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This is all I have to say about my day right now:















Tonight calls for orgasms. Multiple ones.

Oh God It's Back

It's back....the fear of meningococcemia.

I have not been feeling good at all for the past week and a half. I can't even describe it. Friday I started to feel really lousy so I went out and asked one of our medical assistants in work to take my blood pressure and it was normal and my pulse was about 55. I still felt crappy when I got home and I took my blood pressure again and it was still fine, and my pulse was a little more normal. Today I started to feel the same way and I just feel horrible. I keep feeling like I am going to pass out and my heart feels like it's racing but my heart rate and pulse are normal. I don't get it at all. And all I can think is, it's meningococcemia or septicemia.

My mouth keeps feeling numb. I feel like I am having a hard time breathing. Every so often I keep feeling like there is a lump in my throat every time I swallow, but I have no trouble eating or anything. It's uncomfortable in that area when I put my head back. I also had a couple times of my left arm feeling numb and my left hand buzzing earlier and I am also starting to wonder if something is going on with my heart. Yeah that would be my luck. Leave it to me to be one of the healthiest ones in the family and I would be the one to have a heart attack.

Now if I were to actually tell any of this to people I know, I would get the same answer- it's anxiety. Every search I enter into google brings up anxiety as a result. Of course I have considered that. I have seen more times than what should be considered necessary of what anxiety can do to the human body. I have been to the point of actually experiencing symptoms of diseases from having myself so worried over having them. I keep wondering if I am feeling lousy from being anxious (over what I have no idea), and feeling lousy is making me anxious, which in turn is only making me feel worse, and feeling even worse is causing me to stress anymore, and....well, it's a vicious cycle. Anxiety is the devil. It really is. But do I care if it's anxiety? No. As lousy as it's making me feel, I would much rather it be anxiety than any of the shit running through my head.

Something's gotta give with this fear. I honestly do not believe I have any greater fear than the fear of someone making the wrong medical treatment decision on my behalf. I live in absolute fear every single day of my life that one day I am going to go unconscious and someone is going to allow a medical professional to amputate any of my body parts. Legs, okay, I could deal with that somewhat. But those stories of people having every limb amputated....absolutely not. To me, that would be worse than dying. I would absolutely choose death over that.

On another note, do you know what word makes me laugh? Fap. Every time I see the word "fap" or any variation of it in a comment section, I giggle uncontrollably.

Random Thoughts

Well, that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I finally forced myself to go to bed about 3AM and there had only been one tornado warning issued for further north to me by then. I kept the Weather Channel on while I tried to go to sleep and it took a little time, but I finally fell asleep. I woke up a couple of times during the rest of the night and checked the TV, but I don't believe any more warnings came after that. I was a nervous wreck, though. Not just with the tornado warnings, but just how bad the winds were going to get when the bitch finally touched NJ.

I was a little pissed off that Ativan took so long to kick in. The pill was actually expired, so I am surprised it even worked at all, but I could have used it a lot sooner, like during the three nearly consecutive tornado warnings! That moment of looking outside and seeing all of the light flashing was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I have watched enough of the Weather Channel specials on tornadoes and many times I saw scenes of tornadoes being filmed and it looked just like that. And with the rain being so heavy, I really couldn't see anything, which only scared me even more. But I was certain one was coming at the time.

Of course today, I am getting the lecture from my mother of how I got myself all worried over nothing and even when I told her about the three tornado warnings and how that moment of the light flashing looked just like what I have seen on many storm story shows, I get "well, stop watching so much TV". My response? Well, this is why people end up being killed. Because they don't pay attention to this shit. I hate anxiety with a passion and always imagining the worst of the worst happening, but in the end, it does have an upside. Shit, if I lived in a house with a basement, assuming it was not flooded at that point, I would have drug my bed and whatever else I wanted with me down into it and spent the rest of the night down there.

I hated rushin the weekend, but I just wanted it over. Except now it's back to hell, er, work. But good news! Next weekend is a three day weekend! Huzzah! It's kind of depressing, though, that the end of summer is coming. I love fall, but I am not ready for summer to be over.

But anyway, onto something new. Ah yes, the fight on Durrrsey Shur! The fight I have been anticipating seeing since TMZ first broke the story about it. What a fucking disappointment! I should have known better. I should have known it would be blown all out of proportion by the evil bastards at MTV and also that it would come right at the end of the episode so it would be drug out into another one (which I think is on tonight or something). It was hilarious, though. Ronnie getting all pissy and taking his shirt off. He took his shirt off and means business now, yo! Then him storming in like an angry little Hulk and doing this to Mike. Mike denying getting involved in the relationship. At this point I was about to lose it. Really, Mike? You don't get involved? Delusion, thy name is Mike! That is ALL he seems to do! Then Mike's hissy fit (which eerily reminded me a little too much of the fit I threw after receiving that email from my boss. I was actually scaring myself when I threw that fit. I was so angry and I had no idea what to do with it.).

But the absolute best part was the huge dramatization in the scenes for the next episode. Holy god, that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. Everyone crying (yet not one person stepping in and doing a damn thing to stop the fight. But why should they when it could affect ratings, right?), a flat line bleeping sound effect....give me a fucking break! I will hardly be surprised if I decide to watch it tonight and it turns out to be nowhere near as bad it is portrayed.

I read some comments on the episode on Jezebel and some commenters raised a good point. A commentor by the name of Likeastar1032 said it best:

3) In the previews for the next episode, Sam is the one crying and apologizing for RON fighting and it looks like the housemates will frame it to be her fault, as usual. Again, no accountability for the men of Jersey Shore.

It's true. Sammi is an annoying pain in the ass cunt from the little I have seen of her, but she cannot be the 100% blame behind this. They are all adults. It is not her fault that two grown men can't handle their steroids and emotions and URST for each other and have to rage on each other.

And speaking of these cretins and blame, I 100% blame them for this hurricane. Since MTV unleashed that disease of a show on society, we have had two winters of constant coastal snow storms, an earthquake the other day, and now a hurricane. Of course, these problems have affected other states besides just Joisey, but maybe the head honcho doesn't want to make it obvious that he or she is punishing Joisey for this show, so the catastrophes are spead to other areas and....you know what? What in the HELL am I even talking about?

7:09PM: He banged his own head on the wall? Really, MTV? REALLY? And the crap afterwards- watching 2 juiced up douchebags fight like two school girls, Jenni standing around crying that she doesn't want the kid to die (okay, I know seemingly benign head injuries can kill, like with Natasha Richardson, but come on)- is making me want to do the same thing to myself.

*rips off naughty nurse costume* Fuck you, Mike! You did this! Take care of yourself!

7:32PM: Why would 7 people leave their roommate with a concussion alone?

7:52PM: What are the statistical odds that 4 of the 5 MGMT songs on my iPod would play back to back on a shuffled playlist? I know....I need to listen to more songs by them. Technically, I know 6 songs by them, 2 of which I know from 104.5 ("Kids" and "Time To Pretend"), 1 from the Music Choice channels ("It's Working"), and the rest from the video suggestion box on Youtube while watching the other three ("Electric Feel", "Flash Delirium", and "Congratulations"), but "Congratulations" hasn't grown on me yet. I am just concerned if I were to listen to any more of their songs, my brain wouldn't be able to handle that much awesomeness.

8:31PM: Okay, I'm a dumbass and do think he kind of has a point, and I am guilty of defending this asshole (I defended him against my WA the other day when she kept making snide comments about him. I was half-tempted to rebut at one time with "what happened to the person we all love, but love to hate like you said before?" but then decided against it), but.....












Really, Mike? How old are you again? Oh, but that's right. All publicity is good publicity, right?

Now....here is what a REAL man has to say to this posting.

10:27PM: Oh god, Bouncy (as Lady Miss Kier calls her) is pregnant? Christ. We'll never hear the end of this. It will be like she is delivering the second coming of God.

Comment Of The Day

From Radio 104.5's Facebook page on how Irene is making people feel:


















I so badly want to be like everyone on my Facebook page and make light of this situation, but I am finding it really hard to make any jokes when my anxiety levels are so high, And while I briefly thought about it the other day, I almost completely forgot how hurricanes can spawn tornadoes, so that added another weight to my anxiety scale. I hate psychiatric drugs with a passion, but what I would not do for a major tranquilizer of the absolute highest quality right now.

On the plus side....because I am sure everyone really wants to know this....the excessive amounts of anxiety have been keeping certain organs in the body functioning.

8:10PM: I discovered a little before 6:30PM that my area was under a tornado watch until 8PM. I have been waiting- with even higher anxiety levels than when I initially typed this post- for the threat to be over at 8. Only to have this one expire and a new one is in place. Until 5 AM.

I have no idea how I am ever going to get through this night without losing it completely.

12:36AM: Three. Three tornado warnings right in my county (and about a million others in the rest of South Joisey, Delaware, and Pennsy). The first, ending at 9:30PM, was a little further down in my county, the third was further up in central Joisey, but the second one, ending at 10:45PM, was expected to hit a little too close for comfort. During the first one I happened to look outside and see different parts of the sky flashing white and green. I don't know if it was lightening or circuits being blowing out but that scared the absolute hell out of me. I thought for sure one was coming despite the spotted one being closer to the shore. One point during the second one my left hand and arm started to go numb and all I could think was oh god, leave it to me to have a heart attack in the middle of a storm. All I know is I am really hoping and praying no more come after this.

I wish I would have been able to get a picture of it, but the last two issued in my county, they were only issued in part of the county, but both were at the same time and on the map, they intersected and were both right around my town. It was freaky.

1:17AM: The old Ativan I took at, oh, 10:30PM....it's finally working.

Video Of The Day

It took a couple of listenings, but it finally grew on me:



That video freaked me out more than the "Kids" video (and to answer my question the first time I watched it, I have chosen to laugh hysterically every time I watch it, especially whenever the kid starts to cry. Then I really guffaw. I'm a terrible person). The part when the dummies sing is my favorite part of the song. And for absolutely no reason at all, Ben is the best part of the entire video. And when he laughs at the dummies, it makes me laugh (although I'd say the look on my face is usually a little more like Andrew's. Those dummies, man!). Whenever I am just listening to the song, when that part plays, I can picture him laughing, and then I start laughing.

Andrew makes the best faces. A lot of pictures I have seen of him, there is always something about the face he is making that reminds me of a little boy up to no good. However....this is still the best by far. Hurrr....durrr....what in the HELL was going through his head at that moment?

Picture Of The Day

The Hurricane Irene Edition!









































Memes aside....I'm fucking scared out of my mind. Every time I worry about something, when that worry goes away and the next one slides into place, 99% of the time I'd rather be worrying about the previous one. I would rather be worrying about my foot right now.

Random Thoughts

So we had an earthquake the other day! I am sure if you live in the Northeast, you are well aware of it. If not, where the fuck do you live? In a cave? I was sitting in my car on lunch and I had just gotten off the phone with my mother and all of a sudden my car starts rocking, like someone jumping on the trunk ledge. I thought maybe someone was playing a joke on me so I swing around and don't see anyone back there. So I look out the windshield at the trees to see if maybe the wind had picked up. But the trees are still. I look at a coworker's car and it too is rocking back and forth. At this point I was a little freaked out and thinking what the fuck is going on? I decide to go inside and as I am walking back in, two of my coworkers come outside and start freaking out, asking me if I felt the shaking. Then the rest of my coworkers, as well as the other businesses (including the one Mystery Guy From Georgia, or MGG as he will be known from this point on, came out of; I secretly wished, but no luck. I have thought about actually looking up the company's webpage to see if maybe, just maybe, he is an executive of some sort and there is a picture. But honestly? I am a little nervous, almost bashful, to actually see his face. Okay I am just rambling now.), came outside. We all stayed outside for a little bit and then went back in. I was still on lunch so I went on Facebook and like everyone was flipping out. A couple postings confirmed it was a quake.

It still amazes me how everyone reacted to this. People were acting ridiculous over it. My evening local news talked about it almost the entire 2.5 hours it was on and later on the 11 news too. Everyone on my FB page was flipping out that it was the end of the world. I was like people, please! It's not the end of the world! And even if it was, is that such a bad thing?! I don't think it is!

And you know the weird thing? I felt so weird all Tuesday morning. I did not feel right at all. At one point I was in the bathroom and I kept thinking, if I go unconscious while I am work, I am going to freak out (you know, when I regain consciousness). And it went away after the quake hit.

The best posting I saw in response to the quake was none other than the Sitch's friend the Unit (yes, I fanned him on FB. I have absolutely no idea why, so don't bother asking.):




















I think I found someone who could possibly out-ego the Sitch; for God's sakes, I don't know how the two can be in the same room without causing the Earth to collapse into itself. Speaking of Mike, if he makes one more FB posting with the word "twinning" in it, I am going to kick him in the nuts.

And now we have the possibility of Irene hitting us?! Now THAT is freaking me out.

Work as usual is drama drama drama. Every day I have to hear my WA whine about how it's so unfair that she is not allowed to get up and talk to her friend for 10 minutes and I just want to bang my head repeatedly against the wall and scream "YOU ARE BACK THERE MORE THAN 10 MINUTES! GET A FUCKING TIMER!". And the even more annoying part is her friend also insists it's only about 10 minutes! Look, I know my touch with reality is a little out of whack, but what the fuck planet do I live on where someone is back from 3:30 to 4:30 and that is 10 minutes? Even if she doesn't go back at 3:30, it's still always more than 10 minutes! I can't stand it. I really can't. And I can't stand the incessant whining of "oh it's okay for others to talk, but I spend all day in my office and get up and go back and talk for 10 minutes and get in trouble!". Listen. LISTEN! I have said it before and will do so again- just because others do it DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY!

And I am tired of how she comes dressed to work. She looks like a fucking whore. And she is one of those people that dresses like a whore and then whines that people are checking her out.

Her friend got written up for her time and my WA actually admitted that her friend does come to work late, but that it is because her husband is a deadbeat and doesn't help with the kids. Look, I like this lady and all, but I am sorry that is not an excuse. I mean, she already comes in later than the rest of the office. But that's right. The almighty child always can be used as an excuse for everything in the work place. I have one coworker who refuses to stay late at all because she has kids. I mean, when everything gets nuts, everyone without kids is always expected to pick up the slack. No, I choose the SMART decision to not shit out a child and I am expected to do everyone else's work because they did. After all, we have no lives or loved ones, right? I don't have parents or sister or grandparents or anything I want to spend time with. One day I won't have a husband I want to go home to and take care of and spend time with (maybe).

Fucking child-centric society.

Webpage Of The Day

Foster the People's Tumblr page:

FOSTER THE PEOPLE

Another Angry Letter To The American Media

Dear American Media:

Kim Kartrashian got married. NOW STFU ABOUT IT ALREADY.

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

Video Of The Day

One of those songs I really enjoy singing along with. And it's a bazillion times better than that overplayed "My Body" (3 times a day in one shift, on average). Plus....it mentions zombies.