It's another Food Factory marathon night and earlier they were discussing black forest cake made by a company owned by a father and son. I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't mind eating black forest cake off of the son's body. Or any kind of cake.
I am glad I was able to get out a little on Friday night (nothing overly exciting, my mother and I went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner, then I went and got a haircut and ran into Target and Wegman's) because I did shit today. My mother woke up not feeling well (I haven't been on much so I neglected to mention that my brother-in-law came down with the flu the other day, then the baby had a fever yesterday, now my sister isn't feeling well also; I think we are at the point that this can't be blamed on me anymore) and was running a slight fever, so she didn't feel like going anywhere, as well as my sister was thinking about running places without the baby, which would have meant my mom would have had to babysit him. But then she never called. So I never got anywhere. Not that I really had anywhere to go nor did I feel like going anywhere considering how cold it was outside, but I have been in all damn day! I am going stir crazy right now!
And then to annoy me even more, not only did I not get to do anything today, but next weekend is my grandfather's party and the following weekend is my nephew's party. ARGH! And do you know what is [shamefully] annoying me most about these parties? How much they're going to interfere with my routine. And whether I will be home before 11:30PM next weekend.
This constant need to abide by a routine is starting to get incredibly frustrating. I am starting to get to the point where if I find my routine is going to be disrupted, even just a little, I really fly off the handle. Then again, there isn't much that isn't causing me to fly off the handle these days.
Honestly, with as much as I stress myself out, it's no wonder I am so short-tempered. I don't know how I have never blown up at work. I have come close to it, but always manage to keep it under control. It's very frustrating to be reading something and not comprehend anything and have to go read it over 5 or more times before you finally understand what you just read. And sometimes that doesn't even work. Or I'll type something and then go back and read it to make sure what I put was correct and then have to go back and check over it several more times to make sure what I put was correct. Or I'll get to an end of a chart and I'll be filled with such an overwhelming fear that I might have missed a medical visit or put a wrong date or doctor's name that I have to go back and go page by page and make sure I didn't put any incorrect dates or doctor names or miss any visits.
And the hell and frustration I have to go through just doing my damn job because I allowed my OCD to take control of my life, can you see why I was so enraged when I found out my FWA made that comment about my boss needing to be on my ass? If she really said it, that is, which I don't doubt she did, because as much as she claims to be such a wonderful nice person, she is every bit as 2-faced as the rest of the office, but then again, I can't seem to find anybody in that office who hasn't lied a few times to my face, so I don't know who to believe ever.
And it just frustrates me because for the most part I understand my job. And I guess I must do an okay job with it. And if my life wasn't currently being controlled by mental illness, I could be turning out a hell of a lot more work than I currently do.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Random Thoughts
I saw the last name Dort earlier and then I thought of Bort and started giggling. I don't know how I have been a Simpsons fan for pretty much most of my life and I am just learning of the Bort joke now. Or maybe because it's been so damn long since I saw that episode that it just got buried in my brain somewhere amongst the wreck of Titanic proportions known as my mind. I swear though in that episode where the Russian girl teaches Bart piano that she calls him Bort.
I don't know what my problem this week is, but I have been one nasty emotional bitch. Then again I am around the middle of my cycle so it's quite possible I am just having pre-PMS. But this new coworker of mine, I swear one of these days I am going to completely lose it on her, because she is getting on my last nerve. She was bitching about the radio station again today, that we need to find one that doesn't play the same stuff over and over again. I laughed and said "well, good luck with that, because this station is not nearly as bad as most out there". And then she actually had the nerve to call it a top 40 station. Uh, it's an alternative rock station. You're not going to find most, if any, top 40 on there, you stupid cow. And you're certainly not going to find a lot of the stuff they play on other stations (e.g. MGMT). Plus, I don't know why she bitches about the station considering they play fucking Linkin Park all of the time.
Ugh, I can't believe tomorrow is only Thursday. But on the plus side, it's Food Factory night!
I don't know what my problem this week is, but I have been one nasty emotional bitch. Then again I am around the middle of my cycle so it's quite possible I am just having pre-PMS. But this new coworker of mine, I swear one of these days I am going to completely lose it on her, because she is getting on my last nerve. She was bitching about the radio station again today, that we need to find one that doesn't play the same stuff over and over again. I laughed and said "well, good luck with that, because this station is not nearly as bad as most out there". And then she actually had the nerve to call it a top 40 station. Uh, it's an alternative rock station. You're not going to find most, if any, top 40 on there, you stupid cow. And you're certainly not going to find a lot of the stuff they play on other stations (e.g. MGMT). Plus, I don't know why she bitches about the station considering they play fucking Linkin Park all of the time.
Ugh, I can't believe tomorrow is only Thursday. But on the plus side, it's Food Factory night!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
WTF
Where in the hell is the snow? I just know my boss is going to call in a few hours and say the office is open, despite the fact that we cancelled all of our appointments for today.
What a fucking bust. I want a snow day, dammit!
7:19PM: So what was predicted to be at least a foot of snow turned out to be about 2 to 3 inches. I am usually one of the first people to cut weather people slack, but this time I am pretty pissed.
And we had a delayed opening. Which would have been nice if the damn decision would have been made last night because maybe then I could have, oh I don't know, SLEPT IN instead of being woken up at 6:10AM by my FWA texting me to complain that we were under a travel ban and she wasn't going on the road with that in effect. Then my boss calls me not long after to tell me the morons up north still hadn't made a decision and she'd text us all at 7. She didn't text until 7:30 to let us know that there might be a delayed opening and she would text us all at 8:30. All I wanted so badly to do was fall back asleep and my FWA kept texting me. I was about to text her back and say bitch I want to sleep leave me the fuck alone! Then my boss texted us all a little after 8 to let us know there would definitely be a delayed opening. I never did get to fall back asleep.
I ended up going in (the rental units were not happy). The roads weren't great, but I was okay driving in them. Just a little nervous, but for the most part I think I remained incredibly calm. I think I was more scared when I was leaving than when I was actually out on the roads and driving. Hell, I was not nearly as scared as I was when I had to drive in that ice storm last year. And thank God for my new tires. My old ones would have never held up.
It ended up just being 4 of us in work. No FWA, no boss, etc. It was a nice relaxing day. And best of all, I didn't have to use a personal day!
My appointment ended up getting cancelled (unlike my stupid place, their office made the decision YESTERDAY to close today) and rescheduled for February 17th. I am annoyed that now I have to wait another 3 weeks, but once again, I have waited this long.
I hate to say it, but since I got my blood results, I have been feeling a little calmer, even though I still question the accuracy of testing hormones. I would have rather have had them tested on the third day of my cycle like you're apparently supposed to be. And I would have been closer to that point had I been able to go on the 17th. Except I had to get the damn flu.
God, it needs to be the weekend already.
What a fucking bust. I want a snow day, dammit!
7:19PM: So what was predicted to be at least a foot of snow turned out to be about 2 to 3 inches. I am usually one of the first people to cut weather people slack, but this time I am pretty pissed.
And we had a delayed opening. Which would have been nice if the damn decision would have been made last night because maybe then I could have, oh I don't know, SLEPT IN instead of being woken up at 6:10AM by my FWA texting me to complain that we were under a travel ban and she wasn't going on the road with that in effect. Then my boss calls me not long after to tell me the morons up north still hadn't made a decision and she'd text us all at 7. She didn't text until 7:30 to let us know that there might be a delayed opening and she would text us all at 8:30. All I wanted so badly to do was fall back asleep and my FWA kept texting me. I was about to text her back and say bitch I want to sleep leave me the fuck alone! Then my boss texted us all a little after 8 to let us know there would definitely be a delayed opening. I never did get to fall back asleep.
I ended up going in (the rental units were not happy). The roads weren't great, but I was okay driving in them. Just a little nervous, but for the most part I think I remained incredibly calm. I think I was more scared when I was leaving than when I was actually out on the roads and driving. Hell, I was not nearly as scared as I was when I had to drive in that ice storm last year. And thank God for my new tires. My old ones would have never held up.
It ended up just being 4 of us in work. No FWA, no boss, etc. It was a nice relaxing day. And best of all, I didn't have to use a personal day!
My appointment ended up getting cancelled (unlike my stupid place, their office made the decision YESTERDAY to close today) and rescheduled for February 17th. I am annoyed that now I have to wait another 3 weeks, but once again, I have waited this long.
I hate to say it, but since I got my blood results, I have been feeling a little calmer, even though I still question the accuracy of testing hormones. I would have rather have had them tested on the third day of my cycle like you're apparently supposed to be. And I would have been closer to that point had I been able to go on the 17th. Except I had to get the damn flu.
God, it needs to be the weekend already.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Random Thoughts
Why the hell is Sarah Palin talking about running for president? That bitch couldn't even handle being governor. What is she going to do, become president and quit a quarter of the way through? The whole world would laugh at this country if she got elected president. Could you imagine that dolt talking to other world leaders? They would eat her alive. Could you see her talking with someone like Vladimir Putin or someone similar? And the best part is she'll quit and blame Obama for it somehow, not because she is an incompetent moron.
So I have been waiting and waiting to go to that appointment, the week finally arrives, and the weather is calling for a massive amount of snow Monday night into Tuesday. I keep hearing conflicting amounts, but last I heard was 12 to 18 inches. Words cannot even begin to express how unbelievably upset I am that I will probably have to cancel this appointment.
And if it's that bad, I probably will end up calling out from work. That company isn't worth risking my life for. Plus I can't remember who exactly it is who makes the decision to close our office, but whoever it is, they are either in Georgia or Texas. What the fuck is that shit?
And if it turns out as bad as it sounds, chances are a state of emergency will be declared and you know what? Any company that makes their employees go out during one of them should be heavily fined. There is a reason they are declared! There is no reason for anyone who isn't emergency to be on the roads during a state of emergency. There is no reason for our office to open. We can't even get all of our patients to show up on a nice normal sunny day. Does the company really think they're going to show up during a fucking snowstorm?
Of course, it's not like I couldn't work from home if needed. Except the company doesn't allow that anymore. And I would not be one bit surprised if my FWA has something to do with that.
I was reading some article in an AARP magazine about women who are having babies long after menopause and some chick in the article says that the bottom line is it's no ones business. Uh yes it is. When these women start popping out babies with deformities and defects, then it is everyone's business. Plus, there is a reason why women go through menopause and can no longer have babies. Why do people have to insist on fucking with Mother Nature?
So I have been waiting and waiting to go to that appointment, the week finally arrives, and the weather is calling for a massive amount of snow Monday night into Tuesday. I keep hearing conflicting amounts, but last I heard was 12 to 18 inches. Words cannot even begin to express how unbelievably upset I am that I will probably have to cancel this appointment.
And if it's that bad, I probably will end up calling out from work. That company isn't worth risking my life for. Plus I can't remember who exactly it is who makes the decision to close our office, but whoever it is, they are either in Georgia or Texas. What the fuck is that shit?
And if it turns out as bad as it sounds, chances are a state of emergency will be declared and you know what? Any company that makes their employees go out during one of them should be heavily fined. There is a reason they are declared! There is no reason for anyone who isn't emergency to be on the roads during a state of emergency. There is no reason for our office to open. We can't even get all of our patients to show up on a nice normal sunny day. Does the company really think they're going to show up during a fucking snowstorm?
Of course, it's not like I couldn't work from home if needed. Except the company doesn't allow that anymore. And I would not be one bit surprised if my FWA has something to do with that.
I was reading some article in an AARP magazine about women who are having babies long after menopause and some chick in the article says that the bottom line is it's no ones business. Uh yes it is. When these women start popping out babies with deformities and defects, then it is everyone's business. Plus, there is a reason why women go through menopause and can no longer have babies. Why do people have to insist on fucking with Mother Nature?
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Random Thoughts
So Thursday night I decided to get on my bike for 15 minutes. I did the same thing on Friday. Today I rolled out of bed at 11:45 (can I just say how nice it not only was to sleep in, but to actually sleep pretty damn good?) and got on my bike for 20 minutes, then later on I did another 10.
Over a week later and I am still not feeling well. Still have a tickle in my throat that is making me cough, still congested, still nauseous, still have a bad taste in my mouth that is making a lot of foods taste funny, still not much of an appetite. I think that last one was why I got on the scale today and was 120 pounds, down 3 pounds since the last time I was on there.
And I am still feeling as depressed as ever. I have been feeling pretty damn miserable for the past few years but I don't remember feeling this bad in a long time. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in the house (preferably in bed). My grandfather's 90th birthday party is coming up in a couple weeks and I am not even looking forward to it. I have no interest in helping planning it or going out and buying things because I am just so goddamn exhausted.
I hate work and my coworkers so much right now. Especially my boss. She's still hacking like crazy and I swear every time I see her hacking, she isn't covering her mouth. Like you work in a medical office, have worked in several hospitals before, what the hell is wrong with you? COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. And yet I am not supposed to 100% suspect her of getting me sick? She told me the one day that she is tired of still feeling crappy and that last Monday (the Monday of the week I got sick) she was so fed up with it that she just decided the hell with it and came into work. I felt like saying oh okay, well, thanks to you doing so I ended up getting sick.
I don't understand why this is making me feel as bad as it is. It was just the flu. A flu that came and went pretty quickly without any complications. What is wrong with me?
Over a week later and I am still not feeling well. Still have a tickle in my throat that is making me cough, still congested, still nauseous, still have a bad taste in my mouth that is making a lot of foods taste funny, still not much of an appetite. I think that last one was why I got on the scale today and was 120 pounds, down 3 pounds since the last time I was on there.
And I am still feeling as depressed as ever. I have been feeling pretty damn miserable for the past few years but I don't remember feeling this bad in a long time. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in the house (preferably in bed). My grandfather's 90th birthday party is coming up in a couple weeks and I am not even looking forward to it. I have no interest in helping planning it or going out and buying things because I am just so goddamn exhausted.
I hate work and my coworkers so much right now. Especially my boss. She's still hacking like crazy and I swear every time I see her hacking, she isn't covering her mouth. Like you work in a medical office, have worked in several hospitals before, what the hell is wrong with you? COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. And yet I am not supposed to 100% suspect her of getting me sick? She told me the one day that she is tired of still feeling crappy and that last Monday (the Monday of the week I got sick) she was so fed up with it that she just decided the hell with it and came into work. I felt like saying oh okay, well, thanks to you doing so I ended up getting sick.
I don't understand why this is making me feel as bad as it is. It was just the flu. A flu that came and went pretty quickly without any complications. What is wrong with me?
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Damn
I just got an email that my lab results are available, but I am not on my desktop to sign in to check them so I will have to wait until after work to check them. Grrrr.
God, I am so exhausted even though I slept well. I am still so damn stressed about getting sick again. I am so over this already.
5:09PM: Time to see my test results. Here goes nothing.
Of course, Avira is updating right now so my computer is running slow as fuck.
5:13PM: Everything is normal.
God, I am so exhausted even though I slept well. I am still so damn stressed about getting sick again. I am so over this already.
5:09PM: Time to see my test results. Here goes nothing.
Of course, Avira is updating right now so my computer is running slow as fuck.
5:13PM: Everything is normal.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
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