As I said before, my bone scan was normal. No fracture or anything. It took a few days, but it finally started to sink in that maybe there really was not one. Don't think I still have totally given up on pressing different areas every so often. Eventually, it should hopefully go away.
The bitches at the imaging center apparently were not lying to me. My bone scan was $686. Luckily, I still have money in my insurance fund. I thought for sure that would have wiped it out, plus cost me money, since I would have still owed money on my deductible.
We had a patient in work today who reminded me of Curly. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
We got an email in work one day reminding us of the dress code and there was something about low cut shirts and my WA came back complaining and then opens up her sweatshirt and shows me her top. Her tits were hanging out in the middle pretty good. I felt like saying, bitch, are you for real? That top was completely inappropriate for work! But then again, most of the crap she wears is not exactly work appropriate. For one, she comes in with jean or khaki capris on all the time, all of which are several sizes too small for her. And the tops? Also too small. And she has a knack for wearing colored bras under white shirts. One day when I was kind of out of it, I had put a black bra on under a white top and when I realized it, I complained about my stupidity and she said something about having a red bra on under her white top and then said it wasn't a big deal. I wanted to say well maybe not to you it isn't, but I don't like to look like a fucking whore.
She said something today she hasn't said in a while- she had thought she was pregnant, her period was a few days late. I flat out ignored her. I just can't with these "pregnancy scares" anymore.
I am starting to feel very paranoid anymore whenever I am interacting with people and it's really bothering me. Every time I talk to people, I am feel like I am being patronized or they are only agreeing with me for the sake of agreeing with me or they are trying to see how stupid I am or they are trying to trick me into admitting to doing something. And on top of having a terrible attention span, I am also having a difficult time listening to people because I am so preoccupied with how they are preceiving me. I am getting to the point of not want to socialize at all.
It's been well over a month now and I still have seen no hide or hair of that guy. And it's depressing me to the point of actually filling with tears whenever I think about it or if I see one of those ugly ass Toyotas. Jesus I am pathetic. I even dreamt about him last night and in the dream, holy mother of God, was he cute. I am telling you right now- if I EVER look out and see it out there, I am going to do one of two things- 1) cry 2) let out a shriek like Dr. Zoidberg lets out in "Roswell That Ends Well" when the CIA or FBI or whatever detains him and leaves him food and he says something about wishing he had his wallet and they tell him the food is free.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Video Of The Day
A song that 9 years later I still love so fucking much. A song that when I am feeling lower than dirt and having no idea where to turn and wanting to end it all, I want to stand on a bridge or building and blast, desperately hoping someone will listen to the chorus and actually act on it:
Picture Of The Day
Browse images: The Situation Shows Off His Abs | Radar Online
They still exist? Oh my.....
Well, why we are feeling mighty horny at the moment, may as well throw this in as well. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this gif again.
Oh god. Abs. So much fabulous abs. And muscles. And look at these pictures. That second picture. I never thought I would ever say this about a man, but holy mother of God, Andrew is beautiful! I can't turn away! I just cann...I mea...ohhhhhhhhh *falls against wall and slides down*
They still exist? Oh my.....
Well, why we are feeling mighty horny at the moment, may as well throw this in as well. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this gif again.
Oh god. Abs. So much fabulous abs. And muscles. And look at these pictures. That second picture. I never thought I would ever say this about a man, but holy mother of God, Andrew is beautiful! I can't turn away! I just cann...I mea...ohhhhhhhhh *falls against wall and slides down*
Monday, July 25, 2011
Video Of The Day
It just gets better and better:
I saw this video on MTV Hits one morning and I didn't have the sound up real loud, but it was right at the part with the creepy puppet things and I thought, how much you want to bet this is MGMT?
I decided this morning driving into work and listening to it that if I was getting married shortly, this is the song I want to play when my husband removes my garter.
Oh man. Andrew riding that motorcycle. And this gif. Sweet zombie Jesus, look at that body.
I saw this video on MTV Hits one morning and I didn't have the sound up real loud, but it was right at the part with the creepy puppet things and I thought, how much you want to bet this is MGMT?
I decided this morning driving into work and listening to it that if I was getting married shortly, this is the song I want to play when my husband removes my garter.
Oh man. Andrew riding that motorcycle. And this gif. Sweet zombie Jesus, look at that body.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The I Have No Idea What To Call It Of The Day
Went down Seaside Saturday evening. My sister decides she needs to stop in the restroom right across from the Shore Store. There was a pretty large crowd outside and they were all watching the store. My mother and I just hung over by a lamp post amongst the mass of people and I kept my head facing the ocean. I heard some brat, who should not even know who these cretins are, say that Mike was in the store. I was less than 25 feet away from this. This that I have had more sexual fantasies about than should legally be allowed for one human (sickening, isn't it?). *starts hyperventilating, collapses on floor, and rocks back and forth with thumb in mouth*
If I didn't dislike my face so much, you bet your bottom dollar the second I heard that kid say Mike Sorrentino was in there, I would have charged through the crowd like a football player. They were all fucking animals anyway, in the crowd, so who do I care who I hurt? Some fat old ugly ass Puerto Rican bitch almost knocked my mother over running to get a look at Pauly D who was apparently a little ways up the boardwalk. I was half tempted to chase her down, grab her by her hair and pull her to the ground and say "hey bitch, learn some fucking manners! Oh and newsflash- Pauly D ain't going to give your fat fucking grenade ass the time of day anyway!"
I know a lot of people think he is ugly (I want to say I feel bad for him whenever anyone calls him ugly. But then I think of that massive ego and all sympathy evaporates), and I have seen some rather unattractive pictures of him where I can see why people call him ugly, plus there is the whole he looks so greasy that I would probably slide off the bed and break my face if I jumped and attacked him, but I think he looks cute in that picture. He looks normal. And un-douchebaggy.
Besides, I never understand why people complain about Mike being ugly. Look at Vinny. That kid's face looks like a fucking Picasso painting. I don't know why I ever said he was cute. Whenever I see him on the show bitching about grenades hitting on him and pretty much implying how dare they do so and then I look at his face, I want to punch him so bad and then kick him in the nuts.
I seen some comment on Oh No They Didn't that said the person thinks Mike has unresolved sexual tensions for Ronnie. I laughed, then I kind of thought about it. Like I know there was apparently something about Sammi choosing Ronnie over Mike and all that, but....I don't know. I still get the worst gay vibe from Mike, and maybe, just maybe, that is why he starts all that crap between the two of them. Maybe he is a psycho and if he can't have Ronnie, no one can!
I should mention that he would be wise to start sleeping with one eye open, because there is a possibility that his reign as king of my celebrity crush world could be overthrown very shortly.
If I didn't dislike my face so much, you bet your bottom dollar the second I heard that kid say Mike Sorrentino was in there, I would have charged through the crowd like a football player. They were all fucking animals anyway, in the crowd, so who do I care who I hurt? Some fat old ugly ass Puerto Rican bitch almost knocked my mother over running to get a look at Pauly D who was apparently a little ways up the boardwalk. I was half tempted to chase her down, grab her by her hair and pull her to the ground and say "hey bitch, learn some fucking manners! Oh and newsflash- Pauly D ain't going to give your fat fucking grenade ass the time of day anyway!"
I know a lot of people think he is ugly (I want to say I feel bad for him whenever anyone calls him ugly. But then I think of that massive ego and all sympathy evaporates), and I have seen some rather unattractive pictures of him where I can see why people call him ugly, plus there is the whole he looks so greasy that I would probably slide off the bed and break my face if I jumped and attacked him, but I think he looks cute in that picture. He looks normal. And un-douchebaggy.
Besides, I never understand why people complain about Mike being ugly. Look at Vinny. That kid's face looks like a fucking Picasso painting. I don't know why I ever said he was cute. Whenever I see him on the show bitching about grenades hitting on him and pretty much implying how dare they do so and then I look at his face, I want to punch him so bad and then kick him in the nuts.
I seen some comment on Oh No They Didn't that said the person thinks Mike has unresolved sexual tensions for Ronnie. I laughed, then I kind of thought about it. Like I know there was apparently something about Sammi choosing Ronnie over Mike and all that, but....I don't know. I still get the worst gay vibe from Mike, and maybe, just maybe, that is why he starts all that crap between the two of them. Maybe he is a psycho and if he can't have Ronnie, no one can!
I should mention that he would be wise to start sleeping with one eye open, because there is a possibility that his reign as king of my celebrity crush world could be overthrown very shortly.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Random Thoughts
When my former psychiatrist raised the possibility of manic depression to me, I doubted him. And then this past fall, I started to feel good. Really good. Probably the best I have felt in a really long time. And it continued for several months. Sure I had my moments of feeling down and miserable, but the way I felt was something I have not felt in a long time. And then I had to go and start worrying about my foot and that's when I think everything started to crash.
I have felt terrible the past few weeks. Even getting the results of my bone scan is still not pulling me out of this. I feel a little better about it, but my foot is still bothering me and it still has me kind of anxious. I have had to force myself out of bed every morning. All I want to do is stay in bed and not move. I come home from work and all I want to do is the same thing. I feel like I have fallen into a black hole. The littlest things overwhelm me. I just want to cry all the time. I can't stand all of the crap going on at home. I am completely bored with life.
I saw this article the other day. A small part of me died inside. Other than the fantastic set of tits, I really don't know how Katy Perry ever got as far as she did, because if you listen to her songs, she does not have very much of a vocal range. And she is always singing songs that don't seem like they are in that teeny weeny range. God, she sucks so much.
Leave it to this society. She has more nominations than Lady Gaga? Or Adele? I loved "Rolling in the Deep" when it first came out, but now I am beyond tired of hearing it, but Adele has talent. That girl can sing and I really hope she does not die young like she thinks she is going to.
My sister told me the other day she heard "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People twice in one day on Q-102. Another small part of me died inside that day.
I have never doubted for one minute that Snookie is a fucking dumbass since the day that terrible piece of shit show infected the television airwaves. Now that I hear she is considering doing Dancing With The Has Beens and Why Am I Famous Agains, now I know for a fact that she is dumb as shit, because, as I recall, what was it she said about Sitch doing it? Ah yes. This:
I have felt terrible the past few weeks. Even getting the results of my bone scan is still not pulling me out of this. I feel a little better about it, but my foot is still bothering me and it still has me kind of anxious. I have had to force myself out of bed every morning. All I want to do is stay in bed and not move. I come home from work and all I want to do is the same thing. I feel like I have fallen into a black hole. The littlest things overwhelm me. I just want to cry all the time. I can't stand all of the crap going on at home. I am completely bored with life.
I saw this article the other day. A small part of me died inside. Other than the fantastic set of tits, I really don't know how Katy Perry ever got as far as she did, because if you listen to her songs, she does not have very much of a vocal range. And she is always singing songs that don't seem like they are in that teeny weeny range. God, she sucks so much.
Leave it to this society. She has more nominations than Lady Gaga? Or Adele? I loved "Rolling in the Deep" when it first came out, but now I am beyond tired of hearing it, but Adele has talent. That girl can sing and I really hope she does not die young like she thinks she is going to.
My sister told me the other day she heard "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People twice in one day on Q-102. Another small part of me died inside that day.
I have never doubted for one minute that Snookie is a fucking dumbass since the day that terrible piece of shit show infected the television airwaves. Now that I hear she is considering doing Dancing With The Has Beens and Why Am I Famous Agains, now I know for a fact that she is dumb as shit, because, as I recall, what was it she said about Sitch doing it? Ah yes. This:
I feel, like, 'Dancing with the Stars' is for, like, celebrities that fell off and they need a way to get back inCan one person really be that stupid? Oh. Wait.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
An [Non] Angry Letter To Tastycake
Dear Tastycake:
I love your angel food cakes so fucking much.
That is all.
*takes last bite and moans erotically*
Sincerely,
S-Cubed
I love your angel food cakes so fucking much.
That is all.
*takes last bite and moans erotically*
Sincerely,
S-Cubed
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The I Have No Idea What To Call It Of The Day
My bone scan apparently is normal.
I am not completely done being anxious over this yet.
Plus, now I have to worry about how much this is going to end up costing me.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Random Thoughts
I mentioned in my last posting that when I woke up Saturday morning, my father had left to go down the shore. He didn't come home until today. I can't say anyone really missed him.
I am trying to hold off calling the doctor's to find out the results of my bone scan, but frankly, I am going out of my mind. I am terrified to find out what they are, but at the same time, I need to know! It's been bothering me again a little today. Still no pain walking and no pain touching it or anything, but sitting here, the inner part feels like it's inflamed and tingling and I keep getting a mild shooting pain on the very outer edge. My outer ankle, and later front of ankle, had some discomfort walking earlier, almost like it was stuck or something and needed to unstick.
All I want to know is that it is not some type of injury, like a fracture or something. And while I certainly don't want anything wrong with me, if it were to come back I had arthritis or something of that nature, I think I would feel some relief. Because if it comes back normal, I don't think it will be the end of my anxiety. And I will be right back at the doctors, although this time it will be with a podiatrist. And more money out of my pocket, since I am sure I just wiped out the rest of my HRA fund. I still keep getting the nagging wonder of whether this could be tarsal tunnel syndrome, but I really have no idea. And if a podiatrist cannot find anything, then I am going to start feeling very unsettled that this is all a product of my mind and none of the pain really exists.
I was reading some article earlier about an disability advocacy group whining about Lady Gaga's latest performance and how they feel like she is trying glamorize disabilities. I'm sorry, I fail to see how dressing in a mermaid costume and sitting in a wheelchair is glamorizing a disability. Stupid? Yeah. But someone explain to me how this is glamorizing a disability.
I swear to God, you cannot please anyone in this stupid world anymore. Everyone wants to be treated the same, but are the first to bitch and moan when they think they are being made of fun or treated meanly. Wah wah wah! And because of whiny political correct asshole people like this, this is exactly why I have to make myself sick making sure That Thing never comes out. And why I have to feel so ashamed of it. These people whine they want to be treated the same, yet I have to feel shame for wanting to be one of them. I wish I could just say fuck them all and not care.
But we all know that is not ever going to happen.
I have made it very clear of how terribly depressed and shameful of this problem I am, but I also have a very unrelenting anger over it. Mostly over having to feel the way I do about it. And I also have a feeling that IF I did ever reveal it to anyone, it would lead to an argument. I just don't understand what the big fucking deal is. It doesn't hurt anyone else. It doesn't hurt those who have it. It doesn't hurt those who don't. THIS does not affect anyone but me!
I can't believe in the short span of time I spent sitting outside I managed to get eaten alive.
I am trying to hold off calling the doctor's to find out the results of my bone scan, but frankly, I am going out of my mind. I am terrified to find out what they are, but at the same time, I need to know! It's been bothering me again a little today. Still no pain walking and no pain touching it or anything, but sitting here, the inner part feels like it's inflamed and tingling and I keep getting a mild shooting pain on the very outer edge. My outer ankle, and later front of ankle, had some discomfort walking earlier, almost like it was stuck or something and needed to unstick.
All I want to know is that it is not some type of injury, like a fracture or something. And while I certainly don't want anything wrong with me, if it were to come back I had arthritis or something of that nature, I think I would feel some relief. Because if it comes back normal, I don't think it will be the end of my anxiety. And I will be right back at the doctors, although this time it will be with a podiatrist. And more money out of my pocket, since I am sure I just wiped out the rest of my HRA fund. I still keep getting the nagging wonder of whether this could be tarsal tunnel syndrome, but I really have no idea. And if a podiatrist cannot find anything, then I am going to start feeling very unsettled that this is all a product of my mind and none of the pain really exists.
I was reading some article earlier about an disability advocacy group whining about Lady Gaga's latest performance and how they feel like she is trying glamorize disabilities. I'm sorry, I fail to see how dressing in a mermaid costume and sitting in a wheelchair is glamorizing a disability. Stupid? Yeah. But someone explain to me how this is glamorizing a disability.
I swear to God, you cannot please anyone in this stupid world anymore. Everyone wants to be treated the same, but are the first to bitch and moan when they think they are being made of fun or treated meanly. Wah wah wah! And because of whiny political correct asshole people like this, this is exactly why I have to make myself sick making sure That Thing never comes out. And why I have to feel so ashamed of it. These people whine they want to be treated the same, yet I have to feel shame for wanting to be one of them. I wish I could just say fuck them all and not care.
But we all know that is not ever going to happen.
I have made it very clear of how terribly depressed and shameful of this problem I am, but I also have a very unrelenting anger over it. Mostly over having to feel the way I do about it. And I also have a feeling that IF I did ever reveal it to anyone, it would lead to an argument. I just don't understand what the big fucking deal is. It doesn't hurt anyone else. It doesn't hurt those who have it. It doesn't hurt those who don't. THIS does not affect anyone but me!
I can't believe in the short span of time I spent sitting outside I managed to get eaten alive.
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