COME ALREADY!

If my period does not come on soon, I am going to hurt someone.

I heard about that Target breach on Wednesday. Didn't think anything of it. Didn't think anything of it the whole day Thursday. Out of nowhere Thursday night, I am SLAMMED with terrible anxiety over whether my checking account was okay. Bad enough to the point that I was ready to hop into my car at almost 11PM just to go check on it. I finally decide to call the 24 hour hotline despite not being happy about having to enter my SSN. I get past that point and the automated voice reads off my user ID number to use the next time I call. And they give you no warning whatsoever, no "you have exactly one minute to grab a pen, as we are about to read you off a long ass number ID that we will not repeat or give you the option to repeat at the end". So now I can call and access my account, but I have no user ID number! FML.

And then today I just had a shitty day in work. Every chart I picked up SUCKED. And I was getting frustrated and I didn't feel good and I am tired of not feeling good and I am tired of worrying about my health and I am tired of worrying that I am going through early menopause and I am tired of worrying in general and I am tired of never feeling good enough and I am tired of over-thinking things and I am tired of being too hard on myself and I am tired of feeling like I am never going to "get" my job and I am tired of people telling me I am being too hard on myself or that there is nothing wrong with me or that I will get my job one day and they are sure I am doing just fine. Yes, I understand they are trying to be positive and give me some encouragement, but it's like.....hm....I know there is a saying, it just won't come to me. But anyway, I was not in a good mood on my way home from work and frankly, all I wanted to do was run my car into a tree.

Also, at dinner, I went to take a pill before I ate and when I was drinking water, this horrible sharp pain shot across my whole stomach, like a knife was plunged into it. I've had that before in the morning, usually after a bad night of heartburn or something, but never in the evening. One of these days I am going to end up in the hospital, be it the nuthouse or something in my body is finally going to give out from my horrible stress levels and my atrocious diet.

ETA 12/21: OH THANK GOD. But now I exchanged extreme mental instability for pain in various places. There is no win, although to be honest, I will take the latter.