Random Thoughts

Boy, did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed today. Or it's PMS. Maybe a little of both. All I know is I have been cranky all day. I went on a vocal rampage when I called my mother during my lunch break. I am just frustrated and annoyed and while I am at the point of being semi-content with my job, all I keep wondering is how much longer is the content-ness going to last.

The whole time I was getting ready for work, I just fumed over life in general. All I kept thinking was, I am going about this whole life thing the wrong way. I need to just throw away my dignity and morals and just become a disgusting human being because apparently that is the only way to get anywhere in this day and age. I need to just stop worring about everyone else's feelings and just fucking screw everyone over because no one ever seems to care about hurting mine or screwing me over. Why should I care about other people? Nice guys really do finish last, don't they? And why bother working hard? I need to just start speaking my mind and acting on my feelings. I'll probably end up dead, but I don't really particularly care at this particular moment.

Is it possible to never really experience true love but are afraid to fall for someone? I think I may have mentioned the story before, but a couple years ago, I was pretty head over heels for someone, only to find out he was engaged. I was absolutely crushed. I think that was the first time I actually was able to fully understand what the term "broken heart" meant. I had never, ever felt anything like what I felt after finding out that news. It took many months to finally get over it, although at the time I truly believed I would never get over it. I feel kinda ridiculous now for getting so upset over it, but ever since then, I am absolutely terrified of ever developing feelings for someone because I do not want to ever go through something like that again.

My sister seems to believe having a significant other might help me change my outlook on life. While I agree on one hand (I am fully convinced at this point that if I just get fucked already, I won't be so damn high strung), I also have to wonder who will seriously be able to put up with me. I can't even stand me, let alone another person. Love me just the way I am? Keep dreaming.

Changing subjects, I recently started choking down, er, taking Konsyl. It's pretty bad. I have a sneaky suspicion I am really drinking sawdust, but hey, it is working better than Metamucil was, so where am I to complain? Plus, it will [hopefully] get my gastrointestinal doctor off of my back about taking fiber supplements. I say hopefully because he actually suggested Benefiber, but Konsyl has less calories and more natural ingredients. It's still fiber, is it not?!

At least, I think it is fiber. It is, isn't it? Hello? Anyone?

I have recently been delegated the task of medical records requests in work. It's not rocket science, but I am seriously going to go apeshit on law firms. I would think that after 7+ years in school, these lawyers would know they can not get these records without a subpoena. But apparently they do not, because I am constantly getting requests without one. So then I get to type up a nice little letter demanding a subpoena. Ugh. And then one day I almost died of a heart attack when I opened a request and found - GASP- a subpoena included. I was ecstatic. I still would have had to send a letter demanding payment first, but it still had the frigging subpoena! So what happened? The person has never been to our office. SO....instead of sending a letter demanding MONEY, I had to send a letter informing the law firm we had never seen said person.

I was down at the Berlin Mart about a month ago and I was in the store where I am convinced every worker is from Ancora and I wish I had had a camera at the time to take a picture to submit to Failblog. It was a clamshell package opener (I am talking the evil ones you have to use a razor blade to open) and it was in....a clamshell package.