OMG, a Mac infection? It's actually possible? But....but I thought Macs were invincible!
Kidding aside, I know Macs can be affected. They're just lucky enough to have a relatively small amount of infections (exact number unknown- some sites list a few, others list around 40, and I have seen sites list Mac infections as high as a thousand) as compared to the- hold on, let me consult my last virus scan done Friday night oh, I don't know, 1,257,460 virus strains and unwanted programs. And since no virus scan is a hundred percent detectable, there could be a ton more. Also, add in the factor that Avira free does not detect spyware and the number soars even higher. A-Squared free has 2,600,785 malware signatures.
Ugh, one of these days I will be able to actually purchase Avira.
I watched that Lifetime movie Prayers For Bobby earlier and....god, that poor kid. And knowing it was based on a true story made it even more depressing. When the part came on when he jumps off the bridge, I was sobbing. Now I don't often cry at movies, but movies where suicide occurs I usually do. Because, real or not, I know and understand how that person feels and it is a horrible feeling to want to die. Jumping off a bridge is personally not a method I would ever consider using if it ever came down to it, but there have been plenty of times I have considered driving to a bridge and jumping off. That documentary, The Bridge, was also very sad. I just couldn't imagine jumping off of a bridge. Do you feel the impact of hitting the water or ground? Or does the falling alone at such a high velocity kill you? I would think that coming down at such a high speed would move your organs around, but I don't know. Physics is not one of my strong points.
I often say that if I were to ever get what I wanted that by the time I would get it, there would be some kind of treatment/cure for it and after this week, somehow I have a feeling that that could very well be possible. Good for others, certainly, but not for me, although I may think differently if it were to actually happen. I hate my brain. I really do. It's one thing if a random body part like the pancreas or immune system goes awry, but when the one thing that you have some kind of control over goes awry, it's horrible. And with my problem, it seems like the processes to control the mind have been destroyed. Like the brakes in the car were cut. I got into a fight with some douchebag with a psych degree over this before. He insists that thoughts, no matter how obsessive, can be controlled. I disagree. Maybe with some kind of outside help, but I definitely do not think one's own thoughts can be controlled entirely on their own.
Obsessive thoughts are like this- have you ever been in a pool and tried to push a beachball under the water? When you let go, it comes flying back up. And the further down you push it, the more force it will come back up with. That is exactly what it is like to try to supress obsessive thoughts. Or as most standard psych books use as an example- the Pink Elephant Experiment. Picture pink elephants. Now do not think of pink elephants. Bet you're thinking of them still, aren't you?
Aside from the lack of self-esteem and social phobia, I would say obsessive compulsive disorder is the next most mind crippling disorder I have. I believe having depression stems from the above three (as well as genetics). It's just so damn intrusive and it never lets up. With depression, I have good days and then I have days where I do not even want to get out of bed. With OCD, though, it just stays the same and worsens when that time of the month comes. I'm not kidding when I said I wish I could pull my brain out. There really are days where it is so bad, I just want to rip it out of my skull or jam an ice pick up my nose. And it's difficult to treat. Prozac was the only drug that helped it somewhat. The odd thing was the higher dosage I went, the worst it got. The only dosage that seemed to stabilize it a little bit was 20 mg and then that crapped out on me.
And what I think is remarkable proof of OCD has been produced. My sister's psychiatric nursing book states the following as evidence:
Functional neuroimaging techniques have shown abnormal metabolic rates in the basal ganglia and orbitalfrontal cortex of individuals with obsessive compulsive disorder (MacKenzie, 1994)And then there is also the whole serotonin theory as well.
Some individuals with obsessive compulsive disorder exhibit nonspecific electroencephalogram (EEG) changes. Some researchers have hypothesized that obsessive-compulsive disorder may represent a nonconvulsive epileptiform disorder (e.g., abnormal discharges in selective brain regions) or an abnormality in left-frontal brain functions (Kaplan & Sadock, 1989)
Brain scans have shown signs of it, like this:
Scan 1
Scan 2
Article
Dammit, maybe I should have had that brain scan done in 2006.
Wikipedia has more information. And yeah, I know Wiki can't be trusted all the time, but the sources seem pretty legitimate to me, so I am half-tempted to believe them. The part that makes me really curious is the streptococcal link. The link is a bit confusing, but when I was a kid, I had strep throat constantly. My tonsils were chronically swollen. If I went to the doctor just for a check-up, no pain or anything, but they would be swollen.
Now if I can just find a worthwhile, not half-assed treatment. Therapy didn't work, drugs didn't work, exercise only keeps me from losing my mind completely....psycho-surgery? HA! Am I fucking joking? That will be like pulling a completely impacted wisdom tooth! Why offer me a chance to be normal when they can keep on pumping me cock full of drugs?
Supposed proof of evolution, according to my dentist- my mom had 4 wisdom teeth, my sister had 2, and I have 1. The bastard hasn't bothered me yet and it better stay that way. And for some reason, I can never remember where it is. I'm pretty sure it's on the left side; I just can't remember if it is on the top or bottom, though.
Alright, I need to go to bed.
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