WTH

Yesterday it occurred to me that it was 10 years to the day since I was hospitalized (when you're someone like me, you don't forget the day you were forced to "voluntarily" commit yourself to a psychiatric hospital, especially when said day is none other than Friday the 13th). Ten years! It's been an entire freaking decade! How is that even possible? It still feels like it was just yesterday.

It still feels like yesterday that I made the terrible decision to quit Effexor cold turkey. Oh I thought I would be fine, that I'd be able to handle it. No, instead I sent myself into a deep terrible place complete with  godawful side effects that I still to this day don't know how I managed to get through without attempting suicide. And dropping my anatomy lab despite having an A average because I had myself so terrified I'd fail. Or going on Wellbutrin and feeling okay for a little bit and then doing a complete 180 and having myself convinced that I had MS and I couldn't shake the thought that I just wanted to lock myself in a running car and asphyxiate myself on CO.

Ugh. I wish there was a way to physically delete these memories out of my brain.

On another note, I really want a brownie sundae right now.