Random Thoughts

I was just over on the Berry reading the comments in the Post Secret post and a whole bunch of pissed off mombies are attacking a post secreter who said they think all stay at home moms are lazy. And then a fight erupted between stay at home mombies and working mombies. Both need to shut the fuck up. I swear, I have never seen people whine so much in my life as mothers (and some fathers) do nowadays. You made the choice to raise another human being(s)! Deal with it!

Actually, pregnant women are pretty much on par with the whining. And the ones who constantly post on Facebook about how beautiful their bodies are after child birth even though they are not perfect and how mother hood is such a wonderful thing and "omgz I'm a mother, which makes me a teacher, doctor, nurse, etc!" and "I love being a mother" are the ones that seem to do the most bitching about how horrible they feel being pregnant or how hard it is to be a mother. They are the ones that when a Facebook friend makes a post about tired, are the same ones that post "omgz you never seen tired till your* pregnant!" or "you never seen tired till your* a mother". These women actually enjoy being pregnant and/or mothers? You wouldn't know it! Seems like more of an inconvenience than anything! And again- you made the choice.

*that is intentional, since 99.9% of Facebook postings never use the proper spelling of "you are"

A cousin of mine, the one with the absolute perfect life, was whining on Facebook one day because she had to go for a gestational diabetes test and said that pregnant women should become saints for all they have to go through. Really? You want to be sainted because you are doing what nature intended? Although I wouldn't say nature intended for her to be pregnant again.

Yesterday in work, there were no supervisors for a good hour. My FWA, another girl, and I were the only three in the office. I'll give you one guess who spent the hour working and who spent the hour doing no work and bitching about their jobs. I was so pissed off.

I got an email from my FWA last week asking for my address because she wants to invite me to her baby shower. I just stared at the screen thinking, oh god are you fucking kidding me?

I received a call on Thursday from the billing department of the imaging place where I had my ultrasound done and since the lady works the same shift I do, I had to call first thing in the morning. They are refunding me $146 of the $294 I paid. Huzzah!

I don't know how long it will take for any results, but I am frustrated. Especially if nothing shows up, because then what in the hell is going on in there? And even so, it still doesn't mean I couldn't have endometriosis. I could still very well have that. And the thing that is making me really start to worry is the past few weeks, almost every time I have had a good day with my stomach, whenever I am in the midst of um, going, I get really bad pains in the lower colon-rectum area. It's not severe pain or anything, but it's strong enough to make me gasp. And it starts from the bottom and shoots up. And it lingers for about 5 minutes after. Unfortunately, my next step would be laparoscopy and I am not ready to do that yet. At least not until I am insured.

My mother was telling a story on Sunday that I heard before about my neighbor across the street. She has a young brat, maybe 10 or 11, and when she was younger, my neighbor gave her a trust rating system of the neighbors. And apparently she (the mother) gave my parents a fair score. The story still pisses me off. I'm telling you right now- if you cannot trust your child with my mother, then you may as well not trust your child with anyone.

Nope.....Nope Nope Nope

Are Ocean Conditions Ripe for a Jellyfish Takeover?

Random Thoughts

As I have said, I have been pretty damn horny lately. Like maximum level horny. So I just decided to take care of some that and managed to have three pretty damn good orgasms. Particularly the last one. I think if someone else had managed to give me one that good, I probably would have inflicted some body harm from the intensity of it. But I started to cry after the first one, and even harder after the last one. I am so damn frustrated with not having love, and even more frustrated that I probably never will because I am so damn incompetent when it comes to relationships with other people. I know what will happen- I will become way too attached, fly off the handle at the slightest sign of abandonment, hate love hate love, become ridiculously anxious about something happening to the person and become overprotective, etc. I'm a fricking mess.

And then I started thinking about how I have mentioned several times before that I envy crush's and unrequited love's significant others. I don't think I should, but I do. Maybe it's a normal feeling, I don't know.  Mostly, though, I think it's not that I am really jealous but more because these people are significantly more attractive than me and it makes me feel really bad about myself (because I don't do enough of that already). And whether I have a chance with the person (real life) or a snowball's chance in hell (celebrity), it still fucking hurts like hell. But there still is no reason whatsoever for someone who is almost 30 years old to look at her celebrity crush's girlfriend and think Jesus, she is perfect, you will never be that tall, never that thin, never that gorgeous, never good enough, you should just go kill yourself already.

Every time I think I have finally fully comprehended just how fucked up my mind is, some new thought comes along and knocks me for a loop. Why is it I am fully aware that certain thought processes are wrong and fucked up, yet it still doesn't change the way I feel?

And one thing I do not understand is why I feel envious of a male crush's female significant other, but if it is another male, or if it's a female crush, I don't feel the least bit envy. I'd almost say it is because I can't compare myself to a male, but if a female crush had a female significant other, I still wouldn't feel envious. I don't know, I can't make sense of it.

Let's not get into how bad I am still feeling over the refusal to do a transvaginal ultrasound on me.

I have made one mention on here of Tamar Myers' Magdalena Yoder series. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue reading the first book I read, but I did. And I am actually on my eighth book. They're kind of silly, but they can be pretty funny. I like Magdalena's constant references to "sturdy Christian underwear". I don't know why that makes me laugh so hard, but it does. I pulled out a pair of panties the other day and immediately thought of the books. I don't wear sturdy Christian underwear, but in this day in age of thong thong thong thong thongs, they're pretty conservative (I wear low rise briefs, sometimes bikinis, depends on how fat I feel).

The latest one I am reading, though, Batter Off Dead, I am just not feeling it. Her psuedo stepdaughter Alison is really starting to get on my nerves. I know she is a teen, but her grammar (double negatives; so many double negatives) makes me want to chew nails. Magdalena's new found confidence is so damn annoying. And the hundreds of the references to breast feeding or about Magdalena's boobs being engorged.....oh my god who the hell cares?

I know there was something else I wanted to talk about, but....slipped my mind.

Ugh

Less than an hour and a half until my appointment. All I keep thinking of is one of those wands being inserted up there and NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

ETA 8:42PM: Well, I did not have the transvaginal part done.  They wouldn't do it on me. I was so embarrassed I left the room and ended up bursting into tears in the waiting room. No, wait. First I went out, my mother asked me "you couldn't do it?", I said "no they wouldn't do it", "why?" and I dragged her out into the hallway and told her why. Then I burst into tears. So she says I should go back in and find out more information. One of the registrars saw how upset I was, so she explained to me some things, and then went back and got the tech, who explained to me that she saw everything clearly- my lovely lady parts, the ooterus, ovaries, and endometrium- on the pelvic ultrasound and if there was concern, then she would have done it. But they generally do not do it on people who aren't sexually active. Thank you, nonexistent sex life.

I tried so hard to watch the screen when she was doing the test. I am fascinated with seeing my innards. Especially because there have been brief delusional times where I worried that my whole life as a woman has been a lie and I don't actually possess internal female sex organs. I am not even joking. Of course, that makes no sense because if I did not possess a ooterus and ovaries, then how would I get my period? But I think I am long past the point of trying to understand my mind.

I hope they plan on knocking off some of my bill. This was the facility refusing to do it, not me. I am also bugged, because if nothing shows, then what in the hell is causing this mid-cycle bleeding and cramping all month long? Women don't just bleed and cramp for no reason.

Random Thoughts

Good news, everyone! Dairy Queen has [finally] decided to keep the pumpkin pie Blizzard around for November! I'M SO STOKED!!!!

And speaking of being stoked, I have to go for that ultrasound tomorrow. And wouldn't you know I started bleeding some today? I am so annoyed. I hope it stops before tomorrow. I do wonder, though, if the test can be completed, if I will end up bleeding some. My last pelvic exam I ended up bleeding. I am dreading this. I hope it doesn't hurt really bad. Or at all. And what if I end up getting turned on? And the fact that I have been really horny the past couple days won't help. Ugh, could you imagine? Oh god that would be so embarrassing.

Song Of The Day

Sure "Ho Hey" got overplayed a little, but I don't understand the hate for them:



"It's better to feel pain, than not feel at all"....I beg to differ.

Random Thoughts

So the other day in work, we have a patient come in with a dog. Everyone was saying it was a service dog, despite the fact that it was a teeny fluff ball, nothing like your typical service dog. Quite cute, actually, what I saw of it. A little while later, all this yapping erupts from the waiting room. Everyone was like oh it must be the service dog. I said that is no service dog. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts. Okay. A service dog would never just bark for the hell of it. That could put a disabled person's life in danger. No, it was probably a therapy dog. Or rather "therapy" dog. The idea of therapy dogs are nice, but it's another case of good things assholes had to ruin. People will take advantage of it, and they will say oh this is my therapy dog, when it reality, it is just an excuse to carry their poor dog around everywhere. People are such assholes.

And speaking of assholes, I went to Apple Fest on Saturday as usual. It was a nice day for the most part. Except for my brother-in-law wanting to be in control of everything. And all of the rude ass people. So many times did I have to resist putting my size 7.5 wide width Nikes up many asses.

I'm not looking forward to it, but I am kind of glad I am having the ultrasound done this week. All day in work, I had that dull burning pain in my left lower side. Right now it's across my lower back. It's not bad, but it is very uncomfortable. They're a little different than regular cramps, but damn, aren't menstrual cramps a few days out of the month enough?

Also, really? A skunk in my neighborhood? Yuck.

WUT

Sorry, boys, to take a line from your own song.....you skipped the ship with this video:



I didn't like any of that. It's not that I dislike the actual video itself. It was *clenches hands into fists and grinds teeth* actually kind of cute. But for that song, I did not like it. I've been wanting a video for this song so badly. This was not it. And I wish Andrew would stop doing that brushed back hair look, because it's nasty looking. Also, my inner 13 year-old girl wants to hate his girlfriend so much, but she's so damn cute, it's really hard to.

I'm sad now.

I Did It, Folks!

I finally did it! I finally scheduled an ultrasound appointment! I go next Wednesday. I'm so fucking stoked to go have a foot plus long wand shoved up my lady parts!

I can't deal with this bloating anymore. Something has to give. I don't want to wish anything wrong, but it would be nice if something was found in this ultrasound that would explain why I am so badly bloated. Naturally I am thinking as negatively as possible about this. The chances of it being cancer are slim, but it's not impossible. I honestly have no idea what I would do if someone said oh by the way, you have a mass on one of your ovaries. I would probably just say "oh; that sucks". Not to mention I have no idea how I would even treat it, considering I am not insured until next month. And I am not wasting my time buying from the marketplace. With all of the site problems and the gazillions of people trying to get health insurance, not to mention probably hordes of anti-Obamacare nutcases trying to sabotage the site, by the time I could actually get through to the website, I'll be covered through work.

Okay Then

Internet Risky for Self-Harming Teens, Study Finds

They actually had to do a study on that? Damn, I could have told them that.