Random Thoughts

It's Friday and I'm doing what I always do- having a date with Moe, Larry, and Curly; then a date with Moe, Larry, and Shemp; then the former again, then the latter, and so on for 3 hours.

I hate my life.

Actually, it is kind of okay tonight to just not do anything. I did get to go out last night. My sister and I went to dinner and then to see the Hangover 2, which I actually laughed a lot more at than I thought I would. But in the grand tradition of things, we got stuck with three girls sitting behind us who are of the genetically unable to STFU at the movies makeup. I wanted one of those monk sticks to hit them everytime they opened their obnoxious ass mouths. Laughing obnoxiously, making comments every 5 seconds, at one point one of the brats decided to take pictures of the monkey. I just don't understand what happened to manners. And god forbid you ask them to shut up. Then you get lip. I don't get that. If I was being a little heathen and someone asked me to stop, I did. I didn't talk back or tell anyone to fuck off or anything (but I certainly thought it).

I can't figure out why exactly it was so funny, but my sister and I were laughing so hard at the part when they played "The Downeaster Alexa" by Billy Joel.

So I have heard that there were reports of the Durrrsey Shur cast being replaced. Everything I have read on it conflicts with each other. They are, they aren't. I wouldn't put it past Moron TV to say that no, they are not being replaced and then at the end of the 5th season taping, they say that the show is no longer going to continue. After all, some of the cretins do have spin-offs, which I am curious to see how the viewership of those goes. Even as much as I fucking love the Sitch, I don't know if I would have any interest in watching a spin-off. Who would he create drama with?

Look at this picture of the stupid son of a bitch. Look at that face. I can literally see the wheels turning in his head as he thinks about what he can do to exacerbate the er, situation.

I never get spin-offs when it comes to reality shows. The shows generally end due to drop in viewership and viewer disinterest, so does anyone really give a shit about the people afterwards?

I am dying to see what happens with these people when their 15 minutes expire. I shouldn't give a shit, but I am dying to hear all of the dirty laundry that comes out when these cretins finally retreat back into anonymity. I won't be very surprised if their eye-rolling, vomiting inducing "family mentality" and love for each other is nothing more than a bunch of phooey. I am also pretty convinced at least one of them is going to find Jeebus sometime down the line.

I was talking about this with my WA today and one thing I am starting to notice is she is just like every other friend I have had- she has to agree with every single thing I say. Okay, maybe she does, I don't know, but when I have her agreeing with something I am saying, and then I recall a time before she said something completely different, then that is when I start to wonder. Like the first time I ever mentioned anything about the Sitch to her, she made a big stink about what a jerk he is and all that and now all of a sudden he is the person we all love, but love to hate (her words, not mine). I just snorted when I read that from her. I was going to call her out on it, but decided against it. It's incredibly annoying. I hate saying stuff and having people agree with me ALL OF THE TIME, especially when it seems like they really do not and are just doing it for the sake of agreeing with me. Or saying something to said person only to hear almost the same words come out of their mouths a few days later. I always seem to attract these people that easily are influenced by others and who try to be like other people. I'm like, people please! Don't try to be like me! I am not a person to mimic. It drives me up the freaking wall.

Oh yes, I had my foot x-rayed last Friday and everything was normal. So now I can go in two different directions- continue to be convinced that an x-ray isn't showing anything and to worry about it still or I can finally move onto the next thing to worry about. Whatever that will be.

Well, a week has went by since I seen that guy and no luck getting to see him this week. I am disappointed. I really do not know why I want to see him again so bad. But I do. And I feel like I will freaking lose my mind if I do not get to. I want to at least see what his face looked like!

I was sitting in work the other and as usual my mind started wandering and I was thinking about That Thing and I started to think about how much I keep from everyone I know. It's actually pretty sad. Things upset me day in and day out and all I do is bottle them up and never tell anyone. And even benign things, but things I still find I am too bashful to ever admit to, I keep bottled up inside of me. If something were to ever happen to me and anyone close to me was to read anything I have written in a journal, or god forbid the letter I wrote explaining That Thing, it makes me wonder if they would question if they ever really knew me at all? Half of the time I don't even feel like I know or understand anything about myself. I feel like a stranger in my own body.

It absolutely kills me to keep That Thing bottled up inside of me from my loved ones, especially my mom. People tell me I can tell them anything, they would never judge, etc but I just know that telling this will not receive a positive reaction. And I already am so ashamed of this. Finally getting the guts to admit it to someone and receive a negative reaction would devastate me.

I am about to go so far out of my comfort zone right now with this, but I am going to admit something that I am definitely not ashamed of by any means, but for some reason or another, I just find I have a hard time ever wanting to admit it to someone. I wouldn't say a fetish, but I have an attraction to disabled guys. More specifically, I am attracted to guys in wheelchairs.

And that guy I am dying to see again? Yes. Yes, he was.

I had planned a much longer post, but after admitting that....I kind of have nothing else to say.