I contacted my doctor's office on Monday about the suspected tick and my doctor prescribed me a one time dosage of doxycycline. Yes, one of the pills I was on for endometritis. I can't even remember the last time I had to take antibiotics (2008 maybe?) and somehow I have managed to have to take several in a 2 month span. WTF?
Antibiotic prophylaxis or not, I am still feeling on edge about finding a tick on me, mostly because I want to know how on earth the bloodsucker got on me. Plus, you read some of the things they can cause besides Lyme disease and it opens a whole new door to anxiety.
I am still taking the Prozac every other day. I am sorry I ever started taking it every day like I did. My stomach is still a bloated mess. I still am not feeling hot mentally. All I want is to feel like I did initially when I was taking it every other day. And lord knows if that feeling will ever come again.
I also haven't been sleeping very well and have been having some very bizarre nightmares. I can't even remember any of them, just that they were very bizarre and scary. I'm running on little sleep and it's making me irritable and miserable as fuck.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
NOPE NOPE NOPE
Saturday morning I was getting ready to get in the shower when I happened to look at my left hip and see a dark bump that resembled a freckle. I poked at it a few times and deduced it was a scab, so I left it alone. This morning I happened to look at my hip again and noticed it was a little bigger than Saturday. So I decided to pull it off and I dropped it in the sink. And that's when I noticed it had legs. And then I started to freak out. And then realized it was probably a tick and freaked out even more. I went in and woke my mom up and she picked it up with a pair of tweezers and squeezed it and blood shot out of it, freaking me out even more.
I can't even imagine where I would have picked up a tick. I am not outside often and even when I am, I am always pretty covered up. I am very rarely around animals and my sister's dog faithfully gets tick and flea medicine, so I doubt I picked it up from her. It might not even be a tick. I don't know what else it could possibly be, though.
I can't even imagine where I would have picked up a tick. I am not outside often and even when I am, I am always pretty covered up. I am very rarely around animals and my sister's dog faithfully gets tick and flea medicine, so I doubt I picked it up from her. It might not even be a tick. I don't know what else it could possibly be, though.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Song Of The Day
"Motherfucker I’ll be back from the dead soon/I’ll be watching from the center of the hollow moon"
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Random Thoughts
When I was sitting up front at my FWA's desk the other day, I happened to look up at her calendar and she had written for next Saturday Ms. Hail to the V's son's birthday party. Which I am taking to mean she was invited to. Can't say I got an invitation to it. Not that I would even want to go to the party, but I still can't help but feel a little stung at not getting an invitation, especially because I imagine basically everyone else in the office was probably invited to it.
And I just have to laugh how much everyone has bad-mouthed my FWA but then go and do shit like this. And yes I might talk shit about her all of the time, but I also don't stand there and act like she's my friend. You won't find me inviting her to anything of mine. Or any of my coworkers for that matter. Who wants to see those assholes outside of work? Over 42.5 hours a week is enough.
One day two of my coworkers said they think my FWA has changed a little bit since becoming a mother. Well, I don't know what they are seeing that I am not, because from what I see (and hear), she is still the same whiny never thinks she does anything wrong moron that she was before shitting out a kid. Then again, one of the people who said this is also the same person who talks about how much she loves the love story in 50 Shades (I can't. I just can't with that).
Like I said before, I think at some point in my life I need to just accept I am always going to be an outsider. More often than not, I feel like I am a fucking leper or just flat out invisible. And having difficulty with socializing just makes it even worse.
And I think feeling like this is the reason why I keep so much shit bottled up in me, for fear that it's just going to make everything worse. Really now- could you imagine what people with an already negative image of me would think if I told them about That Thing? It wouldn't be pretty. And frankly, I think I should be at the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck anymore.
And I just have to laugh how much everyone has bad-mouthed my FWA but then go and do shit like this. And yes I might talk shit about her all of the time, but I also don't stand there and act like she's my friend. You won't find me inviting her to anything of mine. Or any of my coworkers for that matter. Who wants to see those assholes outside of work? Over 42.5 hours a week is enough.
One day two of my coworkers said they think my FWA has changed a little bit since becoming a mother. Well, I don't know what they are seeing that I am not, because from what I see (and hear), she is still the same whiny never thinks she does anything wrong moron that she was before shitting out a kid. Then again, one of the people who said this is also the same person who talks about how much she loves the love story in 50 Shades (I can't. I just can't with that).
Like I said before, I think at some point in my life I need to just accept I am always going to be an outsider. More often than not, I feel like I am a fucking leper or just flat out invisible. And having difficulty with socializing just makes it even worse.
And I think feeling like this is the reason why I keep so much shit bottled up in me, for fear that it's just going to make everything worse. Really now- could you imagine what people with an already negative image of me would think if I told them about That Thing? It wouldn't be pretty. And frankly, I think I should be at the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck anymore.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Random Thoughts
Ugh, it's way too hot way too early.
I am back to taking the Prozac every other day and I have to say I don't feel quite as bad as I did. I don't feel like slamming my car into a tree whenever I am in it (well, at least not nearly as strongly as I did before, because let's face it- there is never a time I don't have suicidal ideation).
Can't say I still don't feel like even more of a failure, though.
I am back to taking the Prozac every other day and I have to say I don't feel quite as bad as I did. I don't feel like slamming my car into a tree whenever I am in it (well, at least not nearly as strongly as I did before, because let's face it- there is never a time I don't have suicidal ideation).
Can't say I still don't feel like even more of a failure, though.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
GIMME
I have been craving cornbread for the past few weeks and I don't know why. All I know is if I don't get some soon, I am going to freaking lose my mind.
Random Thoughts
It has not been a good past few days. I have been one miserable agitated bitch. Friday I felt so shitty that the whole drive home all I could think was how bad I wanted to hit the gas pedal and slam into a tree. Yesterday I woke up feeling very anxious and agitated and ended up taking an Ativan before I went anywhere. I went down the shore for the day with my family and it was able to get my mind off of some things for a little bit, but as soon as I came home, I started to feel bad and depressed again. And I am still feeling really bad.
And once again I don't know what is causing it. It could be the post-period miserableness I sometimes get or it could be due to the increase in medicine. Which you would think would show up sooner, but it was a few weeks before Wellbutrin turned me into a paranoid mess that wanted to asphyxiate herself with carbon monoxide. And if it's the Prozac, it's going to be a while before I feel any better, thanks to it having such a ridiculously long half-life.
And once again, can people now see why I was so resistant to going back on medicine?
Also, despite feeling hornier than fuck at times, I have been unable to have an orgasm.
Last year, we had a new MA start. And lately it has become apparent that she is one of the ones my boss allows to have special privileges. One of my coworkers said to me one day that she doesn't think this chick has worked a full 40 hour week since she started. And now that I think about it, I am starting to think it's true. She missed 3 days of work in January, conveniently got a doctor's excuse the day before a snowstorm, complained her knee was bothering her yet was able to exercise and then go skiing over a weekend where she supposedly got into an accident and broke ribs and then was out a whole week, and she just got back from a week long vacation last Monday and then had a doctor's appointment Wednesday and ended up not coming in the whole day, came in late Thursday and then left a half day, and then was out all Friday. She is also constantly coming in earlier if she has to leave early for an appointment, despite the fact that none of us are allowed to do that anymore (which I blame my FWA for that privilege being taken away).
And while I like this MA, there are times I am really starting to question whether I can trust her or if she is just like the MA she replaced, the one I worked with before I started back- a real trouble maker. Also, she is always in such a hurry to get work done, it's always being done half-assed (although I suspect a lot of times it's not so much she is in a hurry as much as she just simply doesn't feel like doing it) and then I have to clean it up and she is constantly texting on her phone or taking personal phone calls.I can't tell you how many times I have been waiting to use the scanner and she is back there supposedly scanning her own shit but is too busy texting on her phone. I'm telling you- it was better when the job of scanning was left to one person.
But the best part has been listening to my FWA complain all week about her and how much shit she gets away. Glass houses, FWA, glass houses.
On Friday, my FWA's friend posted some article about how chronic lateness might be a medical condition. Oh, that is all she needs to hear. No, honey, it's not a medical condition, it's just called you're a fat lazy slob who can't take responsibility for anything.
And going back to yesterday, aside from feeling so on edge, it was a nice day. A little chilly, but it was sunny and the sky was a flawless blue. More stores were missing from the boardwalk that I liked. And there was one restaurant that I have been going to since I was a kid that while they didn't have the best food (minus their outstanding apple crumb pie), I always liked the atmosphere of the place. And it is now gone. I was heartbroken when I found out last month that it had been sold and then to actually see it closed down was just depressing. I guess this is the fun of getting older, is it? Watching everything you like slowly disappear?
And once again I don't know what is causing it. It could be the post-period miserableness I sometimes get or it could be due to the increase in medicine. Which you would think would show up sooner, but it was a few weeks before Wellbutrin turned me into a paranoid mess that wanted to asphyxiate herself with carbon monoxide. And if it's the Prozac, it's going to be a while before I feel any better, thanks to it having such a ridiculously long half-life.
And once again, can people now see why I was so resistant to going back on medicine?
Also, despite feeling hornier than fuck at times, I have been unable to have an orgasm.
Last year, we had a new MA start. And lately it has become apparent that she is one of the ones my boss allows to have special privileges. One of my coworkers said to me one day that she doesn't think this chick has worked a full 40 hour week since she started. And now that I think about it, I am starting to think it's true. She missed 3 days of work in January, conveniently got a doctor's excuse the day before a snowstorm, complained her knee was bothering her yet was able to exercise and then go skiing over a weekend where she supposedly got into an accident and broke ribs and then was out a whole week, and she just got back from a week long vacation last Monday and then had a doctor's appointment Wednesday and ended up not coming in the whole day, came in late Thursday and then left a half day, and then was out all Friday. She is also constantly coming in earlier if she has to leave early for an appointment, despite the fact that none of us are allowed to do that anymore (which I blame my FWA for that privilege being taken away).
And while I like this MA, there are times I am really starting to question whether I can trust her or if she is just like the MA she replaced, the one I worked with before I started back- a real trouble maker. Also, she is always in such a hurry to get work done, it's always being done half-assed (although I suspect a lot of times it's not so much she is in a hurry as much as she just simply doesn't feel like doing it) and then I have to clean it up and she is constantly texting on her phone or taking personal phone calls.I can't tell you how many times I have been waiting to use the scanner and she is back there supposedly scanning her own shit but is too busy texting on her phone. I'm telling you- it was better when the job of scanning was left to one person.
But the best part has been listening to my FWA complain all week about her and how much shit she gets away. Glass houses, FWA, glass houses.
On Friday, my FWA's friend posted some article about how chronic lateness might be a medical condition. Oh, that is all she needs to hear. No, honey, it's not a medical condition, it's just called you're a fat lazy slob who can't take responsibility for anything.
And going back to yesterday, aside from feeling so on edge, it was a nice day. A little chilly, but it was sunny and the sky was a flawless blue. More stores were missing from the boardwalk that I liked. And there was one restaurant that I have been going to since I was a kid that while they didn't have the best food (minus their outstanding apple crumb pie), I always liked the atmosphere of the place. And it is now gone. I was heartbroken when I found out last month that it had been sold and then to actually see it closed down was just depressing. I guess this is the fun of getting older, is it? Watching everything you like slowly disappear?
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Random Thoughts
Two days down, three more to go until the weekend. Although I am dreading the closer to the weekend I get, because I just know my sister is going to say something about going to the Strawberry Festival and I wouldn't mind going again, but really don't want to drive up there with her husband.
Not this past weekend, but the prior weekend I went to Dairy Queen to try the salted caramel truffle Blizzard (very good) and while I was waiting in line I was reading the menu and they had 3 anniversary flavors, one of which was one of my favorites from back in the day- the brownie batter Blizzard. So this past weekend I wanted ice cream and decided I wanted that. And while I was waiting in line, I started to read through the menu again.....and happened to notice how short the Blizzard menu has gotten. And then I realized quite a few flavors that I like were no longer on the menu- mint Oreo, Oreo cheesequake, etc. DAIRY QUEEN, I AM DISAPPOINT.
I don't know what May's Blizzard of the Month will be, but I definitely want to try that brownie cookie dough one at some point. That looks heavenly. And if they'd bring back the Kit Kat Blizzard, that would be fantastic. And all I know is, I don't care if it's their 75th anniversary, the pumpkin pie Blizzard better be there in October!
I feel so damn bloated and swollen right now, I can't even stand it. You name it- my hands, my feet, every possible place imaginable. My stomach feels horrible. I have still been taking the Prozac every day and I keep thinking I need to cut back on it, but I get so wracked with guilt if I don't take it, that I end up taking it. And then I curse myself out later on when my stomach feels horrible. My anxiety levels are sky-high and my concentration levels are the pits and I don't know if it's hormone-related or possibly due to the increase in medicine. I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO ANY OF THIS. And it's driving me frigging mad.
Not this past weekend, but the prior weekend I went to Dairy Queen to try the salted caramel truffle Blizzard (very good) and while I was waiting in line I was reading the menu and they had 3 anniversary flavors, one of which was one of my favorites from back in the day- the brownie batter Blizzard. So this past weekend I wanted ice cream and decided I wanted that. And while I was waiting in line, I started to read through the menu again.....and happened to notice how short the Blizzard menu has gotten. And then I realized quite a few flavors that I like were no longer on the menu- mint Oreo, Oreo cheesequake, etc. DAIRY QUEEN, I AM DISAPPOINT.
I don't know what May's Blizzard of the Month will be, but I definitely want to try that brownie cookie dough one at some point. That looks heavenly. And if they'd bring back the Kit Kat Blizzard, that would be fantastic. And all I know is, I don't care if it's their 75th anniversary, the pumpkin pie Blizzard better be there in October!
I feel so damn bloated and swollen right now, I can't even stand it. You name it- my hands, my feet, every possible place imaginable. My stomach feels horrible. I have still been taking the Prozac every day and I keep thinking I need to cut back on it, but I get so wracked with guilt if I don't take it, that I end up taking it. And then I curse myself out later on when my stomach feels horrible. My anxiety levels are sky-high and my concentration levels are the pits and I don't know if it's hormone-related or possibly due to the increase in medicine. I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO ANY OF THIS. And it's driving me frigging mad.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Nope X Infinity
Last night I read an article on Cracked telling the story of 2 people who [barely] survived being mauled by bears. To say I was completely horrified by the time I finished reading it is an understatement. Especially the 25 year-old kid's story. JFC. And since I read it, I have not been able to stop thinking about the story. It even kept me up a good chunk of the night. Not that I ever looked at them fondly anyway nor do I know how much of the article is accurate on bear-human relations, but I will never ever look at bears the same way again.
And not long after I read that article, I saw a picture on my local news's website of a car accident that had occurred earlier in the day and the car had a fucking guardrail right through the middle of it. And naturally my twisted mind took that image and went to imagination town with it. It was at that point I was ready to climb under my bed covers and stay there forever.
Not quite sure why my anxiety has been so bad lately, unless it had to do with my impending period, which thankfully came today, so maybe it will lessen some.
And not long after I read that article, I saw a picture on my local news's website of a car accident that had occurred earlier in the day and the car had a fucking guardrail right through the middle of it. And naturally my twisted mind took that image and went to imagination town with it. It was at that point I was ready to climb under my bed covers and stay there forever.
Not quite sure why my anxiety has been so bad lately, unless it had to do with my impending period, which thankfully came today, so maybe it will lessen some.
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