Random Thoughts

Man, it is BRUTAL outside. It's about 14 degrees Fahrenheit with a real feel of about -1. YUCK. And it's supposed to be pretty brutal this whole week. HOW EXCITING.

And to make the week more exciting, the catty one who used to work at my place is coming in tomorrow for lunch. And everyone will fawn all over like she is some fucking princess. It just astonishes me. And for some reason unknown to me, the one who plays on her phone all the time is going to be in the office all week instead of on the road. How exciting. A whole week of watching her play on her phone and when she isn't doing that, she'll either be talking or spending all of her time on the Facebook page of some place called Enchanted Farms. Or something other than work. This past Friday I watched her spend most of the day on Excel working on her household budget. A couple Fridays ago, her shift was over at 12:30. She stayed until 2. And what did she do that whole time? Spent her time on this Enchanted Farms page. The whole hour and a half. A whole hour and a half of OVERTIME and she didn't even fucking work.

I don't want to lose my job right now, but I would love to see us get shut down just so I can see how everyone else would survive having to work somewhere else. Especially this bitch and my FWA. But then again, lousy workers are always rewarded so they'd probably do just fine. My FWA would create some woe is me sob story (and now she has a baby to use to her advantage!) and everyone will feel sorry for her and cater to her just like the morons at this place do.

And speaking of her, she was a half hour late to work on Friday. Because she got into a fight with her boyfriend's mother. And just as I expected, I had to hear the WHOLE goddamn story later. I can't even begin to describe how badly I wanted to scream I DON'T CARE, OH MY FUCKING GOD I DON'T CARE. Especially because I was already annoyed that a conversation about having bad PMS and being unable to tolerate birth control and having bad cramps every month turned into having to hear about her fucking labor and water breaking again (I guess the fact that I said my cramps primarily affect my back reminded her that she had back labor so she figured it was her chance to turn the whole conversation back to herself). Again- don't care.

And I swear, if I go into work tomorrow and have to hear one person say they went to see 50 Shades of Shit and then rave about it, I am going to go fucking ballistic. I read a rundown on ONTD one day of some of the things Christian Gray (Gray, Grey, don't give enough fucks to google it) does to her in the books and I am beyond appalled that so many women like these books. If you honestly want a man like Christian Gray you need to check your fucking life big time.

God I wish my damn period would come already. I am tired of feeling so damn crabby. I am now getting to the point that I am starting to fret that it's going to come later than last month or not at all. I am so tired of this every month. I felt a little better after my blood work came back normal, but now I am starting to get anxious all over again that I am going through perimenopause. Especially when once again your period is coming later than it has been for years and you're waking up warm during the night or drinking coffee and feeling warm.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for a Food Factory marathon. 

Random Thoughts

Ugh, I have been really bad today with anxiety. Every time I have taken my blood pressure, my pulse has been near 100. I can't calm down for anything. My heart won't stop pounding and I can't stop shaking. Why am I so anxious? I don't understand why I am like this. I want to sit down on the floor and start screaming at the top of my lungs until I feel better.

And having to call my former boss tomorrow isn't helping. I am really nervous about that. Hell, I would love my job back, but thinking about how I have to change my routine when I go to work is making me anxious. Back when I found out I was losing my job, I think a big part of the reason I was so upset was because I was going to have to change my schedule when I was officially laid off. I guess it has to do with having OCD, I don't know. My entire day is pretty much planned out- bike at 11:30AM (if it's an exercise day), shower at noon, coffee and computer time at 12:30PM, lunch at 1:30PM, dinner will vary, snack at 9:05PM, and another at 11:30PM. It's pretty sad. I know I am being ridiculous- hey, at least I recognize it as ridiculous, right?- but any time I have to change something, I want to lose it. And I get annoyed when people joke with me about it, because I don't particularly find it funny. I find it to be an enormous pain in the ass actually.

And speaking of my former coworkers, they, including my FWA, were creaming themselves on Facebook over the casting for the 50 Shades of Shit movie. Come to think of it, there were more people than I expected excited about it on my newsfeed today. I couldn't face palm myself enough. I can't believe that many people liked the shitty ass book series. It's embarrassing. And since my mind is a sick twisted fuck, now I can't help but wonder if any of these people tried to....if they tried to.....oh god, excuse me. *vomits all over keyboard*

I went to Barnes and Noble on Sunday to look for any magazines that might have MGMT on the cover. Luckily, I did find the new issue of Under the Radar:

Man, there is this picture on the inside that takes up two pages and like half of their faces are pressed against one another......fuck, Andrew looks so beautiful I could just cry every time I look at it. And speaking of beautiful pictures, here is another one. I don't what that particular picture is from; I just know I want to fall on my knees and weep looking at it. I just.....oh mama.

Saturday night, I was on the computer (surprise) and barely staying awake when a new article popped up on them over on ONTD. Of course, I had to read it. And there was a brief discussion of Andrew's penis. Nothing too detailed, but it kept me from going to bed for another hour. 

And also on Saturday night, I discovered that Comcast On Demand FINALLY added all of their music videos to the music video list, including "Your Life is a Lie". Then on Sunday I was thinking about it and then I realized wait a minute, there is something missing from that list, so later on I checked the list and sure enough, "It's Working" isn't on the list! How do you not have that video? That video is awesome! It has this, for god's sake:

Now.....it would be nice if Comcast On Demand WOULD WORK so I can WATCH THE GODDAMN VIDEOS! I keep getting the error "We're sorry, but we are experiencing an issue at the moment. Please try your selection again in a few minutes or try a different one. For more information and further assistance, please visit Comcast.com/help. Error code ERR-0". Yet if you look up ERR-0 on the Comcast page, it gives a completely different error message. ARGH!

And one last note- 14 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Er....Like A Trainwreck?

I just finished the second book I checked out of the library, which was I, Michael Bennet by James Patterson and the ending.....I am disappoint, James Patterson. Or whoever actually wrote it. I really don't think he writes his books anymore. Not with the way they keep churning out. I can't even keep track of them anymore, of which ones I have read and haven't. I spent 10 minutes in the library the other day trying to remember if I actually read Eleventh Hour. And with the way they keep coming out, another Michael Bennet book better come out soon and that Perrine bastard dies.

Anyway, I am on my third book, which is Towelhead. And while it is an easy read, it's also difficult to read. There is an unbelievable amount of sex and masturbation talk, which you would think would not bother someone who is as sexually frustrated as I am, but it does, because I am not a fan of smut reading. Don't even get me started on that 50 Shades Of Shit shit, but let's just say I was not a fan of book burning until they came out. But the main character is 13 years old, and somehow she is smart when it comes to sex in some ways and completely stupid in others. Call me a prude, but I'd rather not read in-depth descriptions of masturbation, pubic hair, what happens when someone becomes turned on, and of a young man's erection. Unless I am reading a textbook on sexual topics, when proper anatomical terms are used.

I can't with sexual slang when it comes to the sexual anatomy. Either use the proper terminology or shut up. It's a penis and it's a vagina. Not a dick, pussy, cunt, or the absolute worst term I have ever seen in history, a mickey. I was reading a book one time and the usage of the word cunt to describe the main character's vagina annoyed me so much I finally stopped reading it.

And the most irritating part of the book is her parents. There such a thing as being strict, but good Lord her father is insane. And in one moment her mother is all nice to her, and in a split second she is putting her down. Almost every character in this book seems to be verbally abusive.  This Amazon reviewer put it perfectly, minus the whole narcissistic personality disorder diagnonsense, because nowadays everyone has NPD, according to the internets:

Both of Jasira's parents totally lack affect, (both of them?), human decency and basic kindness. They appear to be suffering from narcissistic personality disorders in their absorption with self, their sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and arrogance.

Gee, those last 3 descriptions could describe me at times. Guess I have narcissistic personality disorder. *eye roll* Although....my last therapist asked me one time, "isn't that kind of narcissistic?". I don't recall why she asked me that. I think it might have been when I told her that a lot of times I don't care about other people's problems, but expect everyone to care about mine. I don't know how I ever got that mindset. It strikes me as odd for someone who loathes herself as much as I do that I do have times where I am a real narcissistic twat.

I don't even want to finish it because it is so annoying, yet I really want to finish it. Go figure.