Random Thoughts

I completely regret my last post. See what I mean? I have not felt good since Monday and I'll give you one guess what immediately popped into my head. I'm tired, nauseous, feeling very off balance, and am having mid-cycle bleeding. Now all I keep wondering is, what if this bad feeling gets worse? What if I jinxed myself bringing up Addison's the other day, that if I had it, it would more than likely be apparent? What if it is deciding to become apparent now, since I brought it up? What if I am jinxing myself just merely talking about right now? It's a never-ending cycle!

And thanks to not feeling good, it has me in a pretty foul mood this week. There was a story on the news on Tuesday about a man who openly admitted to having a favorite child. My sister had been over earlier in the day and as usual my mother was all over her and nagging on me, and it left me in a bad mood, so I said "well, at least some people are honest about having a favorite", although when I said it, I hadn't really meant it to be directed at my mother. I was just crabby and nitpicking everything in sight. But she immediately got mad and said "don't ever say anything like that again; I do not have a favorite". Any parent who is angry over this should shut the hell up, because I guarantee there are plenty of parents out there who have a favorite child. Just like there are probably plenty of parents who regret having children.

I have been off the wall the past few days. The stupidest things are sending me over the edge. My sister shot me a message the other day on Facebook asking me if I would want to go to dinner on Thursday and I burst into tears. Why? Because I immediately panicked at gaining weight. I don't know what is worse- obsessing that there is something wrong with me, or obsessing over gaining weight. It was nice when I wasn't so concerned about my weight. I'm just so afraid that if I just let loose a little too much, I'll lose all self-control and all the weight I lost will come back.

A few weeks ago, I was home alone and the phone rang and it was some strange name and number, so I didn't answer. When the answering machine came on, it was some lawfirm calling for my father about a disability claim. I was like huh? Apparently, my father decided to apply for SS disability, because someone told him that he would get more money than what he gets from retirement. Which is true. And my dad is in pretty shitty shape, although most of his problems are due to being fat. But he is retired. He is already not working. There is no reason for him to get SS disability when someone who has to work, but cannot, could be getting it. I was so fucking pissed off when I found this out. And thank god my sister completely agrees with me. Way to play the system, old man. Just like all the welfare abusers you bitch about.

I don't know how people can abuse government aid. I feel horribly guilty being on unemployment.

So it wasn't that bad when I went up to the library the other day. I did not feel like I was being judged. But, um....I think I have gotten the One Direction infection. The CD is really good. I mean, it's pretty generic pop, and several songs reminded me of other pop songs, but I enjoyed it. Aside from the 3 songs I already knew ("What Makes You Beautiful", "One Thing" and "More Than This"), I am really smitten with "Stole My Heart" and "Tell Me A Lie".

And since he has become a big topic over on ONTD and other sites due to his recent break-up, let's talk about Liam. I have said many times that I just think Harry is adorable. He is very squeeable, but it's completely nonsexual. It's not even just his age, it's his face. He is way too baby-faced for me to ever think about sexually. If you showed me a picture of Harry from the neck down*, I'd be fap fap fapping, but then show me his face and I'd immediately be turned off and be all OH GOD WHY. And Louis, the only one I don't feel bad thinking sexual thoughts about, is good looking in most pictures, but is such an insufferable queen it cancels out any of the hotness. And the more I see him, the less I will be shocked if he ever pops up on a magazine with the words "I AM GAY" in giant letters**. But Liam? He seems like a sweet kid. And he is clearly the best looking one in the group. Very, very good-looking, that boy is (I love that ONTD member; not sure if it's a male or female, although I am think the former, but whatever it is, he or she is hilarious when it comes to Liam). Another curly-headed beauty. In fact, forget getting a picture of Harry and Andrew together. Someone get Liam and Andrew in a picture together and OH GOD TOO MUCH BEAUTY.

*problem is, the boy apparently has 4 nipples, so I would know who it was even if I didn't see a face
**I need to stop making gay jokes at him, because I will feel really awful if he ever did come out