Monday, November 26, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Comments Of The Day
From this article's comment section; stupid, I know, but it made me laugh:
Cracked's comment sections are pure gold.
Cracked's comment sections are pure gold.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Random Thoughts
And so the holiday season officially begins. Blah. It would be great if one of these years I could actually feel happy about the holidays. The holidays are always my favorite time of the year and it would be nice if just one year I could actually NOT spend the bulk of it wishing I could buy a gun and blow my brains out. Or wanting to burst into tears when we are celebrating my birthday because I wish I wasn't around for it. I dread next year's birthday when I turn 30.
I went out on Tuesday with my sister, brother-in-law, and his brother and wife. We went to see Wreck It Ralph (cute movie, by the way) and to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner (this is the first and will probably be the last time I can say I walked into there and was seated immediately). It was an awkward night to say the least. My BIL was in one of his moods. And the other two are nice, but strange. And do not talk much. I had to sit in the back of the car with them and it was just awkward. Nobody was talking, no music. I kept thinking, Jesus, will someone just say something already? I do not think my sister was in a pleasant mood with them either.
I don't know if I have ever mentioned how when I go out to eat, I always feel awkward about eating. I guess maybe because I still see myself as a fat ass and judge myself on how I eat that everyone else does as well. You know, I find it kind of odd that I always feel invisible, yet I always feel like everyone is judging me. But whatever. When I go out to eat, it's almost torturous at times. And when I went out on Tuesday, it was one of those times. Neither of the other two eat much, and weigh about 5 pounds each. When we got our meals, at first I felt really self-conscious, like everyone is going to think yeah, like you need to eat that. And then halfway through the meal, I thought you know what, fuck this shit and ate my entire meal. Every bit of grilled cheese, every French fry. When I got my cheesecake, I ate every bit of that. I normally always eat everything on my plate when I go out to eat anyway. But I hate that I have to feel self-conscious about it.
It was odd not having Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. It did not even feel like Thanksgiving. It just felt like any other day. I do still wish I had saved my pie, but I knew I would maybe be going to dinner on Tuesday so I figured I'd save my pie for Thursday, eat good Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. Instead, I ended up eating out on Sunday, so I figured what the hell, and ate the pie Sunday. It tends to get a little irritating working out how to eat all week. It would be easier if some people didn't guilt trip me constantly about not wanting to eat certain things.
I went out on Tuesday with my sister, brother-in-law, and his brother and wife. We went to see Wreck It Ralph (cute movie, by the way) and to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner (this is the first and will probably be the last time I can say I walked into there and was seated immediately). It was an awkward night to say the least. My BIL was in one of his moods. And the other two are nice, but strange. And do not talk much. I had to sit in the back of the car with them and it was just awkward. Nobody was talking, no music. I kept thinking, Jesus, will someone just say something already? I do not think my sister was in a pleasant mood with them either.
I don't know if I have ever mentioned how when I go out to eat, I always feel awkward about eating. I guess maybe because I still see myself as a fat ass and judge myself on how I eat that everyone else does as well. You know, I find it kind of odd that I always feel invisible, yet I always feel like everyone is judging me. But whatever. When I go out to eat, it's almost torturous at times. And when I went out on Tuesday, it was one of those times. Neither of the other two eat much, and weigh about 5 pounds each. When we got our meals, at first I felt really self-conscious, like everyone is going to think yeah, like you need to eat that. And then halfway through the meal, I thought you know what, fuck this shit and ate my entire meal. Every bit of grilled cheese, every French fry. When I got my cheesecake, I ate every bit of that. I normally always eat everything on my plate when I go out to eat anyway. But I hate that I have to feel self-conscious about it.
It was odd not having Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. It did not even feel like Thanksgiving. It just felt like any other day. I do still wish I had saved my pie, but I knew I would maybe be going to dinner on Tuesday so I figured I'd save my pie for Thursday, eat good Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. Instead, I ended up eating out on Sunday, so I figured what the hell, and ate the pie Sunday. It tends to get a little irritating working out how to eat all week. It would be easier if some people didn't guilt trip me constantly about not wanting to eat certain things.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
The Awesome Of The Day
I just discovered the iTunes visualizer while listening to "Siberian Breaks". I am about to cry at how awesome it is. It's like a psychedelic trip without the drugs.
Also, happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I am jealous of everyone eating Thanksgiving dinner today. Especially pie. I never did save my pie. I ended up eating it on Sunday night.
Also, happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I am jealous of everyone eating Thanksgiving dinner today. Especially pie. I never did save my pie. I ended up eating it on Sunday night.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
The WTF Of The Day
Oh look, another potential "disorder" for some undisciplined brat to be diagnosed with:
Tantrum Diagnosis: DSM-V May Include Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder
Oh APA, I hope you are never in the market to get mental illness to be taken more seriously. Because you are not helping. If this "disorder" gets added, then psychiatrists will take advantage of it. Tons of kids will be over-diagnosed, meds will be doled out like candy, Big Pharma will explode in profits (gee, maybe I should invest in some Big Pharma stock), more kids' brains will be fucked up. And Mommy and Daddy can just sit back with one less thing on their shoulders. Oh don't mind my kid nearly murdering another kid. He's just got [insert latest trendy diag-nonsense].
And then there was this part:
Tantrum Diagnosis: DSM-V May Include Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder
Oh APA, I hope you are never in the market to get mental illness to be taken more seriously. Because you are not helping. If this "disorder" gets added, then psychiatrists will take advantage of it. Tons of kids will be over-diagnosed, meds will be doled out like candy, Big Pharma will explode in profits (gee, maybe I should invest in some Big Pharma stock), more kids' brains will be fucked up. And Mommy and Daddy can just sit back with one less thing on their shoulders. Oh don't mind my kid nearly murdering another kid. He's just got [insert latest trendy diag-nonsense].
And then there was this part:
Previously announced changes to the manual are already causing controversy, particularly the decision to eliminate Asperger’s Syndrome as a separate diagnosis and merge it into the broader category of Autism Spectrum Disorder. In an age when diagnosis has become identity, that move was widely criticized by “Aspies” who take pride in their diagnosis.Are you kidding me?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The WTF Of The Day
Of course, every thing is still just rumors, but this:
Oh No they Didn't! - #Haylor 2012
This bitch. Little Miss Woe Is Me. Little Miss Dumb Open Mouth Shocked Face. Little Miss Innocent, yet goes through men like I go through diet Coke. Can't be without a relationship for more than 5 seconds. She's exactly what I would be in a relationship, except I am smart enough to stay out of them for the sole reason of being completely emotionally unstable. And I would have the clarity to know that after multiple failed relationships that it is more than likely ME, not the men. She's pathetic. The fact that my sister can't even stomach her speaks volumes. I have always hated her music, but I never used to have a problem with her. Now she is just annoying. Her schtick of oh woe is me I'm always a poor wittle victim is old and tiresome. Just the other day I saw an article that said she cries when she hears dating rumors about herself (*sighs* celebrity problems). Oh boohoo. Stop jumping from man to man so quickly and maybe they will stop. Go take a lesson from the Adonis above on how to be a proper entertainer. Actually no. You stay away from him, bitch. If Taylor Swift went near him, my inner psychotic fan girl would come out. She doesn't even deserve to be in the same room as him. Or to breathe his air. NONE OF YOU DO.
I like how this alleged relationship is folding out. Both have new albums out. It just so happens to occur on the set of the American version of the show that made one half so popular. All these "sources" and "witnesses", but no names or pictures or recordings or anything. Yeah. Absolutely nothing suspicious about that. Sometimes I think those crazy Larry people are onto something with the whole "#management" stuff. Everything with these bands and singers always just seems a little too perfectly calculated.
But you know what pisses me off about this, if it's true? The attacks on a 22 year-old woman dating an 18 year-old man. When it's reversed why is it never a big deal? Did Andrew get flack for his last girlfriend, who was 19 years-old in 2009, when he was 26? Did he get reamed out by people? Was he called a cradle robber, immature, etc? I really don't know, because I don't care enough to look. But I am going to go with no, probably not. Because it's okay for men to do it, but when women do it, they are cougars, pathetic, and immature. If I went and told people I'd fuck Louis, who is a day less than 8 years younger than me, six ways from Sunday, I'd get called all three of the above and more. But Andrew- I love you sweetie and I am sorry I am talking negatively about you- will be 30 years old in less than 3 months and can date and screw a 22 year old (if the current SO is who I think it is) and nothing is said. That isn't fair. What the fuck, people? If it's dirty and disgusting if I do it, then it's dirty and disgusting if Andrew does it. No double standards.
If this is ever confirmed by one or the other, the 1D fans will lose their fucking minds. It will be HYSTERICAL what will get thrown at Taylor. This fan base interests me so much that I wish I could do a sociological study on them. Some of this stuff I have seen tweeted at the boys' real Twitter accounts.....how do these people have the backbones and gall to say this stuff out loud? It's one thing to think it in your mind, or say it out loud to your friends, but back off with saying it directly to the person. Or the person's significant other. Or family. Whatever.
And Harry, sweetheart, RUN. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
And to make up for my bad mouthing, I am going to go stare at a 9 picture block of Andrew for the next 10 minutes. Penance, and all that. I like that middle picture at the top. He has such a pleasant smile. And the one below it is adorable. I wish I could remember where I seen a larger version of it. Even the cat looks like, who is this astonishing gorgeous creature puckering up to me? And here is a larger version of the one next to the kitty picture (that hair. THAT HAIR. Those waves and curls. I want to run my fingers through them). And then I have to go watch multiple viewings of their performance of "I Found A Whistle" from MTV's World Stage while I, as well as my ovaries, weep at his beauty. *sniffs* WHY IS HE SO GORGEOUS?!
Oh No they Didn't! - #Haylor 2012
This bitch. Little Miss Woe Is Me. Little Miss Dumb Open Mouth Shocked Face. Little Miss Innocent, yet goes through men like I go through diet Coke. Can't be without a relationship for more than 5 seconds. She's exactly what I would be in a relationship, except I am smart enough to stay out of them for the sole reason of being completely emotionally unstable. And I would have the clarity to know that after multiple failed relationships that it is more than likely ME, not the men. She's pathetic. The fact that my sister can't even stomach her speaks volumes. I have always hated her music, but I never used to have a problem with her. Now she is just annoying. Her schtick of oh woe is me I'm always a poor wittle victim is old and tiresome. Just the other day I saw an article that said she cries when she hears dating rumors about herself (*sighs* celebrity problems). Oh boohoo. Stop jumping from man to man so quickly and maybe they will stop. Go take a lesson from the Adonis above on how to be a proper entertainer. Actually no. You stay away from him, bitch. If Taylor Swift went near him, my inner psychotic fan girl would come out. She doesn't even deserve to be in the same room as him. Or to breathe his air. NONE OF YOU DO.
I like how this alleged relationship is folding out. Both have new albums out. It just so happens to occur on the set of the American version of the show that made one half so popular. All these "sources" and "witnesses", but no names or pictures or recordings or anything. Yeah. Absolutely nothing suspicious about that. Sometimes I think those crazy Larry people are onto something with the whole "#management" stuff. Everything with these bands and singers always just seems a little too perfectly calculated.
But you know what pisses me off about this, if it's true? The attacks on a 22 year-old woman dating an 18 year-old man. When it's reversed why is it never a big deal? Did Andrew get flack for his last girlfriend, who was 19 years-old in 2009, when he was 26? Did he get reamed out by people? Was he called a cradle robber, immature, etc? I really don't know, because I don't care enough to look. But I am going to go with no, probably not. Because it's okay for men to do it, but when women do it, they are cougars, pathetic, and immature. If I went and told people I'd fuck Louis, who is a day less than 8 years younger than me, six ways from Sunday, I'd get called all three of the above and more. But Andrew- I love you sweetie and I am sorry I am talking negatively about you- will be 30 years old in less than 3 months and can date and screw a 22 year old (if the current SO is who I think it is) and nothing is said. That isn't fair. What the fuck, people? If it's dirty and disgusting if I do it, then it's dirty and disgusting if Andrew does it. No double standards.
If this is ever confirmed by one or the other, the 1D fans will lose their fucking minds. It will be HYSTERICAL what will get thrown at Taylor. This fan base interests me so much that I wish I could do a sociological study on them. Some of this stuff I have seen tweeted at the boys' real Twitter accounts.....how do these people have the backbones and gall to say this stuff out loud? It's one thing to think it in your mind, or say it out loud to your friends, but back off with saying it directly to the person. Or the person's significant other. Or family. Whatever.
And Harry, sweetheart, RUN. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
And to make up for my bad mouthing, I am going to go stare at a 9 picture block of Andrew for the next 10 minutes. Penance, and all that. I like that middle picture at the top. He has such a pleasant smile. And the one below it is adorable. I wish I could remember where I seen a larger version of it. Even the cat looks like, who is this astonishing gorgeous creature puckering up to me? And here is a larger version of the one next to the kitty picture (that hair. THAT HAIR. Those waves and curls. I want to run my fingers through them). And then I have to go watch multiple viewings of their performance of "I Found A Whistle" from MTV's World Stage while I, as well as my ovaries, weep at his beauty. *sniffs* WHY IS HE SO GORGEOUS?!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Random Thoughts
Meh, sorry about that last entry. I wasn't suicidal or anything. And even if I was, please. Like I'd attempt suicide. I fail at everything, even being suicidal. It was mainly hormones, but also a huge dose of my normal insanity. I still feel like a huge idiot, though, for feeling the way I do. I don't think I will ever understand my mind. And this kind of behavior just convinces me even more that I don't think I was ever given a relationship gene when I was created. I am starting to strongly believe I am completely incapable of relationships. Especially love relationships. Which makes me sad. I want to be in love. I want to know what it is to actually be in love. No more of this unrequited crush infatuation shit that messes with my mind.
But I have to get my personality fixed. Right now, all of my relationships with people are very.....unusual. I am fine with them, then I hate them for some stupid reason or for no reason at all, then I am fine with them again. I can be willing to throw myself in front of a train for someone, would get down on the ground and kiss their feet, and in a split second, can be ridiculously pissed off at them for some minute reason, sometimes no reason at all, and can be right back to worshiping them again the next day. It gets to be kind of annoying.
I had the joy of having my cavity filled on Thursday. I was lucky enough to only have to get one shot of Novocaine, although I did feel some pain when the dentist was drilling the tooth. I hate when the tooth gets drilled. I feel like my entire brain is shaking. I usually have to shut my eyes because my vision gets all distorted from it. And then feeling the pain wasn't very pleasant. When I was waiting in line to pay, the receptionist got up and went into another room, came back a few minutes later and told me they were only going to charge me $90. I wanted to cry. I still hated having to pay that much, but it was a lot better than the usual $180.
We're going to be having Thanksgiving dinner this weekend because my sister is working on Thursday. I'm honestly annoyed. I want dinner on Thanksgiving day. I still can have some of whatever is leftover of food on Thursday, of course. Except for turkey. Leftover turkey is nasty. But I'm definitely saving my leftover pie for Thursday. It won't be the same, though.
I went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner. Aside from their ass backwards views, I don't know why people hate Chick-Fil-A. I think their food is pretty good, for fast food. I hated myself every minute of enjoying my sandwich. But damn, that was a good sandwich.
But I have to get my personality fixed. Right now, all of my relationships with people are very.....unusual. I am fine with them, then I hate them for some stupid reason or for no reason at all, then I am fine with them again. I can be willing to throw myself in front of a train for someone, would get down on the ground and kiss their feet, and in a split second, can be ridiculously pissed off at them for some minute reason, sometimes no reason at all, and can be right back to worshiping them again the next day. It gets to be kind of annoying.
I had the joy of having my cavity filled on Thursday. I was lucky enough to only have to get one shot of Novocaine, although I did feel some pain when the dentist was drilling the tooth. I hate when the tooth gets drilled. I feel like my entire brain is shaking. I usually have to shut my eyes because my vision gets all distorted from it. And then feeling the pain wasn't very pleasant. When I was waiting in line to pay, the receptionist got up and went into another room, came back a few minutes later and told me they were only going to charge me $90. I wanted to cry. I still hated having to pay that much, but it was a lot better than the usual $180.
We're going to be having Thanksgiving dinner this weekend because my sister is working on Thursday. I'm honestly annoyed. I want dinner on Thanksgiving day. I still can have some of whatever is leftover of food on Thursday, of course. Except for turkey. Leftover turkey is nasty. But I'm definitely saving my leftover pie for Thursday. It won't be the same, though.
I went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner. Aside from their ass backwards views, I don't know why people hate Chick-Fil-A. I think their food is pretty good, for fast food. I hated myself every minute of enjoying my sandwich. But damn, that was a good sandwich.
Friday, November 16, 2012
STFU Brain
I am exhausted. I need to go to bed. And my mind will not stop racing. I saw something earlier that has been eating at me for the past hour and a half. I am pretty hormonal right now, but I am sure I would be reacting almost the same way regardless. I just want to climb into my bed, pull the covers over me, and stay there for the rest of my life. I am tired of worrying about my weight. I am tired of taking good care of my skin and it still will not clear up. I am tired of looking in the mirror in general. If I never had to look in it again, it would make my life. I am tired of falling for people and having to look at their insignificant other and know that I will never be attractive enough for that person. Whether I actually have a chance or not with the person, it still fucking hurts. And it's disappointing to know that someone you think so highly of can be so....shallow.
And most of all, I feel so fucking ridiculous. I am a fool for allowing myself to feel like this. I'm much too old for this shit. How is it I know I am being ridiculous, but I still am feeling so upset?
I really don't want to do this life thing anymore.
And most of all, I feel so fucking ridiculous. I am a fool for allowing myself to feel like this. I'm much too old for this shit. How is it I know I am being ridiculous, but I still am feeling so upset?
I really don't want to do this life thing anymore.
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