Random Thoughts

So this actually happened. Just stuck a yard stick out on our deck....21 inches of snow! It's cold and blustery and just all around miserable. The shore areas are getting insane flooding, some areas apparently worse than when Sandy hit.

I'm Ready! (Maybe)

So the weekend is finally almost here and it looks like I won't be doing anything, because "Winter Storm Jonas" is coming to town. And I'm in the zone expected to get anywhere from 12-18 inches. I'm ready in some sense. We have food, I have plenty of diet Coke, I have a hunk of carrot cake in the freezer. But I'm starting to feel panicky at the thought of being in and not being able to get out. I'm also starting to feel panicky at the thought of the power going out.

But on the plus side, at least it's happening when I don't have to worry about driving into work.

WTH

Yesterday it occurred to me that it was 10 years to the day since I was hospitalized (when you're someone like me, you don't forget the day you were forced to "voluntarily" commit yourself to a psychiatric hospital, especially when said day is none other than Friday the 13th). Ten years! It's been an entire freaking decade! How is that even possible? It still feels like it was just yesterday.

It still feels like yesterday that I made the terrible decision to quit Effexor cold turkey. Oh I thought I would be fine, that I'd be able to handle it. No, instead I sent myself into a deep terrible place complete with  godawful side effects that I still to this day don't know how I managed to get through without attempting suicide. And dropping my anatomy lab despite having an A average because I had myself so terrified I'd fail. Or going on Wellbutrin and feeling okay for a little bit and then doing a complete 180 and having myself convinced that I had MS and I couldn't shake the thought that I just wanted to lock myself in a running car and asphyxiate myself on CO.

Ugh. I wish there was a way to physically delete these memories out of my brain.

On another note, I really want a brownie sundae right now.

Random Thoughts

So it appears my period is finally coming. It's only about a week late. Thank God this didn't happen back during when I was freaking out and thinking I was going through early menopause or I probably would have ended up in the nuthouse.

I'm starting to see more and more holiday things disappearing and I am feeling the post-holiday blues more and more and the dread of long cold winter days and nights. 

And now it's that time of the year where it's just weeks and weeks of work and no holiday until Memorial Day weekend, minus any PTO I might take. I don't understand why we get no holidays whatsoever until then. At least give us Good Friday or something.

So I go back to work this past Tuesday and find out that the holiday party was actually that day. I swore it was on Wednesday, but when I pulled up my email, sure enough it was scheduled for the 29th. I felt like such an asshat. I was the only one who didn't participate in the Pollyanna thing, although judging by the gifts some people bought, I certainly didn't miss out on anything.

I'm so over the people in that place. It's not a good sign when you'd rather be nailed by an 18-wheeler than have to look at those people every day.

Blech

I am really, REALLY not looking forward to going back to work. I think what is making it worse is 1)  with the exception of New Years Eve everyone is going to be in the office, 2) the holiday party on Wednesday, and 3) Christmas is over.

And where in the sam hell is my period???

Random Thoughts

Four days down of break, one more to go. And then it's back to work on Tuesday. Ugh. I am really not looking forward to going after being off for so long. Especially because Wednesday is when we're having our stupid holiday party at work and I am not looking forward to that either. And we're supposed to do something called a white elephant Pollyanna and thank god it's optional, because frankly it sounds incredibly dumb to me.

I know, I know, I am such a grouch, right? Guilty as charged.

Right now I just loathe my coworkers so much. And I can't stand how tight they have gotten with the new manager. Every time they go out on smoke breaks, she goes out with them. And I'm sorry but I really do not think that is appropriate for a manager to do. But once again we have another manager who has no cojones and just wants to be everyone's BFF.

And Ms. Hail to the V....that ginger-headed bitch is really and truly starting to get under my skin. Whenever she comes on, she says nothing. No good morning, no anything. Just comes in straight to her desk and sits down. Everyone else says good morning to her, but I just ignore her. I used to waste my breath saying good morning but after so long I just said the hell with her. She wants to be a rude ass bitch, then fuck her. And I don't want to hear the excuse she is "awkward". I'm awkward as fuck and I still make an effort to have some manners even though it's the last thing I want to do. Besides, she made 2 babies with men, she can't be that fucking awkward.

Sometimes I wonder if she still holds something against me for coming in with my nephew on the same day she brought her son in back in 2013, before I was hired back. And if so, she needs to get over it. I didn't work there, I had no idea that she had a baby or that she was going to bring her Opie from Family Guy-looking alien in the same day I decided to bring my nephew in.

And the one day I mentioned to my FWA about my back bothering me (it's been bothering me a lot lately) and she said something about hers bothering her (of course it does) and how her daughter massaged it for her. I felt like saying JFC does every goddamn topic have to involve your daughter? I don't give a flying fuck about her daughter!

God I am so freaking grouchy right now. My period is late (no, I'm not pregnant), I'm starting to feel the post-Christmas blues, I ate way too much the past few days, and I'm just cranky.

Merry Freaking Christmas!

There better not be one lie in this tweet:

Happy bday jesus . Merry holidays everyone. Happy birthday, everyone: 2016 is the year MGMT re-dominates your mind hole , see you then 💖

— MGMT (@whoisMGMT) December 25, 2015

Random Thoughts

Merry early Christmas! It's currently 70 degrees right now in my neck of the woods. WTF?

Yesterday we had a cake in work for my birthday. Someone asked the MOB if she wanted a piece and she goes "no it looks too sweet" (it was vanilla cake with buttercream). And she said it a couple more times. And then starts saying how she doesn't like vanilla icing, blah blah blah. I just walked away when she started with that. I felt like saying to her "First off, last I checked, it's not your birthday. Second, we don't need to hear your opinion on everything. And last, do you have to be so fucking negative about everything?". Like just say no thank you and STFU.

I know I can be a miserable person but JFC, her negativity just sucks the life and fun out of everything. She's like a fucking Dementor. We had Christmas music on on Monday and she did nothing but nonstop bitch about it. Despite saying she doesn't care what is on, but that she can tune the music out. So then tune it out and STFU.

I always have to laugh how she looks down at music and top 40 radio (which I am guilty of myself but never mind that). Bitch, you're a fucking Linkin Park fan. Take several seats.

Random Thoughts

So now we're back to normal chilly weather (it's in the 40's right now) and come my birthday it's going to be in the 60's and about 70 on Christmas Eve. What is this weather? Kind of makes me nervous for when spring comes. I hope it doesn't mean an increase in severe weather.

My FWA is whining on Facebook because her brat is sick. Again. I swear, every person I know who has breastfed, their kids are constantly sick. What happened to "breast is best"? My nephew wasn't breastfed and I don't even recall ever seeing him really sick, if at all. I wasn't breastfed and I'm rarely, if ever, sick (not counting in the head). Minus the bout with the flu last year, but that was for the first time in a really, REALLY long time. And I got over it pretty damn quickly.

I thought maybe once Thanksgiving was over, our workload would die down some. But it hasn't. We have been so damn busy. I just did about 6 hours of overtime this past week and thanks to having off Monday, it's going to be all straight pay. Which sucks, but money is money I guess. It's just crazy, though. The doctors are working a lot, we're short-staffed (especially because this year it seems like everyone waited to use their PTO),  the medical records are huge, clients are sending in records like a day before the appointments because they no longer get penalized for it, etc.

I never understand that last one. Once upon a time, if clients sent records in so many days before an appointment, the records were automatically turned into an addendum report. Which was an extra charge. And the PTB stopped that. Which makes no sense, because that's extra money they could be making. And last I checked, isn't corporate all about the benjamins?

What Even

I loathe the cold weather thanks to being so damn cold all of the time, but 70 degree weather less than 2 weeks before Christmas? No. Just no.

And now it's back to drama-central after a 4 day weekend.