Random Thoughts

I don't know what is going on with my hormones this monthly time around, but they need to get themselves together, because this is ridiculous. I am a freaking wreck! And I don't know if my hormones being a mess is what is affecting my digestive system or what, but something needs to get situated here. It feels as bad as it did on birth control.

All I am feeling right now is depressed and guilty about everything. My mom said something one day that the Wizard of Oz is coming to do the Academy of Music and then I started thinking, is she hinting to go see it? And I looked it up and it's only next week and I can't figure out any time to go with work and the weekend wouldn't really be good and now I am feeling overwhelmingly guilty and like a horrible daughter not getting her tickets. I keep snapping out on everyone and then feel terrible over it. I feel horrible for getting so agitated last night over not having the dessert I wanted when I wanted it. I feel horrible about everything. Bad enough that when I was driving home earlier, I started to feel so overwhelmed from how I felt and my front tire sounded weird and all I could think of was it blowing out and losing control of my car and crashing and ironically enough, thought I wish I could hit the gas pedal and ram into a tree.

Really, mind? You are horrified at the thought of losing control of your car and crashing so the first thing you do is think how much you want to crash your car? JFC.

And as if I don't feel bad enough, now it's back to work again. And one more week of peace until the dreaded FWA comes back. I finally took her off of my newsfeed. It's a little tiring seeing pictures of her screaming baby constantly (I swear all that baby does is scream and cry, but I am sure she wouldn't change it for the world!!!!) and every goddamn person in her life holding her. Oh and she also apparently lost the ability to refer to herself as "me" or "I". She is now apparently known only as "Mommy" now. "Baby and daddy are napping and Mommy is enjoying a cup of coffee" "Mommy is doing this" "Mommy is doing that" JFC you're still an individual person! And the thing I hate the worst? I actually feel guilty for taking her off of my newsfeed. And I actually sometimes feel guilty talking about her! I shouldn't, because I wouldn't put it past her to ever talk about me.

Anyway, back to work, my manager hasn't really been having me doing any other work and it's depressing the hell out of me. I like to be up and moving and doing some other jobs and instead I have been stuck at my desk most of the day and it's making me so fucking miserable.

I borrowed the Imagine Dragons CD from my brother-in-law and I just finally listened to it earlier. It's pretty good. In addition to the 5 songs I already knew ("On Top Of The World", "Radioactive", "It's Time", "Tip Toe", and "Demons"), I like "Round and Round", "Hear Me", "Amsterdam", "America", and "Nothing Left to Say/Rocks". And the last one I listened to was "Bleeding Out". Holy mother of fuck. The lyrics. The feels. So many feels. Damn you, Dan. If this was the song he was performing when he passed out on stage, I can't say I blame him one bit.

I am sorry, call me mean, but that story will never not be funny. The idea of a 6'4 musician passing out and crashing into a drum set and sending pieces flying and- this is the best part- the band continues to play on is just too freaking funny.