Random Thoughts

Dear God, do I hate Sundays anymore.

I was doing okay with not getting sick on Sunday nights, but now I am right back to that phase again. I am starting to really dislike my job anymore. I feel like a fucking leper there. I don't trust anyone as far as I could throw them. I am starting to get frustrated with all of the rule changes. A rule changes and just as I finally adapt to the change, it's changed again and then I am right back at square one. I am always the first to get reprimanded when someone else does something wrong and it makes me even more anxious because I don't even know if I am doing anything right anymore. There are just too many rules and too many rules changing and too much changing.

A new rule was just instated when it comes to reports and what I do and yes, it may only take 10 to 20 more seconds than before, but times those seconds by how many reports and the time adds up.

My boss is completely unprofessional. I am starting to get tired of the constant employee bashing that my boss partakes in. Enough is enough! And look, we all know her boss can be a real pill, but she will bash him right to our faces. And many times, she will bash him rather loudly. I am just waiting for the day my boss is bashing her boss and he comes in and catches her.

And I was going to go to Human Resources about her and then I found out HR will forward emails to bosses when employees send emails with complaints. So there went that idea.

I just found out recently the Boss's Pet got a significant raise and since she has gotten that raise, she has turned into an even lazier bitch. She flat out refuses to do anything with big charts and some other things in general. It enrages me. I want to punch the fat bitch in her face so bad. And the next time I am on lunch and she comes in and drops charts on my desk in front of me, I am going to take the charts and throw them at her head. I have had enough of that fucking little 23 year old bitch's attitude. Learn some manners, you lazy self-indulgent cunt.

I am tired of having to avoid having long conversations with people because I am worried that my work acquantance is going to butt in and join the conversation. I am so tired of her doing that and I know I am nasty ass person, but I just cannot bring myself to say something to her about it. But I am so tired of it! Just because she thinks I am her friend doesn't mean she can just join every single fucking conversation I am having with people. I don't know where she gets that I am her friend anyway. I mean, for the most part I abide by good friend rules with her and I will tell her a shit load of personal stuff, but I still have not put her at friend status. I hate saying this, but she is not someone I find friend material. And I hate to sound like an elitist snob, but my god she is so stupid. Some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth leaves me speechless. We were talking about nail salons one day and I said that it drives me nuts when the techs speak in a different language in front of me and she said that she doesn't have a problem with that at her nail salon, so I say are they Asian? She says, no, I think they are Chinese. I just looked at her in disbelief.

And I hate saying this also, but my father is really starting to get on my nerves. And I feel bad getting annoyed with him, but....he just drives me up the wall! He does not listen, he does stupid things, he asks me stupid questions all the time, he never shuts up watching TV (he has to make comments about every stupid little thing), and the other night really took the cake. I had my bedroom door 3/4 of the way shut and he just opens my door and says good night. I was beyond livid. How the fuck does he know what I was doing in there? I could have been doing anything- naked, changing pajamas, masturbating. I wasn't, but that is not the point. Under parental roof or not, a father DOES NOT just come in to his 27 year old grown daughter's bedroom like that!

And whether my door is shut or not, frankly, I am sick and tired of him just inviting himself into my bedroom whenever he damn well feels like it. I wish I could install some kind of force field in the doorway to keep EVERYONE, especially my father, out. Leave me the hell alone!

He gets us in to a pretty massive amount of debt and decides to retire at the same time. What he should be doing is finding a part time job so he can lie in the bed he made instead of making my mother pay $200 a month towards HIS debt (even though he likes to blame my mother for it). Instead, this is what his day consists of- feet up on the recliner and in front of the TV almost 15 fucking hours a day. I want to scream every time I walk by and see him sitting on the couch. It's even worse if he is sleeping. Then I want to go push the recliner in.

My parents got in to a fight ONCE AGAIN over my mother dying my 80 some year grandmother's hair a couple weeks ago and later on that night my mother told me some things that make me want to punch my father in the face even more. He never let us do anything when we were little and he told my mother that if she ever allowed us to go anywhere and something happened to us, he would never let her live it down. He also told her if she ever left him, he would tell a judge that she was an unfit parent. I nearly hit the roof when she told me that last part. How fucking DARE he try to use my sister and I as bait like that. My mother is FAR from an unfit parent.

I have said I have days where I would give up my morals and all that just to not have a miserable job anymore, but mostly, the truth is, I would make a complete ass out of myself on national TV just to get enough money to get my mother away from that asshole.