The Hell?

Last night, I had just started to fall asleep when something jolted me awake. I don't know what it was, but whatever it was, I woke up and was nearly suffocated with anxiety. I climbed out of bed and walked around the house and I was shaking so bad and felt like I was going to pass out and I don't know why. I don't know what in the hell had me so scared. And I have been like that all day, scared and filled with anxiety over I don't even know what. And after lunch, I started having all of these awful images running through my head and I just wanted to lay down and cry. And some of the thoughts were so bad and disturbing, I wanted to run out of the building, hop into my car, and floor it into a wall, or reach in and physically rip my brain out.

And I feel like I am never going to get the hang of this job. My manager tells me constantly it is something that takes a while to learn, but give it a little bit of time and she'll be jumping down my throat, wondering why I am not "getting it" yesterday. I dread going into work every day and opening my email that there is going to be a scathing email, or that I am going to get into trouble by my manager for something she told me to do. And I am beyond terrified that one day I am going to commit a mistake of epic proportions and get fired.