Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Random Thoughts
I have had a pulling pain right above the bikini line on the left side for the past few hours, right about where an ovary sits on a diagram, along with cramping across the lower abdomen and lower back. It's starting to get really annoying. This pain and cramping all throughout the month, every month, is starting to get to be really annoying.
All of these women problems are starting to get tiring. This whole thing of worrying I am going through perimenopause is beyond tiring.
I finally slept a little better last night. Didn't have any episodes of waking up warm. Hopefully tonight will be good, too. Early Monday morning I did end up waking up feeling warm, though. I almost wonder if the feelings of being warm had anything to do with all of the bad eating I had been doing and fluid retention. Who knows? All I know is I am so tired of eating bad!
So I did end up with a market cake on Monday. I was not happy. Not that I don't appreciate getting a cake, but why am I the only one who never gets a bakery cake? Oh, and I didn't get a card, either. And then I had to laugh- there was a little less than half the cake left and my boss is all oh you can take it home to your family and then cuts herself a second huge slice, leaving me with slightly more than a quarter of a cake. I was appalled. Like that little bit of cake was going to be enough for several people. And like she needed that second slice.
And then to top it off, she bought me a pack of cheesecake slices because she knows I like it. It was a really nice gesture, don't get me wrong, but for someone who knows I am really restrictive with eating, seeing as how she has to make a reference to it nearly every time we have food in that damn place, she should have just saved her money. Not that it won't get eaten.
Every time people make reference to my eating habits, I want to kick the wall. I already know it's disordered and feel shitty about it; I don't need the extra attention brought to it.
And speaking of feeling shitty, for the past couple of New Year's Eves, it was just my parents and me. And we figured this year would be the same, so we decided we would go to Red Robin for dinner so I can score my free birthday burger. And apparently my sister wanted to go to dinner with us this year. Except she hates Red Robin. My parents sound like they are still set on going to Red Robin and now I feel like shit. Why does everything always have to make me feel like shit?
And continuing on in feeling shitty, I don't want the holiday season to end this week. Maybe, just maybe, one of these holiday seasons I will actually feel happy.
All of these women problems are starting to get tiring. This whole thing of worrying I am going through perimenopause is beyond tiring.
I finally slept a little better last night. Didn't have any episodes of waking up warm. Hopefully tonight will be good, too. Early Monday morning I did end up waking up feeling warm, though. I almost wonder if the feelings of being warm had anything to do with all of the bad eating I had been doing and fluid retention. Who knows? All I know is I am so tired of eating bad!
So I did end up with a market cake on Monday. I was not happy. Not that I don't appreciate getting a cake, but why am I the only one who never gets a bakery cake? Oh, and I didn't get a card, either. And then I had to laugh- there was a little less than half the cake left and my boss is all oh you can take it home to your family and then cuts herself a second huge slice, leaving me with slightly more than a quarter of a cake. I was appalled. Like that little bit of cake was going to be enough for several people. And like she needed that second slice.
And then to top it off, she bought me a pack of cheesecake slices because she knows I like it. It was a really nice gesture, don't get me wrong, but for someone who knows I am really restrictive with eating, seeing as how she has to make a reference to it nearly every time we have food in that damn place, she should have just saved her money. Not that it won't get eaten.
Every time people make reference to my eating habits, I want to kick the wall. I already know it's disordered and feel shitty about it; I don't need the extra attention brought to it.
And speaking of feeling shitty, for the past couple of New Year's Eves, it was just my parents and me. And we figured this year would be the same, so we decided we would go to Red Robin for dinner so I can score my free birthday burger. And apparently my sister wanted to go to dinner with us this year. Except she hates Red Robin. My parents sound like they are still set on going to Red Robin and now I feel like shit. Why does everything always have to make me feel like shit?
And continuing on in feeling shitty, I don't want the holiday season to end this week. Maybe, just maybe, one of these holiday seasons I will actually feel happy.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Random Thoughts
What was with this weekend and fights breaking out in food courts? I have heard of at least 3 malls where that occurred. Is this something new?
I can't believe a week ago I was fretting over not having my shopping done and I had to drag my mother out on Sunday night to get the last 2 things I needed and now Christmas is over. What the hell? The last 4 months of the year are strange- you have the excitement of fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas pushes its way in somewhere in that point and it's all up in your face for weeks and then BAM it's gone. And then it's months of cold dark dreariness. It's so damn depressing. Especially when one by one all of the decorations start coming down and everything is bare and depressing. I never understand people who rush to take their decorations down. Then again, if I lived on my own, I'd probably be one of those people who would be getting notices a month or more after Christmas telling me I need to take my decorations down.
And I miss the Christmas music. I wish maybe just until New Years, the stations would continue to play it. Maybe just not all of the time like before Christmas. Thank God for my Christmas music playlist and the Music Choice Sounds of the Season station. Some stores are still playing it as well. I was in Acme earlier and heard 2 Christmas songs mixed in with regular songs, one of which was "The Walker" by Fitz and the Tantrums. I thought that was pretty awesome.
Woke up this morning feeling warm and sweaty again. I wish I could explain well what I experience. When you read up on night sweats, it sounds like people wake up soaked. I don't have that problem. I just feel warm and a little sweaty, but I also have this weird mild chilled feeling while feeling warm as well. Like I can't just kick off the covers because if I do so, I'll get even colder. It's almost like some parts of my body are warm and some are chilled. To say that I am starting to get really scared and freaked out is an understatement. I also started fretting over the fact that my period has come 35 days the past 2 months and then a whole other host of things crammed their way in and I didn't fall back asleep for awhile. My body temperature is feeling kind of weird right now (kind of warm, but feeling kind of cold) and I am starting to feel really anxious.
I am also obsessed with looking at the area behind my crown. I can't tell if it's swollen and I am worried that food got stuck in it and is going to cause an infection. IT NEVER STOPS.
I have been so damn depressed lately. And something that has been plaguing me is I keep thinking, will everyone be around for the next Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc? And the thought of everyone not being around is so unbearable I want to start screaming and never stop. And thoughts of horrible things happening to my loved ones keep plaguing my mind and sometimes it gets so bad I just want to start banging my head against the wall to make it stop. And people wonder why I don't want to be a mother? I'd end up in the hospital because my nerves would be completely shot worrying about the kid, although look at all of the being over-protective and worrying the mother of my friend who died in the car accident did and look at where that got her.
Oh, and I am beyond tired of feeling bad and guilty about EVERYTHING. I swear, if I knew it would be a positive experience and I wouldn't have a massive bill afterwards, I would admit myself to the hospital, although I have no specific plans to hurt myself so they might not even take me. But I doubt that I would ever do that again, although I have to say I am a hell of a lot less patient and a hell of a lot more on edge, irritable and cranky than when I was previously there, so I doubt very much I would allow any of the techs to talk to me the way I allowed them to before.
I am dreading going back to work tomorrow, although 1) I don't have to do my usual job tomorrow and 2) my boss won't be in until later in the day. I am dreading being sang to, though. And I am dreading what kind of cake I am going to be receiving. I'm an idiot- I should have just explicitly said what I wanted. This is why I never get anywhere in life- because even as something as simple as saying what kind of cake I like I can't even bring myself to stand up and say what I want.
And I am also not looking forward to New Years.
I can't believe a week ago I was fretting over not having my shopping done and I had to drag my mother out on Sunday night to get the last 2 things I needed and now Christmas is over. What the hell? The last 4 months of the year are strange- you have the excitement of fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas pushes its way in somewhere in that point and it's all up in your face for weeks and then BAM it's gone. And then it's months of cold dark dreariness. It's so damn depressing. Especially when one by one all of the decorations start coming down and everything is bare and depressing. I never understand people who rush to take their decorations down. Then again, if I lived on my own, I'd probably be one of those people who would be getting notices a month or more after Christmas telling me I need to take my decorations down.
And I miss the Christmas music. I wish maybe just until New Years, the stations would continue to play it. Maybe just not all of the time like before Christmas. Thank God for my Christmas music playlist and the Music Choice Sounds of the Season station. Some stores are still playing it as well. I was in Acme earlier and heard 2 Christmas songs mixed in with regular songs, one of which was "The Walker" by Fitz and the Tantrums. I thought that was pretty awesome.
Woke up this morning feeling warm and sweaty again. I wish I could explain well what I experience. When you read up on night sweats, it sounds like people wake up soaked. I don't have that problem. I just feel warm and a little sweaty, but I also have this weird mild chilled feeling while feeling warm as well. Like I can't just kick off the covers because if I do so, I'll get even colder. It's almost like some parts of my body are warm and some are chilled. To say that I am starting to get really scared and freaked out is an understatement. I also started fretting over the fact that my period has come 35 days the past 2 months and then a whole other host of things crammed their way in and I didn't fall back asleep for awhile. My body temperature is feeling kind of weird right now (kind of warm, but feeling kind of cold) and I am starting to feel really anxious.
I am also obsessed with looking at the area behind my crown. I can't tell if it's swollen and I am worried that food got stuck in it and is going to cause an infection. IT NEVER STOPS.
I have been so damn depressed lately. And something that has been plaguing me is I keep thinking, will everyone be around for the next Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc? And the thought of everyone not being around is so unbearable I want to start screaming and never stop. And thoughts of horrible things happening to my loved ones keep plaguing my mind and sometimes it gets so bad I just want to start banging my head against the wall to make it stop. And people wonder why I don't want to be a mother? I'd end up in the hospital because my nerves would be completely shot worrying about the kid, although look at all of the being over-protective and worrying the mother of my friend who died in the car accident did and look at where that got her.
Oh, and I am beyond tired of feeling bad and guilty about EVERYTHING. I swear, if I knew it would be a positive experience and I wouldn't have a massive bill afterwards, I would admit myself to the hospital, although I have no specific plans to hurt myself so they might not even take me. But I doubt that I would ever do that again, although I have to say I am a hell of a lot less patient and a hell of a lot more on edge, irritable and cranky than when I was previously there, so I doubt very much I would allow any of the techs to talk to me the way I allowed them to before.
I am dreading going back to work tomorrow, although 1) I don't have to do my usual job tomorrow and 2) my boss won't be in until later in the day. I am dreading being sang to, though. And I am dreading what kind of cake I am going to be receiving. I'm an idiot- I should have just explicitly said what I wanted. This is why I never get anywhere in life- because even as something as simple as saying what kind of cake I like I can't even bring myself to stand up and say what I want.
And I am also not looking forward to New Years.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Random Thoughts
Ugh, I am done with this nausea. I am done with the spotting and bleeding, the cramping, the watching what kind of discharge I have around the time I should be ovulating. Every time I look at what kind of discharge I am having, I feel like one of those women desperate to have a baby and keep track of their cervical mucus, minus the whole desperate to have a baby part.
And I am tired of my hands either being cold or getting red and hot. Right now all of my fingers on my left hand are red and hot and on my right hand, all of my fingers are red and hot and my ring finger is cold. I am starting to worry that this is all hormone related as well. And the sad thing is, the more I stress over this, the worse my hormones are going to get. At this point, I am surprised my adrenal glands haven't completely crapped out on me from all of the stress I put on them.
I also wish I knew what was the reasoning behind the 2 nights of feeling hot. Was it hormones? Was I just simply hot? I doubt it, because I was sleeping under the same amount of covers and I was wearing a t-shirt as opposed to the normal flannels I wear. Was it from the overabundance of sugar-laden carbs?
I was on a certain gossip site last night and there was an article about that Azealia Banks chick ranting about wanting reparations for slavery and before I went into the comments, I anticipated a lot of "WHERES MAH REPARATIONS WHITE DEVILS" comments but was somewhat surprised to find the comments kind of didn't go in that direction. Oh, but that doesn't mean there weren't some nasty comments and you know what? If you believe every person in a certain race is evil, then I feel sorry for you. There is evil in every race and there is good in every race and that is just sad if you can't see that. And then for people to slam people of their own race for realizing that is even fucking sadder. There were black people in these comments- well, claiming to be, although I still think they're all really privileged white girls- tearing into other blacks for not thinking all white people are evil. That's just pathetic. Then again, I think the people on this site are the type you can't please no matter what you say or do. Hate a certain race? RACIST. Love a certain race and show appreciation for it? Then you suffer from "white guilt" and partake in "culture appropriation" and are trying to steal their culture with your "white privilege". THERE IS NO WIN.
I decided to read up on spinal surgery last night- I DON'T KNOW WHY- and much of the article talked about fractures and spinal cord injuries and the more I read, the more I kept telling myself stop reading, you're only going to upset yourself. But did I listen to myself? Noo. And did I get upset? Yes. I am starting to become more convinced that if I ever decide to attempt suicide, there is a very high chance That Thing is going to be the reason behind it.
And I am tired of my hands either being cold or getting red and hot. Right now all of my fingers on my left hand are red and hot and on my right hand, all of my fingers are red and hot and my ring finger is cold. I am starting to worry that this is all hormone related as well. And the sad thing is, the more I stress over this, the worse my hormones are going to get. At this point, I am surprised my adrenal glands haven't completely crapped out on me from all of the stress I put on them.
I also wish I knew what was the reasoning behind the 2 nights of feeling hot. Was it hormones? Was I just simply hot? I doubt it, because I was sleeping under the same amount of covers and I was wearing a t-shirt as opposed to the normal flannels I wear. Was it from the overabundance of sugar-laden carbs?
I was on a certain gossip site last night and there was an article about that Azealia Banks chick ranting about wanting reparations for slavery and before I went into the comments, I anticipated a lot of "WHERES MAH REPARATIONS WHITE DEVILS" comments but was somewhat surprised to find the comments kind of didn't go in that direction. Oh, but that doesn't mean there weren't some nasty comments and you know what? If you believe every person in a certain race is evil, then I feel sorry for you. There is evil in every race and there is good in every race and that is just sad if you can't see that. And then for people to slam people of their own race for realizing that is even fucking sadder. There were black people in these comments- well, claiming to be, although I still think they're all really privileged white girls- tearing into other blacks for not thinking all white people are evil. That's just pathetic. Then again, I think the people on this site are the type you can't please no matter what you say or do. Hate a certain race? RACIST. Love a certain race and show appreciation for it? Then you suffer from "white guilt" and partake in "culture appropriation" and are trying to steal their culture with your "white privilege". THERE IS NO WIN.
I decided to read up on spinal surgery last night- I DON'T KNOW WHY- and much of the article talked about fractures and spinal cord injuries and the more I read, the more I kept telling myself stop reading, you're only going to upset yourself. But did I listen to myself? Noo. And did I get upset? Yes. I am starting to become more convinced that if I ever decide to attempt suicide, there is a very high chance That Thing is going to be the reason behind it.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Again Why
Woke up at 5:40AM and started to feel warm and a little sweaty. I am nauseous and my fingers are feeling tingly and I am starting to get super anxious. I also did end up getting up and exercising and after I got out of the shower I had a little bit of blood again so now I am worried I just made things worse all over again.
9:26PM: When I opened my email today at work, I had an email from my boss that had been sent to me about 20 minutes after I left on Tuesday apologizing for forgetting my birthday and wanting to know what I wanted for Monday. I was pretty damn pissed off. I don't think I would have been as pissed off if it wasn't for the fact that she did it like everything else she does- emails after the person leaves the office. Do something wrong? She'll never confront the situation while you're in the office. Instead, she'll wait until after you leave and email you so you can come into a nice scathing email first thing in the morning. I would have rather have had her pull me aside on Tuesday before I left and say, look I forgot your birthday (not that it wasn't clearly obvious). I didn't answer her back until about 3PM today.
And I swear if I get a market cake again I am going to scream. Not that I mind market cakes, they're usually pretty damn good, but everyone else always gets cakes from the bakery where I get my family birthday cake from. In fact, work is the first place I ever had that cake. And they are not very cheap cakes. Not to mention every time they ask me what I want, I never really get what I ask for. The first year I got a cake, I told my boss I like vanilla cake with vanilla icing and she bought me a vanilla cake with white icing and some kind of strawberry flavored filling. It was good, but what if I couldn't have strawberry? And last year I ended up with a cake with marble icing after asking for vanilla icing. And again, it was good, but why ask me what I like if you're not going to get what I say I like?
I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I decided to use it this morning and when I first strapped it on, my heart rate read 114 BPM. This was before I even started exercising. I was texting my sister earlier about things and I happened to mention it and a few minutes later she sends me a picture followed by a text that says the last one sounds like my case. When I enlarged the picture, it was a list of things causing tachycardia and the last one was emotional distress. I got up and went into the bathroom and cried. That did not help my bad mood by any means. Again, I don't doubt my anxiety is contributing to things, but I am bleeding and spotting between my period, which means something with my hormone levels isn't up to par, so why could that not possibly be contributing to my heart racing?
One day last week I think it was my anxiety levels were even higher than normal and no matter what I tried to do to calm down, I couldn't. I tried deep breathing and ended up nearly having a panic attack. Tried listening to "Siberian Breaks" and it didn't help much. Tried a shower and it didn't help much. So I posted something on Facebook asking for any other tips. My sister responds with "exercise!". I felt like saying are you fucking kidding me? She knows damn well I work out faithfully 5 days a week. And obviously it has no benefit on my anxiety levels, because if it did, I would not be the high strung train wreck I am right now. It used to keep my anxiety levels somewhat in check, but I don't know what in the hell happened.
9:26PM: When I opened my email today at work, I had an email from my boss that had been sent to me about 20 minutes after I left on Tuesday apologizing for forgetting my birthday and wanting to know what I wanted for Monday. I was pretty damn pissed off. I don't think I would have been as pissed off if it wasn't for the fact that she did it like everything else she does- emails after the person leaves the office. Do something wrong? She'll never confront the situation while you're in the office. Instead, she'll wait until after you leave and email you so you can come into a nice scathing email first thing in the morning. I would have rather have had her pull me aside on Tuesday before I left and say, look I forgot your birthday (not that it wasn't clearly obvious). I didn't answer her back until about 3PM today.
And I swear if I get a market cake again I am going to scream. Not that I mind market cakes, they're usually pretty damn good, but everyone else always gets cakes from the bakery where I get my family birthday cake from. In fact, work is the first place I ever had that cake. And they are not very cheap cakes. Not to mention every time they ask me what I want, I never really get what I ask for. The first year I got a cake, I told my boss I like vanilla cake with vanilla icing and she bought me a vanilla cake with white icing and some kind of strawberry flavored filling. It was good, but what if I couldn't have strawberry? And last year I ended up with a cake with marble icing after asking for vanilla icing. And again, it was good, but why ask me what I like if you're not going to get what I say I like?
I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I decided to use it this morning and when I first strapped it on, my heart rate read 114 BPM. This was before I even started exercising. I was texting my sister earlier about things and I happened to mention it and a few minutes later she sends me a picture followed by a text that says the last one sounds like my case. When I enlarged the picture, it was a list of things causing tachycardia and the last one was emotional distress. I got up and went into the bathroom and cried. That did not help my bad mood by any means. Again, I don't doubt my anxiety is contributing to things, but I am bleeding and spotting between my period, which means something with my hormone levels isn't up to par, so why could that not possibly be contributing to my heart racing?
One day last week I think it was my anxiety levels were even higher than normal and no matter what I tried to do to calm down, I couldn't. I tried deep breathing and ended up nearly having a panic attack. Tried listening to "Siberian Breaks" and it didn't help much. Tried a shower and it didn't help much. So I posted something on Facebook asking for any other tips. My sister responds with "exercise!". I felt like saying are you fucking kidding me? She knows damn well I work out faithfully 5 days a week. And obviously it has no benefit on my anxiety levels, because if it did, I would not be the high strung train wreck I am right now. It used to keep my anxiety levels somewhat in check, but I don't know what in the hell happened.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Why
So since Tuesday I have been having the lousy brown spotting. Woke up this morning around 9:30AM feeling an odd combination of warm and cold. Eventually fell back asleep. Woke up past 11:30AM and when I went into the bathroom I had more brown spotting and a little while later, I had a lot of dark blood, almost like my period. Which I just got 2 weeks ago exactly. I don't know if it's still just spotting or if it's my actual period again. I am nauseous as hell. I feel like I have bugs crawling all over me. And I am freaking the fuck out.
This just had to happen on Christmas, didn't it?
Oh well, Merry Christmas everyone.
9:36PM: Good god, I have no self-control. I have eaten so damn much food today. And normally on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I will exercise 45 minutes instead of my normal 30, but this year I said what the hell, I'll just add another day of 30 minutes instead. Except now I am afraid to due to the bleeding I had earlier. It seems to have stopped for now, but I am not letting my guard down. I don't know what to do come tomorrow. I'll feel guilty if I don't exercise, but if I start bleeding again, then I'll get upset all over again.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Ugh. Any employer who makes their employees go back to work the day after Christmas should be struck down by lightening. And if my FWA posts one more goddamn picture or video of her brat's first Christmas, I am going to scream. Mostly because she is in EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ONE.
And speaking of wanting to scream, the post-holiday blues are already starting.
This just had to happen on Christmas, didn't it?
Oh well, Merry Christmas everyone.
9:36PM: Good god, I have no self-control. I have eaten so damn much food today. And normally on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I will exercise 45 minutes instead of my normal 30, but this year I said what the hell, I'll just add another day of 30 minutes instead. Except now I am afraid to due to the bleeding I had earlier. It seems to have stopped for now, but I am not letting my guard down. I don't know what to do come tomorrow. I'll feel guilty if I don't exercise, but if I start bleeding again, then I'll get upset all over again.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Ugh. Any employer who makes their employees go back to work the day after Christmas should be struck down by lightening. And if my FWA posts one more goddamn picture or video of her brat's first Christmas, I am going to scream. Mostly because she is in EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ONE.
And speaking of wanting to scream, the post-holiday blues are already starting.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Random Thoughts
I do not understand why Malwarebytes is set to check for updates once every hour on my computer yet certain times it decides to check for updates multiple times in a one hour span. It always happens in the 9PM hour when I am in the midst of listening to music and checking up on certain webpages. And it always, without fail, manages to check for updates when I am in the midst of listening to a really good song and then it gets all distorted because my computer is fucking prehistoric and can't handle that much memory usage.
So it's my birthday. Can't say I feel any different than when I woke up. Got no birthday cake or anything in work. At least all of my coworkers wished me a happy birthday. Everyone that is except my boss. Even when one of my coworkers was standing right next to her and said happy birthday to me, she didn't say anything. Bitch.
I was planning on being as good as possible today. That didn't happen. I had pizza for dinner, then a cookie, and I just ate 2 cupcakes. Two! And then bad eating for the next 2 days! ARGH!
And because I was going to be bad, I decided to get on my bike earlier. And while I was on there, I thought watch, later on when I go to pee, I'll probably start bleeding. I'll give you one guess what I faced a little over an hour later. I don't understand why when I come home from work and exercise, I bleed. Why can I exercise in the morning with no problem? It's so frustrating!
One day last week, my crown decided to remind my brain of its existence, so now I have been obsessing over it breaking or loosening again. Or that one of my real teeth is cracked and worrying that it's going to get infected and I'll need root canal. I am not chewing right and it's giving me pain that only makes my worrying worse. The left side of my jaw is hurting right now and I am all tense that there is an infection brewing inside, although it's more than likely my jaw muscles hurting from grinding and not chewing right.
I hate my teeth so much right now. I can look in my mouth right now and pick out at least 2 teeth that probably need or will need crowns. I'll lose my freaking mind if I have to get more crowns. Why do I even bother taking such good care of my teeth?
Goddamn, I am listening to "The Other Side" by Paul Van Dyk and Wayne Jackson (the Deep Dish remix version) and the bass of it is about to blow my eardrums out. Every time I listen to that song, I think of the Futurama episode "The Sting". I always find that episode incredibly depressing. The song itself is pretty depressing and haunting when you listen to the lyrics. If I recall, Paul wrote the song in response to the South East Asia tsunami, but I am not sure.
So it's my birthday. Can't say I feel any different than when I woke up. Got no birthday cake or anything in work. At least all of my coworkers wished me a happy birthday. Everyone that is except my boss. Even when one of my coworkers was standing right next to her and said happy birthday to me, she didn't say anything. Bitch.
I was planning on being as good as possible today. That didn't happen. I had pizza for dinner, then a cookie, and I just ate 2 cupcakes. Two! And then bad eating for the next 2 days! ARGH!
And because I was going to be bad, I decided to get on my bike earlier. And while I was on there, I thought watch, later on when I go to pee, I'll probably start bleeding. I'll give you one guess what I faced a little over an hour later. I don't understand why when I come home from work and exercise, I bleed. Why can I exercise in the morning with no problem? It's so frustrating!
One day last week, my crown decided to remind my brain of its existence, so now I have been obsessing over it breaking or loosening again. Or that one of my real teeth is cracked and worrying that it's going to get infected and I'll need root canal. I am not chewing right and it's giving me pain that only makes my worrying worse. The left side of my jaw is hurting right now and I am all tense that there is an infection brewing inside, although it's more than likely my jaw muscles hurting from grinding and not chewing right.
I hate my teeth so much right now. I can look in my mouth right now and pick out at least 2 teeth that probably need or will need crowns. I'll lose my freaking mind if I have to get more crowns. Why do I even bother taking such good care of my teeth?
Goddamn, I am listening to "The Other Side" by Paul Van Dyk and Wayne Jackson (the Deep Dish remix version) and the bass of it is about to blow my eardrums out. Every time I listen to that song, I think of the Futurama episode "The Sting". I always find that episode incredibly depressing. The song itself is pretty depressing and haunting when you listen to the lyrics. If I recall, Paul wrote the song in response to the South East Asia tsunami, but I am not sure.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
The Awesome Of The Day
Went to the Christmas village in Philly yesterday and saw this:
This was the gist of my reaction:
This was the gist of my reaction:
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