Boy, I have felt nearly brain-dead the past week or so. It may have something to do with that time of the month, since that seems to turn my brain into a complete and utter war zone. I don't know. I am at the tail end of it right now. I was worried about it coming early, but it ended up coming Sunday at 31 days. Now I am already worried about spotting several days from now. And that it will come early. And now when the cramping is going to start up again. It never ends.
The only things I could find amongst the millions of pregnancy forums (for the love of God, I am not pregnant!) was the cramping could be due to a cyst, uterine fibroid, or endometriosis. My mother has had the first two, so it's possible. But some of the other things I have been experiencing make me wonder if I could possibly have endometriosis. But I guess I won't know unless I have a diagnostic test done. Which I can't have done until I have medical. Which I can't have until I have a job. Which I can't get until I feel like a normal functioning human being.
And please enlighten me, Mr. President, how I will pay for medical when it is required for everyone to have it or pay a fine. Because I am not going to qualify for Medicaid even though as of now, I have no income. I fully support healthcare overhaul, but I do NOT support making it mandatory for everyone to have it.
All has been fairly silent on the Addison's fear end, but it crept back in earlier. I need to start marking down when it appears and when it goes silent, to see if there is some kind of pattern.
I have been feeling exhausted and very depressed. I was putting dishes away earlier and I had a knife in my hand and all I could think was, go on, do it, and don't forget- down the road, not across the street. It was disturbing. I just threw the knife in the drawer and left the kitchen.
I feel like I have demons in my head. I swear one of the first things I do when I get medical is demand vitamin tests and an MRI of my head. This is more than mental illness. Something physically is not right within my body and I think that is what is sending me into such a turmoil. But everyone will just continue to brush me off. Just like they did in eighth grade when I said was depressed and felt suicidal and nobody listened to me and it was another 2+ years before somebody finally realized that maybe, just maybe, this was NOT just teenage angst.
This June will be eleven years since I graduated high school. If at my high school graduation, somebody told me that eleven years from now I would be an unemployed, indecisive, suicidal, extremely sociophobic virgin with no self-esteem and hasn't finished college yet, I would have laughed at them. No, life was going to be better once I was away from all of those assholes! I totally would never have seen this future. And if I had, I probably would have committed suicide. It's not like I didn't feel like doing that the entire span of my senior year. Come to think of it, I spent most, if not all, of my entire high school years wanting to commit suicide. Oh, what the hell- I can't recall one time in the past sixteen years where I haven't wanted to kill myself.
And if I do not get a decent night's sleep soon, I am going to scream. Tuesday night was the first time in a long time I had a semi-decent night's sleep. Took me forever to fall asleep, and then there was the expected 5AM-6AM bladder call, since I have apparently become completely incapable of sleeping an entire night without getting up to pee, but then I fell back asleep and slept until 10:45AM. Any other time it would be an 8AM wake-up and unable to fall back asleep for at least an hour. I don't look forward to a lot of things, but sleeping is usually something I do look forward to because it temporarily shuts down the nastiness lurking in my brain. Now I even dread going to sleep. All I want to do is go to sleep one night and sleep until the time I normally get out of bed.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
The WTF Of The Day
40 strangest rock star rider requests
Since when are some of these people considered "rock stars"? To even call some of these people "singers" is really stretching it, let alone rock stars.
Some of those requests are indeed strange. And a little funny. And some are just downright ridiculous. And do you notice how the more diva-ish the demands, the less talent the entertainer has? You want your coffee stirred anticlockwise, Miss I'm Still Jenny From the Block? Oh, you will get your anticlockwise-stirred coffee.....right after I take a nice long piss in it.
Now I want to watch Brain Candy. "Is that cappuccino ever gonna be ready, or do I have to come in there and grind the beans with your head?" God, what a great movie.
Since when are some of these people considered "rock stars"? To even call some of these people "singers" is really stretching it, let alone rock stars.
Some of those requests are indeed strange. And a little funny. And some are just downright ridiculous. And do you notice how the more diva-ish the demands, the less talent the entertainer has? You want your coffee stirred anticlockwise, Miss I'm Still Jenny From the Block? Oh, you will get your anticlockwise-stirred coffee.....right after I take a nice long piss in it.
Now I want to watch Brain Candy. "Is that cappuccino ever gonna be ready, or do I have to come in there and grind the beans with your head?" God, what a great movie.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Why Am I Wasting My Time?
I swore the last Hannah Swensen book I read would be my last. Yet I decided to check out Cinnamon Roll Murder last night at the library. I see nothing has changed in the series.
The jazz band name- Cinnamon Roll Six? Seriously?
The entire family started irritating me throughout the series and now they are downright obnoxious. Um, isn't Michelle in college? Shouldn't she be in class? And what exactly does Andrea do all damn day that she is never around her kids? Hannah is the worst. She is a judgmental, arrogant, condescending, whiny pain in the ass who needs to get off of her high horse, stop correcting everyone's damn grammar, and start learning some fucking technology. I find it incredibly difficult for someone of her age to never use a computer, especially having a degree in English. How did she get through college? A typewriter? Seriously? Come on, Joanne Fluke, be a little more believable. I honestly think she is completely clueless to the later generations.
In the first few pages, of course the sisters are there to help with the accident. And of course they know exactly what to do. And when they meet the band members and groupies, the sisters are talking with one of the groupies, Lynnette, about checking the driver and this is the passage:
And then the scene in the hospital was just too ridiculous to get into. Buddy couldn't go into the exam room himself? And I had to laugh at two different conversations between Hannah and her mother in the waiting room. This passage was one:
Hannah's constant whining about Norman being engaged was beyond irritating. Yes, the situation with Doctor Bev was dirty, but maybe if Hannah didn't drag her feet so bad, she would have been married to Norman a long time ago. How this supposedly ugly technological phobic prude has two boyfriends still boggles my mind. And I find it hard to believe that it took Norman, a fucking professional with a dental degree, so long to get a paternity test. What a dumbass.
And the thing that aggravates me the most in these books is the interfering with cases. Now I read a lot of books where the main character investigates, despite not being a part of the police force. It does irritate me, but if the books are good enough, I can overlook it, because I know it's just fiction. I can even sometimes overlook certain things that would be deemed downright illegal. But these books take the cake. Hannah and her family are ridiculous with how they interfere. And then they have the BALLS to actually steal documents that not one of them should even have legal access to. I don't know how none of them have ever been arrested. Oh right. One of Hannah's boyfriends is a cop. *eyeroll* You would think that would make them more likely to be arrested. But no. Not the perfect little Swensen family. Everything just always turns out perfect for them.
I recently read a few of the Donut Shop Mystery series by Jessica Beck and one thing I noticed when reading reviews of the different books were complaints about them being rip-offs of the Hannah Swensen series. I see some similarities; however, the characters in the Donut Shop Mysteries are a million times more likable. Not to mention......mmmm.....donuts.
Oh, and nice to end the book without ever closing the bus driver's case.
The jazz band name- Cinnamon Roll Six? Seriously?
The entire family started irritating me throughout the series and now they are downright obnoxious. Um, isn't Michelle in college? Shouldn't she be in class? And what exactly does Andrea do all damn day that she is never around her kids? Hannah is the worst. She is a judgmental, arrogant, condescending, whiny pain in the ass who needs to get off of her high horse, stop correcting everyone's damn grammar, and start learning some fucking technology. I find it incredibly difficult for someone of her age to never use a computer, especially having a degree in English. How did she get through college? A typewriter? Seriously? Come on, Joanne Fluke, be a little more believable. I honestly think she is completely clueless to the later generations.
In the first few pages, of course the sisters are there to help with the accident. And of course they know exactly what to do. And when they meet the band members and groupies, the sisters are talking with one of the groupies, Lynnette, about checking the driver and this is the passage:
"Did you try to find a pulse?" Michelle asked her.Seriously, Hannah? Do tell how you know exactly what Lynnette did in the medical office! Maybe she was a medical assistant, who do, in fact, have to be CPR certified in most, if not all, states. And what exactly does Hannah do again? Oh, right. She is a baker! She makes food!
"Do I look like an idiot? Sure I tried to find a pulse. There wasn't any, and he wasn't breathing, either. I've got some medical training, you know."
Of course you do, Hannah's mind replied. You know how to say "Doctor will see you at ten on Thursday, Mrs. Smith. Please let us know twenty-four hours in advance if you can't keep your appointment.
And then the scene in the hospital was just too ridiculous to get into. Buddy couldn't go into the exam room himself? And I had to laugh at two different conversations between Hannah and her mother in the waiting room. This passage was one:
"It was the band bus carrying the Cinnamon Roll Six. The rest of the cars in the accident were blocking the road, and it took the paramedics a while to get to to the bus. Michelle and I took the access road and walked across the ditch. We were the first ones there."This is a page later:
"Oh my!"
"The driver's dead, but everyone else seems to be okay except the keyboard player. He may have a broken wrist, but they won't know for sure until he has X-rays."
"I know I'm right. And the worst of it is..." Delores stopped speaking and stared hard at Hannah. "You said was. You said the driver's name was Clayton."Uhm.....duh? You already told your mother the bus driver died?
It was Hannah's turn to sigh. She'd spoken without thinking, and now she was stuck. There was nothing for it but to tell Delores what she already suspected. "The driver's dead, Mother."
Hannah's constant whining about Norman being engaged was beyond irritating. Yes, the situation with Doctor Bev was dirty, but maybe if Hannah didn't drag her feet so bad, she would have been married to Norman a long time ago. How this supposedly ugly technological phobic prude has two boyfriends still boggles my mind. And I find it hard to believe that it took Norman, a fucking professional with a dental degree, so long to get a paternity test. What a dumbass.
And the thing that aggravates me the most in these books is the interfering with cases. Now I read a lot of books where the main character investigates, despite not being a part of the police force. It does irritate me, but if the books are good enough, I can overlook it, because I know it's just fiction. I can even sometimes overlook certain things that would be deemed downright illegal. But these books take the cake. Hannah and her family are ridiculous with how they interfere. And then they have the BALLS to actually steal documents that not one of them should even have legal access to. I don't know how none of them have ever been arrested. Oh right. One of Hannah's boyfriends is a cop. *eyeroll* You would think that would make them more likely to be arrested. But no. Not the perfect little Swensen family. Everything just always turns out perfect for them.
I recently read a few of the Donut Shop Mystery series by Jessica Beck and one thing I noticed when reading reviews of the different books were complaints about them being rip-offs of the Hannah Swensen series. I see some similarities; however, the characters in the Donut Shop Mysteries are a million times more likable. Not to mention......mmmm.....donuts.
Oh, and nice to end the book without ever closing the bus driver's case.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Video Of The Day
It's a rarity for me to like a Fallout Boy song- actually, come to think of it, I do not think I have ever liked one- but this song is pretty cool:
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Damn Nature You Scary
At Least 51 Dead, 20 of them Children
As usual, I have been following this story all day. I am probably going to have nightmares of epic proportions tonight, but whatever. What a horrible situation. My local news said earlier that it was EF4 and I thought, no way in hell that was only an EF4. That town is frigging obliterated. I think the news later on said it could be considered an EF5, but I am not sure.
I know tornadoes can hit anywhere, but I could never live in those areas. And if I did, I would definitely have to have a storm shelter. Hell, if I had the money, I'd build one myself here. I always say if I ever won the lottery, I'd take care of a few things first (buy a house, buy a shore house, buy my mother a house), and then I would build a storm shelter. Even if they are rare here, they still can occur, so why take the chance?
Three years ago, I remember on my mom's birthday there has been a tornado watch issued. No tornado occurred and come to think of it, I don't remember a storm of any kind occurring that day. I just remember it being cloudy and windy as hell, and sitting in the restaurant wanting to throw up because I was so nervous over the tornado watch. Well, one night I was playing around on the SPC webpage archives and I pulled up that particular watch. I was quite unsettled to find that the watch had been issued with a high chance (90%) of a tornado occurring, and a moderate chance (50%) of an EF2 or higher occurring.
ETA 2:26PM: Surprisingly no weather related dreams. However, I did have a dream about cockroaches. Lots and lots of cockroaches. Lots and lots of breeding cockroaches. It started in my bathroom (which is far from dirty!) with just two, they bred. Then what they produced bred. And then those bred. And so on. It was fucking disgusting.
I have been having some weird ass dreams lately. Last week, I had a nightmare that my [known] cracked molar decided to break completely out of my mouth, and there was a hole with the nerve exposed and it was killer. I was horrified at the loss of my tooth.
Also, there is this adorable story floating around the internet:
Oklahoma Tornado Survivor Found Her Dog Buried Alive Under Rubble
Is that....is that....a schnauzer? Or part? Now I'll cry over any dog related story, but if it's a schnauzer, the flood of tears will be a hundred times higher. Oh and not to mention I am incredibly hormonal right now, so if you will excuse me, I have to go cry for the next half hour.
As usual, I have been following this story all day. I am probably going to have nightmares of epic proportions tonight, but whatever. What a horrible situation. My local news said earlier that it was EF4 and I thought, no way in hell that was only an EF4. That town is frigging obliterated. I think the news later on said it could be considered an EF5, but I am not sure.
I know tornadoes can hit anywhere, but I could never live in those areas. And if I did, I would definitely have to have a storm shelter. Hell, if I had the money, I'd build one myself here. I always say if I ever won the lottery, I'd take care of a few things first (buy a house, buy a shore house, buy my mother a house), and then I would build a storm shelter. Even if they are rare here, they still can occur, so why take the chance?
Three years ago, I remember on my mom's birthday there has been a tornado watch issued. No tornado occurred and come to think of it, I don't remember a storm of any kind occurring that day. I just remember it being cloudy and windy as hell, and sitting in the restaurant wanting to throw up because I was so nervous over the tornado watch. Well, one night I was playing around on the SPC webpage archives and I pulled up that particular watch. I was quite unsettled to find that the watch had been issued with a high chance (90%) of a tornado occurring, and a moderate chance (50%) of an EF2 or higher occurring.
ETA 2:26PM: Surprisingly no weather related dreams. However, I did have a dream about cockroaches. Lots and lots of cockroaches. Lots and lots of breeding cockroaches. It started in my bathroom (which is far from dirty!) with just two, they bred. Then what they produced bred. And then those bred. And so on. It was fucking disgusting.
I have been having some weird ass dreams lately. Last week, I had a nightmare that my [known] cracked molar decided to break completely out of my mouth, and there was a hole with the nerve exposed and it was killer. I was horrified at the loss of my tooth.
Also, there is this adorable story floating around the internet:
Oklahoma Tornado Survivor Found Her Dog Buried Alive Under Rubble
Is that....is that....a schnauzer? Or part? Now I'll cry over any dog related story, but if it's a schnauzer, the flood of tears will be a hundred times higher. Oh and not to mention I am incredibly hormonal right now, so if you will excuse me, I have to go cry for the next half hour.
Monday, May 20, 2013
The Possibly Awesome Of The Day
I have never heard of the Cosmopolitan, since I am probably the only person in America who has never been to Las Vegas, so I looked it up and it appears to be a casino hotel. So they do play in casino hotels! I wasn't sure if it was too mainstream or something for them, but I guess not. OH GOD THEN MAYBE THERE IS HOPE THEY WILL COME TO ATLANTIC CITY. Or even possibly one of the Philly casinos. But AC would be cool. Especially if it was the Borgata. I love that place. I'd lose my freaking mind if they came there. I swear I remember hearing they played there before, but I could be wrong. And no, I am not thing of BOGOTA, Columbia, either.
I was reading a thread over on my absolute favorite gossip site one day about Pink. I don't care for Pink. I think she has a good voice and all, but that "I am such a bad ass rocker" attitude is a huge turnoff. You're not rock, Pink. And I think one person said something about not caring for her, and another member replied with something about how good her shows are. I know I am weird, but I don't care for big elaborate concerts. MGMT's performance at Musikfest was exactly what I look for in a concert- people singing and playing instruments. The height of their visuals was a screen with some wacky imagery in the back. That was it. And Andrew talked a lot between numbers, and I think once or twice James talked. I laughed at one point when Andrew said "geeze Louise" about something. He is the only other person in my generation besides me who I have ever heard say that. But I am getting off topic here. I don't want to see fancy dancing, pyrotechnics, fancy circus tricks, etc. If I wanted to see all that, I would go to the circus or I would go see a musical.
And speaking of ONTD, I noticed that recently they changed their membership policy. At first the commenting seemed to get even more obnoxious than before; however, I am starting to see new members calling the old community out on their bullshit. I fucking love it.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Random Thoughts
Ugh, day I don't even know what anymore of this lower left side and back cramping. It's starting to get to be really annoying. And whenever I try to Google it, all I come across are forums related to pregnancy. Obviously I am not pregnant, so I don't know what else it could be. Maybe a cyst? And I have been so anxious that my period is going to come on early.
I had a dream last night that someone offered me psychedelic drugs. I am not sure which ones. Maybe mushrooms? And I would not take them until I had my earphones and could listen to MGMT while stoned out of my mind. I think I woke up before that happened.
Ugh, still no shows coming to my area. Come on, boys! Please come here! I know they have to be all hipster about where they play, but I am sure there are plenty of places in the area they could play that aren't mainstream. What about the Academy of Music in Philly? I love that place. I have been there at least 3 times to see the Nutcracker, and once to see Handel's Messiah. And I just heard the Rascals are going to be playing there, and judging by the commercial of what their show would be like, if they can play there, then MGMT could certainly play there.
Also, where is news on that third album?
And going back to that whole thing with Abercrappie & Fitch....what is that dude's problem? Hell, I don't give a shit who his target audience is, because even if I was 80 pounds, I wouldn't wear that ugly overpriced shit. And frankly, I don't know why anyone else would. But who he is to say what is good-looking when he he looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? Yuck. If he saw some of the people in my high school who wore A&F, he might be revolted. Then again, he probably thinks of himself as pretty damn good-looking, so....
And the funnier part is, I saw a lot of fat people wearing A&F as well. Still do. I don't know how they get into the clothes, but somehow they do. Then again, I see that with a lot of people, regardless of the clothing brand. I just said the other day I don't understand how when I go clothes shopping, there is never anything in my size or a little larger when there are so many fat people. Then I remember how most people wear their clothes today and it makes sense. Really, folks. What part of "just because you can get it on DOESN'T MEAN IT FITS" is so hard to comprehend?
Also, doesn't this dope realize the Durrrsey Shur people wear A&F? They're all ugly as shit (please try not to remind me of the whole Mike thing *vomits* I plead insanity). And speaking of them, will they just go away already? In the past week, I have seen an article on Vinny, an article of Snooki offering to help Chris Christie lose weight, and another article of her offering tips to Prince Harry for his trip to Seaside. Yes, because I am so sure her weight loss was really done through diet and exercise. Not. And offering parenting tips to all soon to be mom celebrities? Give me a break. Just because you shit out a kid from your STD polluted womb does not suddenly make you a parenting expert. God, go away already, you annoying little cockroach.
Speaking of weight loss, I was thinking earlier about how it's a shame I am not taller and thinner. Then I could be a model, and be paid to starve myself and be miserable. That is a fucking messed up way of thinking, but I am already starving myself and miserable. So why not be paid for it?
I hate my life. My God, I am 5'3 and weigh anywhere between 122 to 125 pounds, depending on the week. I am not even considered overweight, yet I think of myself as fat. Why can I not be happy with my body already? Why can I not look in the mirror and just fucking be happy with it for once? Why can't I just not care what some men prefer and not be depressed about it? I would like to say eh, fuck him, but I can't, because I want to know why I can't ever be good enough.
And speaking of stupid and annoying, why is when people post something about someone being sick or in surgery or something on Facebook- actually, why is it necessary to post that in the first place, but whatever; clearly I am missing something here- people always have to comment with "praying for you" or "praying for so and so". Like these people are really going to take the time out of their day to pray for the person? I'll believe it when I see it.
Or like how earlier, there were multiple tornado warnings in Texas, and everyone is all "prayers" and talking about God protecting the people. Um, looking at this from a religious point of view, isn't God technically creating this nasty weather? I mean, if I hear of a bad tornado outbreak, I follow the weather sites and the Weather Channel and I think good lord, may something keep those people safe. I remember back this past Christmas when a bad tornado outbreak was expected, including one watch rated a Particularly Dangerous Situation by the SPC. I followed it off and on throughout the day and I was sick over it, even though it wasn't affecting me. Seriously, could you imagine something like that happening on Christmas?
Wow. I am extra snippy tonight.
I had a dream last night that someone offered me psychedelic drugs. I am not sure which ones. Maybe mushrooms? And I would not take them until I had my earphones and could listen to MGMT while stoned out of my mind. I think I woke up before that happened.
Ugh, still no shows coming to my area. Come on, boys! Please come here! I know they have to be all hipster about where they play, but I am sure there are plenty of places in the area they could play that aren't mainstream. What about the Academy of Music in Philly? I love that place. I have been there at least 3 times to see the Nutcracker, and once to see Handel's Messiah. And I just heard the Rascals are going to be playing there, and judging by the commercial of what their show would be like, if they can play there, then MGMT could certainly play there.
Also, where is news on that third album?
And going back to that whole thing with Abercrappie & Fitch....what is that dude's problem? Hell, I don't give a shit who his target audience is, because even if I was 80 pounds, I wouldn't wear that ugly overpriced shit. And frankly, I don't know why anyone else would. But who he is to say what is good-looking when he he looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? Yuck. If he saw some of the people in my high school who wore A&F, he might be revolted. Then again, he probably thinks of himself as pretty damn good-looking, so....
And the funnier part is, I saw a lot of fat people wearing A&F as well. Still do. I don't know how they get into the clothes, but somehow they do. Then again, I see that with a lot of people, regardless of the clothing brand. I just said the other day I don't understand how when I go clothes shopping, there is never anything in my size or a little larger when there are so many fat people. Then I remember how most people wear their clothes today and it makes sense. Really, folks. What part of "just because you can get it on DOESN'T MEAN IT FITS" is so hard to comprehend?
Also, doesn't this dope realize the Durrrsey Shur people wear A&F? They're all ugly as shit (please try not to remind me of the whole Mike thing *vomits* I plead insanity). And speaking of them, will they just go away already? In the past week, I have seen an article on Vinny, an article of Snooki offering to help Chris Christie lose weight, and another article of her offering tips to Prince Harry for his trip to Seaside. Yes, because I am so sure her weight loss was really done through diet and exercise. Not. And offering parenting tips to all soon to be mom celebrities? Give me a break. Just because you shit out a kid from your STD polluted womb does not suddenly make you a parenting expert. God, go away already, you annoying little cockroach.
Speaking of weight loss, I was thinking earlier about how it's a shame I am not taller and thinner. Then I could be a model, and be paid to starve myself and be miserable. That is a fucking messed up way of thinking, but I am already starving myself and miserable. So why not be paid for it?
I hate my life. My God, I am 5'3 and weigh anywhere between 122 to 125 pounds, depending on the week. I am not even considered overweight, yet I think of myself as fat. Why can I not be happy with my body already? Why can I not look in the mirror and just fucking be happy with it for once? Why can't I just not care what some men prefer and not be depressed about it? I would like to say eh, fuck him, but I can't, because I want to know why I can't ever be good enough.
And speaking of stupid and annoying, why is when people post something about someone being sick or in surgery or something on Facebook- actually, why is it necessary to post that in the first place, but whatever; clearly I am missing something here- people always have to comment with "praying for you" or "praying for so and so". Like these people are really going to take the time out of their day to pray for the person? I'll believe it when I see it.
Or like how earlier, there were multiple tornado warnings in Texas, and everyone is all "prayers" and talking about God protecting the people. Um, looking at this from a religious point of view, isn't God technically creating this nasty weather? I mean, if I hear of a bad tornado outbreak, I follow the weather sites and the Weather Channel and I think good lord, may something keep those people safe. I remember back this past Christmas when a bad tornado outbreak was expected, including one watch rated a Particularly Dangerous Situation by the SPC. I followed it off and on throughout the day and I was sick over it, even though it wasn't affecting me. Seriously, could you imagine something like that happening on Christmas?
Wow. I am extra snippy tonight.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Quote Of The Day
I was reading an article earlier on that ugly asshole that heads Abercrappie & Fitch (more on that later, because if there is one thing I like to condemn, it's A&F), and I thought about it for a little bit, and eventually it lead to me thinking of this scene from Bender's Big Score (don't ask how I got the connection, because I don't know):
Bender: Take a barf buddy. Ok suicide booth, give me your best shot. Electrocution please, side order of poison. [taps foot] Helloooo? Kill me you stupid machine. ... What the ... local calls fifty cents? It's a street corner telephone parlor! Oh what kind of horrible suicide free time is this? Wait a minute, maybe this handy encyclopedia of humans will help me track Fry down.
[Bender scans the Fry page in the telephone book]
Bender: One of these Frys must be Fry. Look out Philip Fry, 'cause I got a little present for you.
Fat Man: My name is Phillip Fry. Where's my present?
Bender: Hang on a second Fry. I don't remember you being that ugly.
Fat Man: Oh no, I've always been this ugly.
Monday, May 13, 2013
The WTF Of The Day
'Pinterest stress' afflicts nearly half of moms, survey says
Pinterest stress? Are you fucking kidding me? That lady actually cried because she was so concerned about having a perfect family photo? Look, I know some- okay, most of my worries are strange and out there, but my worries aren't due to concern over impressing other people.
This is just stupid. Gee, how long before the brilliant world of psychiatry decides to add an internet related stress "disorder" to the DSM? I can totally see it happening. And Big Pharma will be working side by side and offering some whacked out new drug to combat said "disorder". Folks, this is why mental illness is never going to be taken seriously.
Pinterest stress? Are you fucking kidding me? That lady actually cried because she was so concerned about having a perfect family photo? Look, I know some- okay, most of my worries are strange and out there, but my worries aren't due to concern over impressing other people.
This is just stupid. Gee, how long before the brilliant world of psychiatry decides to add an internet related stress "disorder" to the DSM? I can totally see it happening. And Big Pharma will be working side by side and offering some whacked out new drug to combat said "disorder". Folks, this is why mental illness is never going to be taken seriously.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Random Thoughts
Friday night I did something that I will never forgive myself for. I am ashamed of myself. I am beside myself with guilt. As if I needed more suicidal ideation triggers. This one really added fuel to the fire. I can't with my personality anymore. I am beyond scared of why I have been behaving the way I have, why I have so much anger and rage in me.
I claimed my last unemployment check over two weeks ago. I am pretty sure I am not entitled to anymore extensions, but the state still sends a paper letting the recipient know whether they are receiving an extension or not. I have yet to receive my papers. And now I am worried that someone stole my papers. I had myself up for over an hour sick with worry over it.
I feel like I am about to lose my mind. Every time I turn around, I have something new to worry about. And every new worry is met with the same reaction- it's brushed off as nothing. I am so glad that my fears are so insignificant to everyone else. The point is, no matter how ridiculous they sound, they are still legitimate fears to me.
I often hear people talk how the idea of ECT is terrifying. While the idea of going under anesthesia and having my brain zapped freaks me out a little, if I was giving the chance to have it done, with a high possibility of it being successful, I would more than willingly have it done. I am almost willing to do anything to defeat these demons.....except take medication.
And speaking of worrying, Wednesday I had a little bit of blood in the bathroom. I almost had a heart attack. I was like oh no not this mid-cycle bleeding again. It only happened that one time, and a little light pink later on. But since then, I have been unbearably bloated, to the point of being about 125 to 126 pounds on the scale. I feel like I am going to explode. Constipated. Nauseous as hell. And having really bad cramping in my lower left side and across my back. I feel just like I did when I was on birth control, so I don't believe this is all intestinal-related. I am half-tempted to call my old boss and ask her if I could come in for an exam.
Anyway, happy Mother's Day to any mothers out there. My Facebook news feed has been relatively quiet today, although there are a few sanctimommy postings from certain people.
I claimed my last unemployment check over two weeks ago. I am pretty sure I am not entitled to anymore extensions, but the state still sends a paper letting the recipient know whether they are receiving an extension or not. I have yet to receive my papers. And now I am worried that someone stole my papers. I had myself up for over an hour sick with worry over it.
I feel like I am about to lose my mind. Every time I turn around, I have something new to worry about. And every new worry is met with the same reaction- it's brushed off as nothing. I am so glad that my fears are so insignificant to everyone else. The point is, no matter how ridiculous they sound, they are still legitimate fears to me.
I often hear people talk how the idea of ECT is terrifying. While the idea of going under anesthesia and having my brain zapped freaks me out a little, if I was giving the chance to have it done, with a high possibility of it being successful, I would more than willingly have it done. I am almost willing to do anything to defeat these demons.....except take medication.
And speaking of worrying, Wednesday I had a little bit of blood in the bathroom. I almost had a heart attack. I was like oh no not this mid-cycle bleeding again. It only happened that one time, and a little light pink later on. But since then, I have been unbearably bloated, to the point of being about 125 to 126 pounds on the scale. I feel like I am going to explode. Constipated. Nauseous as hell. And having really bad cramping in my lower left side and across my back. I feel just like I did when I was on birth control, so I don't believe this is all intestinal-related. I am half-tempted to call my old boss and ask her if I could come in for an exam.
Anyway, happy Mother's Day to any mothers out there. My Facebook news feed has been relatively quiet today, although there are a few sanctimommy postings from certain people.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Good God People
25 Things That Will Make You Irrationally Angry
Hmmm, that's funny. Nothing in this post made me angry. If I saw some of the things in person, it might annoy me, but that's about it.
But I'll tell you what makes me irrationally angry - the references to OCD in the comments. For fuck's sakes people, do some goddamn research on OCD. And someone is not OCD. They have OCD. Say it out loud without the acronym and see how it stupid it sounds.
Hmmm, that's funny. Nothing in this post made me angry. If I saw some of the things in person, it might annoy me, but that's about it.
But I'll tell you what makes me irrationally angry - the references to OCD in the comments. For fuck's sakes people, do some goddamn research on OCD. And someone is not OCD. They have OCD. Say it out loud without the acronym and see how it stupid it sounds.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Video Of The Day
I honestly have no idea what I would do without the Music Choice Alternative station:
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Bored Anal Retentive Bitch Problems
I keep somehow forgetting to bitch about this, despite it annoying me every day. My neighbor across the street's brat has started this new thing of bouncing a soccer ball for about 30 to 45 minutes at a time, several times a day. It is all I hear, no matter what room of the house I go into.Not to mention she tends to bounce it too hard and it will hit people's cars. I will lose my shit if I catch it hitting my car. And yes I am being a tad too picky, but uh, hello, it's a soccer ball. Soccer balls are meant to kick, not bounce. Go buy a fricking basketball.
Yesterday on the SPC's Facebook page, a picture was posted of the day 2 and day 3 thunderstorm outlook. And the day 3 outlook was a source of amusement in the comments. It has since disappeared. However, I did get a screenshot of it from the SPC website:
Also, last night I read through some old entries and here is my latest Windows desktop image. I still laugh at how two days later, his hair looked like this (LOL. Humidity). I want to weep every time I turn on my computer.
Yesterday on the SPC's Facebook page, a picture was posted of the day 2 and day 3 thunderstorm outlook. And the day 3 outlook was a source of amusement in the comments. It has since disappeared. However, I did get a screenshot of it from the SPC website:
Also, last night I read through some old entries and here is my latest Windows desktop image. I still laugh at how two days later, his hair looked like this (LOL. Humidity). I want to weep every time I turn on my computer.
Random Thoughts
Lauryn Hill gets 3 months for failing to pay taxes
I don't understand celebrities who don't pay their taxes. However, let me get this straight- Lauryn doesn't pay her taxes like she is supposed to and has to serve three months in prison. But Lindsay Lohan does countless stupid shit, many of which put other's lives at risk, but never has to go to jail. My God, the legal system in this country can be really fucking stupid.
ONTD's favorite model lands another magazine cover.
Hahahahahahaha, I love reading through the comments of a Kate Upton post. All the criticizing of her body. Then hop over into another post related to weight and there is "OMG STOP WITH THE BODY SHAMING WAH". It just makes me laugh. Never change, ONTD. Never change.
And speaking of shaming, I'd like to find the person whose bright idea it was to start adding "shaming" to the end of things and punch them in the face. Every fucking site I go on anymore, it's always "stop with the [insert whatever]-shaming!". Everything is shaming nowadays. And bullying. No criticizing of anything. Especially of children. Heaven forbid. I hate being criticized with the passion of a gazillion fiery suns, but that doesn't stop people from doing it. I still get criticized a lot. And I do the same thing I have been doing for years- I get upset, I consider suicide, and then I dwell on it for years. I don't even know what I am talking about anymore.
Anytime a post is made anywhere on the internet regarding weight, you know damn well it is going to get ugly. And frankly every argument is annoying. People get annoyed with the whole "real women have curves" and the description of curvy. Clearly women do come in all shapes and sizes and I do agree that naturally thin women should not be discounted as less than real. And a lot of women who use the term curvy to describe themselves clearly do not understand the word "curvy". And when it comes to the world of modeling and fashion, I tend to see a lot of the "body-shaming" shit come from naturally thin women. But I have always been under the assumption that people condemn modeling and the fashion world because these young women are starving themselves and risking their health to be thin. It's an entirely different playing field.
With all of the years I have spent on the internet, I should know by now to just stay out of any threads that involve weight, race, politics, mental illness, and suicide, because ultimately, I leave wanting to punch people in the face. Oh, and threads involving abortion. Can't forget abortion!
I have never needed a time more than lately of needing someone to talk to. I feel like I am about to lose my mind. My anxiety is getting completely out of control. I was laying in this bed this morning thinking about when I finally find a job. And then I started thinking about when winter comes, and if bad snowstorms comes, and how freaked out I get driving in the snow. And I started to get really agitated. I have horrible nasty visions of bad things happening.
And the guilt! Oh for the love of God, the guilt! I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. If I am going out with my sister, I feel guilty that I am leaving my mother home. Yes! At 29 years old! I feel guilty about pretty much 98% of my past. I am absolutely terrified to make any decisions for fear something bad will happen and then I will feel guilty for making that decision. For example- if I am out, and somebody asks me if I have anywhere to go, I am terrified that I will say yes and something happens, and then I will regret saying yes and blame myself for whatever happened. But then I start to wonder, well, what if I say no, and something happens on the way home? Then I will regret not saying yes. And I go back and forth about which would be the best decision to make, and since I can't figure out the answer, I get really anxious and upset and break down in tears. This is the kind of ridiculous bullshit I deal with ALL DAY, DAY IN, DAY OUT. And probably the reason why I am completely incapable of making decisions. I am so sick of it.
I don't understand celebrities who don't pay their taxes. However, let me get this straight- Lauryn doesn't pay her taxes like she is supposed to and has to serve three months in prison. But Lindsay Lohan does countless stupid shit, many of which put other's lives at risk, but never has to go to jail. My God, the legal system in this country can be really fucking stupid.
ONTD's favorite model lands another magazine cover.
Hahahahahahaha, I love reading through the comments of a Kate Upton post. All the criticizing of her body. Then hop over into another post related to weight and there is "OMG STOP WITH THE BODY SHAMING WAH". It just makes me laugh. Never change, ONTD. Never change.
And speaking of shaming, I'd like to find the person whose bright idea it was to start adding "shaming" to the end of things and punch them in the face. Every fucking site I go on anymore, it's always "stop with the [insert whatever]-shaming!". Everything is shaming nowadays. And bullying. No criticizing of anything. Especially of children. Heaven forbid. I hate being criticized with the passion of a gazillion fiery suns, but that doesn't stop people from doing it. I still get criticized a lot. And I do the same thing I have been doing for years- I get upset, I consider suicide, and then I dwell on it for years. I don't even know what I am talking about anymore.
Anytime a post is made anywhere on the internet regarding weight, you know damn well it is going to get ugly. And frankly every argument is annoying. People get annoyed with the whole "real women have curves" and the description of curvy. Clearly women do come in all shapes and sizes and I do agree that naturally thin women should not be discounted as less than real. And a lot of women who use the term curvy to describe themselves clearly do not understand the word "curvy". And when it comes to the world of modeling and fashion, I tend to see a lot of the "body-shaming" shit come from naturally thin women. But I have always been under the assumption that people condemn modeling and the fashion world because these young women are starving themselves and risking their health to be thin. It's an entirely different playing field.
With all of the years I have spent on the internet, I should know by now to just stay out of any threads that involve weight, race, politics, mental illness, and suicide, because ultimately, I leave wanting to punch people in the face. Oh, and threads involving abortion. Can't forget abortion!
I have never needed a time more than lately of needing someone to talk to. I feel like I am about to lose my mind. My anxiety is getting completely out of control. I was laying in this bed this morning thinking about when I finally find a job. And then I started thinking about when winter comes, and if bad snowstorms comes, and how freaked out I get driving in the snow. And I started to get really agitated. I have horrible nasty visions of bad things happening.
And the guilt! Oh for the love of God, the guilt! I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. If I am going out with my sister, I feel guilty that I am leaving my mother home. Yes! At 29 years old! I feel guilty about pretty much 98% of my past. I am absolutely terrified to make any decisions for fear something bad will happen and then I will feel guilty for making that decision. For example- if I am out, and somebody asks me if I have anywhere to go, I am terrified that I will say yes and something happens, and then I will regret saying yes and blame myself for whatever happened. But then I start to wonder, well, what if I say no, and something happens on the way home? Then I will regret not saying yes. And I go back and forth about which would be the best decision to make, and since I can't figure out the answer, I get really anxious and upset and break down in tears. This is the kind of ridiculous bullshit I deal with ALL DAY, DAY IN, DAY OUT. And probably the reason why I am completely incapable of making decisions. I am so sick of it.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Argh
My car still isn't fixed. The airbag hasn't come in yet, but it's expected to come in tomorrow, so hopefully my car will be home by then. However, I just read this article:
Airbag Recalls Doubled Compared With Last Year, On Track For Record Year
Flying metal parts from deploying airbags? I think I am going to throw up.
ETA 5:30PM: My car is home! Huzzah! And it actually cost me $1,515. Not much difference, but a little better than the original price. I also have the detailed list of stuff that needs fixing and if I had it done there, it would be over $2,500. LOL. My car is probably worth about that. I should go check out the value of it on Kelley Blue Book.
ETA: Price is as follows, depending on condition:
Excellent - $3,245
Very Good - $3,095
Good - $3,045
Fair - $2,545
Airbag Recalls Doubled Compared With Last Year, On Track For Record Year
Flying metal parts from deploying airbags? I think I am going to throw up.
ETA 5:30PM: My car is home! Huzzah! And it actually cost me $1,515. Not much difference, but a little better than the original price. I also have the detailed list of stuff that needs fixing and if I had it done there, it would be over $2,500. LOL. My car is probably worth about that. I should go check out the value of it on Kelley Blue Book.
ETA: Price is as follows, depending on condition:
Excellent - $3,245
Very Good - $3,095
Good - $3,045
Fair - $2,545
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
