For some inexplicable reason, one of my most favorite Futurama scenes:
I think it might be how terrified the "little dumpling" is and then the bottle comes out and it's just like eh what the hell, takes it, and goes to sleep. Or maybe it's the demonic voice of the Nannybot (something about demonic voices always makes me laugh). Or perhaps both.
I went to one of our local Shop Rites today (*coughs* Route 70 in Marlton) and when we were in line, I happened to look over at the next register and the cashier looked like Andrew. I couldn't stand it. My head was about to explode over how much he looked like him (e.g. how fucking cute he was, but in his own way). Instead, I busted up laughing and was just about to get out of line and go over into his, but some old cow had to come up behind me right when I was about to. If he wasn't busy, I was going to say something to him about looking like him. But with my luck he would have said "well, is that a good or a bad thing?" and then I would have had to say "uh it's definitely not a bad thing", and therefore having to admit I am guilty of thinking he is hot.
Do you know what I hate about my age? I have reached the point where it's getting a little harder to tell the difference between what is legal and what is jailbait, although I want to assume that since he was working in the middle of the day, he has to at least be legal!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Yay Or Nay - Adrenal Fatigue
Because I have spent more hours than should be considered healthy (unless one has actually been diagnosed with it) researching Addison's, I have come across quite a few articles and forum postings on adrenal fatigue, which is basically the adrenal glands are not functioning up to par.
A lot of what I read on it comes from webpages that promote naturalistic approaches to medicine and many state that mainstream medicine brushes it off. It's kind of a tough call. It's almost like the whole aspartame debate. I imagine if you do enough research, EVERY goddamn thing under the sun could be considered dangerous to your health in some way or another.
A couple of responses to it being unreal were why do doctors only think in black and white, with Addison's and Cushing's, but not that a problem can't exist somewhere in between? Which is a good point. The only problem I see with adrenal fatigue is when you read through the symptoms, it seems very vague. And I'm sure I could find plenty of people who experience them. Hell, I could check off a pretty decent chunk of the list. So do I actually have it? I don't know.
I took a quiz out of curiosity and it asked many questions, not anything difficult to answer, but a little difficult in rating. I scored an overall 1.5, which considers my adrenals to be mildy fatigued.
If adrenal fatigue does exist, hell, I couldn't blame my adrenal glands for not wanting to function up to par. Poor diet, easily stressed out, high caffeine intake, etc. All this time I was more concerned about the stress I was putting on my cardiovascular system by being so stressed, and I certainly know first hand that stress can affect many parts of the body, but I never realized all of the specific organs it could affect. In fact- despite countless hours spent in medical books, one course of anatomy (and countless hours reading through the books outside of school, although to be fair, I do not recall the endocrine system being a part of Anatomy 1 at my school) and medical terminology- I don't even think I ever heard of the adrenal glands until recently. And if I did, I obviously pushed it to the back of my mind. After all, my mind has more important things to do, like slowly kill me by driving me nuts. But never mind that. Something needs to be done about my stress levels. It's ridiculous. And obviously very unhealthy.
I already took one stupid, but small step in easing the stress on them (and hopefully my overall stress in general) by stopping with coffee. No more two cups for me. But my digestive system isn't happy with the decision. I'm still drinking soda, but I am trying to cut back on that as well. Eventually I'd like to try to switch to decaf for the majority of the time.
A lot of what I read on it comes from webpages that promote naturalistic approaches to medicine and many state that mainstream medicine brushes it off. It's kind of a tough call. It's almost like the whole aspartame debate. I imagine if you do enough research, EVERY goddamn thing under the sun could be considered dangerous to your health in some way or another.
A couple of responses to it being unreal were why do doctors only think in black and white, with Addison's and Cushing's, but not that a problem can't exist somewhere in between? Which is a good point. The only problem I see with adrenal fatigue is when you read through the symptoms, it seems very vague. And I'm sure I could find plenty of people who experience them. Hell, I could check off a pretty decent chunk of the list. So do I actually have it? I don't know.
I took a quiz out of curiosity and it asked many questions, not anything difficult to answer, but a little difficult in rating. I scored an overall 1.5, which considers my adrenals to be mildy fatigued.
If adrenal fatigue does exist, hell, I couldn't blame my adrenal glands for not wanting to function up to par. Poor diet, easily stressed out, high caffeine intake, etc. All this time I was more concerned about the stress I was putting on my cardiovascular system by being so stressed, and I certainly know first hand that stress can affect many parts of the body, but I never realized all of the specific organs it could affect. In fact- despite countless hours spent in medical books, one course of anatomy (and countless hours reading through the books outside of school, although to be fair, I do not recall the endocrine system being a part of Anatomy 1 at my school) and medical terminology- I don't even think I ever heard of the adrenal glands until recently. And if I did, I obviously pushed it to the back of my mind. After all, my mind has more important things to do, like slowly kill me by driving me nuts. But never mind that. Something needs to be done about my stress levels. It's ridiculous. And obviously very unhealthy.
I already took one stupid, but small step in easing the stress on them (and hopefully my overall stress in general) by stopping with coffee. No more two cups for me. But my digestive system isn't happy with the decision. I'm still drinking soda, but I am trying to cut back on that as well. Eventually I'd like to try to switch to decaf for the majority of the time.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Random Thoughts
Well I asked for it. I had to go and say that one day that all I want to do is cry and since Thanksgiving, that is all I have been doing. And I look even more hellish than before. My hair looks like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket because I don't feel like dealing with straightening it. It's rare I actually decide to get dressed, so most days I am in my pajamas and robe. I have black circles that would make Taylor Momsen jealous. I look exactly like I pictured what I would look like if I fell into a really bad disposition. But the good news is, I don't smell.
I don't feel like doing anything. My parents started getting out the Christmas decorations and I haven't budged to get mine out. I don't feel like decorating. At all. Instead, I just cry every time I look at any decorations. Every time I go into stores, Christmas music is playing and I just want to cry. I'm already tired of everyone asking me what I want for Christmas and my birthday. I feel like screaming "I DON'T FUCKING WANT ANYTHING, OKAY?!". And I really don't, because right now nothing is going to make me happy. And being so miserable is only making me feel even more depressed, because I really hate being miserable at Christmas.
This fucking anxiety over having Addison's is not going away for anything. It has me completely mentally and emotionally paralyzed. I am pretty much unable to even focus on anything else. I can't stop looking at my skin or taking my blood pressure. I'm nervous consuming caffeine now (even though I still am) after reading that it affects the adrenals glands. And to get really confusing, I read about how stress puts stress on the adrenal glands, so now I am stressed over how stress can affect the adrenal glands and over how stressed I am and how much my stressing is stressing them out (yo dawg I heard you like stress?).
I don't know what to do. I really don't. I'm at the point of just breaking down and going to the doctor and demanding a test to see if I have it or not. I really don't want to have to do that, but I just don't know what else to do. I lay in bed almost every night wishing and praying that someone would come to me in my sleep and tell me whether to go get checked out or to not worry anymore.
And yes, I obviously need medicine more than anything, but medicine doesn't work overnight. These bastards take anywhere from two to eight weeks to work. And that's if they even work at all. So what will I do in the meantime? Completely lose my mind?
And then the million dollar question is what I am put on. I am losing my health insurance again in January, so if I take anything that I can't get cheap at Wal-Fart or now the supermarkets, then I am screwed. When I was on Prozac, I used the $4 program at Wal-Fart. And you know what? It was wonderful. It really was. I contemplated going back on Prozac anyway, since it's the only drug I have ever used that had some kind of effect besides Effexor, which I will never EVER go on again. Whether it will have the same effect this time around, I don't know.
I keep trying to tell myself that I can get through this, that I have been through rough waters like this before. But it's getting increasingly harder to try to keep it together.
I don't feel like doing anything. My parents started getting out the Christmas decorations and I haven't budged to get mine out. I don't feel like decorating. At all. Instead, I just cry every time I look at any decorations. Every time I go into stores, Christmas music is playing and I just want to cry. I'm already tired of everyone asking me what I want for Christmas and my birthday. I feel like screaming "I DON'T FUCKING WANT ANYTHING, OKAY?!". And I really don't, because right now nothing is going to make me happy. And being so miserable is only making me feel even more depressed, because I really hate being miserable at Christmas.
This fucking anxiety over having Addison's is not going away for anything. It has me completely mentally and emotionally paralyzed. I am pretty much unable to even focus on anything else. I can't stop looking at my skin or taking my blood pressure. I'm nervous consuming caffeine now (even though I still am) after reading that it affects the adrenals glands. And to get really confusing, I read about how stress puts stress on the adrenal glands, so now I am stressed over how stress can affect the adrenal glands and over how stressed I am and how much my stressing is stressing them out (yo dawg I heard you like stress?).
I don't know what to do. I really don't. I'm at the point of just breaking down and going to the doctor and demanding a test to see if I have it or not. I really don't want to have to do that, but I just don't know what else to do. I lay in bed almost every night wishing and praying that someone would come to me in my sleep and tell me whether to go get checked out or to not worry anymore.
And yes, I obviously need medicine more than anything, but medicine doesn't work overnight. These bastards take anywhere from two to eight weeks to work. And that's if they even work at all. So what will I do in the meantime? Completely lose my mind?
And then the million dollar question is what I am put on. I am losing my health insurance again in January, so if I take anything that I can't get cheap at Wal-Fart or now the supermarkets, then I am screwed. When I was on Prozac, I used the $4 program at Wal-Fart. And you know what? It was wonderful. It really was. I contemplated going back on Prozac anyway, since it's the only drug I have ever used that had some kind of effect besides Effexor, which I will never EVER go on again. Whether it will have the same effect this time around, I don't know.
I keep trying to tell myself that I can get through this, that I have been through rough waters like this before. But it's getting increasingly harder to try to keep it together.
What The Hell????!!!!
I mentioned the other day that my hands are almost constantly cold. Pretty much from the time I wake up until I go to bed I have cold hands, even if I am not cold. My hands often turn red in spots and my fingernails turn purple. Drinking cold drinks, especially caffeinated ones, seem to exacerbate the problem.
But what I forgot to mention was when the opposite occurs. A lot of times, for absolutely no reason at all, my fingers will get red, hot, and swollen and sometimes itch. I'm experiencing it right now and all I want to do is stick my hands in cold water. My veins are gorging like crazy.
Even googling this still raises Raynauds. But none of the pictures I see of what a Raynauds attack looks like looks anything like what I experience. I've seen my fingers turn white with red tips, like this, but not quite as bad. I've seen my fingers turn purple in spots after a very brief period of leaning on my arm (never a problem before), like this, again, not as bad. But I never have any pins and needles or pains or anything. Just the typical pain of cold hands when I try to do things or the burning that I am having right now with my fingers being so hot.
But what I forgot to mention was when the opposite occurs. A lot of times, for absolutely no reason at all, my fingers will get red, hot, and swollen and sometimes itch. I'm experiencing it right now and all I want to do is stick my hands in cold water. My veins are gorging like crazy.
Even googling this still raises Raynauds. But none of the pictures I see of what a Raynauds attack looks like looks anything like what I experience. I've seen my fingers turn white with red tips, like this, but not quite as bad. I've seen my fingers turn purple in spots after a very brief period of leaning on my arm (never a problem before), like this, again, not as bad. But I never have any pins and needles or pains or anything. Just the typical pain of cold hands when I try to do things or the burning that I am having right now with my fingers being so hot.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Random Thoughts
Did we all have a good Thanksgiving? Mine was okay. I certainly ate a lot and somehow am not even full. I ate quite a bit of turkey, two biscuits, three servings of this cornbread casserole thing my mother had first made last Thanksgiving that went over big between my sister and me, and three pieces of pie. I'm seriously a bottomless pit. I mean, I don't eat as much as I would like to, because if I did, I'd be about 400 pounds. But I swear ever since I was on antipsychotics, I have never ever been able to get full. I might get a little uncomfortable, but it never lasts that long.
My father did shockingly stick around. But he was about as pleasant as I am not anxious.
The Addison's fear seems to be back in full swing again. Lovely. Just what I really feel like dealing with right now. When these anxieties flare up, my brain only focuses on them. That's it. I am pretty much incapable of focusing on anything else. It's horrible. All day long, I was looking down at my hands or in the mirror looking at my skin. I'd go in the bathroom just to pee and I'd go to the counter and next thing I'd know, I was right there on top of the counter and in front of the mirror looking over everything with a handheld mirror and 20 minutes will have passed. I'm freaking out because I swear my face is tan. My mom insists it is not and that I am just imagining it. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone else. I keep yanking my hair back and comparing the color of my forehead and face to my scalp (which looks paler). Is that even a normal occurence, for the scalp to be paler? I don't even fucking know! It's never something I ever had to take notice to! I keep taking my blood pressure. I keep getting myself so worked up that I start to get lightheaded and my heart starts to race and then I start to freak out because I don't know if it is just the anxiety or anxiety and something else.
And then when you read up on the disease, it mentions emotional instability, which only makes me wonder even more if I have it and that could be why I am reacting so bad (if that makes sense; like if I really don't have it, would I be reacting so bad? Or do I actually and that is why I am acting so bad?). Each and every goddamn thing just feeds into each other.
Everyone keeps pushing me to go out and do stuff when I am asked, but they don't understand that going out doesn't take my mind off of it. I'm so fucking miserable. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to. The Christmas season is coming up and I am sick to my stomach with worry that one day I will reach the point of wanting to actually hurt myself. I've went through bad times at the holidays, but never like this. I don't even think it was this bad when I was worried I had MS (which I would welcome that fear back with open arms; my fear of MS pales in comparison to Addison's). I don't know how I am going to make it through.
My father did shockingly stick around. But he was about as pleasant as I am not anxious.
The Addison's fear seems to be back in full swing again. Lovely. Just what I really feel like dealing with right now. When these anxieties flare up, my brain only focuses on them. That's it. I am pretty much incapable of focusing on anything else. It's horrible. All day long, I was looking down at my hands or in the mirror looking at my skin. I'd go in the bathroom just to pee and I'd go to the counter and next thing I'd know, I was right there on top of the counter and in front of the mirror looking over everything with a handheld mirror and 20 minutes will have passed. I'm freaking out because I swear my face is tan. My mom insists it is not and that I am just imagining it. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone else. I keep yanking my hair back and comparing the color of my forehead and face to my scalp (which looks paler). Is that even a normal occurence, for the scalp to be paler? I don't even fucking know! It's never something I ever had to take notice to! I keep taking my blood pressure. I keep getting myself so worked up that I start to get lightheaded and my heart starts to race and then I start to freak out because I don't know if it is just the anxiety or anxiety and something else.
And then when you read up on the disease, it mentions emotional instability, which only makes me wonder even more if I have it and that could be why I am reacting so bad (if that makes sense; like if I really don't have it, would I be reacting so bad? Or do I actually and that is why I am acting so bad?). Each and every goddamn thing just feeds into each other.
Everyone keeps pushing me to go out and do stuff when I am asked, but they don't understand that going out doesn't take my mind off of it. I'm so fucking miserable. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to. The Christmas season is coming up and I am sick to my stomach with worry that one day I will reach the point of wanting to actually hurt myself. I've went through bad times at the holidays, but never like this. I don't even think it was this bad when I was worried I had MS (which I would welcome that fear back with open arms; my fear of MS pales in comparison to Addison's). I don't know how I am going to make it through.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Webpage Of The Day
First off, let me say I did not think the initial situation was funny by any means. I think the cops were completely out of line pepper spraying those students.
But I would be a liar if I said I didn't think this webpage was hilarious:
Pepper Spray Cop
But I would be a liar if I said I didn't think this webpage was hilarious:
Pepper Spray Cop
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