Random Thoughts

As usual, I did not sleep well last night and woke up in a pretty foul mood. Plus, for some unknown reason, I am hurting everywhere. My throat feels sore, I am exhausted, and I feel like my muscles are burning. And if someone runs their fingers down my spine, I feel like my entire spinal column is bruised. So that all just added to my bad mood. Then I get into work and find out there are still like 14 charts waiting to be completed for tomorrow. And it was only going to be me and one of the at home workers, so right off the bat, my day already was stressful.

Then who comes strolling in a few hours later? My FWA and her brat. I swear, if I had a shank I would have ran at her with it. I wanted so badly to say to her, bitch you chose the wrong day to come in. Instead I just said hi and got up and went into my manager's office to ask her something. Then said "oh by the way [FWA] is here". I thought my manager was going to blow her lid. And I honestly thought she was going to go out and ask her to leave.

And then when I came back out, I went right back to my desk and went back to work. And then the brat starts screeching at the top of her lungs. And all of my coworkers were like awww, while I was thinking someone get that banshee out of here before I start screaming.

I left work so damn stressed out today. Do you know how many charts I got through? Four. And the last one isn't even finished. The at home worker probably did at least 8 or more. Sure, she has been doing it at least a decade longer than me, but still. I felt like shit that I did so little. I honestly feel like never going back because I am so embarrassed by how little work I did.

I can't stand waking up in the morning. I am so damn depressed and every time wake up time comes, I just want to cry. The whole drive to work I want to cry because I dread going in. Clearly I am just not cut out for a task like this. Well, maybe if I still had a good attention span and didn't always feel like I have cobwebs in my brain. Or wasn't so terrified of making mistakes.

And either it was just a fluke or it's going to be a new thing every month several days into my period, but man Friday and Saturday I was an emotional nutcase. I was miserable as shit and couldn't stop crying. And very agitated. And during one of the highest levels of agitation, that kid I graduated with popped into my head again and I got even more agitated and just wanted to scream GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD. It's starting to really annoy the hell out of me.

I really wished I would have stayed home that Saturday. And now I have to worry about seeing him on Sunday when we go to dinner for Mother's Day. ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!