Random Thoughts

Happy Turkey Day! Hope everyone gobbled till they wobbled. I know I certainly did. Ugh. The holidays. Look, I love my family to death, but for the love of God, they drive me up the fucking wall! I think that if I were not so obsessed over every calorie that goes into my body, I would be passed out drunk in the house somewhere. I can't tell you how many times today I got comments like "skinny bitch" and "skinny mini" and "look how skinny you are!". I am so fucking sick and tired of people telling me how skinny I am. I am 5'3 and 1/4 (according to the last time I was measured, which was at my trip to the gyno) and I was 129 pounds when I got on the scale today. Why does no one seem to get that in my eyes that is not skinny? On another person? Probably. Not on me, though. Then again, I could be 85 pounds and that would not good enough for me.

Gee. I don't have any self-image problems, now do I?

I had to laugh when at one point my sister, who I would like to think was joking, turns to me and says, "you know, the bridesmaid should not be skinnier than the bride on her wedding day". Yes. Because God forbid I actually have an advantage over her for once. I mean in general, not on her wedding day. I don't give a shit what I look like compared to her on her wedding day. No, it's the fact that I am thinner than her and that apparently is unacceptable. She already has plenty of advantages over me and she can't just fucking let me be thinner than her.

And I just love how whenever I do anything to lose or maintain my weight, like measure my food or exercise or whatever, I get told I am "obsessed" and "being plain ridiculous". My sister all of a sudden decides to start some treadmill running program a doctor she works with told her to do (she won't listen to me that running is bad for already bad knees, so when she fucks up her knee worse, frankly, I won't feel one bit sorry for her) and does anyone tell her she is being ridiculous? Nooooo. Of course not. It always makes me laugh how everyone gets all pissy at my methods, but then gets pissy with me for being thinner than them. Well, why do you think that is?

And I love, absolutely love, my grandparents with all of my heart, but five minutes with them and my stress levels are through the roof. My grandfather gets set off at the slightest thing (hm, sound familiar?) and will start screaming. My grandmother can't hear for anything and refuses to get a hearing aid because it will make her look older than she already looks (she is 82 years old; I don't know how young she expects to look) and you will be in the middle of a conversation with someone and she will just interrupt it and you can't say anything because then she will get angry and guilt trip you. Oh, and no one's problems are ever as bad as hers. My mom gets stressed out with them too and will constantly say to me to shoot her when she gets old or starts acting like that. I am still trying to figure out how to tell her that she already does.

Oh and I am really, REALLY starting to get tired of the double standards every where I go. At home. At work, where everyone has their own set of rules. My mother can bitch about my father and if I make a same complaint, she gets all defensive on him. I got pissed on Wednesday night because he got up from the table after dinner and went into the living room and sat on his fat ass and watched TV (gee, there is a new scene) and what does she say? Oh he usually helps! Um, she knows damn fucking well he does not! I always end up doing the bulk of the cleaning up after dinner, despite being the only one who now has the excuse of "working all day" (that was always everyone's defense when I bitched about him never helping cleaning up after dinner before he retired. He worked all day! He's tired! Wah!). Why do I never get to use that excuse?

I mentioned a while ago about a time when I was younger and my father came after me for simply saying that I would run away from home. Well, I forgot about a time when I was pretty little, maybe 7, and my mother had came down with a bad case of kidney stones. The whole time she was getting ready to go to the hospital, I was upset and crying because I thought something bad was going to happen to her and finally, at one point, my dad turns to me and yells "Will you stop crying? Your mother isn't going to die, alright?!". Seriously- who says that to a little kid?

Anyway....I missed seeing his performance, but I found this picture of the Situation on the ABC webpage and....where in the hell are his abs? I really don't see them in this one! Awww, is Sitch gaining weight? You know what is funny? His stats, according to Men's Fitness, are 5'11 and 185 pounds. That would make his BMI 25.8, which is technically considered slightly overweight. Now obviously he is not overweight. My stats have me at around 23, which is considered normal weight. Clearly I am more the likely candidate of being "overweight" than he is. This is why I always holler at people to never fully rely on the BMI charts. There are way too many other factors to consider, like body fat. I'd love to know my body fat percentage.

Anyway, this fat talk is boring me. I came across this the other day and....the headline took the words right out of my mouth. I could very well have a malfunctioning gaydar- I don't really know, seeing as it has never been right or wrong- but....for cripes sake.

I'd like for someone to look me in the face and say with a straight face that this picture absolutely does not set off any gaydars.

Dayum, that tanning bed picture is HOT. It makes me want to rip my clothes off and let him do me right there on that tanning bed. And for some odd reason, I want some really cheesy 80's new wave song playing, like "Relax", or "You Spin Me Around" or "Hungry Like The Wolf" blasting while engaging in said activity. Yes. Hungry like the wolf, indeed.

I think I laughed for a good 25 minutes at the comment left by Randal (second down from the top). Seventeen of those minutes alone were spent laughing at the way he addressed him.

Why the hell am I on here still? I have dishes to wash!

Quote Of The Day

From one of my favorite writers on Cracked.com:

I'm definitely glad I brought my good jacket. It is stupid cold tonight. My penis has retracted so far inside my body, that I've got myself pregnant.

Man that would be an ugly baby.

I don't know who this Chris Bucholz kid is, but I want to marry him.

Quote Of The Day

From Bender's Game:

[Scene: Zoidberg's Office. Leela lays on a bed while Zoidberg examines an X-Ray.]
Zoidberg: Well, here's your problem, right here. You've got a skull embedded in your head.

And one of my absolute favorite parts:

[Cut to Hermaphrobot screwing her left breast in place under a street light. Bender falls in front of her, gets up and pulls a sword out from his chest.]
Bender: On guard, man-wench! Prepare to cross blades.

Hermaphrobot: You couldn't afford it, honey. [She snaps her fingers.]

Random Thoughts

Man, I don't know what the hell crawled up my ass and died this week, but I have been one miserable cow. Every single day I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was cranky as hell. Well, I have a smidgen of an idea of what is making me cranky, but as of right now it is just heresay, but if it is true, I am going to scream. I can't freaking go through this again. I doubt it is PMS, although you never know, since it likes to come whenever it pleases.

My- shocker- stomach isn't helping much. My regimen right now is acidophilus (2 billion CFUs), sawdust- er, Konsyl, and 3 Colace pills a day. And I am still not having any luck. What in the hell is going on in there? I really do not get it. It is like my digestive system does not even function. The only thing I really have any type of success with is Miralax and I am hesitant on starting that as a long term regimen. My next resort is maybe trying a chiropractor.

I just finished watching Jay Leno and the Sitch was on and....seriously, he needs to just not talk. And the whole time he was sitting, he sat with his legs spread wide open. Yes, dirty thoughts were flying through my head, but you do not sit on national television like that. I felt like busting out my megaphone* and climbing in my TV and hollering at him to speak properly and to close his legs. I want to both fuck his brains out and pop a cap in his ass. God, he is so freaking annoying!

*I do not actually own one, but I always dream of owning one. There is something about yelling into a megaphone that excites the hell out of me. In fact, I always want to join a rowing team just so I can sit in the front and scream at everyone to ROW! ROW! ROW!

And doesn't he wook just woh so aworable all dressed up in a suit and tie?! I just wanna pinch his cheeks and bring him home to Mommy! *giving side eye to the screen* But what is up with the pose? He is poised all perfect and gentleman like (lol- he's got girl hands). And we all know he is the furthest thing from a gentleman there is. *narrows eyes* WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?!

We received the new issue of Men's Fitness in work last Friday and naturally I was excited and when I showed it to one of my co-workers, she says "aw, you too?! He even corrupts the good girls!". I really have no explanation for why I find him hot. I blame it on being sexually frustrated. I brutally vilified him until I became sexually frustrated. One hundred percent of the time I saw him in a magazine, I made a face until one day I happened to see a picture of him and all I could think was good god, I'd hit it. And really, he has a decent body, but his abs are not that great. They're just....weird looking. I mean, I see pictures where he looks like a normally ripped guy and then I see others (more often than not) where I am like, what the fuck is he doing when he is training? I saw one picture one time where he was lifting his shirt up and he was kinda standing on an angle and the first thing I thought was, holy jesus, his stomach looks like mine when I am having intestinal issues! His lower abdomen was kinda sticking out all funny.

I see better abs on the beach.

I went on the Body Building forum one day to find what any body builders might have to say about his physique. There were only about a gazillion pages and since even my life is not that ridiculously pathetic to sit and go through all of them, I ended up only finding one actual post on him. And out of all of the postings in regards to the original posting (complete with picture), the one that interested me the most was "Is he wearing makeup?". So I went back up to the original posting with the picture and you know what? I seriously think he is. Add in the giant studs in each ear and....oy vey. He looks a like a drag queen before the full ensemble is put together.

Jesus Christmas. Could you imagine? He already has the chick pants wearing thing down.... actually, you know what? I would be very interested in seeing that. It would probably be one of those things that would be so fucking hideous, it would be tear inducingly beautiful.

Ugh, every single time I think of him in those pants, I lol, then cringe.

It is freaking ridiculous how much I want and need to get laid right now. I really believe I would be less high strung if someone would just fuck me! I did my usual thing the other day to have an orgasm and every time I would come close, I'd pull back to keep building the tension and man, once it hit....OH MY YES! And then something unusual happened afterwards that has never happened before....I cried! Because I realized how much I wanted to share that excitement with someone else.

Man, I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week already. You wouldn't know it, though, with the overload of Christmas already. Ah. Christmas. The time when all of us heathen Godless baby-killing homo-loving libruls* join together to take down Christmas by saying happy holidays.

*anyone who does not want to have a three way with Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sarah

I lol'd at this picture and then I realized that the printer is the same exact ones we have in work. And ours are constantly breaking down. This one made me laugh as well. I can't believe how many comments busted on it. I think it is hilarious. I like the strategically placed hammer.

Speaking of funny shit, what in the hell ever happened to Tony Sinclair? The guy with the huge gap in his teeth in the Tanqueray gin commercials? He was hilarious!

Video Of The Day

YouTube - Phil Collins - Don't Lose My Number (Official Video)

The WTF Of The Day

Yes, I understand this is an emergency. But why is it posted on accuweather.com?

Random Thoughts

Man, did I have a wake up on the wrong side of the bed day.

UGH! Talk about Christmas overload! Since Hallow-heen, I have been bombarded with Christmas stuff everywhere! Why do I not remember it ever being this bad? A few days after Hallow-heen, I heard the Gus second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania commercial where he sings about dashing through the snow careful on the ice and then a few minutes later, the Pennsylvania lottery one comes blasting on (you know, and best wishes from the lottery). It's crazy. Santa is already at the mall. Christmas music is playing in the mall and in Kohl's. I want to scream.

I adore Christmas. And yet, every year it rolls around, I get so overwhelmingly depressed, I can't enjoy it. The first time I saw Christmas decorations popping up, I felt like sitting on the floor in the middle of the store (I think it was Target) and sobbing.

Not that anyone particularly gives a crap, and I am definitely venturing into TMI territory, but I went to the gynocologist for the first time in about 4 years yesterday. I had to wait over 2 freaking hours. Surprisingly, it took about an hour and 45 minutes before I started getting hostile. I hate going to the gynocologist. It hurts so goddamn bad every time I go. The doctor even used the smallest speculum in the office and I still almost hit the roof. I remember the very first time I ever went to the gynocologist, my mom was all like oh it's not that bad it doesn't hurt that much. As soon as the doctor placed the speculum in me, I almost screamed loud enough to be heard across the Atlantic Ocean. The whoe time during my exam yesterday, all I kept thinking was, how in the HELL am I ever supposed to have sex if this hurts me so fucking bad?

When it comes to medical malpractice, I am always one of the first in line to defend doctors. It is called practicing medicine and people just place way too much trust in doctors curing every single thing that ails them. They are not miracle workers. But anymore, when looking at medical paperwork day in and day out, I am really starting to see why doctors fuck up! It astonishes me how many mistakes I see a day. Wrong dates, no names on papers, no dates on prescriptions, ineligible handwriting (I know doctors are well known for having terrible handwriting, but I cannot believe just how bad some doctors write). Is it really that fucking difficult to write a date- A COMPLETE FULLY LEGIBLE DATE WITH MONTH, DAY, and CORRECT YEAR- on a paper?

People make my head hurt. They really do. I swear, I always have this feeling that if I were to ever end up commiting suicide, I would not be depressed when I do it.

It astonishes me how some people in this world are just ridden with bad luck. I have heard bits and parts on that Zahra Baker story and man, that girl was just dealt one shitty hand in life, only to have it end shitty as well. People are always all up with their karma crap and their "everything happens for a reason", but what things did this young girl do to deserve all this? What is the reason for her to have had to deal with all of this shit and then to be murdered? My answer to that? She was killed because she is better off being dead then to live in this shitty ass world with those psycho ass people and waiting on society to do something to help her out.

I just finished reading Alex Cross's Trial and the whole story made me sick. The descriptions of lynching made me want to vomit. What in the hell ever possessed someone in the past to ever decide that white people were superior?

I read an article a while back about a woman who had stayed in a shit hole- sorry, psychiatric facility for the uber-politically correct- and was ashamed to admit it to people for the longest time. I try to forget ever having to stay in one, but I am not ashamed to admit it. Obviously, it is not something I go bragging about or telling just anyone, but generally when I feel comfortable enough around someone, I will admit to it. My mom is always getting on me that I shouldn't go around telling people about it, but why shouldn't I? Why should I be ashamed? I was sick. I was sick due to medicine that was supposed to be making me better. Medicine that everyone who doesn't know anything likes to tout as wonderful.

I cannot even begin to explain the rage I feel whenever someone asks me why don't I take antidepressants to feel better. Uh, because there is a little thing called "antidepressants can actually make everything worse"! And just like the whole constipation help thing, people like to offer assinine advice that I have already tried:

- You need to try other psychiatric medications. I have- about 9 different ones, including 3 antipsychotics and 1 mood stabilizer
- You have to give it time. I have- a year is the average amount of time I have stayed on a psychiatric drug, except in the case of Wellbutrin and 2 of the antipsychotics

Going back to being sick, my sister was still living at home when I was sick. She was always trying to get me to go out or exercise or whatever with her and I just was not with it enough to do so. And to this day, she still likes to throw it back in my face. I have had enough of it being thrown back in my face and I am telling you right now- the next time she brings it up again will be the last.

While I have been doing it for many years, something I am starting to notice is how I have no backbone when a strange person attacks me, yet if my family slights me, I fly off the handle and have almost no problem letting loose everything I want to say.

We just recently had to get these new cable boxes and every time I change the channel, it freezes for a moment. It was irritating as hell until I realized almost every time I put a channel on, the freezing makes someone have a derp face for a few seconds. I laughed until I almost passed out.

The Awesome Of The Day

Sheer Awesomeness Halloween Edition: Iiiiiiiiii Dooooooooo - WEDINATOR - Funny Wedding Photos

WHAT IS THIS?! Wow. I....I am absolutely speechless.

Okay, now I can have my tween girl at a Justin Bieber concert moment.....*flaps hands excitedly* ZOMG! THAT IS THE MOST FUCKING AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!

Video Of The Day

YouTube - Green Day - Working Class Hero (Video)

I love the line "they hate if you're clever and despise a fool". Makes me think of Tea Partiers.

Webpage Of The Day

All I know is I want a job in one of these offices:

- Work Fails & Job LOLs - Monday Through Friday

I have never worked in an office where people did crazy ass shit like this. The most exciting thing I ever saw in my current workplace is when a coworker printed out a picture of a paralegal from one of the lawfirms we deal with who is apparently a real cow and gave her devil horns. The most exciting thing I ever heard was when our records custodian laid out an elaborate plan to get himself workers comp (he'd trip over that box, hit his head on that shelf, break his arm on the other, etc). I still laugh hysterically everytime I think of him saying that.

I go on this page when I am at work during my lunch break, but I realized that maybe that it is not such a good idea. If "the man" is watching whatever sites I go to, things like this and this might start giving them ideas on how to become even bigger cheapskates.