Random Thoughts

I am starting to get a little freaked out. Call me a little paranoid, but why it is every single time I bitch about something on here in regards to work, a few days later it happens? And how did someone find out about being me terrified of phones when I have never actually come out and clearly said I am terrified of phones?

I did finally get my paperwork for insurance and I am really hoping that the insurance company does not give me a hard time regarding my "preexisting condition". I have not treated any of the hundreds of mental illnesses I have in well over a couple years. I would like to go to a therapist, though. I need someone to talk to. Look, I love my family to death, but they kind of suck to talk to. My dad is an asshole when it comes to mental illness, my mom always has to turn it into all about her, and my sister, for someone who has both a nursing and psychology degree, is one of the worst to talk to! I am constantly getting told that I need to talk instead of keeping it all in and when I do make an effort, I get told I complain too much or I am nuts. Or I just get plain ignored.

I am really starting to get sick and tired of getting ignored. Or interrupted! Anymore, it seems every time I talk, I either get interrupted or just plain ignored. I was talking to my mother about something yesterday and my sister just rudely interrupts me while I am in the middle of talking and my mother goes right to talking to her. Glad to know my conversation was so interesting*.

*I was talking about going back to college and pursuing radiography. You know- the college major my entire family suggested to me in the first place and would love to see me pursue.

I hate to have a pity party here, but I am seriously starting to feel like I was put on this earth to just be plain miserable. My relationship and social skills suck, my dad's side of the family has to punish me for being born last, my cousins are ignorant assholes despite the fact that I have tried everything to be nice to them, my coworkers act like they like me yet never include me in anything, my family makes me feel unwanted, my godparents took it out on me because my parents were unable to attend a party for their son (my godmother has the same birthday as me and yet somehow she "forgot"), no one ever stays friends with me despite bending over ass backwards for them and them constantly saying how "sweet" I am. Christ, I can't even order a drink from a bartender without someone making a nasty comment about me*.

*I was at a party last night at a catering hall and I asked the bartender for a diet Coke and one of the food servers- a fat miserable old hag- real rudely says "oh what a surprise; a diet Coke". Totally uncalled for. It's not like I am some 95 pound stick who eats everything without gaining an ounce or some 280 pound cow who just ordered the entire menu. I have to work my ass off to maintain my weight. My BMI says I am not fat. I think I am, though. I like the taste of diet Coke, okay? I took my drink to the table and then I went into the bathroom and cried, despite the fact that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I did. God, I hate people.