Random Thoughts

Good news! I submitted my taxes on Sunday night. I was going to finish them on Friday and then realized I did not have ink to print them out, so I ended up buying ink on Sunday and finishing them later that night. Of course now I know that I could indeed have saved them and printed them out later. I actually couldn't remember if I could do that or not. Oh, and I ended up paying to have my state taxes filed electronically. Dammit, I really wanted that extra $30.

I never did get my cannoli on Saturday, but as predicted I did eat bad. I had to go to a wedding and I ate like a fucking pig. I had 2.5 Kings Hawaiian rolls, 1 serving mashing potatoes, 2 servings of mixed vegetables, 2 servings of ziti, and 2 servings of chicken parm. Then I had pudding, 2 mini cupcakes, a mini biscotti, a Rice Crispie treat, a slice of cheesecake, a slice of carrot cake, and my wedding cake. And then I came home and ate a soft pretzel.

Mother of God, I am feeling guilty now reading it out loud.

My FWA came into work again yesterday with her mother and the baby. Hey, if I ever wonder why she is so annoying, I just have to look at her mother. The two are identical. They both interrupt constantly, talk too damn much, and everything is always about them. They stopped in before they were going shopping at the mall. I have to laugh at that- her doctor is willing to keep her out for 10 weeks, but she can go shopping? And carry a baby carrier? And hoist it up onto a desk? Seriously? And at one point the baby started screeching and crying. Now I will admit that newborn cries doesn't usually bother me all that much, but oh my freaking god, it was one of the most annoying shrilly screechy cries I have ever heard in my life (then again, look at who her mother is; that poor child having to listen to that voice). And one of my coworkers said she could never tire of hearing that noise. My ovaries were about to commit a murder suicide.

And now for what will probably make me sound like an awful person. I was out on Sunday and I decided to walk from one end of the shopping center we were at to the other end. By the time I got to the other end, I was out of breath and my legs were burning. And all I kept think was about that time I went to that chiro lady and she told me the circulation in my legs wasn't good. And I started thinking of all of these horrible things and what if I get really bad circulation and then I thought of that kid I went to high school with (I swear to God that is going to drive me mad) and I was pretty off the wall the rest of the day. And now all I keep thinking of and worrying about are amputations and it's driving me up the fucking wall. I feel like I am going to lose my mind.

I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I would take worrying I have Addison's disease over this. I honestly did not think it was possible, but apparently there is something that could scare me worse than Addison's disease.

And because life is a cruel bitch, I was reading the newspaper yesterday and there was an article about anti-vaccers and there was this story about this little boy who contracted meningitis (I don't think his parents were anti-vaccers, though). Now I have seen some pretty horrifying photos of post-meningitis patients, but none have ever horrified me as much as this one. I couldn't even stop looking at it in horror. Not only did this poor kid have pretty much most of his limbs amputated, but the doctors also removed part of his jaw, parts of ears, and parts of his eyelids.

Maybe I would feel differently if I actually had a child or maybe I am just an overall awful person, but if I had a child and the doctors told me they had to do that to him or her....I'm sorry, I just couldn't allow them to do it. I would feel like a monster making my child live like that (although the sad thing is I bet that kid is happier than I am) and every time I would look at him or her, all I would do is blame myself and think, what in the hell could I have done to prevent this?