Ugh, for the past week, I have been having this dull cramping across my lower abdomen and across my back, and I have also been pretty nauseous. It almost feels like menstrual cramps, but then again it also resembles intestinal cramping. I am not technically due for my period until next weekend, but I do remember having aching like this before my last one, although I don't recall how long it was between the cramps starting and my period coming on. Then again, I don't really recall ever having cramping like this until I started the new probiotics, so maybe it is just intestinal. Or maybe it's both, I don't know. I just know it's annoying.
But the good news- knock on wood- is I only had two days of very light spotting. No more 4 to 5 days worth of spotting, with a couple of those days being actual bleeding. I still felt pretty shitty physically and emotionally. I am pretty much at the point of having one week out of a 4 week cycle of feeling semi-normal. I am dreading if I have PMS like last month. That was bad.
I still keep feeling like maybe I should have that pelvic ultrasound done, although I did just find out my prescription is for a transvaginal one and frankly, I am not that keen on the idea of sticking an ultrasound probe up my lady parts. I want to cry at the thought of it.
I was cleaning earlier and I started to feel not so hot, so of course the first thing I think is, I need to take my blood pressure. And when I did, it came up 100/61. I was not very calm after that. It hasn't run that low in a long time. Lately, it has been at coming up around 110/70. But boy it was nice when I went that long stretch of not even thinking about my blood pressure. Too bad that couldn't last. I'll probably go take it after I am done this.
Harry Styles displays his latest tattoo
GESU MARIA GIUSEPPE, HARRY! Ugh! I have nothing against tattoos (I have two myself, on each ankle. One is the size of a dime, the other is the size of a quarter. Half the time, I forget I even have them.), but he needs to stop.
ETA 9:49PM: My blood pressure was, oddly enough, a perfect 110/70.
Also, off and on all night, there has been this strange booming going on. Almost like thunder. Reminds me of some of the stories I have read in Weird NJ of booms. It's kind of freaky.
12:44AM: Maybe this was the cause of the booms?
Friday, March 8, 2013
Video Of The Day
Let's lighten it up a bit. FISHY FISHY:
I miss the old Filet O Fish commercials. They were corny as shit, but funny as shit!
I miss the old Filet O Fish commercials. They were corny as shit, but funny as shit!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
A Crappy Disturbing Post
I was over on Cracked reading an article about the 5 worst things people can do when giving help (#5....oh god #5) and someone posted this down in the comment section:
I know that feeling. And have been on the end of it many times, of people telling me they won't judge me or whatever, only to do exactly that and abandon me in the end. And people wonder why I have no friends? Because I don't trust anyone. Because at this point, I am pretty much convinced every person who spews this bullshit at me is ultimately going to judge me and abandon me in the end. And I'd rather just save myself the hurt and not take not the risk .
And the sad thing is, what these people see is only the tip of the iceberg. They don't know how much emotional abuse I dole out on myself. Or how much of a worthless no good piece of shit I think I am. Or how I stand in front of the mirror and want to scream because I hate what I am seeing. Or how I seriously consider damaging my eyes because I am so fucking sick and tired of analyzing my body for signs of hyperpigmentation. Or how I want to hit my head hard enough to case enough damage to erase most of my memory. Or how much I think about suicide (every day, all day). *TRIGGER WARNING* Of taking an entire bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol. Of hanging myself. Of flooring my car into a concrete barrier. Of plugging my car's exhaust pipe and doing myself in by carbon monoxide poisoning. Or how every bridge I go over, I wonder how terrible it would be to jump off of. Of how I wish I had a gun to blow my brains out. *seriously do not finish reading this if you are sensitive or squeamish* Or how every time I listen to "I Found a Whistle", I think about how I would like to take a knife and cut myself, and then write the lines "such conviction/to paint all the walls with the blood/of the young and the faithful and the good" on the wall with my own blood, and then literally paint the walls with the rest of my blood and with my brain matter. Most of this is just thoughts, not anything I'd probably ever act on, but imagine if they knew this shit.
I know that feeling. And have been on the end of it many times, of people telling me they won't judge me or whatever, only to do exactly that and abandon me in the end. And people wonder why I have no friends? Because I don't trust anyone. Because at this point, I am pretty much convinced every person who spews this bullshit at me is ultimately going to judge me and abandon me in the end. And I'd rather just save myself the hurt and not take not the risk .
And the sad thing is, what these people see is only the tip of the iceberg. They don't know how much emotional abuse I dole out on myself. Or how much of a worthless no good piece of shit I think I am. Or how I stand in front of the mirror and want to scream because I hate what I am seeing. Or how I seriously consider damaging my eyes because I am so fucking sick and tired of analyzing my body for signs of hyperpigmentation. Or how I want to hit my head hard enough to case enough damage to erase most of my memory. Or how much I think about suicide (every day, all day). *TRIGGER WARNING* Of taking an entire bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol. Of hanging myself. Of flooring my car into a concrete barrier. Of plugging my car's exhaust pipe and doing myself in by carbon monoxide poisoning. Or how every bridge I go over, I wonder how terrible it would be to jump off of. Of how I wish I had a gun to blow my brains out. *seriously do not finish reading this if you are sensitive or squeamish* Or how every time I listen to "I Found a Whistle", I think about how I would like to take a knife and cut myself, and then write the lines "such conviction/to paint all the walls with the blood/of the young and the faithful and the good" on the wall with my own blood, and then literally paint the walls with the rest of my blood and with my brain matter. Most of this is just thoughts, not anything I'd probably ever act on, but imagine if they knew this shit.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Article Of The Day
You will know why this was chosen when you read it:
5 Famous Online Copyright Crusaders Who Are Total Hypocrites
As always, I have to read Cracked's comment section and okay, maybe I am little too blinded by my love for them, but.....for the love of God, will people get over the damn "Kids" video already? The kid looked fine in the making of video, and while I can't speak for his parents, I very, very much doubt Andrew and Ben would deliberately allow a video to be made that would traumatize a kid. I have a very hard time believing they would do something like that.
Also, I don't know how I missed this all of the times* I have read their Wiki article, but Sarkozy initially offered them 1 euro for compensation. One euro, which is equivalent, as of today, to $1.30 USD. Seriously? What a dick. Him and his creepy ass Trollsen dating brother.
*many, many times, including one time when I was reading it and some dope snuck in a line under the Formation (2002–2005) section about Andrew and Ben experimenting with homosexuality in college
ETA 3/8: I do not have a user name on Cracked, so no, I am not Torrential_Pain. Although.....
5 Famous Online Copyright Crusaders Who Are Total Hypocrites
As always, I have to read Cracked's comment section and okay, maybe I am little too blinded by my love for them, but.....for the love of God, will people get over the damn "Kids" video already? The kid looked fine in the making of video, and while I can't speak for his parents, I very, very much doubt Andrew and Ben would deliberately allow a video to be made that would traumatize a kid. I have a very hard time believing they would do something like that.
Also, I don't know how I missed this all of the times* I have read their Wiki article, but Sarkozy initially offered them 1 euro for compensation. One euro, which is equivalent, as of today, to $1.30 USD. Seriously? What a dick. Him and his creepy ass Trollsen dating brother.
*many, many times, including one time when I was reading it and some dope snuck in a line under the Formation (2002–2005) section about Andrew and Ben experimenting with homosexuality in college
ETA 3/8: I do not have a user name on Cracked, so no, I am not Torrential_Pain. Although.....
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Quote Of The Day
From "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back", after Hermes is put on paid vacation:
Morgan: Naturally I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me, I accept. Welcome aboard.
Video Of The Day
In "I feel incredibly old" news, I saw an article over on ONTD that Madonna's Ray of Light CD is 15 years old. I brought that CD the summer after I graduated middle school and played the hell out of it straight through my freshman year. Although "The Power of Good-bye" still remains my favorite song off of the album, and probably one of my favorite Madonna songs ever, this was a close second:
Monday, March 4, 2013
Random Thoughts
I feel like I am going to jinx myself by saying this, but I haven't had any spotting since Friday. Let's hope it stays that way. Let's hope everything is fine for the next 2 weeks. And let's hope my period comes after those 2 weeks. My cycle has turned into a huge source of worry. I worry it will come too early, I worry it won't come at all, I worry how bad PMS is going to be, I worry that I will bleed at ovulation time, etc. And to add even more worry, now I am experiencing um, dryness and itching. Definitely not helping my fear of premature menopause.
I usually eat a snack around 9PM every night and of course, I always have diet Coke with it. I did not have any earlier and it's killing me! I want a glass so bad! But I am determined to try to cut down on it. I can't say I am quite ready to give it up completely. One step at a time!
There was a story on my local news a few weeks ago about this 11 year-old boy who was pretty badly injured during a fight with a bully and has been in a coma for several weeks due to his injuries. Well, the local news just reported he died. It really makes me wonder why with all of this shit that goes on anymore between children that anyone would want to bring a child into this world. God, I hate people. This is a time I really hope karma exists and that it comes back and bites those monsters in the ass. I hope their parents are proud.
And speaking of asses, I watch Roseanne on TV Land every weekend when I am working out. And TV Land is going to be airing this new reality show called Forever Young. What I gather from the commercials, a bunch of young assholes are placed in a house with a bunch of old people to teach them to act like young assholes. Who honestly comes up with this shit? Every time I don't think reality TV could get any dumber, I am proven wrong.
ETA 12:56PM: After a Google search, I got this on that stupid show from PRN Newswire:
And MGMT posted this on their Twitter yesterday:
Well? WHAT?!
5:00PM: Don't know what time zone Twitter is on, because I have been checking all afternoon and this was certainly not posted at the time stamp it says:
Boo. That list stinks!
6:35PM: *shaking and crying*
PHILLY OR AC PLEASE!!!! I was discussing with my mom one day if they were to play at either place and apparently she must be planning to go see them with me if I ever get to see them again, because she made some comment about she doesn't know how difficult it would be for her to drive to either place. My mother is pretty much now a fan of them. Every time I have them on in my car (which is all the time), I hear her singing along with them. I am full of glee.
I was listening to "Kids" for the first time in a long time on Sunday and I honestly don't get why other fans dislike it. Yes, they have better songs.....but it's still a great song. I owe my stanning to that song. Well, "It's Working" was what really cemented it, but I wouldn't know who they were if it wasn't for "Kids", although why it took me so long to research who sang it I will never know. Screw those "fans" who think they are better fans for disliking "Kids". Because you're not.
On a slightly off topic note, there are times where I wonder, was anyone I knew in high school an MGMT fan? Then I remember that the two of them and I were in high school almost the same time. I think they graduated the year before me. And they didn't get a record deal until after college, which was like 2005 or so. So no, no one could have been an MGMT fan. I am such a dunce sometimes, but to be fair, celebrities always seem ageless to me. The only celebrity whose age I cannot forget is Harry. Every time I start to think dirty thoughts about him, my logic center decides to come to life and remind me "he's too young for you, sis".
I usually eat a snack around 9PM every night and of course, I always have diet Coke with it. I did not have any earlier and it's killing me! I want a glass so bad! But I am determined to try to cut down on it. I can't say I am quite ready to give it up completely. One step at a time!
There was a story on my local news a few weeks ago about this 11 year-old boy who was pretty badly injured during a fight with a bully and has been in a coma for several weeks due to his injuries. Well, the local news just reported he died. It really makes me wonder why with all of this shit that goes on anymore between children that anyone would want to bring a child into this world. God, I hate people. This is a time I really hope karma exists and that it comes back and bites those monsters in the ass. I hope their parents are proud.
And speaking of asses, I watch Roseanne on TV Land every weekend when I am working out. And TV Land is going to be airing this new reality show called Forever Young. What I gather from the commercials, a bunch of young assholes are placed in a house with a bunch of old people to teach them to act like young assholes. Who honestly comes up with this shit? Every time I don't think reality TV could get any dumber, I am proven wrong.
ETA 12:56PM: After a Google search, I got this on that stupid show from PRN Newswire:
TV Land today announced it has picked up the new reality series "Forever Young" from Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg 's Katalyst ("Punk'd," "True Beauty"), and 3 Ball Productions headed by Executive Producers JD Roth and Todd A. Nelson ("The Biggest Loser," "MasterChef").Ashton Kutcher....that says it all.
And MGMT posted this on their Twitter yesterday:
Well? WHAT?!
5:00PM: Don't know what time zone Twitter is on, because I have been checking all afternoon and this was certainly not posted at the time stamp it says:
Boo. That list stinks!
6:35PM: *shaking and crying*
PHILLY OR AC PLEASE!!!! I was discussing with my mom one day if they were to play at either place and apparently she must be planning to go see them with me if I ever get to see them again, because she made some comment about she doesn't know how difficult it would be for her to drive to either place. My mother is pretty much now a fan of them. Every time I have them on in my car (which is all the time), I hear her singing along with them. I am full of glee.
I was listening to "Kids" for the first time in a long time on Sunday and I honestly don't get why other fans dislike it. Yes, they have better songs.....but it's still a great song. I owe my stanning to that song. Well, "It's Working" was what really cemented it, but I wouldn't know who they were if it wasn't for "Kids", although why it took me so long to research who sang it I will never know. Screw those "fans" who think they are better fans for disliking "Kids". Because you're not.
On a slightly off topic note, there are times where I wonder, was anyone I knew in high school an MGMT fan? Then I remember that the two of them and I were in high school almost the same time. I think they graduated the year before me. And they didn't get a record deal until after college, which was like 2005 or so. So no, no one could have been an MGMT fan. I am such a dunce sometimes, but to be fair, celebrities always seem ageless to me. The only celebrity whose age I cannot forget is Harry. Every time I start to think dirty thoughts about him, my logic center decides to come to life and remind me "he's too young for you, sis".
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Song Of The Day
I keep hearing this on the Music Choice Alternative station and am really liking it:
Friday, March 1, 2013
Random Thoughts
Well....I am spotting again. I started yesterday. I don't know where I got 10 days from the first day of my period as being the time I usually start spotting again. It's usually around 13 days from it. Just about the time. I feel like crap. I feel just like I do before my period, but a much milder version of it. So I have to put up with PMS-lite right at the middle of my cycle, it will last for a few days, and then PMS time comes. So maybe for one week out of every cycle I actually feel somewhat decent. I was up from 6AM to 9AM because I was so upset over it. I am so frustrated. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. Medical professionals are no help. They don't even try to find out what is causing it. It's just birth control or nothing.
Oh and there is the whole having no medical thing, too.
And to add more to my mountain o'stress, I am now starting to get really concerned that I may have an eating disorder. Peachy. Just what I need. In addition to depression, anxiety, OCD, and social phobia, why not add an eating disorder? I also wouldn't be surprised if an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder is hiding in there somewhere. I thought my former psychiatrist was onto something with bipolar, but now I am not so sure. Now I have said I am not one to diagnonsense myself or others, but I am starting to think I sound more borderline than bipolar.
I am starting to also think the time has finally come for me to cut down on my intake of diet Coke, despite how much as I love it. I feel like my body is more polluted than the Delaware River. I am starting to side eye everything I put into my body, wondering what kind of damage it is doing to my body. I don't even want to eat anything anymore. Except oatmeal. For some reason, I am really loving oatmeal anymore. Plain oatmeal with nothing on it. YUM.
You know, it has been such a long time since my sister and I have hung out. It kind of annoys me. For a few weeks up until she gave birth, it was always she wants to do something but she doesn't want to eat out because then she'll have swelling. Which I understand.....until she would say the next day or later on in the week that she went to some restaurant that we would normally eat at. One Saturday I thought maybe we would do something, but she pulled the swelling card. Then I found out later on she went to Friday's for dinner. Is she kidding me?? Look, I am fine with her not hanging out with me all of the time. She is married and now has a baby. But for the longest time she hung out with me because hubby wasn't around. Now that he is, it's like screw you sis, I don't need you. And maybe I am wrong to feel this way (wouldn't be the first time), but I feel used.
And I thought it was just me getting annoyed with how my BIL is all over helping my sister when she is doing things for the baby. Helping is fine, but he is ridiculous. It's like he doesn't trust her. My grandparents were over the other day and my sister was doing something with feeding the baby and I don't know what my BIL was doing, but later on my grandmother said to my mother something like geeze, my granddaughter can't feed her own child without him having to butt in? When we were over last Friday, I asked if I could change the baby for the first time, and my sister and I got up to head downstairs and my BIL followed. I was like are you kidding me? My sister and I are perfectly capable of changing the baby ourselves! I might not care for children, but I did work in a daycare. I know how to change a baby! I have never changed one that little, of course, but it's not like I am not going to decide to devour my damn nephew or something! God! I don't know how my sister stands it. She worries about her mother-in-law making her feel inadequate? I don't know how dear hubby doesn't make her feel inadequate! I would lose my patience quickly and scream look, buddy, I carried this kid for 9 months and delivered it; get off my back!
Next week on the Weather Channel is going to be Tornado Survival week. The commercials says a tornado drops from the sky, what is your plan? Hm. Well, seeing as I probably wouldn't stand a chance at surviving, I'd probably do the Clamu on an emotional rampage reaction- scream and run in circles. Ugh, I am dreading spring and summer.
Oh and there is the whole having no medical thing, too.
And to add more to my mountain o'stress, I am now starting to get really concerned that I may have an eating disorder. Peachy. Just what I need. In addition to depression, anxiety, OCD, and social phobia, why not add an eating disorder? I also wouldn't be surprised if an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder is hiding in there somewhere. I thought my former psychiatrist was onto something with bipolar, but now I am not so sure. Now I have said I am not one to diagnonsense myself or others, but I am starting to think I sound more borderline than bipolar.
I am starting to also think the time has finally come for me to cut down on my intake of diet Coke, despite how much as I love it. I feel like my body is more polluted than the Delaware River. I am starting to side eye everything I put into my body, wondering what kind of damage it is doing to my body. I don't even want to eat anything anymore. Except oatmeal. For some reason, I am really loving oatmeal anymore. Plain oatmeal with nothing on it. YUM.
You know, it has been such a long time since my sister and I have hung out. It kind of annoys me. For a few weeks up until she gave birth, it was always she wants to do something but she doesn't want to eat out because then she'll have swelling. Which I understand.....until she would say the next day or later on in the week that she went to some restaurant that we would normally eat at. One Saturday I thought maybe we would do something, but she pulled the swelling card. Then I found out later on she went to Friday's for dinner. Is she kidding me?? Look, I am fine with her not hanging out with me all of the time. She is married and now has a baby. But for the longest time she hung out with me because hubby wasn't around. Now that he is, it's like screw you sis, I don't need you. And maybe I am wrong to feel this way (wouldn't be the first time), but I feel used.
And I thought it was just me getting annoyed with how my BIL is all over helping my sister when she is doing things for the baby. Helping is fine, but he is ridiculous. It's like he doesn't trust her. My grandparents were over the other day and my sister was doing something with feeding the baby and I don't know what my BIL was doing, but later on my grandmother said to my mother something like geeze, my granddaughter can't feed her own child without him having to butt in? When we were over last Friday, I asked if I could change the baby for the first time, and my sister and I got up to head downstairs and my BIL followed. I was like are you kidding me? My sister and I are perfectly capable of changing the baby ourselves! I might not care for children, but I did work in a daycare. I know how to change a baby! I have never changed one that little, of course, but it's not like I am not going to decide to devour my damn nephew or something! God! I don't know how my sister stands it. She worries about her mother-in-law making her feel inadequate? I don't know how dear hubby doesn't make her feel inadequate! I would lose my patience quickly and scream look, buddy, I carried this kid for 9 months and delivered it; get off my back!
Next week on the Weather Channel is going to be Tornado Survival week. The commercials says a tornado drops from the sky, what is your plan? Hm. Well, seeing as I probably wouldn't stand a chance at surviving, I'd probably do the Clamu on an emotional rampage reaction- scream and run in circles. Ugh, I am dreading spring and summer.
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