Random Thoughts

Thankfully I didn't wake up feeling as crappy as the last time I did an enema, but I am still feeling pretty bloated. But at least all the, um, rectum pressure is gone. Man, that was bad. It was so uncomfortable I was seriously starting to contemplate donning a pair of gloves and taking care of things myself. I regret taking those antibiotics. Big time.

Today I had something happen to me in work that I have worried would eventually happen. I use Word for my work and one of the first things I did when I started working there was set Autorecover to save every 2 minutes. And in the grand tradition of all things Microsoft, I have had Word crash on me quite a few times and when I reopened the file, everything was recovered. Today I was working on a file for a good 3 hours and went to do something else on the computer and at one point I realized my report was no longer open. And when I opened it up, it was where it was when I opened it this morning. Meaning I lost a good 1/4 of an inch worth of medical records (about 2 pages worth of typed information and 3 hours worth of work for nothing). I felt like all of the wind was knocked out of me. I checked the AutoRecover settings- it was still set to save every 2 minutes. But nothing was in the AutoRecover folder when I opened it. I tried a few more things, came up with nothing, and finally came to the sickening conclusion that I was going to have to go back and reread and retype all I had read and typed since that morning.

First time in a while I broke down in tears in work. I didn't care (my FWA was the only one who saw me anyway). That was a lot of fucking work I lost. I don't understand why it didn't autosave like it's supposed to. Or why even if I accidentally closed out of Word, it didn't ask me if I wanted to save my changes when I made many changes since I opened it that morning.

I am so beyond frustrated with my work output. I honestly don't know what I can do to be able to concentrate better and work faster. I feel like my brain can't even function anymore and it's not like my brain is overly fixated on anything right now (it seems to be on a temporary hiatus from convincing me I have something wrong with me. I dread to know what will follow premature menopause, because each new one seems to terrify me more). I'm starting to wonder if I sustained brain damage at some point and my family is neglecting to tell me.