Random Thoughts

I can't believe tomorrow will already be one week since my vacation ended. Two weeks since I left for vacation. Where on earth does the time go?

Not sure if it's post-vacation blues, post-period blues, or a mixture of things, but I have been so freaking miserable this week. I feel overwhelmingly depressed and the littlest things are making me want to lie down and just sob. I feel very unhappy right now.

And apparently I was wrong about Miralax messing with my period, because my period came 44 days this month. And right while I was on vacation. And since it came later than I expected I decided to go back on the Miralax and Peri-Colace regimen for a little bit. And it helped some during vacation, definitely helped this past Saturday, and some on Sunday. And since then I have not been able to go to the bathroom once. And I don't understand why. I'm taking two Peri-Colace pills a day, drinking tons of water, and Miralax- how the fuck is that not helping me go to the bathroom? Especially when it normally does! I'm so bloated and miserable and am starting to seriously worry I'm going to end up with a blockage.  

Random Thoughts

Well, my Myrtle Beach vacation is over for the year. Pretty much the typical vacation in this household- somewhat nice, constantly chaotic but still followed by the post-vacation blues. And then next weekend is Independence Day weekend. I feel like once that weekend is over, that's it for the summer. There is no longer anything to really look forward to, except maybe the occasional shore day trips and a few days down the shore in August.

And now it's back to that stupid place called work tomorrow. Back to annoying charts and annoying people. I'm dreading it. Big time. 

UGH

Enhanced risk of severe thunderstorms for my area today with a 5% tornado probability. Not looking forward to the nastiness that is predicted for later on today.  Guarantee there will probably be some kind of watch issued at some point today.

And then the stupid sun keeps popping out sporadically. GO AWAY SUN YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.

4:43PM: Severe thunderstorm watch till 10

9:11PM: Looks like the watch was cancelled. Not the entire watch, but certain areas that were under it, including mine, have not been under it since around 8. A severe thunderstorm warning went into effect for my area until about 7:15 and the radar was looking pretty hairy, but all we ended up getting was rain, some wind, some cracks of thunder, and I'm not even sure if we actually got lightning. Spent most of the weekend anxious and with my stomach in knots, particularly today, for really no reason.

And since my anxiety never goes away and instead just finds somewhere else to invade, I'm super stressed out about going back into this leviathan of a chart I started working on on Thursday. Yes, Thursday. And I'm still working on it. I'm pretty sure I should have it done at some point tomorrow- once I get past one part that I'm almost at, it should be a little smoother sailing- but as of now, it's fucking intense. And I'm dreading going back in to it.

Song Of The Day

Song Of The Day

In a Pure Moods kind of mood (yes, I do actually own that CD- both I and II in fact):

Random Thoughts

Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to all those who have served!

And thank goodness for not having to be in work for one day. Any day away from those asshats is okay in my book. And any day away from the ever building workload is okay as well.

And then I found out last week that one of the girls who does the same job as me up in our sister company (there are two girls there that do the same job as me) is apparently going to be out for about a month due to health issues and the other girl is apparently having health issues of her own. Which means we'll probably be expected to take on some of their work as well. I swear to God, I have never seen an office with so many damn people going out on extended leaves for health issues as much as that office. It really makes me wonder just how bad that office is run.

I keep dreading the day my FWA comes in and announces she's pregnant again. I think I will just have an absolute breakdown when she's out on maternity leave. Because of course she'll have to be sectioned again, because of course her recovery period couldn't be dramatic-free, which means she'll have to be out longer than the usual time and probably even longer than what is expected in general. Because god forbid anything ever not be dramatic with her.

UGH. I really do not want to go back tomorrow.

Song Of The Day

"Do you know....do you know
You're all I know....you're all I know
When everything comes crashing down
You're all I know....you're all I know"

Random Thoughts

I'm still alive. Nothing really exciting to report, other than I have a new nephew. He came a few days after my last post and is an absolute cutie patootie. 

I'm glad to report my last period came at a respectable 36 days. It's kind of weird that it came the usual amount of days after stopping Miralax. I don't know how or why Miralax would knock it off but I still think it had something to do with my period coming late those few months.

However, since my last period ended, I've been dealing with some really annoying lower back pain. Sometimes it's only on the right side, sometimes it's only on the left side, and sometimes it's bilateral. And it spreads into my hips and thighs, usually the front part of my thighs and sometimes the sides. Walking can be painful but sitting can be even worse, because then the pain in my hips and thighs worsens. I don't know what is going on but it's making me really irritable. And the stuff I normally do to get rid of back pain isn't helping. The only thing that seems to help is the ibuprofen 800 I still have from before I got my root canal. But once it wears off, I'm right back to being miserable. Plus I'm afraid to take too much pain medications since apparently Prozac and NSAIDs together can increase stomach bleeding.

Work is still the same old shit. The lull in work has come to an end. Now I am a little guilty of slacking off some during that lull, but not like my coworkers. But will they be the ones stressing out over it? No. It will be this girl. I'm the moron sitting here right now on a frigging Sunday afternoon getting a knot in my stomach wondering how the shit will get done in time.

Random Thoughts

So help me God, if this bug that is up my ass does not crawl out soon, I'm going to lose my mind.

And the crankier I feel the nastier I am getting and the more I am finding myself doing shit even out of the ordinary for me. I have never felt so unlike myself as I do right now. I've had nasty streaks before, plenty, but I don't ever recall feeling so nasty and bitter as I do right now. And I don't like it.

Yesterday I didn't wake up in the greatest of moods. Partly because it was Monday, partly because I knew I had to go back in to a chart that was taking forever to summarize because it was so fucking detailed, and partly I have no idea why. And then something in work put me in a pissy mood for the rest of the day. And truthfully it's probably me just being too sensitive and reading too much into things. Every so often I'll email billing invoices up to our sister company and some time around December we were given a new person to forward them to. And when he would respond to my emails, I noticed he would include Ms. Croquette. Since I know she used to deal with billing back when I got laid off, I figured she needed to be included in sending them and I started to include her on my emails.

So fast forward to what, 4 months later, I email some invoices yesterday and a few minutes later I get an email from Ms. Croquette asking me and the main person we forward them to "please remove me from these emails". And it just rubbed me the wrong way. I know things can be interpreted wrong in emails, but I can just picture her snooty ass typing the email all snooty like. And why four months later am I being asked this? If she is not supposed to be receiving the emails, then why not, oh I don't know, EMAIL ME SOONER?

And then I came home from work in a foul mood and my sister and my nephew were here. One thing that annoys me with sister is she gets pissed if people overstay their welcome but has no problem ever doing it herself. And my mom is trying to get dinner ready and my sister is just taking her good old time leaving and my nephew is making chaos everywhere and I started feeling really stressed out and I went into my bedroom and at some point said "OMG just go the fuck home already!". Except I didn't just say it. I yelled it. And she heard me.

And my FWA is starting to really get under my skin with her attitude.

And something that is really starting to scare me is how paranoid I am starting to feel. Not paranoid in the sense that people are out to get me (for the most part) or aliens are going to abduct me or the government is going to start transmitting things through my teeth. No, rather I am feeling overly paranoid that everyone is being extremely cold towards me and that everyone hates me and wants me to go away and I am worried that someone hacked in to my Facebook account and posted something offensive that I can't see and that's why everyone is being so cold to me. And I keep wondering if it's the Prozac but I can't figure out why over a year later it would start to do this. And now I'm even more afraid to up my dosage that it will make me even more paranoid. All I know is I went to bed last night thinking, god I wish I had a plan so I can just put an end to this miserable excuse of a life already.

Random Thoughts

The heat sensitivity seems to have settled down some. Still hurts to chew on that side though. And I've tried (multiple times) sticking a swab over each tooth and biting down and of course that never elicits any pain, so I can't even figure out what tooth it is, although I am almost positive it's the root-canaled tooth.

I don't know if it's just the post-period miserable or what, but I have been one cranky ass bitch this past week. I certainly don't feel like I am taking Prozac anymore. Which means I probably need to up my dosage but am still too chicken (I did up it to six days a week, but that lasted two weeks).

And I'm so damn annoyed with work. I keep telling myself to be happy I have a job, but I still drive in to work every morning hoping an 18 wheeler will nail me. My coworkers just get under my skin so damn bad. And lately it's been really bad.

My FWA has had a bit of an attitude problem this week and I'm about to put my foot up her ass. And I guarantee if you asked her what is up her ass, she'd be all I haven't slept WAH the baby hasn't slept WAH. At which point I'd have to walk away because I'd want to give her a look that would make Medusa proud and ask her if she really expects any fucking sympathy from me. YOU wanted to be a mother so bad, YOU constantly go on about how much "it's so worth it", YOU feed your kid junk food all of the time....sit the fuck down.

And other things that annoy me with them are really just my petty side rearing its ugly head. Like how I always like making my favorite doctor a pot of coffee whenever he is in. But for the past week and a half the MOB has been making coffee (apparently she "lost" her travel mug so she's had to make coffee in work instead of just, oh I don't know, BUYING A NEW MUG) so I haven't gotten to make it for him. And it's really grinding my fucking gears. Also, it's pretty funny how twice we've had birthday cake since my birthday and she's eating the cake both times. AND IT'S THE SAME EXACT CAKE AS WHAT I HAD. In fact, almost every morning this past week I've seen her eating a piece of cake from my FWA's birthday cake that was in the fridge. Yeah, okay.

And I'm annoyed how my lunch half hour is no longer mine. I have Jabber Jaws take lunch the same fucking time as I do and normally if I need some peace and quiet and the weather isn't bad, I might go and sit out in my car and have lunch. Except now even that isn't a pleasant experience because not only does my manager take lunch the same time, but she'll also sit in her car. And 99% of the time she's parked next to me. And it feels incredibly awkward sitting in my car right next to her.

On another note....it's snowing out. WTF????