eat back that 200 calories; therefore, really eating 1450? Or I just stay at the 1250 I ate and end the day at 1050? But then that puts me below 1200, which supposedly is not good. But if my BMR is 1400 and if it is figured that BMR+ calories burned in activity, which would come to 1600, 1050 from 1600 would put me at the calorie deficit to lose a pound. But then I am below the 1200 mark. But to lose weight you are supposed to burn more than you take in, so what the hell is the difference? Then there is a tool on Calorie Count that takes into consideration exercising and it says I burn 1800 in a typical day, which would put 1200 to 1300 calories as a 500 to 600 calorie deficit. Good God, I am so confused right now, I could scream.

As of lately, I have been averaging around 1300 (although Easter was more like 13,000). I have no idea whether to move up to 1400 or to move down to 1200/1250. I am afraid to move up for fear of gaining weight. I don't want to move down if I need to eat more. If ending the day below 1200 is what is keeping weight on me, then it is obvious what the answer is. But I don't know. And I want to tear my hair out.

At the end of 7th grade, I went on a diet. I was about what I weigh now. I cut down and got down to about 114 pounds. My calorie intake was low, probably about 1100 calories a day and I exercised for about 20 minutes a day. Even with that harsh of a restriction of calories, I still lose roughly 1 to 2 pounds a week. I didn't lose like crazy. Some weeks I didn't even lose. Maybe my calorie intake is really low. I don't know the answer to that either. I would really prefer to not ever lower to that extreme of a level of calories again, though.

Maybe for a week or so, I should do this- on days I exercise, I eat about 1300 to 1400. I have cut back on exercising to 5 days from 7 and on those 2 days, I eat 1200 to 1250. Do that whole zig zag thing everyone preaches about.

Speaking of confusion....my damn taxes still have not been done.