Ugh

A couple weeks ago my boss was sick. And now she isn't feeling well again. She's been hacking like the hounds of hell. And today I have had this dry tickling in my throat that makes me cough and my voice is kind of hoarse and on the way home I felt achy everywhere, especially in my lower back and legs. So now of course I am worried I caught what she had.

And for me, it's never just oh no I hope I am not getting sick that would suck. No, whenever I don't feel good, then it's constant thoughts of oh good god what did I catch, is it meningitis, is it something deadly (the concern here isn't so much on my part, rather for who might catch it from me), can it lead to sepsis, etc, running through my head nonstop and it turns into constant temperature taking and checking of the skin for any signs of petechiae.

Which reminds me....it's time to take my temperature.

10:21: oh yeah my temperature was 98.0 Fahrenheit. Down 0.1 degree since last checked.

Hey Jealousy

I was reading an article about jealousy the other day and although the article seemed to be directed towards jealousy in relationships, I have been thinking about jealousy in general since reading it. I am pretty sure I have admitted before that I do have problems with jealousy. BIG problems. Definitely one of my worst qualities. And the majority of the time it stems from my own lack of self-worth and insecurities. But how do you explain it when it comes to something like That Thing? Whenever I see someone with what I want (notice how I have gone back to not specifically saying what it was), I am filled with several emotions. And one of them, shamefully, is jealousy. Deep, intense jealousy that makes me want to start screaming and never stop because I am so ashamed of this and don't want it. And also because it's not me.

Boy, one day if I ever decide to finally get back into therapy, some doctor/mental health specialist is going to have a fucking field day with me.

Damn You Louis Armstrong

Just heard "What A Wonderful World" for the first time in a long time and now I am a blubbery snotty mess. Don't know why that song gets to me the way it does.

Now I have the joy of going to bed and worrying I won't sleep or I'll wake up too early and/or overheated and that I will get up in the morning and my period still won't be here.

7:26AM: Well, I actually slept pretty great. But still no clear signs of a period.

10:35PM: I think I can [temporarily] breathe a sigh of relief.

I see Andrew has lost his mind on Twitter again. Also,where has Simon been on Twitter? Pretty sure he doesn't go more than a few days without opening his mouth. It's been almost 2 weeks.

Song Of The Day

 One of my favorite songs from before my time:



A few times that I have had "Siberian Breaks" on, my mom has said that the 5:55 to 8:55 part reminds her somewhat of this song. One day I sat and really listened to it after she said it again and maybe it's just me, but yeah, it does in a way. I can't put my finger on it why that is.

ARGH!!!!

I have been in one hell of a bad mood today. I feel like the fucking She-Hulk. I don't know if it's PMS or lack of sleep or both. I slept terribly last night (it took me almost 2 hours to fall asleep, I woke up several times, and I did wake up feeling overheated and a little sweaty at one point), so it's more than likely a little of both. Everything and everyone was annoying the hell out of me today*.

*much more than normally

And then to aggravate me more, yesterday my parents decided to call to make reservations for vacation. And they picked August 29th to September 5th. Which would mean one of the days I would need off would be the last day of the month. Despite me telling them MULTIPLE times that I cannot have off the last 5 days of the month. And when I said something, my mother jumped down my throat. Yes, because I am the one who made the stupid rule! I never see them give my sister a hard time when she says oh she can't have a week. No, but everyone has to jump down my throat and expect me to fight with my boss to have off that day. That is really not fair.

Yesterday I had very faint spotting and after dinner today, I was bleeding some. Of course I did get on my bike when I came home from work, so I don't know if it's from that or if it's the actual start of my period. Emotionally and physically I feel like my period is coming on and usually around this time I can come home from work and get on my bike and not have any bleeding, as it seems to only occur in the first half of my cycle. But I don't know what the bleeding was from and I am all worried that it isn't actually my period and it's from riding my bike and not knowing when and if it's going to come is stressing me the hell out even more. I JUST WANT IT TO COME so maybe, just maybe, I can stop feeling like such a fucking crazy person!

On another note, "What About Love" by Heart just popped up on my iTunes playlist. Thanks to Family Guy, now every time I hear it, I want to sing "what about beans?".

NOPE x INFINITY

The 6 Most Brutal Infections You Could Have Right Now

This article is like the shit nightmares are made of. Someone in the comments said they looked up gas gangrene and not to do it. I couldn't resist and OH GOD I wish I didn't. And to make it a million times worse, my computer froze on me right when I had the pictures up!

Song Of The Day

Random Thoughts

Yesterday when my FWA was getting ready to go to lunch, she started ranting to me about her boyfriend's mother. And one of the things she said was that she (his mother) is bipolar and lies a lot and that bipolars are known for lying. I should have stopped her right then and there and said 1) I don't care about your little fucking drama and 2) I guess you would know about lying, considering you're one of the biggest liars I have ever met in my life. And I don't even think she lies so much because she is an evil rotten bitch who likes to manipulate people- I think she lies because she is stupid and because she is so desperate to come off as likable and have people like her. Yes, because lying is really the way to go about doing that.

I just have to laugh at some of the things she complains about her boyfriend's mother, because what she doesn't realize (self-awareness is clearly not her forte) is how much they are alike in personality. That was very apparent at her baby shower.

We have this middle-aged woman at our place who started about a month ago and she is already on all of our last nerves. For one, she is one of those ones who came in acting like she knows everything. She demanded a new desk chair, because she can't work in one with arms. It still hasn't come in so she bitches nonstop about it. We were almost out of paper last week because for some reason our supply order hadn't come in yet, so she was bitching and saying we should order more paper when we put our order in and/or order more times a month. And she kept bitching about it despite us telling her multiple times that this is the maximum of what we're allowed to order and we can't order more than once a month. She butts into everyone's conversation and makes it about herself (sound like someone else we know?). Oh and she is extremely opinionated. Worse than me and unlike me, she doesn't keep her opinions to herself in front of people.

She also has to bitch every time Hozier's "Take Me To Church" comes on, which as you are aware from my complaints plays constantly. Bitch, we're all tired of it we don't need to hear you bitch about how tired you are of it every single damn time it comes on. Yesterday she made some comment that he is one of those people you should never hear from again. I turned to her and not so nicely said "why?" and she gave some dumbass excuse (I don't even care to remember what it was) and whatever it was I said "that doesn't mean he doesn't have good music. And they have played other stuff by him on the station that was good, just not as often as this [Take Me To Church]." Whether "Take" is overplayed or not, you can't deny that Hozier is talented as hell. Bitch, you're a fucking Linkin Park fan, you need to take several seats.

God save her ass if she ever badmouths MGMT in front of me.

Also, she does this annoying laugh that sounds like she is hocking a loogie. It's so gross.

And going back to my FWA and self-awareness, she complained to me one day about the new lady butting into people's conversation. I wanted to laugh hysterically and say to her damn, you really are fucking delusional, aren't you? Everything she bitches about other people she is completely oblivious to the fact THAT SHE DOES THE SAME EXACT THING.

I have ABC Family on and all of the commercials for their drama shows are getting on my last nerve with their dramatic whiny music. But these songs aren't nearly as bad as this song that is played in a commercial for FYI's Married At First Sight: The First Year (I think). Some whiny ass monotonous hipster crap about not having money but they have love and that pays the bills! If there are people out there that honestly believe that, they should be punched in the face.

I have slept better the past few nights. Didn't wake up to any feeling warm or even the start of feeling warm last night. Now watch- tonight I will.

My mood the past few days has been like a roller-coaster. I am fine one minute and then I just completely fly off the handle over the littlest thing. I don't know if it's PMS or stress or both. I am kind of thinking part of it is PMS, because my boobs hurt incredibly bad. I was trying to wash them earlier in the shower and could barely touch them. Of course, I am stressing it will come past 35 days, or not at all. I wish it would come earlier, but I would never be that lucky probably.

Have I ever mentioned how tired of this I am? Or how tired I am of being tired of this?

Also- I was on that Tartlr page earlier and she had reblogged a picture that someone had scanned from MGMT's Funzone Fanzine. There's a fanclub magazine? I am a member of their fanclub! Why haven't I gotten a copy of this yet? *shakes monitor* WHERE'S MAH MAGAZINE?!

Quote Of The Day

One of my favorite scenes from Beetlejuice:

[in the waiting room of the afterlife]
Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when *you* die.
[points at a gaunt man smoking]
Receptionist: That is what happens when *he* dies.
[points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading]
Receptionist: And that is what happens when *they* die. It's all very personal.

I guess it's just my morbid sense of humor, but I always laugh when the receptionist says "and I'll tell you something- if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident" and she shows her slit "across the street" wrists.

Song Of The Day