Random Thoughts

Ugh, I have been really bad today with anxiety. Every time I have taken my blood pressure, my pulse has been near 100. I can't calm down for anything. My heart won't stop pounding and I can't stop shaking. Why am I so anxious? I don't understand why I am like this. I want to sit down on the floor and start screaming at the top of my lungs until I feel better.

And having to call my former boss tomorrow isn't helping. I am really nervous about that. Hell, I would love my job back, but thinking about how I have to change my routine when I go to work is making me anxious. Back when I found out I was losing my job, I think a big part of the reason I was so upset was because I was going to have to change my schedule when I was officially laid off. I guess it has to do with having OCD, I don't know. My entire day is pretty much planned out- bike at 11:30AM (if it's an exercise day), shower at noon, coffee and computer time at 12:30PM, lunch at 1:30PM, dinner will vary, snack at 9:05PM, and another at 11:30PM. It's pretty sad. I know I am being ridiculous- hey, at least I recognize it as ridiculous, right?- but any time I have to change something, I want to lose it. And I get annoyed when people joke with me about it, because I don't particularly find it funny. I find it to be an enormous pain in the ass actually.

And speaking of my former coworkers, they, including my FWA, were creaming themselves on Facebook over the casting for the 50 Shades of Shit movie. Come to think of it, there were more people than I expected excited about it on my newsfeed today. I couldn't face palm myself enough. I can't believe that many people liked the shitty ass book series. It's embarrassing. And since my mind is a sick twisted fuck, now I can't help but wonder if any of these people tried to....if they tried to.....oh god, excuse me. *vomits all over keyboard*

I went to Barnes and Noble on Sunday to look for any magazines that might have MGMT on the cover. Luckily, I did find the new issue of Under the Radar:

Man, there is this picture on the inside that takes up two pages and like half of their faces are pressed against one another......fuck, Andrew looks so beautiful I could just cry every time I look at it. And speaking of beautiful pictures, here is another one. I don't what that particular picture is from; I just know I want to fall on my knees and weep looking at it. I just.....oh mama.

Saturday night, I was on the computer (surprise) and barely staying awake when a new article popped up on them over on ONTD. Of course, I had to read it. And there was a brief discussion of Andrew's penis. Nothing too detailed, but it kept me from going to bed for another hour. 

And also on Saturday night, I discovered that Comcast On Demand FINALLY added all of their music videos to the music video list, including "Your Life is a Lie". Then on Sunday I was thinking about it and then I realized wait a minute, there is something missing from that list, so later on I checked the list and sure enough, "It's Working" isn't on the list! How do you not have that video? That video is awesome! It has this, for god's sake:

Now.....it would be nice if Comcast On Demand WOULD WORK so I can WATCH THE GODDAMN VIDEOS! I keep getting the error "We're sorry, but we are experiencing an issue at the moment. Please try your selection again in a few minutes or try a different one. For more information and further assistance, please visit Comcast.com/help. Error code ERR-0". Yet if you look up ERR-0 on the Comcast page, it gives a completely different error message. ARGH!

And one last note- 14 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!