Am I Really That Unappealing?

I can't say that I do blame people not liking me once they really and truly get to know me. I am probably the person who hates me the most. But with the past 3 jobs I have had, I am really starting to get a complex.

In my workplace, there is a big cubicle area where 4 desks are set up. There is clearly enough room for more than 4 people to sit. Most days I am there, I get a desk until someone else comes in. One day I was stuck in the "medical library", which is basically the closet. I even mentioned to someone when asked that I would be sitting in the medical library and he said, "so, basically you will be sitting in the closet?" and I said "yeah, pretty much". Mortifying? Quite.

On Friday, my boss comes into the cubicle area to inform me- since me too stoopid to duh grasp this- that if the one MA comes in, the "library" is my area to sit in when there is no where else to sit and since it is going to be my workspace for the position that I never even agreed to definitely take on. After she leaves the area, two of my coworkers start saying that they do not want me to have to sit in that area by myself and so they move a couple things around to make room for one more workspace. A little while later, my boss comes out and sees the moved table and asks, "what is this?" and one of my coworkers explains to her that they made another workspace for me to sit at when all 4 normal spaces are occupied. My manager starts freaking out and saying oh no, the library is my area to work in and absolutely no way will she have 5 people working up there. "Too much chit chat" were her exact words. Yes, because everyone knows there that I am such a fucking chatterbox. Because my boss has not said repeatedly that one of the things she likes about me is I do not talk much and I get my work done. Most of my coworkers are lucky if they hear 5 fucking words out of me the whole day. I wanted to cry. It made me feel like crap.

Why is it no where I go to work am I ever good enough to actually sit amoung everyone else? This is not the first time it happened. I actually like most of my coworkers (except for this one bitch that sits up front). They're all funny as hell. I think this is why I am so upset over having to work in there full time. I would actually semi-like it if I would be working with everybody else. But when this other position comes, I am going to be stuck in a room by myself. The one day I did have to sit in the closet, I felt lousy.

Video Of The Day

I truly enjoyed this video and figured with it being Memorial Day, it would be appropriate. It's kind of boring in the beginning but it gets better at about 1:35:

Take That, DADT!

This is actually one of only three Lady Gaga songs I actually like (except for Beyonce), but....bitch, these boys totally made a better video. I laughed until my teeth almost fell out at the guy with the big giant black box on with "Telephone" written on it. And when the guy raps to Beyonce's part and how the rest of the soldiers are dancing in the background.

I know I have condemned the comparison of Lady Miss Kier to Lady Gaga many times, but for some reason, I would kill to hear Lady Miss Kier sing this song. Every time I hear it, I think of the "Good Beat" video (that video is wicked). She would absolutely kill that song. And she would kill the Beyonce part, too. She is just that awesome. She seriously does no wrong.

Happy Memorial Day!

Quote Of The Day

From "No Meals On Wheels" and the frequent quote of the day today:

You know Peter, my buddies and I have been looking for a new hang out. Our usual donut shop has gotten a little....Puerto Ricany

Is there any place that hasn't gotten a little Puerto Ricany? Or is it just the Northeast?

I Should Be Happy & Grateful!

But in typical "me" fashion....I am not.

I got a call from work last Friday from my manager asking me to come in this week to help because apparently, the files are backed up and the stupid law firms and medical offices and all that keep sending files late, so the work needs to be done in house. My manager told me on the phone Friday that I could come in whenever I wanted on Monday and so I did. I slept in and went in at 10 and worked until 4:30. I heard her bitching not long after I first came in about someone not being able to come in just whenever they want and they need to notify their employer. I don't know who she was talking about, although I suspect it was not me, but I was prepared to fight over it.

Today, I did the same schedule. But before I left, she called me into the office and I figured she was just going to give me some bullshit update about a job I really don't want or she was going to ream me out over my schedule. Nooooo. Instead, it was to inform me that she wants me to work in the office full time from now on.

In my last employee evaluation, my manager wrote that I show interest in working in the office full time. I do not recall ever saying that. If I ever did, it was probably back before the company was sold and you had to work there full time to get benefits. With this new company, you do not need to work full time. So I settled into what I normally did and hoped that maybe one day my hours would get up to where I needed to be to gain benefits. The whole reason I ever agreed to work for the company was because I was going to finally be able to work from home. But now these dipshits own the company and they want to eventually do away with at home workers. I'd like to know where the plan to place any workers, although I would imagine they won't need to make any room. They'll probably just toss them out.

My manager seems to have a lot of beef with the at home workers anymore as well. The past couple times she has had me in the office, she has bitched about them (without names, of course). She actually asked me if I was interested in the full time hours, although she really doesn't give me much of a choice, so why she asked that is beyond me. And I couldn't very well say, "um, actually, no I am not" because I get the feeling that I would have left there today unemployed if I had. Oh and I can't do the 6 hour days anymore because she needs all the help she can get. But I am not doing anything different than what I did before.

I have said it before and I will say it again....I don't understand why I hate this job so much. When I complained about me being the only at home worker in the office, my family is insisting it is because my manager likes me and does not want me to get laid off so she is bringing me in to work there before the new people do something about the at home workers. I don't know about that. I am finally going to be able to get benefits. A couple of my coworkers have had me laughing the past couple days I have been there. What is my problem?

I just received an email from one of our executives bitching about not having our revenue where it should be. You know what, the company has been around over a decade and a half and has not collapsed so they must be doing something right. Fuck your fucking revenue and fuck your profits, you bunch of greedy bastards. And fuck your new computer system as well. What a waste of goddamn time. No wonder revenue isn't where it should be with that new system!

The WTF Of The Day

Due to having some Facebook friends who are into NASCAR still, one day I see Johnny Sauter, who I actually used to like and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to fuck the brains out of his crew chief, as a friend suggestion. Out of curiosity, I checked out the page and while most of the information is only shared with friends (bitch, please, you're a race car driver; how much of the information do most people not know already?) and I noticed baby pictures. Apparently, he has a son! Which means that tart he married- Cortney, she of the famous "I hope everyone on the field crashes so Johnny can win" and of the "he is too good for the Busch series"- was once pregnant. Her a mother? Bwahahahahaha! SCARY! *shudders*

Seriously, Cortney? Johnny is too good for the Busch series? Um, where has he been since 2007? What was his finish in 2007 in the Cup series again? And everyone in the field has to crash just so he can win? Shows how much faith you have in your husband there.

Boy, for having a daddy that isn't too bad looking- I am not sure what Cortney looks like too much because all I have really saw of her was a clip of her giving Johnny a kiss in a commercial (the best part was he had a total bitch please look on his face) and she is a typical NASCAR wife/girlfriend with the whole bleached blonde trash look; I swear if I ever saw a NASCAR driver not married to a bleach blonde I would die of shock- that baby sure isn't cute by any means.

Now the entire world can freak out because I just spoke badly of the almighty baby.

Quote Of The Day

Cracked.com on Ernest Hemingway:

Just about every word written by the man would put hair on your chest and brass on your balls. Had he not grown weary of his own badassery and taken his own life in 1961, he'd probably still be forcing the English-speaking world to sobbingly read through his books at gunpoint.

Does the hair on the chest apply to women as well?

Random Thoughts

Ugh, this is unbelievable. Every friggin time it rains, my internet service is constantly timing out. Thanks, Comcast. You're a real pal. Nice of you to charge so much money a month just so you can time out constantly at the first sign of a little inclement weather.

Thank God a hundred bazillion times that project is finally done at work. I have not been there in almost a week, so I am wondering how my work looks. I bet it already looks like hell. Who gives a rats ass that I practically broke my back to get that room into order? Seriously- my back is hurting like hell from it. I should have hollered for worker's comp.

I can't understand for the life of me why I hate my job so much. Most of the people there seem to like me, I just got a pretty fabulous bonus, my wage is barely liveable but still fairly decent....but I hate it. Ever since this bitch Colleen started to constantly rip my work apart, I think. I shouldn't take it personally, because she nags everyone's work because she has been doing it for 173 years, so she expects everyone else to be as perfect as her. But I do. And I hate how my boss constantly talks to me like I am an idiot. One of these days I am just going to scream "LOOK, I AM NOT FUCKING RETARTED OKAY?". She wants to bring me in full time and the idea of it makes me physically ill. I want to work full time, don't get me wrong, just not there. I think I am someone who needs to have 2 separate part time jobs that equal up to a full time job.

One thing I know is if my last job offered me back a position, I would take it in a heartbeat. But let's be real here- I will not be any happier. I will be just as miserable working there. Nothing seems to make me happy. I have decided that with college, I need to just major in whatever will make me the most money. I am not going to be happy no matter what I do.

Why does choosing a major have to be so goddamn difficult? It is 2010. It has been 8 fucking years since I graduated high school. I should have received a degree a long time ago. I am only working on an associates right now. Getting a bachelor's degree is just too much to think about right now. Eight fucking years ago, I was an excited high school graduate planning on going to school for radiographic technology. I still think about doing that, but I don't know. Of course, a 3 year nervous breakdown was not in my plan, either.

My sister just got engaged. I am waiting for the nagging on me to begin. Oh when is it your turn? NEVER! I am not getting married, folks! I can barely deal with myself, let alone a spouse. What is it with people anyway? People were constantly hounding my sister on when she was getting engaged. What the fuck is it their business? And then after all of that is said and done, then it starts about fucking babies. That's the one that really annoys the hell out of me. Hounding couples on when the babies are going to start is really crossing the line. Its basically like these morons are saying, okay, get in the bedroom and fuck already! Mind your goddamn business!

All I know is I better be Maid Of Honor.

I mentioned to my grandmother one day that a long time friend of mine was pregnant with her second child and she says "see what you're missing?". No, Grandmom, I don't. Because I have not already said a hundred million times that I do not like most children much and definitely do not want any of my own. I don't understand why the ones that get on me the most about not wanting children just don't get it. They have seen me in action. They have seen me lose my temper. They have seen me fly off the handle over the stupidest shit. They see what hormones do to me once a month. But they still expect me to be a mother? No way in hell.

Lyrics Of The Day

"The One" by Elton John:

I saw you dancing out the ocean
Running fast along the sand
A spirit born of earth and water
Fire flying from your hands

In the instant that you love someone
In the second that the hammer hits
Reality runs up your spine
And the pieces finally fit

And all I ever needed was the one
Like freedom fields where wild horses run
When stars collide like you and I
No shadows block the sun
You're all I've ever needed
Oh Baby you're the one

There are caravans we follow
Drunken nights in dark hotels
When chances breathe between the silence
Where sex and love no longer gel

For each man in his time is Cain
Until he walks along the beach
And sees his future in the water
A long lost heart within his reach

And all I ever needed was the one
Like freedom fields where wild horses run
When stars collide like you and I
No shadows block the sun
You're all I've ever needed
Oh Baby you're the one

Video Of The Day

Because 16 years later*, it can still give me goosebumps:



A question I have been asking for years- why did the Sundays never make it bigger? Harriet Wheeler had an incredible voice and this is one of a few songs where I can say the cover is better than the original. No one has ever come close to singing it like her.

Dude, those are some serious mom jeans right there.

*I think it came out earlier than 1994, but I myself can recall only as far back as 1994 ever hearing it on the radio

Quote Of The Day

Philly.com user duke santos on the Race For The Cure walk:

I'm all for curing cancer and all, but these broads are going a little bit overboard with all of this militant pink nonsense. Don'tcha think?

Yes.

Once again, here we go again with the breast cancer crap again. It has to be on Mother's Day because apparently breast cancer only affects women and is the only cancer that affects women. Any mothers who have died of ovarian, cervical, uterine, lung, etc, etc- the hell with you.

And May is Skin Cancer Awareness month anyway. I actually had to Google it because I had no idea what cancer gets its awareness this month. I also have to Google what color the ribbon is for it due to the fact that skin cancer does not affect something sexy so there is no reason to plaster its awareness ribbon all over the place.

EDIT: I just checked the article to see if there have been any new comments and....oh, boy, does stupidity reign in this country:

There is nothing that a woman or man can do to prevent breast cancer (like prostrate)

First off....for the love of all that is holy, it is PROSTATE. There is no fucking R after the S! I am so sick of people calling it prostrate. Every time my father mentions he had cancer, he had "prostrate cancer". But he can never get the names of anything right. He watches "Ghost Whisperers" on Friday nights, Temple Grandin is artistic, and I like "Futureworld" and "Family Man". It drives me up the freaking wall. But anyway....proSTRATE is a position. Look it the hell up.

Second....oh, here we go again. Breast cancer is apparently the only cancer that is also nonpreventable. Yes, we get it that certain life styles can lead to certain cancers, but you know what? You can still get those cancers regardless of your life style!

And since when is prostate cancer preventable? Because they possibly have a vaccine? The vaccine is used to treat advanced prostate cancer. It is a therapeautic vaccine; it doesn't prevent it. I am sure Billy West could argue a good one with this dope about prostate cancer being preventable. That man is probably healthier than 3 dozen horses, but that didn't stop him from getting it. Preventable cancer. What a moron.

And what about focusing on other diseases as well? What about ALS? Sure, its not a big epidemic, but it is terminal. ALS scares the hell out of me.

I am going to go bang my head against the wall for the next 40 minutes. And goddamit, I want a big stack of those New York cheesecake pancakes I had at Ihop last weekend.