Random Thoughts

Saturday was that cookout my sister and brother-in-law were throwing. I was surprised they actually went through with it. And do you know how it worked out? My mother did a lot of the work, and my sister's mother-in-law helped her put out the desserts. My sister did a lot of the work. My brother-in-law's friend did most of the grilling. My mother, sister, grandmother, my father, and I did the cleaning up while my brother-in-law sat on his fat ass with his friend. I was so livid when I left I wanted to punch something. Or someone. I'll give you one guess who.

Do you remember when I mentioned how he said to me "do you ever wish you could say things out loud?". Last night was one of those moments. And thank god I have some degree of control over my temper, because I really would have liked to have lost mine last night and tore him another asshole. And I would have liked to have torn my sister another asshole for allowing him get away with it. But do you know what would have happened? I would have gotten in trouble, even though everyone would know I was right. I would have gotten in trouble for starting trouble.

During that time, the baby had been put up in his crib to go to sleep. He didn't want to, so he wailed his head off. I went up with him at one point and just leaned over the crib and rubbed his shoulder and arm. That clearly wasn't going to work, because all he kept doing was looking up at me and doing his silly face where he sticks his tongue out and smiles. I always laugh when he makes that face. But I just looked down at him and thought, god he is such a sweetie, and I thought about my dream the night before, and I started to cry. I don't know, surprisingly my nephew seems to really like me now. Heaven knows what he'll be like when he is older.

Friday night I had one of the most disturbing dreams in my life. It was the first time I ever dreamt I actually attempted suicide. I don't know why I tried to do it. All I know is I grabbed a rather large handful of pills, swallowed them all, and then I laid on my bed and kept thinking, am I doing the right thing or am I making a huge mistake? I never did get an answer. I woke up and the first thing I thought was Jesus fucking Christ what was that all about? I don't know why I did it in my dream, but I could easily list several reasons why I would like to do it in real life.

Friday night, my FWA posted some whiny ass Facebook status about my former boss. I swear, I wish I could have sent my fist through the monitor and have it come out hers and hit her square in the face. Fucking ungrateful piece of white trash. I would do anything to have my job back! And yeah, my former boss was a whack job, but clearly I was doing something right, considering she was rarely on my ass about stuff. I don't know what my former coworkers think. Do they honestly believe they can come late into work, wear inappropriate clothing, carry on half hour plus conversations.....and not get reprimanded for it? I don't get it. Did I miss something?

And speaking of missing something, what am I missing in Futurama since it started airing on Comedy Central? Every forum or webpage I go on that mentions it being cancelled, everyone is so sad about it. I am not the least bit sad about it. Except for a few I didn't mind, I hate the new episodes. I don't think the humor in the show is like it used to be. Sure, Bender has always loved his floozies, but now he is like this sex-obsessed maniac. And that is all he seems to do. And the humor just felt cheap and too much pop-culture references. When I started watching it, I felt like the humor was different compared to other cartoons I watch. Now it just seems on par with them. I don't think I could ever get enough of the older episodes, but these new ones.....you can have 'em.