The Awesome Of The Day

Mid summer morning MGMT update: been working hard (for us) this year...another recording session begins next week!

— MGMT (@whoisMGMT) July 30, 2016

it seems we have settled on an album title. BUT we can tell you that another time.

— MGMT (@whoisMGMT) July 30, 2016

Random Thoughts

So update on my digestive issues (not that anyone cares)- I stopped the Miralax, upped Peri-Colace intake, had some success and was back to an acceptable 123, 124 pounds on the scale last Saturday. Was doing okay but now I'm feeling miserable again. Of course I ended up getting my period sooner than I expected (which is good, because I'm going down the shore for a few days soon and won't have to worry about it coming now) so that might be contributing to it, but I'm worried that this is going to be an ongoing thing. And if it is, what is causing it? And for the love of God, how can I get it to go away??

I suspected all of the past week that my period was coming. For one, that one Saturday I had a bout of really heavy discharge and usually it comes about two weeks after that occurs. And two, I was so drained feeling and miserable that I kept thinking, there is no way it's not coming soon. And sure enough, it graced me with its presence on Friday morning.

And I should know that when I want to rip my coworkers' faces off more than usual that I'm due for it. And Thursday I was really feeling it. My FWA comes strolling in at 10. My manager says nothing to anyone about her coming in late and considering the stupid bitch is our front desk person, I think my manager kind of should let people know. But it's not like it's the first time she's lacked communicating with her employees about things. But this is the best part- not only does my FWA come in at 10, a few minutes later I hear her go out with the rest of the smokers for their 10 o'clock smoke break. Barely even the fucking door and she feels entitled to take her break still. And then not even two hours later, they're out on another one.

And would my manager say anything to her? No. She was right out on the smoke break with them. Them two are so fucking chummy with each other it's disgusting. You're her manager, you stupid bitch! She is your employee! Not your fucking BFF!

Don't get me wrong- I'm glad to finally have a manager who doesn't spaz out over stupid shit like, but my God, this one has less cojones than my old one.

Random Thoughts

I had my period while I was on vacation. Usually within a week or so after it ends, my mood stabilizes (well, what could be considered stable for me). It's almost two weeks since it ended and I'm still a miserable, irritable, depressed bitch. What in the hell is wrong with me?

I'll tell you what isn't helping- this bloating. It's certainly making me miserable beyond belief. Was still about 127, 128 pounds on the scale yesterday. I pulled my stomach in and my lower abdomen was significantly more distended, especially on the left side. And it's a lot harder if you press on my lower left side. I have rumbling, am able to pass gas, nausea but no vomiting, and my appetite is more than fine, so I doubt I have a blockage. But I'm definitely feeling pretty, um, clogged.  I was able to actually go some yesterday and I felt marginally better, but obviously nothing to sing about it.

And I'd love to take a full stimulant laxative (hell, at this point I'm ready to do a colonoscopy prep) to get everything out, but the last time I took them, I had a rather unpleasant experience afterwards for two plus weeks. And I'm afraid of having that problem again if I take them.

I also mentioned on Friday how I had a pulling pain in my lower right pelvic area. Well on Saturday I had one instance of a very heavy amount of discharge. Not sure if there is any connection with that. (e.g. mittelschmerz or whatever).

My God, I'm starting to sound like an old person.

Random Thoughts

One week later, still bloated beyond belief. Still having constipation. Super nauseous. I'm so damn miserable. I finally decided to try doing an enema last night and obviously didn't help, otherwise I wouldn't be here bitching still. I JUST WANT TO PROPERLY GO! 

I wish I knew if there was any link to my hormones behind it. I've been having cramping and heavy discharge all this week. Off and on tonight, I've been getting this annoying pulling pain above the bikini line on the right side. I'm wondering if I could possibly have a cyst.

I'm also very unhappy with the scale. I was about 127 when I got on this morning. And of course all I keep worrying about is the numbers are going to keep going up and nothing will be able to stop it, or my Prozac finally decided to say fuck it and make me start gaining weight.

Random Thoughts

I can't believe tomorrow will already be one week since my vacation ended. Two weeks since I left for vacation. Where on earth does the time go?

Not sure if it's post-vacation blues, post-period blues, or a mixture of things, but I have been so freaking miserable this week. I feel overwhelmingly depressed and the littlest things are making me want to lie down and just sob. I feel very unhappy right now.

And apparently I was wrong about Miralax messing with my period, because my period came 44 days this month. And right while I was on vacation. And since it came later than I expected I decided to go back on the Miralax and Peri-Colace regimen for a little bit. And it helped some during vacation, definitely helped this past Saturday, and some on Sunday. And since then I have not been able to go to the bathroom once. And I don't understand why. I'm taking two Peri-Colace pills a day, drinking tons of water, and Miralax- how the fuck is that not helping me go to the bathroom? Especially when it normally does! I'm so bloated and miserable and am starting to seriously worry I'm going to end up with a blockage.  

Random Thoughts

Well, my Myrtle Beach vacation is over for the year. Pretty much the typical vacation in this household- somewhat nice, constantly chaotic but still followed by the post-vacation blues. And then next weekend is Independence Day weekend. I feel like once that weekend is over, that's it for the summer. There is no longer anything to really look forward to, except maybe the occasional shore day trips and a few days down the shore in August.

And now it's back to that stupid place called work tomorrow. Back to annoying charts and annoying people. I'm dreading it. Big time. 

UGH

Enhanced risk of severe thunderstorms for my area today with a 5% tornado probability. Not looking forward to the nastiness that is predicted for later on today.  Guarantee there will probably be some kind of watch issued at some point today.

And then the stupid sun keeps popping out sporadically. GO AWAY SUN YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.

4:43PM: Severe thunderstorm watch till 10

9:11PM: Looks like the watch was cancelled. Not the entire watch, but certain areas that were under it, including mine, have not been under it since around 8. A severe thunderstorm warning went into effect for my area until about 7:15 and the radar was looking pretty hairy, but all we ended up getting was rain, some wind, some cracks of thunder, and I'm not even sure if we actually got lightning. Spent most of the weekend anxious and with my stomach in knots, particularly today, for really no reason.

And since my anxiety never goes away and instead just finds somewhere else to invade, I'm super stressed out about going back into this leviathan of a chart I started working on on Thursday. Yes, Thursday. And I'm still working on it. I'm pretty sure I should have it done at some point tomorrow- once I get past one part that I'm almost at, it should be a little smoother sailing- but as of now, it's fucking intense. And I'm dreading going back in to it.

Song Of The Day

Song Of The Day

In a Pure Moods kind of mood (yes, I do actually own that CD- both I and II in fact):

Random Thoughts

Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to all those who have served!

And thank goodness for not having to be in work for one day. Any day away from those asshats is okay in my book. And any day away from the ever building workload is okay as well.

And then I found out last week that one of the girls who does the same job as me up in our sister company (there are two girls there that do the same job as me) is apparently going to be out for about a month due to health issues and the other girl is apparently having health issues of her own. Which means we'll probably be expected to take on some of their work as well. I swear to God, I have never seen an office with so many damn people going out on extended leaves for health issues as much as that office. It really makes me wonder just how bad that office is run.

I keep dreading the day my FWA comes in and announces she's pregnant again. I think I will just have an absolute breakdown when she's out on maternity leave. Because of course she'll have to be sectioned again, because of course her recovery period couldn't be dramatic-free, which means she'll have to be out longer than the usual time and probably even longer than what is expected in general. Because god forbid anything ever not be dramatic with her.

UGH. I really do not want to go back tomorrow.