Random Thoughts

Boy, I can't believe next weekend will be Labor Day weekend already. Earlier on the news, they were discussing about it being one year since that dumb earthquake hit. And in a few days, it will be a year since Hurricane Irene threatened my area. And in a week and a half or so, one year since I found out I would be losing my job. Before I know it, it will be October and one year since my last day of work. Where in the hell has the time gone?

It also occured to me that it has been one year since I started not feeling well, since the day of the earthquake is when I can pinpoint starting to feel shitty. Whether it started before that, I really don't recall, except for developing some kind of cold before I went down the shore about two weeks prior. And I still have no answer. I so badly want to say at this point I don't think that it's Addison's, but I still just cannot bring myself to let go of that fear. I still worry that should I let go of it, that I will jinx myself. OCD is such a rotten son of a bitch.

I know I should not be dwelling on it still, but it still hurts that I was laid off from my job. Sure, I wasn't the only one to get laid off, but I still feel like it was somehow my fault. That I did something wrong. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been just finally getting some of my life back. I had a job, I was making money, I had benefits. I finally felt somewhat secure. All I needed was to take the step of going back to school and finishing the other half of my schooling. Instead, some cruel force decided it would be funny to knock me down on my ass again.

While pity partying earlier, I thought of my friend that died in the car accident, and I still wonder why the one and only friend I had had to be taken from me. What did I do wrong?

And while I am actually surprisingly excited about becoming an aunt (although it should be interesting the first time someone hands me my niece or nephew; I have no idea how to handle babies), there is also a small part of me that dreads it. That I will be a lousy aunt. That it's just another person in my life that I will be nothing but a big disappointment to.

I am also so disgusted with my digestive system right now. I knew going on vacation was a big mistake, because now it is apparently on strike. I am so bloated and I just want to scream. My back is starting to hurt because it's so bad. And I am 4 pounds heavier and I don't know if it is just from this problem, or if I gained any weight. Monday and Tuesday the scale was around 125, Wednesday it was back down to 122, and Thursday it was right back up to 125. Any other time I go through this, the scale is up just because I am so bad off. Once the problem resolves itself, the scale goes right back down. But who knows when that is going to happen.

Also, speaking of weight, I happened to look up my measurements on a sizing chart and was surprised to find that my measurements do actually correlate with a size 8. What I still don't understand is how I have such large measurements for my weight. Especially when all I ever hear is women in weight loss commercials saying "oh I weigh 150 pounds and now wear a size 6!".

Sizing can be such a pain in the ass, but no matter how much I may hate my size, I still make sure whatever I buy fits me with enough room, even if the size makes me want to go on a rampage. I'd much rather my clothes be a little too loose than too tight. Absolutely no muffin top for me. I bought a shirt earlier in the season at NY&Co and was surprised to find I get could into an XS. I was hesitant to buy it, even though I had plenty of room. I did end up buying it, but I still feel awkward when I wear it that I may look too big in it.

And last but not least, I noticed today that Andrew's Facebook fan page, assuming it is actually legitimate and controlled by him, is no longer in existence. Did he finally stab his Facebook?!! *sobs* ANDREW! Y U NO KEEP YOUR PAGE?!

Also....here is an extremely fappable picture of Andrew. He looks like Anakin Skywalker in Episode III. His acting was pretty horrendous, but damn did Hayden Christensen look hot in that movie.