Good News Everyone!

I received lottery tickets for my birthday and I won $21! I was pissed though on the first one I scratched because you have to have 3 of the same value and I was one short of $10,000. I would have died of happiness if I had won ten grand.

Ugh, all the symptoms I have been experiencing for the past week disappeared (as well as It, so obviously it was It that was causing them), but a few days ago, my throat started to feel irritated. Now when I do actually get sick, which is once in a blue moon, I usually get some form of postnasal drip that has me with a wicked sore throat, blobs of mucus in my throat (yummy, eh?), runny nose, clogged ears that squeal whenever I blow my nose, cough, and head to toe body aches. It's hard to say whether it is actually postnasal because I usually get a low grade fever of about 99*F as well (my normal body temperature ranges from 96.0 to 97.7*F.). The sore throat lasts about 24 hours and then my throat gets really irritated. This is how my throat feels now. I also get the phlemgy feeling and whenever I get that, I get a really bad taste in my mouth. I keep coughing and get a gaggy feeling. It's probably just postnasal drip this time as well, but of course, I keep thinking the worst, like throat cancer or something.

Isn't it amazing how my psychiatric records do not contain the words "hypochondriac"? At least, not to my knowledge. No doctor has ever specifically said the words to my face.

I often think about the time I was emailing back and forth with a guy who wants the same thing as I do and I stated that I think it has characteristics of anxiety/obsessive compulsive disorder and he insisted it is not. How is it not? You're plagued by obsessions with it and the obsessions can be somewhat relieved by acting out what you want. His excuse was something like it cannot be treated the same way as the above mentioned. So? Bipolar and unipolar depression are treated with different medications, but they both are still classified as mood disorders.

On Wednesday when we were celebrating my birthday, right before I blew out the candles, my mom said something about making a good, meaningful wish and I wanted to cry because I felt depressed that I can't even tell anyone what I want. I have wished for it several years, but notice any of it has come true. And the weird thing is, looking back far into the past, I realized that I have wanted this a lot longer than the past couple years. This goes way, way further back, as far back to third grade that I can remember. And as far back as I can remember, I have never particularly found anyone attractive who possessed this one thing- only one person I have had a crush on in my life actually did- but if I did find a person attractive, imagining them with this thing made them hundreds more sexually appealing. And I still do.