Random Thoughts

I am just going to go right ahead and assume everyone's Valentine's Day was better than mine. Actually mine wasn't too terrible. My sister came over and we went to lunch. She was planning on coming over for a little bit anyway, but she was kind of pissed at her husband. Like that seems to be anything new lately. Ran to a few stores later on. Almost broke down in tears multiple times after having cashiers wish me a happy Valentine's Day, and especially after one asked me if I was having a good one and I said "not really" and he said something like "oh it will get better".

I wasn't even really sad over Valentine's Day, but I just felt depressed to the point of feeling like I was being suffocated from it. It got worse after I took my blood pressure (again, succesful with only taking it once) and it came up 104/62. I also made the mistake of having a 16 oz cup of coffee from Wawa and now I feel like I want to jump right out of my skin.

My calves hurt, the back of my thighs hurt, my hands and feet are cold, the inside of my cheeks are constantly breaking out in petechia, I am so fucking depressed and anxious, and every so often I keep seeing a flash of light. I was watching American Dad earlier and I had this split second bright blue flash in my right eye. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know if it could actually lead to this, but I wouldn't be surprised if one already has a history of depression and suicidal thoughts, but I am starting to get worried that if this were a deficiency of some sort, that unless I do something about it, it will keep progressing to the point that I actually attempt to harm myself or commit suicide. I probably should just go to the doctor and ask for a B12 test, but honestly, I am too afraid to, that my results will come back normal.

It sounds sick, I know, but just hear me out- if anything has to be wrong with me- NOT THAT I WANT THERE TO BE- I want it to be a vitamin deficiency.