I don't want to go to bed right now. Every night this week has been hell going to bed because I cannot fall asleep. I lay in bed and my head just runs and runs and runs and eventually this heavy blanket of depression covers me and I break down in tears. Never have I wished to have someone to talk to as much as I do right now. Even if it was that guy Sam I used to talk to. Even talking through email would be better than nothing.
Sitting here right now I have that horrible blanket over me. I am so worried sick over what could be causing this mid-cycle bleeding. All I keep thinking is, what if it's premature menopause? And why would I be going through it already OMG it's definitely Addison's disease. God, I finally thought I was rid of this fear. It's all the same shit over again- spending too much time in the bathroom looking over my skin, panicking every time I enjoy something salty or crave something salty, wondering why the fear is not going away, etc. What in the hell is it going to take to get rid of it? If I could have it done this second, I would put out the money for the damn stimulation test.
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