My period needs to come STAT. I am so damn hostile and cranky this week!
And the fatigue! Good lord the fatigue!
It's my sister's birthday. At the risk of sounding like petty jealous bitch, I can't wait to see how many people wish her a happy birthday that ignored mine.
PMS really makes me hate everything and everyone on a very unhealthy level.
7:28AM: ugh I am so exhausted. I just want to climb back into bed and sleep for the rest of the day. It's not like I slept bad, although I did wake up sweaty at one point.
I am also feeling horribly bloated and have that annoying burning in my stomach that I usually correlate with hormones (sucko week with the digestive system).
9:55PM: okay, my period REALLY needs to come.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
I see my favorite Tartlrer is jumping on her SJW high horse and reposting shit defending Kanye for his little sissy tantrum at the Grammy's. I won't even start on people who can seriously defend Kanye. Honey, just stick to posting about MGMT. And while you're at it, enough with the posting pictures of Andrew and Camille and whining about how they're not together anymore. I hate resorting to a Frozen reference, but JFC LET IT GO.
Hrmph
Dreading going to sleep. Dammit, I haven't been worrying about this in awhile and now it's starting all over again.
I am also super worried what the roads are going to be like in the morning.
ETA 7:27PM: I slept fine. No waking up feeling warm and/or sweaty. And thankfully the roads were fine. And thankfully I was able to get that monstrous chart done. I mean, it was finished 15 minutes before the appointment time, but I still got it done in time! All 11.5 pages of it.
I, on the other hand, am not fine, because I have major PMS and want to rip everyone's heads off.
I am also super worried what the roads are going to be like in the morning.
ETA 7:27PM: I slept fine. No waking up feeling warm and/or sweaty. And thankfully the roads were fine. And thankfully I was able to get that monstrous chart done. I mean, it was finished 15 minutes before the appointment time, but I still got it done in time! All 11.5 pages of it.
I, on the other hand, am not fine, because I have major PMS and want to rip everyone's heads off.
Monday, February 9, 2015
And Here We Go Again
I was freezing last night before I went to bed and not long after I got into bed, I started feeling warm and could feel my hands swelling and throbbing (not in pain). Continued feeling warm and couldm't fall asleep and finally took Advil around 1:30 and eventually fell asleep. Woke up several times feeling very warm and sweaty. Now I am feeling pretty cold and nauseous. And exhausted. This was totally not the night to not sleep.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Wut
I had insomnia last night (probably from all those damn sweets) and at one point I thought, I know what hormones are and what they do, but what do they look like? I know they're chemicals and have seen their chemical structures, but I have yet to see an actual picture of them. And it's been irking me all damn day. Even Google couldn't help me!
Random Thoughts
Over a month and half later, I am still feeling slightly depressed that Christmas is over, but the more the one Wildwood FB page I am a fan of posts pictures, the more I am starting to feel ready for spring and summer* and going down the shore. MY BODY IS READY.
*minus the severe weather
I don't understand how 99% of the time my father never answers the phone but decides to answer today to a number that isn't even recognizable. And then tells me it's for me. It was my health insurance looking to conduct a survey. And I got a little abrupt on the phone and then hung up in the middle of it. Now I feel really bad, both for being abrupt and for hanging up.
God, I am really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I ended up having to take a fairly large chart on Friday and I have no idea how I am going to get it done in time for Tuesday morning. I feel like I am going to have a panic attack every time I think of having to go back in and work on it. Plus I am feeling really anxious that I am not even doing it right.
My whole work place is getting on my last nerve anymore. I try to just go in and do my job and leave it at that, but by the end of the day, I leave with a little less teeth (from gritting and grinding) and feeling exceptionally annoyed. I am tired of everyone lying to me and complaining about each other (despite the fact that I am guilty of it and am probably the worst of all, although I do most of my bitching to my family and not to my coworkers) and complaining about other people's mistakes while making plenty themselves. I can't stand listening to my FWA bitch about not being able to get away with anything. I am about to blow my cork on the new woman (we all are, actually, it's just a matter of who will do it first).
Oh, and I am tired of how much everyone loves and still talks about the girl who left right before I started again. If you all remember, I worked with her when I was there before and mentioned plenty of times how immature and two-faced she was, so I fail to see what is so wonderful about her and why she is put on such a high pedestal. Like not one of those dumbasses can see how two-faced she is? I have to laugh at how my FWA thinks she is so wonderful even after discovering this bitch was deliberately starting trouble between her and the racist bitch.
And another one, she started right after I started back in 2009, I like her for the most part, but I have never met someone who likes to criticize and bitch about others mistakes as much as her (except maybe myself). And the funny thing is, she makes plenty of mistakes herself. Oh, and she is also one of those people who is all I don't keep my mouth shut and will tell you how I feel right to your face.....but never does. Also, it gets tiring having to hear about her perfect son and his perfect life all of the damn time. Oh yeah, he is so perfect, that's why he had to be taken to the ER last year with bowel problems from starting to develop an eating disorder because he is involved in one of the stupidest sports ever invented.
And then I like this- almost everyone in my office smokes, minus me and 2 quitters, and now everyone is on their umpteenth time trying to quit and they have those E-cigs and they'll actually smoke them in the office. One girl was even standing up at the front desk the other day trying to smoke it discreetly. I felt like saying, are you fucking kidding me? It would be one thing if it was just a regular day with no patients, but we had a waiting room full of patients.
I guess maybe I am too harsh, but I really have no sympathy for smokers. It's not like these people were raised in the prehistoric time when no one knew it was bad for you. It's been known for plenty of years how bad smoking is. And everyone else who doesn't smoke.
The party ended up going pretty well last night. And as expected it took forever to clean up after, although we at least got home a little after 11. Also, I feel really crappy from all of the food (e.g. desserts) I ate. And I didn't sleep too well and woke up quite a few times feeling hot, which I would either contribute to getting close to period time or from the overabundance of carbs or both.
My nephew's birthday party is next weekend and I found out last night my BIL has a band gig that night. So he probably won't even be around to help clean up. Isn't that nice of him?
Every time I feel like I just got over my period, it already feels like it's time for it again. It doesn't help that I start to experience PMS symptoms a good 2 weeks beforehand. And boy, have I been super bitchy lately. Everything is annoying me, everyone is annoying me, I am annoying me.
And I know I have said things before, but I really don't understand what has happened to ONTD since I started reading it. What are these people that members are stanning for nowadays? Is everyone a 15 year old girl on there now? And there is one member- won't mention any names, but I'll just say they make A LOT of posts- I can't believe a person actually exists in the world that stans for so many terrible people. Every time I see one of his posts, my brain wants to short out from the terribleness of it all. And the constant complaining of white people is just yawn-inducing now. We GET it- you all hate white people. And I am sure most of you are white people yourselves. And don't stand there and complain about how much you hate all white people and we're all the devil and then have fucking Britney Spears as your icon.
I saw an article in the paper last week about a car accident and it said the conditions of the driver weren't released at that time. I generally tend to see that in the news a lot, except for that story back in October. Why couldn't that have been one of those times? Oh no. I still don't understand how the news even found that out, how they even definitely knew that the person was definitely paralyzed (wouldn't it be a little too early to make that call?), or why that kind of information was even released in the first time. All I know is every time I think of it, I get very agitated. The whole thing with That Thing just agitates me, mostly because I don't understand it. And it's not even something I can blame on when my mental issues started getting bad, because if I really think about it, it is clearly something that has deep roots very far back into my childhood. All I know is every time I think of it, I want to pick up a gun and blow my brains out.
Good lord, I don't post for almost a week and then I write a fucking novel.
*minus the severe weather
I don't understand how 99% of the time my father never answers the phone but decides to answer today to a number that isn't even recognizable. And then tells me it's for me. It was my health insurance looking to conduct a survey. And I got a little abrupt on the phone and then hung up in the middle of it. Now I feel really bad, both for being abrupt and for hanging up.
God, I am really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I ended up having to take a fairly large chart on Friday and I have no idea how I am going to get it done in time for Tuesday morning. I feel like I am going to have a panic attack every time I think of having to go back in and work on it. Plus I am feeling really anxious that I am not even doing it right.
My whole work place is getting on my last nerve anymore. I try to just go in and do my job and leave it at that, but by the end of the day, I leave with a little less teeth (from gritting and grinding) and feeling exceptionally annoyed. I am tired of everyone lying to me and complaining about each other (despite the fact that I am guilty of it and am probably the worst of all, although I do most of my bitching to my family and not to my coworkers) and complaining about other people's mistakes while making plenty themselves. I can't stand listening to my FWA bitch about not being able to get away with anything. I am about to blow my cork on the new woman (we all are, actually, it's just a matter of who will do it first).
Oh, and I am tired of how much everyone loves and still talks about the girl who left right before I started again. If you all remember, I worked with her when I was there before and mentioned plenty of times how immature and two-faced she was, so I fail to see what is so wonderful about her and why she is put on such a high pedestal. Like not one of those dumbasses can see how two-faced she is? I have to laugh at how my FWA thinks she is so wonderful even after discovering this bitch was deliberately starting trouble between her and the racist bitch.
And another one, she started right after I started back in 2009, I like her for the most part, but I have never met someone who likes to criticize and bitch about others mistakes as much as her (except maybe myself). And the funny thing is, she makes plenty of mistakes herself. Oh, and she is also one of those people who is all I don't keep my mouth shut and will tell you how I feel right to your face.....but never does. Also, it gets tiring having to hear about her perfect son and his perfect life all of the damn time. Oh yeah, he is so perfect, that's why he had to be taken to the ER last year with bowel problems from starting to develop an eating disorder because he is involved in one of the stupidest sports ever invented.
And then I like this- almost everyone in my office smokes, minus me and 2 quitters, and now everyone is on their umpteenth time trying to quit and they have those E-cigs and they'll actually smoke them in the office. One girl was even standing up at the front desk the other day trying to smoke it discreetly. I felt like saying, are you fucking kidding me? It would be one thing if it was just a regular day with no patients, but we had a waiting room full of patients.
I guess maybe I am too harsh, but I really have no sympathy for smokers. It's not like these people were raised in the prehistoric time when no one knew it was bad for you. It's been known for plenty of years how bad smoking is. And everyone else who doesn't smoke.
The party ended up going pretty well last night. And as expected it took forever to clean up after, although we at least got home a little after 11. Also, I feel really crappy from all of the food (e.g. desserts) I ate. And I didn't sleep too well and woke up quite a few times feeling hot, which I would either contribute to getting close to period time or from the overabundance of carbs or both.
My nephew's birthday party is next weekend and I found out last night my BIL has a band gig that night. So he probably won't even be around to help clean up. Isn't that nice of him?
Every time I feel like I just got over my period, it already feels like it's time for it again. It doesn't help that I start to experience PMS symptoms a good 2 weeks beforehand. And boy, have I been super bitchy lately. Everything is annoying me, everyone is annoying me, I am annoying me.
And I know I have said things before, but I really don't understand what has happened to ONTD since I started reading it. What are these people that members are stanning for nowadays? Is everyone a 15 year old girl on there now? And there is one member- won't mention any names, but I'll just say they make A LOT of posts- I can't believe a person actually exists in the world that stans for so many terrible people. Every time I see one of his posts, my brain wants to short out from the terribleness of it all. And the constant complaining of white people is just yawn-inducing now. We GET it- you all hate white people. And I am sure most of you are white people yourselves. And don't stand there and complain about how much you hate all white people and we're all the devil and then have fucking Britney Spears as your icon.
I saw an article in the paper last week about a car accident and it said the conditions of the driver weren't released at that time. I generally tend to see that in the news a lot, except for that story back in October. Why couldn't that have been one of those times? Oh no. I still don't understand how the news even found that out, how they even definitely knew that the person was definitely paralyzed (wouldn't it be a little too early to make that call?), or why that kind of information was even released in the first time. All I know is every time I think of it, I get very agitated. The whole thing with That Thing just agitates me, mostly because I don't understand it. And it's not even something I can blame on when my mental issues started getting bad, because if I really think about it, it is clearly something that has deep roots very far back into my childhood. All I know is every time I think of it, I want to pick up a gun and blow my brains out.
Good lord, I don't post for almost a week and then I write a fucking novel.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Shit
I am starting to get really anxious that I am going to come down with the flu again.
I really hate Sunday nights. I hate going to bed when I am not ready to.
Also, it is snowing again. The temperature is supposed to rise and it is supposed to switch to rain, but it is still making me nervous.
I really hate Sunday nights. I hate going to bed when I am not ready to.
Also, it is snowing again. The temperature is supposed to rise and it is supposed to switch to rain, but it is still making me nervous.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Song Of The Day
I couldn't get enough of this song back in....hm....whatever year Star Wars Episode III came out, then kind of stopped listening to it, then heard it on the radio a few weeks ago coming home from work and realized what a good song it was again:
Random Thoughts
It's Puppy Bowl! I have had it on since it started at 3, minus 2 hours of Food Factory. Goat cheerleaders! Katty Furry (who sounds remarkably better than her human counterpart)! Kitten halftime! And best of all, there is an actual full miniature schnauzer this year!
I can't believe the weekend is over already. I feel like I just got off of work and it's Sunday night already. And I did nothing the whole weekend! I am so fucking disgusted.
And I have been having some bleeding the past couple days. Over 2 years; I am so over this. I just want to know why this is happening. All I have concluded is it seems to basically occur around and/or during ovulation time. Is something wrong? It is normal? Is it something I am just basically going to have to deal with until my womanly parts decide to quit?
I am really starting to hate going into work. And it's not even so much that I hate my job itself; it's because I have so much trouble doing my job because of my stupidity in allowing mental illness to take over my life. And I at least can say that yes, I do have a major problem and yes, I would like to get better. But it's also clashing with the part of me that doesn't want to fight to get better and would rather just die. And the latter is starting to want to take control.
And then this shit with That Thing- I know damn well deep down that even if it happened to me, I would not be any happier. I would probably be just as miserable, if not possibly more.
I can't believe the weekend is over already. I feel like I just got off of work and it's Sunday night already. And I did nothing the whole weekend! I am so fucking disgusted.
And I have been having some bleeding the past couple days. Over 2 years; I am so over this. I just want to know why this is happening. All I have concluded is it seems to basically occur around and/or during ovulation time. Is something wrong? It is normal? Is it something I am just basically going to have to deal with until my womanly parts decide to quit?
I am really starting to hate going into work. And it's not even so much that I hate my job itself; it's because I have so much trouble doing my job because of my stupidity in allowing mental illness to take over my life. And I at least can say that yes, I do have a major problem and yes, I would like to get better. But it's also clashing with the part of me that doesn't want to fight to get better and would rather just die. And the latter is starting to want to take control.
And then this shit with That Thing- I know damn well deep down that even if it happened to me, I would not be any happier. I would probably be just as miserable, if not possibly more.
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