Random Thoughts

So Tuesday I'm going about my business at work, not having too bad of a day, when I see the little Outlook email preview pop up in the lower right side of my screen. I open up the email and it's from our legal team. I'm apparently being summonsed for a deposition in November regarding our former temp who slipped and fell in the parking lot. I received the email about 10 minutes before I was clocking out for lunch. And I spent that entire 10 minutes shaking on the inside and doing everything in my power to not completely lose it.

I can't believe that this frivolous crap has even gotten this far. And me have to speak in front of fucking lawyers? This should go just wonderfully, considering I am as good at public speaking as Donald Trump is at not being a complete misogynistic pig.

Random Thoughts

I realized over the weekend that my three year anniversary at that place is coming soon. God bless me for making it that long. I don't know how I have done it, except for the fact that as I said before, I am really no better than my coworkers and stick around because there's stuff I get away with there that would not fly at other places, except unlike my coworkers, mine still involves my actual job. They won't leave because they know they won't get away with coming in or coming back from lunch whenever they feel like it (e.g. my FWA), taking numerous smoke breaks, vaping in the office, standing around bullshitting for large amounts of times, house or clothes surfing on the internet (again, my FWA), multiple personal calls (guess who)....the list goes on.

And now I get to do it all over again! And our most senior employee is on vacation this week, so it should really be a fun week. Listening to the radio all day (e.g. hearing the same shit over and over and over again), more talking, etc. Yay! I can't freaking wait.

I've been taking those Nature Made probiotics for over a week now. I don't feel like I've been as bloated feeling as usual, but so far they're doing nothing for the constipation and irregularity issue. I know probiotics can take some time to kick in, so I'll at least give them another week and decide where to go from there. I'm also considering adding the acidophilus that I've been taking for years back into the mix. All this having to play around with medications is a real pain in the ass. Intestines! Why can't you just function properly?!

Against my better wishes, I went to the local diner for dinner. And just as we were finishing up, who ends up being seated at the table caddy corner to us? The kid I went to school with. The one who two years ago I was repulsed at seeing. Can't say I felt much different tonight.

My God, there is a special place in hell for me.

Random Thoughts

Well that was unsurprisingly a quick 3 days off. Quick summer as well. Boo. I was always one to look forward to the end of summer and the start of fall. Now I hate when summer ends. And I think it has to do with 5 years ago when I was going through such a rough time and then ended up being laid off on top of it. My mental state was really not in a good place then and I think I have been subconsciously associating that with fall since then.

I had no one to do anything with last night so I just did my own thing. Went to Popeye's like last time. I was in there with my book and 3 old people. Then I ran to a few stores and came home and at in front of the boob tube and read. It was depressing as fuck. I felt like going and buying a gun and blowing my brains out. Still feeling like that, actually. More so because I have to go back to work. And because of visions of horrible things happening playing nonstop in my head. I swear to God some days when they're really bad I want to take an ice pick and jam it up my fucking nose.

And to make my suicidal thoughts more depressing....it's apparently National Suicide Prevention week. I saw that earlier and thought, Jesus that would be fucking ironic.

I'm beyond frustrated with this bloating and left lower abdominal distention. Every time I put my pants on I want to cry because they feel so tight on me. I'm so disgusted with myself and disgusted with myself for starting to think I'm fat again. I really should go to the doctor and request an abdominal CT scan. That way it could show the digestive system and female organs. An ultrasound wouldn't do much for me unless there is definitely something going on in my women parts.

I bought Nature Made Advanced Dual Action probiotics the other day. I haven't tried them yet, as I am still finishing up the last few of my usual probiotics. I hope they do something good, though.

Anyway, I am currently reading Robopocalypse by Daniel Wilson. I had bought a copy of Amped in the Dollar Tree back in July and I was very interested in it and then I read some reviews on Robo and thought it sounded intestesing, so I checked it out of my local library. I am simultaneously fascinated and freaked out by it. Definitely enforces my belief that technology is great until it malfunctions. It also makes me think of the "Mother's Day" episode of Futurama. Hey Hey! Ho Ho! 100110!

Random Thoughts

I should just stay off Facebook today. Today is the 2nd of 3 weddings for my bitchy cousins (for some reason, all 3 of them had to get engaged around the same time). And of course Hermine decided not to pack a punch and it's a beautiful day out. Of course.

This particular cousin I never really had a problem with until one time we were at a family function and she was going around giving everyone at our table a hug and kiss and just as she was coming up to me, someone came up to her and she walked away with them. I can't even describe how I felt after that. And she really hit my shit list when I contacted her through FB messaging about whether she was coming to my sister's baby shower or not and she blatantly ignored me. And I know she read the message, too. People seem to forget that FB messaging marks when you read messages. Never called, didn't show up, nothing. Didn't respond or show up to my nephew's first birthday either. Bitch, my family has bent over ass backwards multiple times for all of your stupid affairs! You couldn't even once return the favor?!

I often complain about my coworkers and how they bitch and moan about how much they hate it there and I always says that the only reason they're all still there is because they know at any other place they wouldn't get away with the shit they get away with there. And then I thought one day, where the fuck am I any better? I've admitted many times before that the only reasons I stay there are because of the pay and because no one condemns my slow ass and my extreme phone phobia is catered to (although to be fair, no one really deals with phones there anymore). Plus it's close to home. Still, though, where am I any better? I'm really not.

Boy, I woke up in rare form today.

Random Thoughts

Ah, finally a three-day weekend again! And tropical storm (as of now) Hermine is heading our way! I don't know yet exactly how bad we're supposed to get hit, but I'm already stressed over it and worrying about any tornado watches, warnings, power outages, etc. ARGH!

Oh, well. Still better than being in work. As usual I have 50 bazillion things I could complain about regarding that place, but frankly....I just don't feel like it.

Random Thoughts

I should have known 5 days without my FWA would have been too damn good to be true, because guess who came strolling in at 11:30AM yesterday with her brat? As soon as I heard her voice I though oh good God you have got to be fucking kidding me. Bitch, you're on vacation! Stay the fuck away from work! And stop fucking worrying about who is sitting at your desk!

And her outfit was great as usual. She was wearing a halter top that was from about 20 pounds ago and if she had it pulled down any lower, we would have seen her areolas. Classy as usual.

I wish just once I could go on vacation and come back feeling calmer instead of feeling just as frazzled, overwhelmed and stressed out as I was before I left. If not more! And constantly going on vacation with my entire family doesn't help. Look, I love my older nephew to death but my God that kid stresses me out beyond belief. He's so rambunctious and rough and never once can we go out to eat without him making it completely unpleasant. I have heard that three can be worse than two and let me tell you- I wholeheartedly believe it. His behavior makes me want to rip out my own uterus and ovaries. Between him, my BIL's attitude, and my sister's nonchalant "her time is her time and everyone else's time is her time" attitude, vacation is never pleasant.

Lately I have been so damn exhausted and just feeling overall shitty. Every morning I have to get up for work I just want to cry because I'm so tired. I feel like I can barely function because I feel so exhausted. I'm starting to have more episodes of feeling lightheaded and like I'm going to black out whenever I stand up. Quite a few times it's gotten so bad I've had to stop walking and bend over until the feeling passed. I'm craving salt like crazy. And no, I am not worried that I have Addison's disease, although let's not try to plant those seeds in my head again.

And whatever happened to my digestive system since Myrtle Beach needs to go away. It's like something got thrown super out of whack since then. A couple weeks ago I finally decided to buy Natural Calm after hearing about it for a long time and reading excellent reviews. I took the smallest dose recommended one night while I was down the shore and almost mmediately felt very bloated. And although I felt relaxed, I didn't sleep well at all. And woke up feeling horrible. Was the bloating from the NC or just from eating bad? Did I not sleep well because of it or just because I never sleep well on vacation? And did I feel horrible the next day from it or just from not sleeping well? I don't know, but I have been reluctant to try it again.

More and more I'm starting to feel like I need to take a vacation in the crazy house again.

Random Thoughts

Another weekend down, back to work again. Blah! But hey, at least my FWA is on vacation all week so I don't have to hear that obnoxious laugh for five days.

When I first get logged in to my computer at work in the morning, one of the first things I open up is my email. On Friday, I do such and I see an email from someone I don't know with a subject line of "[name] vs. [company]" and I kind of start to feel a little nervous. I open it up and see it's addressed to my manager's boss and me and starts off with the introduction that the person is from the legal team. So I really start feeling scared but then I read the rest of the email and quickly went from scared as fuck to pissed. Some chick we had as a temp two years ago is suing the company after slipping and falling in the parking lot. And my manager's boss had signed the incident report and I apparently was listed down as a witness in the report and this legal person had a few questions for us.

Frankly the only thing I remember is that it happened during that unexpected insane ice storm we had and when I had pulled up to work, she was on the ground next to her car. I did not actually see her fall. What I want to know is how I was put down as a witness, because this is news to me. I'm going to guess my old manager just took it upon herself to put me down as a witness without telling me, asking me for any witness report, or anything of that nature.

I swear.....people.

The Awesome Of The Day

Mid summer morning MGMT update: been working hard (for us) this year...another recording session begins next week!

— MGMT (@whoisMGMT) July 30, 2016

it seems we have settled on an album title. BUT we can tell you that another time.

— MGMT (@whoisMGMT) July 30, 2016

Random Thoughts

So update on my digestive issues (not that anyone cares)- I stopped the Miralax, upped Peri-Colace intake, had some success and was back to an acceptable 123, 124 pounds on the scale last Saturday. Was doing okay but now I'm feeling miserable again. Of course I ended up getting my period sooner than I expected (which is good, because I'm going down the shore for a few days soon and won't have to worry about it coming now) so that might be contributing to it, but I'm worried that this is going to be an ongoing thing. And if it is, what is causing it? And for the love of God, how can I get it to go away??

I suspected all of the past week that my period was coming. For one, that one Saturday I had a bout of really heavy discharge and usually it comes about two weeks after that occurs. And two, I was so drained feeling and miserable that I kept thinking, there is no way it's not coming soon. And sure enough, it graced me with its presence on Friday morning.

And I should know that when I want to rip my coworkers' faces off more than usual that I'm due for it. And Thursday I was really feeling it. My FWA comes strolling in at 10. My manager says nothing to anyone about her coming in late and considering the stupid bitch is our front desk person, I think my manager kind of should let people know. But it's not like it's the first time she's lacked communicating with her employees about things. But this is the best part- not only does my FWA come in at 10, a few minutes later I hear her go out with the rest of the smokers for their 10 o'clock smoke break. Barely even the fucking door and she feels entitled to take her break still. And then not even two hours later, they're out on another one.

And would my manager say anything to her? No. She was right out on the smoke break with them. Them two are so fucking chummy with each other it's disgusting. You're her manager, you stupid bitch! She is your employee! Not your fucking BFF!

Don't get me wrong- I'm glad to finally have a manager who doesn't spaz out over stupid shit like, but my God, this one has less cojones than my old one.

Random Thoughts

I had my period while I was on vacation. Usually within a week or so after it ends, my mood stabilizes (well, what could be considered stable for me). It's almost two weeks since it ended and I'm still a miserable, irritable, depressed bitch. What in the hell is wrong with me?

I'll tell you what isn't helping- this bloating. It's certainly making me miserable beyond belief. Was still about 127, 128 pounds on the scale yesterday. I pulled my stomach in and my lower abdomen was significantly more distended, especially on the left side. And it's a lot harder if you press on my lower left side. I have rumbling, am able to pass gas, nausea but no vomiting, and my appetite is more than fine, so I doubt I have a blockage. But I'm definitely feeling pretty, um, clogged.  I was able to actually go some yesterday and I felt marginally better, but obviously nothing to sing about it.

And I'd love to take a full stimulant laxative (hell, at this point I'm ready to do a colonoscopy prep) to get everything out, but the last time I took them, I had a rather unpleasant experience afterwards for two plus weeks. And I'm afraid of having that problem again if I take them.

I also mentioned on Friday how I had a pulling pain in my lower right pelvic area. Well on Saturday I had one instance of a very heavy amount of discharge. Not sure if there is any connection with that. (e.g. mittelschmerz or whatever).

My God, I'm starting to sound like an old person.