Dear Chocolate Mocha Fiber One Bars:
I love you so fucking much.
That is all.
Sincerely,
S-Cubed
Monday, May 30, 2011
Random Thoughts
Well, already my three day weekend is almost over. And then it's back!
I am so not looking forward to this week.
My weekend has been pretty uneventful. Friday night I went out to dinner with a gang of people (Mom, sister, aunt, grandmother, aunt's friend, Mom's friend). Saturday was nothing exciting.
Sunday morning, my mom comes in and wakes me up and asks me if I want to go down the shore for the day. Considering the time I was woken, there was only one shore destination we could possibly be going to - Seaside. And sure enough, that is where we ended up. It was like a madhouse down there. It was not a good place to be when your self-confidence is down. I almost had a panic attack when we first got there looking around at all of the people. Maybe it was just my super overcharged sex drive working as usual, but damn, there were a lot of hot guys around (yes, they were pretty much all guidos and all looked like they belonged Durrrsey Shur). And all I could think was, if one guy dare gives me the "grenade" label while I am here, game is over. I am done. But in the grand tradition of things, no guy paid any attention to me.
Between worrying over my foot, being less active as usual, and other unknown reasons, I have been very depressed the past few days. I laid on my bed many times and thought, I don't want to be here anymore, I just want to end it all. And leaving there left me only more depressed.
I am never going to be good enough for anyone, am I?
Goddamn, there were a lot of disgusting sights on the boardwalk. It astonishes me how many fat girls wear bikinis. It's nasty. I could eat all I want down there and not worry about gaining weight because all I would have to do is gorge, take one long around the boardwalk at all the lard hanging out of bikinis, and BLECCCCCCCCCCCHH. I clocked in at around 118 pounds on Friday (although I am sure the number is a lot higher now) and I still flat out refuse to put a two piece on my body that bares my midriff. I have a new two piece, but it's just a skirt and tank top. If my belly is not tight enough to bounce a quarter off of, it will never see the day of light.
And yes, I did see plenty of Durrrsey Shur stuff while I was there. I saw Aztec (which was not the place I thought it was), Karma, the Shore Store (which I was thinking was closer to where we come up on the boards), and the Beach Comber is definitely the place we always eat in.
I am so not looking forward to this week.
My weekend has been pretty uneventful. Friday night I went out to dinner with a gang of people (Mom, sister, aunt, grandmother, aunt's friend, Mom's friend). Saturday was nothing exciting.
Sunday morning, my mom comes in and wakes me up and asks me if I want to go down the shore for the day. Considering the time I was woken, there was only one shore destination we could possibly be going to - Seaside. And sure enough, that is where we ended up. It was like a madhouse down there. It was not a good place to be when your self-confidence is down. I almost had a panic attack when we first got there looking around at all of the people. Maybe it was just my super overcharged sex drive working as usual, but damn, there were a lot of hot guys around (yes, they were pretty much all guidos and all looked like they belonged Durrrsey Shur). And all I could think was, if one guy dare gives me the "grenade" label while I am here, game is over. I am done. But in the grand tradition of things, no guy paid any attention to me.
Between worrying over my foot, being less active as usual, and other unknown reasons, I have been very depressed the past few days. I laid on my bed many times and thought, I don't want to be here anymore, I just want to end it all. And leaving there left me only more depressed.
I am never going to be good enough for anyone, am I?
Goddamn, there were a lot of disgusting sights on the boardwalk. It astonishes me how many fat girls wear bikinis. It's nasty. I could eat all I want down there and not worry about gaining weight because all I would have to do is gorge, take one long around the boardwalk at all the lard hanging out of bikinis, and BLECCCCCCCCCCCHH. I clocked in at around 118 pounds on Friday (although I am sure the number is a lot higher now) and I still flat out refuse to put a two piece on my body that bares my midriff. I have a new two piece, but it's just a skirt and tank top. If my belly is not tight enough to bounce a quarter off of, it will never see the day of light.
And yes, I did see plenty of Durrrsey Shur stuff while I was there. I saw Aztec (which was not the place I thought it was), Karma, the Shore Store (which I was thinking was closer to where we come up on the boards), and the Beach Comber is definitely the place we always eat in.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Lyrics Of The Day
"We Used To Wait" by Arcade Fire:
I don't know what has been going on with me lately, but I feel like I am about to lose my mind and I don't even know why. Every time I walk, my legs feel shaky and like they lose all feeling and like I am about to completely separate from my body. It's a terrible feeling. I keep getting dizzy and I quite a few times I feel like my mind has actually blacked out for a couple seconds. I have times where I feel like I can't focus my eyes and like they go blurry. And it does not seem like anything I should really be concerned about it, because honestly, it feels all mind based.
Last Friday, I was out and when I was going into a store, my foot caught on a crack and turned over a little and I had a slight pain. It didn't hurt to walk on or anything, but it made me kind of nervous and in the grand tradition of things it turned my anxiety switch up. I have been a nervous wreck all week that I am going to do something to it. It doesn't hurt to walk on or anything still, but I do get a slight pain if I step on it a certain way. The pain feels like it's all in the bottom of the joints of my toes and it feels like the pain you get when you need to pop a joint.
And my toes just feel like they need to be popped and popping them will relieve the feeling temporarily. There is no pain if I press on my foot anywhere. I don't know what it is.
I was also starting to believe that maybe That Thing had finally phased out of my life, but over the past week, I have been wanting it really bad. It's terrible to have a problem that tortures you so badly, but the idea of telling someone is even worse because the ridicule you would get is incomprehensible. Especially when you yourself cannot even explain why you have these feelings. I ask myself, why would you want something like this, but even I can't give myself an answer. And it's terribly distressing to not be able to answer it. I just want it to go away.
And you know what doesn't help? That this particular thing I kind of have a fetish for. If I find someone attractive and I add this in to the equation, it increases the person's attractiveness.
I'm not ready to go into specifics here, but here is a question hinting as to what That Thing is- how do you tell people that you wish two perfectly functioning body parts would no longer do so?
Send "We Used to Wait" Ringtone to your C
I used to writeThis song always makes me sad whenever I listen to it. Whenever I hear it, I just want to lie my head down and cry. And there is something about the line "like a patient on a table I wanna walk again gonna move through the pain" that inexplicably depresses me the most.
I used to write letters
I used to sign my name
I used to sleep at night
Before the flashing lights settled deep in my brain
But by the time we met
The times had already changed
So I never wrote a letter
I never took my true heart
I never wrote it down
So when the lights cut out
I was left standing in the wilderness downtown
Now our lives are changing fast
Hope that something pure can last
It seems strange
How we used to wait for letters to arrive
But what's stranger still
Is how something so small can keep you alive
We used to wait
We used to waste hours just walkin around
We used to wait
All those wasted lives in the wilderness downtown
Ooooo we used to wait
Sometimes it never came
Ooooo we used to wait
Sometimes it never came
Ooooo we used to wait
Still moving through the pain
I'm gonna write a letter to my true love
I'm gonna sign my name
Like a patient on a table
I wanna walk again
Gonna move through the pain
Now our lives are changing fast
Hope that something pure can last
Ooooo we used to wait
Sometimes it never came
Ooooo we used to wait
Sometimes it never came
Ooooo we used to wait
Still moving through the pain
We used to wait for it
Now we're screaming
Sing the chorus again
I used to wait for it
Hear my voice screaming
Sing the chorus again
Wait for it
I don't know what has been going on with me lately, but I feel like I am about to lose my mind and I don't even know why. Every time I walk, my legs feel shaky and like they lose all feeling and like I am about to completely separate from my body. It's a terrible feeling. I keep getting dizzy and I quite a few times I feel like my mind has actually blacked out for a couple seconds. I have times where I feel like I can't focus my eyes and like they go blurry. And it does not seem like anything I should really be concerned about it, because honestly, it feels all mind based.
Last Friday, I was out and when I was going into a store, my foot caught on a crack and turned over a little and I had a slight pain. It didn't hurt to walk on or anything, but it made me kind of nervous and in the grand tradition of things it turned my anxiety switch up. I have been a nervous wreck all week that I am going to do something to it. It doesn't hurt to walk on or anything still, but I do get a slight pain if I step on it a certain way. The pain feels like it's all in the bottom of the joints of my toes and it feels like the pain you get when you need to pop a joint.
And my toes just feel like they need to be popped and popping them will relieve the feeling temporarily. There is no pain if I press on my foot anywhere. I don't know what it is.
I was also starting to believe that maybe That Thing had finally phased out of my life, but over the past week, I have been wanting it really bad. It's terrible to have a problem that tortures you so badly, but the idea of telling someone is even worse because the ridicule you would get is incomprehensible. Especially when you yourself cannot even explain why you have these feelings. I ask myself, why would you want something like this, but even I can't give myself an answer. And it's terribly distressing to not be able to answer it. I just want it to go away.
And you know what doesn't help? That this particular thing I kind of have a fetish for. If I find someone attractive and I add this in to the equation, it increases the person's attractiveness.
I'm not ready to go into specifics here, but here is a question hinting as to what That Thing is- how do you tell people that you wish two perfectly functioning body parts would no longer do so?
Send "We Used to Wait" Ringtone to your C
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Video Of The Day
I know I have a bizarre sense of humor, but I think this song is fucking hysterical:
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The WTF Of The Day
Is 'DWTS' Pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy Leaving? | PopEater.com
Noooooooooooooo!
I don't even watch the show, but....well, just look at him! I saw a picture of him one time with no shirt on and it was like the heavens opened. It was gorgeous. And then of course, this jerk had to push his way into my thoughts as well and then I thought, imagine them in the same room together with no shirts on, but when I tried to actually picture it, my brain blue screened.
Noooooooooooooo!
I don't even watch the show, but....well, just look at him! I saw a picture of him one time with no shirt on and it was like the heavens opened. It was gorgeous. And then of course, this jerk had to push his way into my thoughts as well and then I thought, imagine them in the same room together with no shirts on, but when I tried to actually picture it, my brain blue screened.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Video Of The Day
FINALLY....I found a clip of it!
YouTube - J-Woww punches Mike The Situation in the face jersey shore atlantic city
Fantastic. Schadenfreude at its finest.
YouTube - J-Woww punches Mike The Situation in the face jersey shore atlantic city
Fantastic. Schadenfreude at its finest.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Random Thoughts
Anyone else disappointed in no Rapture? I am. I was pretty certain that the sole fact that Pete Doherty was being sent to jail was a sign of the impending Rapture.
My sister and I hung out tonight. We went to dinner at Longhorn and then we went to the movies to see Something Borrowed (since I read the book, I was curious to see the movie). During the movie, I got a little blue when a lot of the love scenes came and I started to think, love scenes make me emotional anymore, when the hell did I become such a chick?! Who turned the estrogen on to overload?! I started to care more about my appearance and I get sappy over love. What in the hell happened to me? The former is not such a bad thing, but the latter is!
I saw a story the other day about this young woman who tried to kill herself after her fiance called off the wedding by jumping out of a building and the story immediately made me think of my post the other day when I discussed how I would react if someone was to break my heart right now and I realized I would probably do the same thing as this young woman if I was in a similar situation. I wouldn't try to jump out of a window, but I would more than likely go for some form of suicide if my fiance broke up with me right before we were to marry.
I always have a fear that one of these days something is going to cause me to snap and harm someone else, but ultimately, I think the only person I would ever really try to harm is me.
My sister and I hung out tonight. We went to dinner at Longhorn and then we went to the movies to see Something Borrowed (since I read the book, I was curious to see the movie). During the movie, I got a little blue when a lot of the love scenes came and I started to think, love scenes make me emotional anymore, when the hell did I become such a chick?! Who turned the estrogen on to overload?! I started to care more about my appearance and I get sappy over love. What in the hell happened to me? The former is not such a bad thing, but the latter is!
I saw a story the other day about this young woman who tried to kill herself after her fiance called off the wedding by jumping out of a building and the story immediately made me think of my post the other day when I discussed how I would react if someone was to break my heart right now and I realized I would probably do the same thing as this young woman if I was in a similar situation. I wouldn't try to jump out of a window, but I would more than likely go for some form of suicide if my fiance broke up with me right before we were to marry.
I always have a fear that one of these days something is going to cause me to snap and harm someone else, but ultimately, I think the only person I would ever really try to harm is me.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Random Thoughts
I am so glad the week is finally over! Although I am REALLY not looking forward to this Monday coming. One, it's getting closer to the end of the month and two, my WA is back. Which means my enjoyment of having conversations with others without worrying about her interrupting is going to be coming to end. Huzzah. Or at least until I go postal on her one day about it.
And if the news I was given about her the other day is true, then I know for a fact that she is, like everyone else, not someone I can trust. And if what I was told is true, I would like to punch her lights out. And if it is true, then she is also even stupider than I could ever imagine. I mean, this piece of news almost made my head explode from the sheer stupidness of it. It hurts my head just thinking about it right now. How, I want someone to explain to me, is it I am a virgin and I know more about sex than most of the people out there ACTUALLY HAVING IT?!!!!!
And seriously- if the she thinks shooting a brat out is going to keep her boyfriend around, she has another thing coming. Dumb-freaking-ass! And they used the pull out method as a form of birth control? Hahahahaha! Bwahahahaah! *falls off desk chair squealing with laughter*
God bless America, the land of opportunity. Soon to be the land of absolute stupidity. I want to know how a fictional movie (e.g. Idiocracy) is likely to become a true story.
At the risk of repeating myself, I really do not know if I will be able to make it 50. I don't want to live on this planet anymore! I am ready to kick the bucket. Bite the dust. Whatever you want.
I wish I knew if the Rapture really was going to come. Because do you know what I would do? Pig out. Then I would go to a sex shop, buy some nasty lingerie and a leather whip, book a flight to Florence, march up to wherever the Durrrsey Shur cast is staying (whip in hand so no one messes with me), grab the Situation by his hair, drag him to a bedroom (just like a caveman with a cavewoman), lock the door, push him on the bed, inform him I have flown a bazillion miles to come to get deflowered by him before we all die. And then to spank him because he has been a naughty boy. And when he tells me he is not interested, I will tell him that I am not asking.
God, I really do have problems, don't I? Come on- someone please assure me that I am seriously not the only person on earth- that is of legal age and not completely hosed out of their mind- who thinks he is cute. Sure, I have seen plenty of people say that yes, they would, with a paperbag over his head, but I would hit it without the bag. I think he is cute (for the most part; I have seen some hideous pictures of him). Guess I just have terrible taste.
No. Let's get to how my time before the Rapture really will be spent. The pigging out part will definitely happen. As for the rest? Alone. Forever alone.
*turns up "Lonely Days" by the Bee Gees, sits in the corner, cries while singing loudly*
And if the news I was given about her the other day is true, then I know for a fact that she is, like everyone else, not someone I can trust. And if what I was told is true, I would like to punch her lights out. And if it is true, then she is also even stupider than I could ever imagine. I mean, this piece of news almost made my head explode from the sheer stupidness of it. It hurts my head just thinking about it right now. How, I want someone to explain to me, is it I am a virgin and I know more about sex than most of the people out there ACTUALLY HAVING IT?!!!!!
And seriously- if the she thinks shooting a brat out is going to keep her boyfriend around, she has another thing coming. Dumb-freaking-ass! And they used the pull out method as a form of birth control? Hahahahaha! Bwahahahaah! *falls off desk chair squealing with laughter*
God bless America, the land of opportunity. Soon to be the land of absolute stupidity. I want to know how a fictional movie (e.g. Idiocracy) is likely to become a true story.
At the risk of repeating myself, I really do not know if I will be able to make it 50. I don't want to live on this planet anymore! I am ready to kick the bucket. Bite the dust. Whatever you want.
I wish I knew if the Rapture really was going to come. Because do you know what I would do? Pig out. Then I would go to a sex shop, buy some nasty lingerie and a leather whip, book a flight to Florence, march up to wherever the Durrrsey Shur cast is staying (whip in hand so no one messes with me), grab the Situation by his hair, drag him to a bedroom (just like a caveman with a cavewoman), lock the door, push him on the bed, inform him I have flown a bazillion miles to come to get deflowered by him before we all die. And then to spank him because he has been a naughty boy. And when he tells me he is not interested, I will tell him that I am not asking.
God, I really do have problems, don't I? Come on- someone please assure me that I am seriously not the only person on earth- that is of legal age and not completely hosed out of their mind- who thinks he is cute. Sure, I have seen plenty of people say that yes, they would, with a paperbag over his head, but I would hit it without the bag. I think he is cute (for the most part; I have seen some hideous pictures of him). Guess I just have terrible taste.
No. Let's get to how my time before the Rapture really will be spent. The pigging out part will definitely happen. As for the rest? Alone. Forever alone.
*turns up "Lonely Days" by the Bee Gees, sits in the corner, cries while singing loudly*
The I Have No Idea What To Call It Of The Day
It's been 19 days- let's check in on the current play count of "Written In The Stars":
Hot damn. And just think- there have been many times where I have been listening to it and accidently hit the next button and the play didn't register. Oh, but good news! I have about 95% of the song memorized. I love the "look at my jacket and hat" line. Every time I hear it, I laugh (and like a major dork, I sing along with it everytime while pointing to my chest and head). If you listen to the rest of the lyrics, it's like, where in the hell did this line come from?
Hot damn. And just think- there have been many times where I have been listening to it and accidently hit the next button and the play didn't register. Oh, but good news! I have about 95% of the song memorized. I love the "look at my jacket and hat" line. Every time I hear it, I laugh (and like a major dork, I sing along with it everytime while pointing to my chest and head). If you listen to the rest of the lyrics, it's like, where in the hell did this line come from?
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