Van: Calling all scientists, calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.
[A man runs to the van]
Man: I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Van: You've got a degree in baloney! [sprays the man with a water cannon]
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Quote Of The Day
From "Crimes Of The Hot":
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Quote Of The Day
From "A Pharoah To Remember":
Bender: Come on, guys. Pharaoh's countin' on us. Work faster, like this. [He pushes a block up the side of the tomb and the Osiran runs after him, whipping as he goes. He stops to catch his breath.] You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this.
[He takes the whip and whips himself.]
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Ick! Ick! Ick!
I opened up an angel food cake and found mold near the end, so I ripped off a piece with the mold on it and sniffed the rest of the cake. Smelled fine. I ate it. Tasted fine. Then I decided to google whether it was safe to do so (yes I probably should have done that first, eh?). Find out not so much. So I immediately panic and run right for the bathroom and do something I haven't done in a while- force myself to throw up. So now I am not only nauseous from what I read, but I have a burning ring of fire in my stomach! Not to mention that I happen to be allergic to penicillen!
I know you all enjoyed learning this, right? RIGHT?!!!!!!!!!
See what happens when you become unemployed? You share stupid inane shit!
I know you all enjoyed learning this, right? RIGHT?!!!!!!!!!
See what happens when you become unemployed? You share stupid inane shit!
Random Thoughts
It's already been almost one week since my last day of work. And I am already about to lose my mind Not that being in work was any picnic, but at least it was something to do! I am bored out of my skull! And I am getting more stressed the closer I get to losing all of my benefits.
This is like a nightmare to me. Honestly, I knew it was bound to happen. With the way things were going on in my workplace, I knew eventually something would happen and we would all be out on our asses. What I didn't expect was 1) for only some of us to be thrown out and 2) for it to happen so soon. I don't doubt that come mid-year in 2012, the remaining workers will be out on their asses as well, but it's still hard to not take it personally. Especially when you look at some of the people that were able to keep their jobs. AKA my WA. Who I seen online on Facebook for almost 20 minutes the other day during work hours. I wanted to message her with "wow, nice to see you spending 20 minutes on FB during work hours while I am sitting at home having to collect unemployment".
I'd love to know how much time she goes and spends talking to her friend now without as many people working in the office. I won't deny that she did get her work done when needed, but I would love to know is how accurate her work really was. Between the stupid shit that came out of her mouth all the time and the many lies I caught her on (and taking that into consideration, did she really ever have all of her work done?), it really makes me wonder. I did see her work one time and then I looked at what she reviewed and it was not even correct. By any means. It also used to piss me off how she would stand there and say all of her work was done and there was nothing else for her to do. I generally always had to hear this after she would receive yet another email about talking too much. Bitch, please. If there was one thing that place was never without, it was plenty of work. There was always work that needed to be done in that place.
And yeah, I am probably just getting really nitpicky here, but another thing that royally pisses me off that she got to keep her job is the fact that I know she is a pot smoker (like that brain needs any more damage). And I often wonder if any of her work ever looks like some of the emails she sent me. She used to send me emails that hardly made any sense due to all of the typing mistakes. There were so many times I felt like replying back with "that email made no fucking sense. Please send me one that makes sense". I know I am far too anal retentive, but I am tired of people not using proper spelling and grammar when typing. There is no excuse for it.
I hate when I have to go down the self pity party road, but....well, that is what I am about to do. I am so fucking tired of people and pretty much everything. I am so tired of every time I get together with my mother and my sister, it's like I don't even exist. My mother spends the entire just talking and talking and talking and I never can get a word in and when I finally do, I either am interrupted by her or my sister. I am also tired of people telling me that they would die if I anything ever happened to me and then can't even be bothered to give me the time of day.
I also am tired of telling people about how horrible I feel and everyone brushing me off. Okay, I understand that I have cried wolf many times in life. And I understand how it could be frustrating to others. But how does my family- particularly my mother- think I feel? If anyone should know how aggravating and frustrating it can be, it should be me! And it makes me very angry when people get upset with me. Which in turn brings out my nasty catty side. The whole time I was scared I had Addison's, there were quite a few times I would get angry and think "okay big fucking deal if I do. Let no one believe me and if I do, and I happen to have a crisis and die, then everyone will feel bad that they didn't listen to me". When I am going through these situations and other people complain to me about their ailments, I feel like snapping "I don't give a fuck!"
I am a horrible person. I really am. Although I can take comfort in the fact that whenever I watch the news, I find that there are a hell of lot worse people out there than me.
I am still not over the whole Addison's thing either. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but I am still finding myself having to look in the mirror and inspect every inch of my body or prying my mouth open looking for hyperpigmentation, or having to take my blood pressure, or panicking at every sign of fatigue or lightheadness or salt craving. I think my period may have been a lot of the reason why I was acting so....irrationally. But not entirely. Since my period is over. And the fear is still here. Somewhat. Annoying me to no end. GOD JUST GO THE HELL AWAY.
I am tired of my brain. I want to rip it out of my head and get a new one. I haven't felt such a deep depression like I have been feeling in a long time. I can't seem to get out of it for anything. I am so fucking miserable. And I keep thinking of the future and I just feel so bleak and hopeless. How I keep somehow making it through every day is astonishing to me.
Last holiday season was the first in a while that I did not feel miserable as shit. It was one of the first New Years in a very long time that I didn't spend the rest of the night crying and seriously considering suicide. And I dread this year is going to be right back to that situation again.
Something needs to be done. I really don't think I can take anymore. I could go to my doctor and demand a test to rule out Addison's. But then I feel like I am just giving into the OCD. And if it comes back normal, all is well! That is....until the next disease crisis! I am sick of it. If nothing is done and I allow the OCD to continue, with the potential to worsen, I am going to eventually actually make myself fucking sick! Not to mention that there is a ever growing likelihood that one day I am finally not going to be able to take it anymore and I'll attempt suicide. Oh, and not to mention I will put myself into bankruptcy demanding all these damn tests!
This is like a nightmare to me. Honestly, I knew it was bound to happen. With the way things were going on in my workplace, I knew eventually something would happen and we would all be out on our asses. What I didn't expect was 1) for only some of us to be thrown out and 2) for it to happen so soon. I don't doubt that come mid-year in 2012, the remaining workers will be out on their asses as well, but it's still hard to not take it personally. Especially when you look at some of the people that were able to keep their jobs. AKA my WA. Who I seen online on Facebook for almost 20 minutes the other day during work hours. I wanted to message her with "wow, nice to see you spending 20 minutes on FB during work hours while I am sitting at home having to collect unemployment".
I'd love to know how much time she goes and spends talking to her friend now without as many people working in the office. I won't deny that she did get her work done when needed, but I would love to know is how accurate her work really was. Between the stupid shit that came out of her mouth all the time and the many lies I caught her on (and taking that into consideration, did she really ever have all of her work done?), it really makes me wonder. I did see her work one time and then I looked at what she reviewed and it was not even correct. By any means. It also used to piss me off how she would stand there and say all of her work was done and there was nothing else for her to do. I generally always had to hear this after she would receive yet another email about talking too much. Bitch, please. If there was one thing that place was never without, it was plenty of work. There was always work that needed to be done in that place.
And yeah, I am probably just getting really nitpicky here, but another thing that royally pisses me off that she got to keep her job is the fact that I know she is a pot smoker (like that brain needs any more damage). And I often wonder if any of her work ever looks like some of the emails she sent me. She used to send me emails that hardly made any sense due to all of the typing mistakes. There were so many times I felt like replying back with "that email made no fucking sense. Please send me one that makes sense". I know I am far too anal retentive, but I am tired of people not using proper spelling and grammar when typing. There is no excuse for it.
I hate when I have to go down the self pity party road, but....well, that is what I am about to do. I am so fucking tired of people and pretty much everything. I am so tired of every time I get together with my mother and my sister, it's like I don't even exist. My mother spends the entire just talking and talking and talking and I never can get a word in and when I finally do, I either am interrupted by her or my sister. I am also tired of people telling me that they would die if I anything ever happened to me and then can't even be bothered to give me the time of day.
I also am tired of telling people about how horrible I feel and everyone brushing me off. Okay, I understand that I have cried wolf many times in life. And I understand how it could be frustrating to others. But how does my family- particularly my mother- think I feel? If anyone should know how aggravating and frustrating it can be, it should be me! And it makes me very angry when people get upset with me. Which in turn brings out my nasty catty side. The whole time I was scared I had Addison's, there were quite a few times I would get angry and think "okay big fucking deal if I do. Let no one believe me and if I do, and I happen to have a crisis and die, then everyone will feel bad that they didn't listen to me". When I am going through these situations and other people complain to me about their ailments, I feel like snapping "I don't give a fuck!"
I am a horrible person. I really am. Although I can take comfort in the fact that whenever I watch the news, I find that there are a hell of lot worse people out there than me.
I am still not over the whole Addison's thing either. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but I am still finding myself having to look in the mirror and inspect every inch of my body or prying my mouth open looking for hyperpigmentation, or having to take my blood pressure, or panicking at every sign of fatigue or lightheadness or salt craving. I think my period may have been a lot of the reason why I was acting so....irrationally. But not entirely. Since my period is over. And the fear is still here. Somewhat. Annoying me to no end. GOD JUST GO THE HELL AWAY.
I am tired of my brain. I want to rip it out of my head and get a new one. I haven't felt such a deep depression like I have been feeling in a long time. I can't seem to get out of it for anything. I am so fucking miserable. And I keep thinking of the future and I just feel so bleak and hopeless. How I keep somehow making it through every day is astonishing to me.
Last holiday season was the first in a while that I did not feel miserable as shit. It was one of the first New Years in a very long time that I didn't spend the rest of the night crying and seriously considering suicide. And I dread this year is going to be right back to that situation again.
Something needs to be done. I really don't think I can take anymore. I could go to my doctor and demand a test to rule out Addison's. But then I feel like I am just giving into the OCD. And if it comes back normal, all is well! That is....until the next disease crisis! I am sick of it. If nothing is done and I allow the OCD to continue, with the potential to worsen, I am going to eventually actually make myself fucking sick! Not to mention that there is a ever growing likelihood that one day I am finally not going to be able to take it anymore and I'll attempt suicide. Oh, and not to mention I will put myself into bankruptcy demanding all these damn tests!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Random Thoughts
Every single time I start to think I have reached the point that I can't cry anymore, somehow I manage to still do so. I have went through bad times before, but I had no idea it was physically possible to cry as much as I have in the past week. I cried five times alone in a 4.5 hour span on Friday. Which the reason for crying then is understandable. It was my last day at my job.
As for the other reasons? Oh, different things:
- Being scared I have Addison's
- Looking at a strange spot on my arm and my imagination running wild over what it could be (flesh eating)
- Still not feeling well, not knowing why, and only having two weeks left to try and get an answer
- Only having two weeks left to take care of other insurance issues
- Only having two weeks left of health insurance PERIOD
- Trying to apply for unemployment online, only to come across the webpage and get the message "This Connection is Untrusted. You have asked Firefox to connect securely to njsuccess.dol.state.nj.us, but we can't confirm that your connection is secure. Normally, when you try to connect securely, sites will present trusted identification to prove that you are going to the right place. However, this site's identity can't be verified", and I am too afraid to use the webpage now, which means now I either have to go up to the goddawful unemployment office or call over the phone
- Reading through the unemployment handbook
- Getting an $80 bill from my GI doctor office because my insurance refuses to pay the bill due to "pre-existent conditions"
- Trying to figure out how my vision plan works with getting contact lenses
- Trying to order contact lenses online and not being able to understand what is on my prescription and realizing I threw out the package that my trial pair came in
- Realizing my printer is out of ink
And a ton of other things. Pretty much all things no one in their right mind would cry over.
I feel like I am "one foot in the hole, the other on a banana peel" close to having another nervous breakdown. And I REALLY do not want that to happen again. Between losing my job and not feeling well, I feel like I am really about to lose my mind. The dizziness temporarily subsided is coming back again, I feel completely uncoordinated whenever I attempt to do anything, my chest hurts, I have been noticing trouble with my vision....what the hell is wrong with me?!
And if I have to read one more post on Facebook from my WA bitching about it being a miserable week at work, I am going to punch her. You didn't lose your job, bitch, so STFU!
As for the other reasons? Oh, different things:
- Being scared I have Addison's
- Looking at a strange spot on my arm and my imagination running wild over what it could be (flesh eating)
- Still not feeling well, not knowing why, and only having two weeks left to try and get an answer
- Only having two weeks left to take care of other insurance issues
- Only having two weeks left of health insurance PERIOD
- Trying to apply for unemployment online, only to come across the webpage and get the message "This Connection is Untrusted. You have asked Firefox to connect securely to njsuccess.dol.state.nj.us, but we can't confirm that your connection is secure. Normally, when you try to connect securely, sites will present trusted identification to prove that you are going to the right place. However, this site's identity can't be verified", and I am too afraid to use the webpage now, which means now I either have to go up to the goddawful unemployment office or call over the phone
- Reading through the unemployment handbook
- Getting an $80 bill from my GI doctor office because my insurance refuses to pay the bill due to "pre-existent conditions"
- Trying to figure out how my vision plan works with getting contact lenses
- Trying to order contact lenses online and not being able to understand what is on my prescription and realizing I threw out the package that my trial pair came in
- Realizing my printer is out of ink
And a ton of other things. Pretty much all things no one in their right mind would cry over.
I feel like I am "one foot in the hole, the other on a banana peel" close to having another nervous breakdown. And I REALLY do not want that to happen again. Between losing my job and not feeling well, I feel like I am really about to lose my mind. The dizziness temporarily subsided is coming back again, I feel completely uncoordinated whenever I attempt to do anything, my chest hurts, I have been noticing trouble with my vision....what the hell is wrong with me?!
And if I have to read one more post on Facebook from my WA bitching about it being a miserable week at work, I am going to punch her. You didn't lose your job, bitch, so STFU!
Friday, October 14, 2011
The Headline Of The Day
Not so much people getting hurt, but....it speaks for itself:
16 zombie actors injured on 'Resident Evil' set | 6abc.com
16 zombie actors injured on 'Resident Evil' set | 6abc.com
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Random Thoughts
Good god is this nightmare ever going to end?
I am getting to the point that I am ready to go to the ER just to get any type of relief, whether it be from some type of testing or someone drugs me up. But there is the whole how much it is going to cost me. There is also an unsettling feeling that someone there will try to deem me a danger to myself and try to have me commited, despite the fact that I have no desire to harm myself.
I spotted something new looking in the mirror on Monday- the tip of my tongue looks like a strawberry! Not the color, but it looks like the tastebuds on the tip have popped up and they are bright red and look like the seeds of a strawberry. And my tongue feels hot and my lips have been burning. I am almost starting to wonder if I am experiencing a vitamin deficiency. The mouth thing was the first thing to make me wonder it again. My nails also look suspiciously a lot like it.
I certainly don't want anything wrong with me, and a vitamin deficiency is certainly serious, but I would be very relieved if this is what it was. My diet sucks big time, so it would hardly come as a surprise. If I had thought about it at the time, I would have asked to have my vitamin levels checked. My B-12 level was tested in 2006, and it was normal, but a little on the low side (it should be 200 to 1100; mine was 343). My diet had a lot more variety then.
IT came on today, so I am kind of hoping that this is part of the reason why I feel so lousy mentally and physically. But on the way home from work today, I felt so lousy that I just wanted to start crying and never stop. I feel so horrible. And I am very upset that no one is taking me seriously about this. It's all "just anxiety". Yes, I will admit that some of it more than likely is, but this has been going on far too long to be just anxiety. I'm very upset over why I feel so horrible and I just want to know why I feel so lousy so I can stop feeling so anxious and making myself feel worse.
I always seem to be okay in the morning and then things start occuring and I start getting anxious. I started feeling nauseous once again midmorning and more than likely it is just due to my period being here, but try to convince my mind of that. And I could feel my anxiety levels starting to rise. And then that brings on other symptoms. And when more symptoms start flaring up, THEN the urge to start the compulsions comes on. I started feeling lightheaded and like I was going to lose my mind- just from getting anxious over feeling nauseous- and then I started thinking omg, I have to take my blood pressure to see if it's low and since I had no access to a BP machine, my anxiety levels started to rise even higher.
And if I can't engage in one compulsion, I have to go after another. And then that is when I get up and go into the bathroom and start looking all over areas of my body and in my mouth for signs of hyperpigmentation. It's fucking sick. And I realize that as I am doing it and I get upset over THAT as well and....well, it's just amazing that I have not had a stroke in the past couple weeks with as stressed as I keep getting. Even now, explaining it all is making me very upset.
I just want to lay down and cry for hours on end, because I am so upset at the person I have become and that I feel so lousy and over feeling so hurt that no one believes me on how lousy I feel. I have spent so much time crying in the past few days that I am starting to look as shitty as I feel. The good thing is I really can't cry anymore, because I look like hell right now. My eyelids have are still very swollen. I have bad circles under my eyes. I look like a freaking raccoon!
I am also very angry over the fact that my aunt said on Sunday when I got really upset at one point that she would talk to my mother about doing something that I wouldn't dare ask her myself to do. Has she done it yet? No. And I should know better. I should know she never fucking keeps her promises. I guess maybe this is a small part of the reason why I am so reluctant to ever go after help- does anyone actually give a shit if I do? I understand the whole notion that I need to want help to get it, and I do want help, and it is probably a very fucked up way of thinking (but then again this is me we are talking about here), but I also would like to feel like people care enough about me to want me to get help. Otherwise, what is the point?
I love my aunt to death. But frankly, I am sick to death of her promising to do things and then never following through with them. One of her best friend's children (who are close to my age) see my aunt more than I do. And sorry, my bastard of a father does not get all of the blame here.
Oh and losing my job and health insurance shortly. Can't forget that one. I just checked my email and I had an email about how I have to have a meeting with someone from HR on my last day and it finally dawned on me how real this is. Forget the whole notion that I can't cry anymore.
And completely off topic here- does anyone know how tall Mark Foster is? I don't know if it's just the way he dresses or what, but every time I see pictures of him, I feel like we would be of equal height if I were to stand next to him, and I'm only about 5'3.
I am getting to the point that I am ready to go to the ER just to get any type of relief, whether it be from some type of testing or someone drugs me up. But there is the whole how much it is going to cost me. There is also an unsettling feeling that someone there will try to deem me a danger to myself and try to have me commited, despite the fact that I have no desire to harm myself.
I spotted something new looking in the mirror on Monday- the tip of my tongue looks like a strawberry! Not the color, but it looks like the tastebuds on the tip have popped up and they are bright red and look like the seeds of a strawberry. And my tongue feels hot and my lips have been burning. I am almost starting to wonder if I am experiencing a vitamin deficiency. The mouth thing was the first thing to make me wonder it again. My nails also look suspiciously a lot like it.
I certainly don't want anything wrong with me, and a vitamin deficiency is certainly serious, but I would be very relieved if this is what it was. My diet sucks big time, so it would hardly come as a surprise. If I had thought about it at the time, I would have asked to have my vitamin levels checked. My B-12 level was tested in 2006, and it was normal, but a little on the low side (it should be 200 to 1100; mine was 343). My diet had a lot more variety then.
IT came on today, so I am kind of hoping that this is part of the reason why I feel so lousy mentally and physically. But on the way home from work today, I felt so lousy that I just wanted to start crying and never stop. I feel so horrible. And I am very upset that no one is taking me seriously about this. It's all "just anxiety". Yes, I will admit that some of it more than likely is, but this has been going on far too long to be just anxiety. I'm very upset over why I feel so horrible and I just want to know why I feel so lousy so I can stop feeling so anxious and making myself feel worse.
I always seem to be okay in the morning and then things start occuring and I start getting anxious. I started feeling nauseous once again midmorning and more than likely it is just due to my period being here, but try to convince my mind of that. And I could feel my anxiety levels starting to rise. And then that brings on other symptoms. And when more symptoms start flaring up, THEN the urge to start the compulsions comes on. I started feeling lightheaded and like I was going to lose my mind- just from getting anxious over feeling nauseous- and then I started thinking omg, I have to take my blood pressure to see if it's low and since I had no access to a BP machine, my anxiety levels started to rise even higher.
And if I can't engage in one compulsion, I have to go after another. And then that is when I get up and go into the bathroom and start looking all over areas of my body and in my mouth for signs of hyperpigmentation. It's fucking sick. And I realize that as I am doing it and I get upset over THAT as well and....well, it's just amazing that I have not had a stroke in the past couple weeks with as stressed as I keep getting. Even now, explaining it all is making me very upset.
I just want to lay down and cry for hours on end, because I am so upset at the person I have become and that I feel so lousy and over feeling so hurt that no one believes me on how lousy I feel. I have spent so much time crying in the past few days that I am starting to look as shitty as I feel. The good thing is I really can't cry anymore, because I look like hell right now. My eyelids have are still very swollen. I have bad circles under my eyes. I look like a freaking raccoon!
I am also very angry over the fact that my aunt said on Sunday when I got really upset at one point that she would talk to my mother about doing something that I wouldn't dare ask her myself to do. Has she done it yet? No. And I should know better. I should know she never fucking keeps her promises. I guess maybe this is a small part of the reason why I am so reluctant to ever go after help- does anyone actually give a shit if I do? I understand the whole notion that I need to want help to get it, and I do want help, and it is probably a very fucked up way of thinking (but then again this is me we are talking about here), but I also would like to feel like people care enough about me to want me to get help. Otherwise, what is the point?
I love my aunt to death. But frankly, I am sick to death of her promising to do things and then never following through with them. One of her best friend's children (who are close to my age) see my aunt more than I do. And sorry, my bastard of a father does not get all of the blame here.
Oh and losing my job and health insurance shortly. Can't forget that one. I just checked my email and I had an email about how I have to have a meeting with someone from HR on my last day and it finally dawned on me how real this is. Forget the whole notion that I can't cry anymore.
And completely off topic here- does anyone know how tall Mark Foster is? I don't know if it's just the way he dresses or what, but every time I see pictures of him, I feel like we would be of equal height if I were to stand next to him, and I'm only about 5'3.
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